#“And Apep almost had a heart attack.”(????

[amirrasad]

𝑾𝑬𝑳𝑳𝑩𝑬𝑰𝑵𝑮. 　　  ⊹  ✦

➤ 𝑷𝑯𝒀𝑺𝑰𝑪𝑨𝑳 𝑬𝑽𝑨𝑳𝑼𝑨𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵

                 .　  ·    ⊹     .  

               ➤ 𝙋𝙃𝙔𝙎𝙄𝘾𝘼𝙇 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝙇𝙏𝙃 

               ⸻very good

          The amulet protects him against diseases and other physical illnesses. Amir doesn’t have to exercise to maintain his muscles and he can go a long time without the need for food. He is in excellent physical health because Amir trains every day to keep his sword fighting skills sharp. Battling physical manifestations of evil supernatural beings is a great way to stay in shape.

                 .　  ·    ⊹     .  

               ➤ 𝘼𝙇𝙇𝙀𝙍𝙂𝙄𝙀(𝙎)

               ⸻prolonged sun exposure

          Amir doesn’t have any allergies; the amulet protects him from diseases. The only physical weakness he has is prolonged sun exposure because Apep is the god of darkness and too much sunlight can harm him. He doesn’t burn in sunlight, nor does his skin get irritated, but Amir feel’s extreme heat exhaustion and struggles to function in sunlight after a while.

➤ 𝑴𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑨𝑳 𝑬𝑽𝑨𝑳𝑼𝑨𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵

                 .　  ·    ⊹     .  

               ➤ 𝙈𝙀𝙉𝙏𝘼𝙇 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝙇𝙏𝙃

               ⸻not great

          Amir is the kind of person that is intelligent enough to recognise that his mental health is not great, but he’s also the kind of person that refuses to take steps to fix it. He has too much pride to go to a therapist and ask for help— then again, the other big thing stopping him is the fact that he can’t be open with the therapist. They would institutionalise him if he began to talk about being possessed by a curse. Amir isn’t exactly taking steps to make his mental health better; perhaps because he’s become so used to isolating himself and wallowing in his guilt— he’s afraid of getting better and wanting to socialise with others. 

                 .　  ·    ⊹     .  

               ➤ 𝘿𝙄𝙎𝙊𝙍𝘿𝙀𝙍(𝙎) 

               ⸻depression, paranoia.

               ⸻autism spectrum disorder

          Amir displays signs of mild depression and moderate paranoia. He knows his mental health needs improvement but he’s not aware that he has depression. Having never dealt with the death of his parents in a constructive or healthy manner, Amir is carrying a significant weight on his shoulders that is slowly dragging him down, making it impossible to carry on. 

          His paranoia stems from the world of the supernatural that he’s been exposed to. After the incident that gave him his abilities, demons and other terrifying creatures were drawn to the amulet’s power, attacking him almost every day. He’s since had training and knows how to limit the amulet’s influence, but the fear of being attacked by shadowy creatures that wish to feast on his flesh is still just as raw as ever. He lives in a state of constant vigilance. 

          Amir is on the spectrum but doesn’t know it. His autism has gone unnoticed by everyone around him, including his late parents, because his symptoms are much milder than average. Amir typically has issues socialising and often goes non-verbal. He has special interests such as ancient history and languages. 

     ➤ 𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

          Most of my characters try to get better when they have some form of mental illness. Amir has no such plans; in fact, his use of alcohol as a temporary fix to a long term problem suggests he’s not interested in self improvement and only wishes to dull the pain rather than deal with it head on.   

                 .　  ·    ⊹     .  

               ➤ 𝙁𝙀𝘼𝙍(𝙎)

               ⸻abandonment

               ⸻losing control of his powers 

                         + hurting others

          Amir’s biggest fear is that of abandonment. After his parents’ death, he experienced loss and grief so profound that it left his young heart permanently scarred. He doesn’t want to get close to anyone in that way ever again because he’s terrified of experiencing that kind of trauma.

          The only other fear he has is of losing control of his powers and accidentally hurting someone. It’s another reason why he keeps people at bay— the last time he lost control, he’d killed his parents. Amir is not going to let that happen ever again.

                 .　  ·    ⊹     .  

               ➤ 𝘾𝙊𝙍𝙀 𝙈𝙀𝙈𝙊𝙍𝙔

               ⸻treasure hunt with parents

          Amir’s love for history was cemented by one key moment in his life, a core memory he holds close to his heart. He was five years old, visiting a historical site with his parents, when Yasmin and Zamaan arranged a mini treasure hunt for him. Young Amir had to look for clues buried in the sand, solve puzzles like Indiana Jones, and uncover the ‘treasure’ — a bag of full-sized Snickers bars and a book of facts on Ancient Mummies. Looking back on it now, it’s still Amir’s favourite memory.

                 .　  ·    ⊹     .  

               ➤ 𝙍𝙀𝙂𝙍𝙀𝙏(𝙎)

               ⸻stealing the amulet

          Throughout this wiki, I keep writing about an incident that gave Amir his abilities. This incident is his biggest regret and is touched upon more in the backstory section. The brief retelling of events is that Amir’s parents discovered an amulet in one of their archaeological sites. After bringing it home to study, and specifically warning Amir not to touch it, they were called into the field for an important matter and left their son at home. When they returned, they found Amir levitating ten feet in the air, the amulet drawing dangerous dark shadows around his body. Horrified, they attempted to help him but were killed in the process. 

          Not a day goes by that Amir doesn’t regret his foolish decision to touch their things. If only he’d stayed away and listened to their warnings, his parents would be alive today. He wouldn’t be a freak today. He would have had a normal life. 

                 .　  ·    ⊹     .  

               ➤ 𝙂𝙊𝘼𝙇(𝙎)

               ⸻to find a cure for his curse

          There’s nothing Amir wouldn’t do to rid himself of this curse. He pours over books and historical Ancient Rune articles in order to find answers, to find hope that he can one day get this damned amulet off himself. Maybe he can have a chance at a normal life too.

                 .　  ·    ⊹     .  

               ➤ 𝙈𝙊𝙏𝙄𝙑𝘼𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉(𝙎)

               ⸻helping others because he 

                          couldn’t help his parents

          Amir believes in a heaven and hell because he’s seen things from the Underworld that he would rather not experience ever again. He thinks his soul will be judged and the only way to ensure he doesn’t end up on the bad scale is if he does things to balance out the evil within him. Amir uses the spirit of Apep to help exorcise demons from people and haunted places. Maybe if he can help others and use his powers for good, it’ll tip the scales in his favour and he’ll be forgiven for accidentally murdering his parents.

#mental and physical health #health #wellbeing

[askmydarksides]

Cyn maybe you should explore, or see the other sides. You don't have to expose your self to them. Maybe you'll remember something.

“Perhaps…” Cyn murmured more or less to himself, just seeing Apathy treating Nessie with so much softness and care made something inside of his chest ease up a little, he didn’t quite understand it, but the knowledge that Nessie had someone to care of him, and someone who would listen made him just a little bit less worried about the kid. Perhaps he was merely worrying over nothing though, “I’m going to go explore a little bit, you help out Apep.” Even the act of giving orders or telling the kid what to do somehow felt right, like a father telling their kid to help their mother out with the dishes.

A thought that was openly mirrored by Nessie, as the other side snorted rolling his eyes underneath that messy hair of his. “What are you? My dad?” Nessie shot back, but despite his rather careless tone, he gingerly patted  Apathy’s hand with a slight smile. Before he leaned down picking up the fallen dustpan, just as he had been told to do by Cyn.

A swelling of pride swarmed his chest, and with nothing to worry about Cyn vacated the room as the other two got back to work.

If he was being honest, the dark commons didn’t look all that interesting. There was a living room with a massive television that he assumed was for some kind of movie night. The kitchen was rather big, bigger than a kitchen had any right to be if he was being honest, too big really. The walls of the commons were lined with doors, and just peeking his head through one had nearly given him a heart attack as he leaped back nearly phasing through one of the walls in pure fright.

His heart pounded against his ribcage, as he stood there a shudder rolling through his body.

“What kind of freak turns their room into an active volcano?!” He harshly whispered to himself, making a mental note to never peer into that room again. Thankfully though, it was the only one of its kind, the others being varied with dark splashes of color on the inside. In one, three people laid curled up on the bed, a mask hanging on the wall and two pairs of glasses sitting on the nightstand next to them. An odd thing to see, given how many rooms there were, but he wasn’t about to judge them for wanting to conserve space.

The next rooms were all vastly different from one another, but he carried on, as usual, peering his head in through the doors seeing at least two people per every other room. Were they together? Probably. Even so, he carried on only to pause as soon as he heard it. The faintest sound of piano music tinkling down the hall, it was such a lovely tune and yet…the mere sound of it made something dark and angry twist in his stomach. As if the sound of the keys hitting the strings was somewhat akin to nails on a chalkboard. It made him unconsciously grind his teeth in pure disgust. It made him want to lose his lunch and anything else that was within his stomach.

However, be that as it may, he couldn’t help but to follow it.

Poking his head through the door, a curious sight greeted him. Another fellow curled up on his bed, with a long bright yellow snake draped lazily over his stomach. All while another guy, tall as could be sat at the piano in question his fingers moving across the keys with a startlingly good amount of accuracy. Moving over to the piano Cyn rested his hands on top of it, he could almost, faintly even feel the vibrations of the music thrumming through it. It was amazing, in such a way that it almost made him forget about the instinctual reaction the music had made him feel.

It distracted him, leaving him unaware of the milky white eyes that locked onto him.

#ask the dark sides #ask Cyran #apathy #depression #nessie #cyn

[hamelott]

Hi! Love everything you write! For jenklits week, if you're up to it, could you maybe write something where Ezekiel tries to run away from the Library and Jenkins stops him? Like the opposite of season one? Maybe something to do with Ezekiel remembering the game, Maybe He accidentally hurts Cassandra or Jake because he has a panic attack and it makes him want to leave? Or any other reason you can think of for him leaving, That parts really up to you in the end if you want!

Hello there! Thank you so much for your kind words. And thanks so much for the request! Here’s this little thing, just for you! Hope you like it!

It was all too much. Ezekiel wastired. He was tired of the nightmares and the memories. He was tired of thepanic attacks at two in the morning that simultaneously woke him from sleep andkept him from any more. He was tired of constantly being on edge and held backfrom truly enjoying his job anymore because he was just so afraid. Afraid of losing his team – his family. Afraid of watching them die again like they had in thevideo game.

Most of all, though, he was afraidof them figuring it all out. He knew that if they did find out, they’d lookdown on him. They’d tell him to suck it up; it hadn’t been real anyways. Andthey would be right because it hadn’tbeen real; this fear was all in Ezekiel’s head. Except it was getting harderand harder to hide; missions were becoming more difficult than they had beenbefore. Instead of being something he looked forward to, they were something he’dstarted to dread.

Which was, of course, the reason hestood in the Annex now, filling his bag with the various items in hispossession that he’d left around the Library in the past three years.

The thing with Apep had been tooclose of a call. Flynn had almost died,and if he had, Eve would’ve blamed all of them for not doing their job well enough.Ezekiel didn’t know what he would’ve done had he been forced to carry that kindof guilt again, and, this time, Flynn wouldn’t have respawned.

It was better this way, Ezekielrationalized. If he was gone, there’d be no guilt if any of the others died. Hewouldn’t be at fault. There’d be no pain in their deaths because he wouldn’teven know. Maybe he could even get over the whole video game thing if he putsome distance between himself and the Library. Maybe he could forget all ofthis and just go back to his old life where he didn’t have to deal with gettingclose to people only to have them ripped away from him over and over again.

He was just about to swing hisbackpack over his shoulders when someone cleared their throat behind him. He didn’teven have to turn around to know who it was, instead opting to sigh and say, “Doyou ever leave this place?”

“Not unless I have to.” Jenkins’svoice was soft and calm, completely opposite to Ezekiel’s heart which was poundingfaster than a humming bird could flap its wings. He attempted to steady it witha hand on his chest, but all that did was make him realize that his hands wereshaking. He curled the one at his side into a small, tight fist. “Goingsomewhere?”

“Why do you care?” Ezekiel asked,trying to keep his voice steady. The Backdoor was only a couple of steps away;he was so close but now so far.

“I suppose I don’t have to,” Jenkinssaid. He was walking past Ezekiel now and over to his standing desk where hebegan to rifle through the various papers that sat upon it. “But I guess itwould make me a bad caretaker if I didn’t,hm?”

Ezekiel huffed and rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

He walked up to the Backdoor andturned to the globe. His fingers danced over it lightly, wondering where he couldgo.

“You know,” Jenkins said, interruptinghis thoughts, “no matter where you go they’ll find you.”

“No, they won’t,” Ezekielimmediately replied; there was no hesitation in his voice. He knew he was toogood, and they’d give up eventually. It’d happened before so it would happenagain.

Jenkins huffed a laugh and for somereason it made Ezekiel frustrated. “You underestimate how much they care foryou.”

“And you underestimate how good I amat hiding,” Ezekiel retorted. He angrily spun the globe, suddenly not caringwhere he ended up. No matter where he’d be, he could figure out where to go; he’dalways been able to figure it out before.

“Mr. Jones,” Jenkins said, and nowhis voice was sharp and demanding. Even Ezekiel couldn’t help glancing backover his shoulder. Jenkins was in front of his desk now, arms crossed over hischest. His face was pulled into an unimpressed frown. “I’m not sure what you’regoing through, but I know you’ve been dealing with it for quite a while now.”

“I’m not going through anything,”Ezekiel snapped, ignoring the panic that shot through him like a bullet.

“And,” Jenkins continued as if hehadn’t spoken, “I realize that it has something to do with that time loop thathappened a while ago.”

“It wasn’t a time loop, it was avideo game,” Ezekiel immediately corrected. He puffed out an angry breath. “Butthat’s not the point! It doesn’t matter; none of it matters.” He raked a handthrough his hair and tried to ignore Jenkins, focusing on the door instead. “Atleast, it won’t matter in a few minutes.”

“You once called me a coward,”Jenkins said, voice louder now. He was walking towards Ezekiel, pace still calmand collected. “For not choosing. And you were right; I was a coward. I was acoward because instead of staying and facing my troubles, I decided to let themfester without me. I let them grow and build for years and years; do you knowhow heavy that can get? Do you know what it’s like to leave things behind,unfinished?”

“This is finished,” Ezekiel said,voice quiet but loud enough for Jenkins to still hear him. “I’m done.”

“We could help,” Jenkins murmured.He was only a foot away now, arms hung loosely at his sides. His face was neutral,but his eyes were filled with compassion. “Despite what you think, you are notalone in this.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Ezekielsnapped. His throat felt tight, and his hands clenched into shaking fists again.“Maybe I’m not now, but I will be. I’veseen it happen; it’ll happen again. It’s only an amount of time before I’malone. This way I control it; I decide when they leave me because I decide whenI leave.”

“But won’t that just make it harder?”Jenkins asked, and he seemed genuinely curios. “Leaving without a goodbye,without knowing what will happen here? Leaving without an explanation, leavingthe rest of them to just guess what has happened to you?”

“They’ll get it…eventually,” Ezekielmuttered, but his voice was unsure, shaky. “It will just take time; they’llforget about me.”

“And how long does it take to forgeta man like Ezekiel Jones?” Ezekiel shook his head, unable to answer. “There isn’ta measurement of time that can answer that question.” Jenkins stepped away,walking back to his desk. “They will find you, or they will die trying.”

“Yeah, well, what if I don’t want tobe found?” Ezekiel demanded, rearing back on Jenkins.

He shrugged. “They won’t care.”

“I don’t believe you,” Ezekielsnapped. He shook his head again, resolutely, and turned to the Backdoor. In aharder tone, he repeated, “I don’t believe you.”

“You don’t have to,” Jenkins said. “Juststep through that door and wait.”

Ezekiel ignored him, hand reachingout.  The Backdoor flooded the dimly-litAnnex in blue-white light that flickered and created dancing shadows on thewalls. His hand curled around the knob; it was still shaking.

“I’ll look for you too.” He couldjust barely hear Jenkins over the roaring in his ears, over the sound of hisown heartbeat thumping quick and unsteadily. “I have all the time in the worldto chase after you, Ezekiel Jones.”

The light slowly started to fadeaway. Ezekiel’s hand fell limply to his side. He dumped his backpack on thefloor. He slowly walked over to Jenkins’s desk. He hopped on top of it, headhanging and back hunching.

“Can I interest you in some morningtea?” Jenkins asked, voice just as calm as it had been the entire time.

“Don’t tell them about this,”Ezekiel said instead.

“It will be our secret,” Jenkinsassured him. He reached out, squeezed Ezekiel’s shoulder, and then steppedback, saying, “Come make some tea with me.”

Wordlessly, Ezekiel slid off the desk and followed him.

Jenkins was there the next time andthe next, and he would always be there. Watching over Ezekiel, protecting him, caring for him.

And, well, Ezekiel had to admit thatit certainly wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

#librariansshipathon #shipathon17 #jenklits week #the librarians #the librarians fanfiction #jenzekiel #Ezekiel Jones #jenkins the caretaker #as always since it isn't specified feel free to read as platonic #or not platonic ;) #idk this is just kinda sad and i can't even tell if it's good writing at this point lmao #hope you enjoyed though #anonymous #requests #owen sribbles