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mollyscribbles · 3 years

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Owl House rewatch thoughts

* Hard to say from what little we see of her, but I think Luz' mom might have been less worried about her daughter reading fantasy and more about the "multiple incidents of bringing uncontained live animals and explosives to school" thing.

* If Eda considers Luz' Azura book as being only useful as kindling, it means she's not inclined to view human books as something she can make snails on. Considering how unique her portal to the human realm is treated, where did Amity get her Azura books? I've seen people suggest the author travels between realms, but if that were the case, Amity would've been able to get the latest volume from a local store rather than needing to borrow Luz' copy.

* Suggestions for other species that escaped from the Boiling Isles: the platypus and peacock mantis shrimp.

* "Weak nerd arms" ok really identifying with Luz here.

* Really love this take on Chosen One stories. Because yes, there is an appeal in being told you're special, you're unique in the best possible way, but ultimately this is a story about people who aren't "special" so much as outcasts who do their best with the situation they're in. Which is something that a lot more people can aspire to be.

* The fact that this was a set scheme(as the multiple fake maps would indicate) rather than a trap specifically designed for Luz indicates that even people who've spent their lives on the Boiling Isles would be drawn to the idea of being a magical chosen one. I bet Amity's not the only one to have an interest in fantasy literature around here.

* Oh wow Amity's first appearance outside the credits is . . . something. It's easy to forget just how far she grew in one season.

* Eda's not a *bad* teacher, so much as she has yet to learn that teaching requires expanding on a concept you introduce and explaining your reasoning. "Here is what you can learn from tasting snow" instead of just "here, taste these different kinds of snow"

* Hm. For someone who despairs at the concept of the school teaching blind obedience, her teaching style kinda relies on it. Bit of a hypocrite there, Eda.

* Gonna be honest, the first time I watched this and King mentioned Eda sneaking a drink of elixir, I thought it was going to turn out to be a magic-looking flask.

* It seems slightly odd that King's apparently known Eda for a while but didn't have any idea of the curse. Maybe she was just REALLY good about keeping up with her elixirs pre-series.

* Really like the metaphor for a chronic illness that's kept under control by medication.

* If the Emperor's Coven provides access to all forms of magic, you'd think others aspiring for a spot would be permitted a multi-track education at Hexside. That might be why none of them seem to be that impressive at magic when they're supposed to be the "best of the best" -- even if they have *access* to all forms of magic, they've only had training in one specific field during the bulk of their education.

* lbr, Lilith's cheating was worse because at least Eda told Luz what she was doing.

* You'd think Willow and Gus might have caught on that Luz didn't have permission for them to come over when she told them to hide from Eda.

* It's nice that Eda realizes raising a kid with a "screw the rules" mindset will result in a kid who breaks her rules sometimes. Cleaning up the mess she caused is really the correct punishment for Luz; directly dealing with the consequences of her actions but otherwise considering it a lesson learned.

* Reading to kids in the library is an A+ way to shift Amity from "Jerk" to "Jerk with a heart of gold" territory.

* Prediction: At some point, Luz will return to the human world (probably only briefly but Eda won't know at the time) and Eda will come across the "Coping with empty nest syndrome" book Luz got her from the library. She'll cry. King will cry. Hooty will cry. Every viewer will cry.

* Pretty sure that, given what the world is like, if any of them ended up questioned about their actions during the body swap episode, they could just say "Oh yeah I was body swapped that day. What'd I get up to?" and everyone would consider this a perfectly logical explanation for them acting out-of-character.

* HC that Hexside is fully aware some illusion-track students skip class by having an illusion of themselves attend in their place, but they figure a student maintaining a decent replica of themselves for the duration of the class period requires enough effort to count as a form of class participation, so they just let everyone think they're getting away with it.

* Gus and Willow are really ride-or-die friends. Always nice to have.

* Probably some of the mystery appeal will be gone from the Human Appreciation Society once a legit human is just attending classes on a regular basis; being able to get definitive answers to questions rather than spending your time speculating would cut back on the draw.

* I love all the details they include on this show -- a lot of other shows would just stick in scribbles while panning past pictures instead of writing out all of Eda's incident reports.

* The pallisman is a neat concept; sort of like a mix of a wand and a familiar, a magical control that will have opinions of its own.

* Given Bat Queen apparently has enough of, um, a biological aspect to have kids, I wonder if that means Owlbert is capable of laying eggs. Or having eggs with another owl/pallisman if the male pronouns are anything to go by.

* I mean even Phineas and Ferb didn't question Perry laying an egg when he uses male pronouns so could go either way in terms of what Disney would allow.

* Reading the book fair signs, it looks like sci-fi is a popular genre in the Boiling Isles. Makes sense, since what we'd consider Fantasy would be more contemporary/urban fantasy to them.

* Getting the vibe that someone on staff had a less-than-amicable experience co-writing with a friend to inspire this one. And/or experience with shitty contracts.

* The Hexside requirements also required knowledge of basic runes, but given Luz apparently had no issue with that I'm guessing she just picked those up offscreen.

* "I've seen worse" is the ideal admissions response tbh. Like . . . she pulled off the required spells and the headmaster has seen decades of students' awkward first attempts. It probably counts as a good day when no one's admissions test resulted in needing to bring in someone from the Construction Track to repair the building.

* It's very reminiscent of D&D that the majority of the cast has the response of "This is clearly a trap. Let's check it out!"

* You'd think that carnival fortune tellers wouldn't have the same appeal in a world where it's something you study at school. Unless it's viewed the same way as those "magic" shows they have sometimes where the tricks all involve chemical reactions.

* Kinda surprised a school that teaches kids fire spells doesn't have some kind of fire suppression system in place.

* Hrm. Guessing the mind guardian went back and undid their own damage offscreen; otherwise they'd have had to go re-do the repairs before leaving.

* Good they had the wifi and charging cable coming through the portal to explain why Luz' phone still has service and the battery's not long dead.

* Luz, how have you survived this long with your instinct for pushing buttons. The same as the rest of humanity in a world full of buttons, I suppose.

* Probably if they thought about it, the best criteria for picking Grom royalty would be less who's the most skilled at magic and more who has the most low-key fears. . . . nvm, having a Stay-Puft incident would cause them to reasonably scrap that approach. Maybe appointing someone who obsesses over grades would have better odds of producing a relatively-simple-to-combat exam paper.

* I'm thinking the letters are written by Eda, who doesn't intend anything sinister by it so much as being the type to cover her bases when pulling off a scam and realizing Luz' mother would need some evidence to indicate her daughter was safely at camp.

* The band-aids clearly have some healing spell built-in, considering they've been used to heal inanimate objects.

* someone on the writing staff has a long-standing rant about Quidditch they've been holding back on.

* I know that normally the humor in the cut from "she's finally growing up." to Luz planning the heist would be that she's doing something that sensible adults would consider to be a bad idea, but if Eda saw her just then she'd wipe away a tear of pride and go "Her first self-planned heist! They grow up so fast!"

* Eda's the one who talks about cheating at stuff, but Lilith has a habit of playing *dirty*.

* I would like to say I appreciate them going with a more serious credit sequence because it was disconcerting with Star Vs when a dark ending was followed by "I THINK EARTH'S A REALLY GREAT PLACE"

* Lilith may have made a 30-years-late attempt to redeem herself, but I really don't trust her. I don't quite want her dead, but she DID spend decades trying to force her sister to join the Emperor's Coven as a prerequisite for curing her curse.

#the owl house

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lamp-official · 4 years

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I wrote a story, and its not my fault that it turned out this way. its about 1:45 in the morning, which isnt that early, but its early enough that my brain cells have migrated to somewhere else. sorry for the spelling errors, and let me know if you want me to write more of this story.

Once upon a fork, there was a batch of butter cooking in the oven. Naturally, all the flakes of candy wrappers were jealous of the butter. It sat in the finest pie tin of them all. Once it was done cooking, it got out of the oven to go harvest the fish. On its way to the basement of the dentist’s office, it saw a potato, who immediately stopped butter for a question. “If you have only one eye and you close it, is it blinking or winking?” Butter was immediately confused, but decided to continue this strange conversation. “Well, how many eyes do you have?” the potato looked him in the eyes and said “This week? the usual.” Butter shrugged off this strange conversation and continued on his way to the basement of the dentist’s office to harvest the fish.

“So, how do I harvest fish?” butter thought to himself. “You know, I should really know how to do this, especially since this has been my job for the past 30 years.” the cat was at the berry bushes smelling the flowers, as all reptiles do in the winter. that was strange, because it was mid summer. butter was having a boring day, so he decided to join the cat in smelling the flowers. “SMELL.” said butter. “SMELL” eventually, butter decided two and a half hours of yelling the word “smell” at a flower was enough, and he got back to his walk to the job he still doesn’t know what to do.

Once butter had arrived at his work, (for the first time in 30 years,) he pulled out the fish harvesting handbook, gifted to him by his boss who was too lazy to teach him how to do his job, or do anything but pay him and commit tax fraud. Butter opened the book. “A Guide to Fish Harvesting. Step one: Make sure you have the freshly killed fish all lined up on hooks on a string.” Butter looked at the actual fish, which were now rotted bones. “then take the first two layers of skin off of the fish” “already taken care of” butter thought to himself. “dig a hole in the concrete, and set the first two layers of skin on top of the pile of dug up concrete.” “well, I can scrape of the first two layers of bones off with a potato peeler if that helps” thought butter. “Now, remove the rain from the clouds, and water the empty hole you dug up. The more rain, the better the harvesting season is. for the people in animal crossing, not you, you dumbass.” “Might as well make something better for the people in animal crossing” thought butter as he lowered the clouds with his google assistant. “now that you have the clouds to water the holes, take the rest of the fish, and feed it to yoda.” “Whos yoda?” asks butter, who soon realizes who yoda is after looking at a pile of bones next to a dog sized water bowl and empty food bowl. “please note that yoda needs feeding daily.” “well its a bit late for that, says butter as he flips the page. he sees more steps, but decides to be done for the day “when you complete your task, record a 30 second video of what you did and submit it to me on google classroom. Dont worry, I will make sure NOT to mark it as “onion.” Butter looks at the mess that was made by the books instructions, and climbs the elevator to get back upstairs.

The dentist looks at butter when he comes upstairs, and askes why he was there, to which butter responds with “shut the fuck up gordan ramsay, your giving me a head cavity. I work here.” “WELL I DONT LIKE YOUR LAMB CHOPS. NEGATIVE 300 OUT OF TEN GORDAN POINTS.” yells gordan. “now if you’ll excuse me, im off to do better things you panini head.” before butter completely walks out of the door, he turns back and asks gordan why he is a dentist if he always eats food and yells at it like a phsychotic judgemental butt head. like, its common sense that dentists dont eat, right? “well…” gordan is stumbling over his words. “well… well… I… I…” he is getting visibly nervous. “fine! you got me! i replace teeth with long term turnips! is that really so bad?” “it actually is” butter responds “you know teeth trafficking is highly illegal and tasty? I mean gross? I mean, I dont stay up til 3 AM watching random ass shit on youtube, YOU stay up til 3 AM watching random ass shit on youtube!” “That might be a personal problem” says gordan as he pushes out butter with a broom. “CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS!!!!!” yells butter as he is being kicked out.

Butter is back outside, and he is melting on a frying pan that is on the sidewalk. he sees some eggs walk his way and he thought they were going to join the party, but they walked into a cake bakery instead. He didnt notice them every coming back out, but he assumed they just went out the back or something. After telling his google assistant to turn down the weather so he could become a solid again, he walked to the library and asked if the librarian knew where any good cooking books were. the librarian directed him to the exit, because eating was not tolerable there, as she was a dentist in her spare time. butter threw a box of marbles at the librarian, and told her that she should try eating thoses, and they help with digestion if she ever wanted to try eating. butter walked out of the library and told his google assistant to load up some headphones, but then butter was reminded that he doesnt know where his ears are or how he even hears things. he decides that he will go to get some dirt colored, textured and tasting gold, because he wanted to buy something nice and expensive.

As butter walked into the jewelery store, he noticed a sign saying “no robux accepted, and if youre gonna rob us, dont take my jacket. My mom will be mad.” an employee immediatly went up to him and asked what he wanted. Butter explained what he wanted, but later changed his mind and asked if he could have a cookie. the cookies were only for good boys, and butter qualified. sort of. he got a cookie. he went out to the bus stop to wait for his bus. butter wanted to play minecraft while he was waiting for his bus, but he forgot his phones password. he decided that he would just guess. he clicked random numbers, and his phone said “good enough” and let him in. he played minecraft, and inside the game, he tamed a villager and taught it how to download and play minecraft easily with a google assistant.

Butter got off at his stop to go to the fish store. He thought he might as well try to figure out the rest of his job while he was figuring out what his job was. He bought some freshly killed fish, and returned to the basement of the dentists office, and greeted gordan ramsay by placing a pair of cards from cards against humanity on gordans face. he walked downstairs and repeated everything from before. he lined up the fish on a hook, took off the first two layers (still with a potato peeler) he dug the concrete, put the fish skin on the pile of concrete and put rain it the hole. he still decided that he could help the animal crossing community, so he activated his google assistant. He looked at yoda, and just piled up the rest of the fish on him. now, he was moving onto some new steps. “pour 1 cup of flour into the rain water” butter grabbed flour, and sprinkled it all over the water. he got a little on yoda, but thats ok. “chop the concrete so that it is done medium well. Speaking of medium, make sure to grab an extra medium bag of dog food for yoda.” butter gets a knife, and gets the extra medium bag of dog food and puts it in yoda’s bones. if gordon comes down here, he’d have quite the snack. dead fish, dog food, AND bones! “once you have done all of that, make some lemonade. hold a “lemonade stand.” essentially, what you need to is charge people 85 dollars to enter a drawing to win some lemonade. then, pretend that you have given someone the prize, but dont actually give anyone anything. go drink some lemonade, and go on a vacation, paid for by your boss.” butter looks at the book in disbelief, and talks to his boss for the first time in thirty years, and he confirms it. Butter is going on vacation!

#storytelling

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themurphyzone · 6 years

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Ocelot’s Heart Ch 2

I was focusing on All Time Travelers Go to Heaven for the past few days. Finally got around to this one.

Ch 2: The Aircraft

“I haven’t been on one of these things since the intern turned evil,” Heinz said to Perry as they loaded several boxes of non-perishable food onto the OWCA-issued aircraft. “I’m just surprised I can finally ride with mammals who won’t yell at me for touching stuff.”

Perry undid a flap on a nearby box, gesturing to the contents inside. Curious, Heinz peeked in. He grinned. “Wait, did you think this up? This is amazing!” He reached in, pulling out a small lever that had a few loose gears attached to the handles.

What are these for? Olivia mewed in confusion, pawing at a small bar.

“Keeps me occupied,” Heinz explained. “So I don’t hit something important on the dashboard and send us crashing into the watery abyss. Monobrow learned his lesson after we went to Africa. Apart from the ringing my doorbell and slapping me bit. He hasn’t done that yet. Don’t know if he meant it or it was just an empty threat.”

Olivia nodded, still looking confused. But she accepted the explanation anyway. Together they loaded the last of the boxes into the aircraft. This one was furnished with a kitchen, bathroom, and several mattresses. OWCA must’ve been coming up with new models lately.

Perry went into the cockpit to make sure everything was in working order, giving strict orders to Heinz and Olivia to put on their seat belts and wait until they reached altitude. According to Carl, there was an autopilot feature in this model so Perry didn’t have to manually operate it the entire seven hours.

Uncle Heinz?

Heinz almost jumped out of his skin. Nobody had ever called him uncle so willingly before. Roger was childless as far as he knew, and Charlene didn’t have siblings.

“Something up?” Heinz asked.

She fidgeted in her seat, her paws wringing in embarrassment. I don’t like going into the air. It’s scary. I thought I was gonna lose my stomach the first time I flew.

“Yeah, the acceleration does that to some mammals,” Heinz said, taking her paw and gently squeezing it to comfort her. “You’re doing a lot better than my first time in a plane though. I was flying to Drusselstein from Danville for my first semester at Dr. Gevarrlikj’s Evil Science 101 class. She’s really short, kinda walks like a crab, somewhat heavy accent. Anyway, we hit a patch of turbulence while flying and I panicked because the plane was rocking and swaying in every direction. Barfed on the guy next to me, so he punched me in the nose. I don’t think it ever healed right after that.”

Olivia giggled. Evil Science 101?

Heinz nodded. “It’s sort of the gateway to evil science. The basics. Chances are your future nemesis took it too. Then you have Evil History, Evil Calculus, Evil Musical Numbers, and the list goes on. You know, now that I think about it, they weren’t exactly creative with the names.”

“You’re all clear for takeoff,” Carl’s voice came in over the intercom. “Good luck.”

Heinz felt Olivia’s paw tighten around his hand as the plane accelerated, finally lifting into the air. Looking out the window, he could see the ground shrinking away, wisps of clouds floating by as they ascended.

She looked slightly green.

“Did I ever tell you about the day Perry the Platypus first met?” Heinz asked, hoping to take her mind off the flight because he didn’t see any paper bags she could puke in if her stomach decided to act up. “I went to get my picture taken one day, because I was just starting to get my evil career off the ground. I needed a picture for my blog online, get my name out there, have it on file at the OWCA, that sort of thing. It turned out nicely too. Much better than my driver’s license pic, but then again those are always terrible no matter what. Fact of life, I guess. So as I was walking out of the photo store, I had a feeling someone was watching me from behind the mailbox. And that’s how I met my nemesis, Perry the Platypus! Well, former nemesis now.”

I hope my nemesis is nice. I’ve heard the senior agents talk about their fieldwork, and some of those evil scientists just sound mean.

“They’re supposed to come off as mean,” Heinz said. “It’s part of the package deal when you’re evil. But if they aren’t treating you right, give me a call and Perry the Platypus and I will be paying them a visit.”

Once the plane was at cruising altitude and set to autopilot, Perry joined them. They passed the time by playing Monopoly, although Olivia had never played before and needed the rules explained to her. But she was a fast learner, and so far had collected the most properties out of the three.

Heinz groaned as he lost another two hundred to Perry, who somehow managed to land on all the railroads. It was a truly unfair setup. Perry had a smug smile on his face the entire time.

His own money supply was dwindling away due to the combined forces of a platypus and ocelot. And the ocelot couldn’t even read.

Perry rolled a seven, landing on Park Place, one of the few properties Heinz actually owned. He handed over a fifty, then held his hand out expectantly for change.

Heinz folded his arms. “You aren’t getting any change. I need all the money I can get so I don’t have to mortgage.”

Perry continued to hold out his hand, never taking his eyes off him as Olivia took her turn. When the staring finally grew uncomfortable, Heinz picked up the dice and chucked it at Perry.

He quickly lowered the brim of his fedora, and the dice bounced off harmlessly. When he raised it again, there was a look of pure ‘ooh, you’re definitely getting it now’ in his eyes.

Heinz grabbed a handful of houses out of the box to defend himself, just in case. Then Perry snatched the entire stack of tens and threw them at Heinz. He barely managed to block it, then he hurled several of the plastic houses. Perry whipped them back with his tail, and they struck Heinz on his chest.

It didn’t take long for them to forget about the game pieces completely, and soon they were just roughhousing on the floor. It had been a while since they physically fought each other, and Heinz found that he kind of missed it. Perry wasn’t hitting as hard as he usually did when he was thwarting, and Heinz refrained from throwing his partner across the room.

After several minutes, they stopped for a quick breather. Perry laid on the floor panting, a tiny smile on his bill. Heinz was about to grab water from the kitchen, when he saw Olivia beginning to tear up.

“Hey, it’s alright! Just a thing we do! Neither of us are aiming to hurt!” Heinz quickly said, worried that she was crying over their small scuffle. Perry’s smile disappeared, and he wasted no time in consoling Olivia. He gently rubbed circles into her fur as she cried.

Heinz sprinted to the kitchen and returned with a cup of water in record time. Olivia gulped half of it down, then stared down at the remaining liquid in embarrassment.

Sorry, she sniffed. River and I wrestled all the time when we were little. I miss him. And Mama and Papa too....

The horrible feeling he had earlier abruptly came back. Somehow he figured Olivia wasn’t telling them everything.

Heinz almost considered that her immediate family had left her behind, but ocelots were a tight bunch. They wouldn’t abandon their young voluntarily.

Unlike humans, Heinz thought bitterly. Certain people had a knack for that.

Perry made an encouraging gesture with his hands. Olivia didn’t react.

“Would you mind telling us what’s going on in the forest? Just in general. Perry the Platypus likes to be prepared,” Heinz said.

Olivia drank the rest of her water, setting her cup down.

Well, Aunt Berry’s got a kit now. And two more ocelot families are living with us. One of the papas doesn’t like Meema. Some dumb argument over territory a few moons ago, I think. And we’re the only ones left.

Heinz had never met other ocelot families in the forest. He and his surrogate sisters knew not to venture beyond Papa Ocelot’s claw marks on the big sycamore.

“What happened to the others?” Heinz prodded. Maybe he was asking too many questions, but he had to know.

Perry remained stoic, though his eyes betrayed how worried he was.

Humans, Olivia answered with a slight whimper. They ambushed us when we were asleep. Only Meema and I survived that night. Aunt Berry was meeting her mate at the time, so she was safe. I...I was the only one who wasn’t dead. Or injured.

She slowly crawled over to Heinz, nuzzling his arm as she tried to reassure herself like a lost kitten.

Well, she was practically a lost kitten.

He moved her into his lap, allowing her to stay there while she eventually cried herself to sleep.

Perry came over, stroking her cheek as she slipped into an uneasy sleep. They still didn’t know how she came across OWCA. Or if the ocelots knew of her whereabouts at all.

“Perry the Platypus, I just realized something,” Heinz said. Perry slowly looked up at him. “Gimmelshtump is the closest town to those woods. What if we wind up dealing with them?”

Perry could only pat Heinz on the back and hope that wouldn’t be the case.

#ocelot's heart #phineas and ferb #ocelot family #heinz doofenshmirtz #perry the platypus

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themurphyzone · 7 years

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Double Date

A PnF/MML crossover. Oneshot. Read this on a full stomach. I’m kind of craving seafood now....

Perry was starting to wish he’d gone with a simple Chinese buffet per Heinz’s original suggestion. But nope.

He’d wanted a special dinner at an expensive seafood restaurant as a “congratulations, you aren’t evil anymore and we can finally have a night out without OWCA calling it a fraternization”. And he’d heard this place had excellent calamari. He couldn’t help it.

Some platypi just required a more sophisticated palette.

He’d saved up his salary for months (completely denying that he’d planned almost as extensively as Heinz once did for his schemes), scoured the Flynn-Fletcher and Doofenshmirtz couches for pocket change, and put in a reservation three weeks ago.

In short, they’d both been looking forward to this night.

Then they found out that the restaurant lost their reservation.

“What do you mean you can’t find it? Perry the Platypus booked it way ahead of time!” Heinz complained. “And believe me, I’ve seen him eat more than his weight in crab cakes before. Is it because he’s a platypus? Because I can tell you that he acts more like a tiny human. If humans had cute little webbed feet or tails, that is.”

Perry tugged on Heinz’s pant leg as he argued with the staff, silently pleading with him to not cause a scene. It was fine. They’d both live. Besides, it’s not like this was the only restaurant in the city. But his stomach was craving calamari, and he couldn’t help but chatter sadly.

Heinz glanced down, ruffling Perry’s fedora. “Come on, don’t give me that pouty beak look. That one. You know I can’t stand it.” Perry stifled a smile with his hand.

“Party of four, Murphy!” a waitress called. “Your table is ready!”

A family of four stood up from the waiting area, a chair collapsing as soon as the youngest pulled on his backpack. Perry wondered why anyone would need a heavy looking backpack inside a restaurant. Maybe he had a late day at school. “Whoops, sorry about that,” the father said. “There’s not gonna be an extra charge, right?”

“No, these chairs are easily replaceable. Don’t worry about it,” a staff member said. He turned his attention to Heinz and Perry. “Excuse me, sirs. It seems there was a glitch in the system for some reason. Now that it’s gone, a reservation for Perry popped up.”

“Yes, that’s us!” Heinz exclaimed, grinning at Perry. “And you were so worried there!”

Perry smiled up at him. So was he.

“I deeply apologize for the inconvenience. Nadia will show you to your seats,” he turned them over to a rather short woman. As she led them to their seats, Perry saw movement out the corner of his eye. There was a white tablecloth moving from underneath the long table. The restaurant patrons continued to talk, completely oblivious to it.

It continued to edge towards the back of the restaurant, where the Murphy family was seated. Perry spotted four stubby legs and a tail poking out from underneath. Well, a quadruped making its way across a restaurant would never top Perry’s list of strangest things he’d ever seen.

Their table was set up between two chairs and a long couch that extended against the wall. Perry and Heinz made themselves comfy on the couch, though Perry’s bill hovered slightly over the table. Nadia promised their server would be out soon and left to take care of other customers, leaving behind two menus.

“When the server comes out, I’ll ask for a booster seat,” Heinz said, twirling a coaster in his hand. “I don’t think anyone could possibly eat comfortably if they were in your position right now. But man am I glad that situation cleared up so quickly. I swear I was about to have an evil relapse back there. Can you get evil relapses? I mean, not you obviously. Unless someone hit you with something that made you evil. But otherwise, you don’t have the capabilities to be evil. Mean, maybe. Reserved, definitely. But not evil.”

Perry pointed to the calamari under the appetizer section. “Any chance you picked this restaurant because you wanted calamari?” Heinz smirked. Perry rolled his eyes and made a so-so gesture. “I knew it. And you won’t steal the entire dish? This is just the appetizer after all.” He raised an eyebrow. “That’s a maybe, isn’t it? You’re a good guy, Perry the Platypus. I thought you practically lived under sharing is caring!”

In Perry’s opinion, sharing is caring did not apply to food.

“Hello, my name is Henry and I’ll be your server this evening,” a young man said. “How may I get you gentlemen started?”

“Never pegged you for a gentlepus,” Heinz leaned down to whisper. Perry shoved his face away playfully. Heinz actually being a gentleman. That’d be the day. “Can we get two iced teas, both with lemon, a booster seat, and the calamari appetizer please?”

Henry jotted the order down on a notepad. “Two iced teas with lemons, a booster seat, and calamari. All right, I’ll have those ready for you. Please take all the time you need to find an entree.”

He brought out the booster seat in less than three minutes. Perry took out a cushion stored in his fedora and laid it on the seat, smoothing it out before plopping down. “My fedora didn’t come with secret compartments,” Heinz pouted. “I’m half-expecting you to pull medieval weaponry at some point. Wait. Medieval. Evil. Medieval. Course now that I’ve actually given up evil that I actually find a rhyme for it. Do you think OWCA would mind if I finished composing the rest of the jingle?”

Perry shrugged, his attention being on a pair of strange looking men. The one with a mustache to rival Major Monogram’s grumbled the entire way. He was dressed in an incredibly formal green outfit about two centuries too early. He stopped and stared toward the back of the restaurant, his fists clenching.The shorter one seemed to notice and pulled him into the couch a space away from Heinz and Perry.

“If that guy and Monobrow entered a mustache competition, who do you think would win?” Heinz asked. Perry raised a finger above his eyes. “Yeah, the unibrow would probably add a few bonus points.”

There was a loud crash from the back, and all chatter ceased as everyone watched a girl about Candace’s age standing protectively in front of her brother, blocking him from the remains of a light fixture. She turned and murmured a few quick words, the boy laughing and shrugging it off. The parents made sure they were all right before taking their seats and continuing on as if nothing had ever happened.

Perry was just glad the kid was all right.

“You get the impression that’s normal for them?” Heinz wondered. Before they could speculate more on the matter, Henry brought the calamari.

“Are you ready to order?” Henry asked with a smile.

Perry tapped the shrimp and crab combo on the menu with a chatter. “Sorry, he doesn’t talk. He’s a platypus,” Heinz said. Perry made a few more gestures, which Heinz interpreted for Henry. “He wants a side of green beans and mashed potatoes. And I’d like the rainbow trout with corn and rice.”

Henry nodded and gathered their menus. “Not an issue. We’re used to animals with fedoras eating here anyway, but most of the time it can be a challenge to actually interpret what they want. No matter. In the meantime, enjoy your calamari!”

Perry immediately claimed the marinara sauce, which earned him a scowl from Heinz. “I won’t double dip this time, I promise!”

“Hey, does that calamari taste as good as it looks?” the man next to them called. “Oh, sorry. Name’s Vinnie Dakota, by the way. There I go shooting my mouth off again.”

“Nah, I feel you,” Heinz grinned. “And yes, the calamari is pretty good. It would taste better if a certain somebody would quit hogging the sauce.”

He glared at Perry, who shrugged innocently and scooted the small bowl of marinara away from his companion. Vinnie laughed. “So you’re a platypus. This is really cool actually. All the other ones I’ve seen around here don’t do much.”

Heinz bit into a piece of calamari. Perry winced at his decision to do introductions with a full mouth. “This is Perry the Platypus by the way. He’s my best friend. And I’m Heinz Doofenshmirtz.”

The other man scoffed and looked away, leaning on the table with an elbow.

Vinnie shot his companion a reproachful look. “Don’t be rude. We just met them. I’m really sorry about him. That sourpuss there is Balthy-”

“Balthazar Cavendish,” he grumbled. “Pleasure.”

“You’ll have to excuse him. Stressful job,” Vinnie said. “We’re in the same field.”

“So where do you work then?” Heinz asked.

“Pistachio plant.”

“Food truck company.”

Balthazar and Vinnie glanced at each frantically, before correcting themselves. “We drive food trucks from pistachio plants. You know, high demand and all. You’d be surprised how many people like pistachios,” Vinnie said.

Perry could tell they were lying, but he wasn’t sure why. But he could understand it, since he and Heinz couldn’t exactly tell random people they were secret agents who fought evil scientists on a daily basis.

“We’re agents who-” Perry threw a piece of calamari at Heinz’s face to shut him up, quickly motioning for him to make up a lie. “Um, I mean, we’re agents for a modeling business.” To Perry, he whispered, “See? I didn’t give anything away! And I’m getting payback for that piece you threw at me, just you wait.”

Perry buried his head in his arms. A modeling business was really the best he could come up with. A modeling business.

“Hey, you wanna sit over here?” Heinz asked. “There’s plenty of room. It would be easier to hold a conversation if we didn’t have to speak over a platypus in a booster seat. You don’t mind, Perry the Platypus?”

Perry shook his head. It would be good for Heinz to hold a conversation with another adult without the glowers, sarcasm, or promises of revenge.

Vinnie sat across from Heinz, and Perry tipped his hat to him. “If I had a hat, I’d tip it right back to you. Fedoras really aren’t my style. I’m thinking a top hat so I could match Balthy, but that would likely be a terrible combo with a track suit,” he said, wrapping an arm around Balthazar’s shoulders when he finally joined them.

He tuned out of the conversation as Vinnie and Heinz rapidly switched from discussing hats, food, and music. As they compared the Lumberzacks to the Phineas and the Ferbtones, Perry watched Balthazar sneak glances to the family in the back, clearly waiting for something to happen.

Perry wondered why he was interested in them. Apart from the occasional accidents that occurred around the boy, they seemed like a normal family. When Balthazar excused himself to the restroom, telling Vinnie to order for him, Perry noticed a small cell phone-like device sticking out of his back pocket.

But cell phones usually didn’t have a miniature satellite on an antenna.

He shook it off. Maybe Balthazar was an inventor. Perry couldn’t help but be a little suspicious.

“Perry the Platypus, hey, Perry the Platypus,” Heinz singsonged, poking him in the side with an index finger. Perry let out a throaty growl at being jabbed, snapping at the offending finger, only for his bill to close on empty air. Heinz clutched his finger protectively. “I only wanted to know your favorite Love Handel song.”

Vinnie laughed. “Balthy acts the same way sometimes, only a little more uptight. And he says biting people is uncouth, but he probably only means that literally. At least yours doesn’t threaten to strangle random things with teabag strings.”

Henry came around again, bringing out Heinz and Perry’s orders on a large serving dish. As Vinnie ordered two salmon dishes, Perry pushed an entire shrimp into his mouth, spitting out the now-meatless tail back onto his plate.

Heinz wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Table manners always go out the window when there’s shrimp involved. Ugh.” Perry smirked at him. “If you make me lose my appetite while we’re here, that’s an extra dish you’re paying for.”

“You haven’t seen me around Mexican food,” Vinnie chuckled. “There’s a reason Balthy always vetoes burritos when I bring it up.”

Heinz voiced the question Perry had also been thinking. “So why do you work with him if he’s so disagreeable? Reminds me of this guy we work with. If he was British. And wore outdated clothes.”

Before Vinnie could reply, Balthazar came back from the restroom. “Did you order already?” he asked.

“I played it safe and ordered salmon for both of us,” Vinnie replied.

“Good,” Balthazar said, not noticing the others sneak glances as they tried to find another topic. Finally, Perry offered them the rest of the calamari. There were only a few pieces left, but it would be enough to hold them over until their food arrived. Vinnie accepted, thanking Perry with a full mouth. Balthazar grimaced at Vinnie spraying crumbs all over the table, using a cloth to wipe it off. “I suppose he isn’t letting go of that marinara sauce.”

In response, Perry moved his mashed potatoes over and dumped the rest of the marinara sauce on his plate, sliding the tiny bowl over with a flick of his wrist. “Okay, even I’ll admit that was kind of rude,” Heinz said.

“It’s okay, there’s still a little left in here,” Vinnie said, dipping a half-eaten piece in the bowl. Then he offered it to Balthazar, who gingerly set it on the table.

“You double-dipped,” Balthazar said. “Forget it.”

“I didn’t double-dip,” Vinnie held up his hands defensively. “I only dipped it once. Double dipping is when you dip twice. Therefore, I did not double-dip.”

Perry and Heinz ignored their argument, eating peacefully until there the couch vibrated slightly as something repeatedly bumped it.. “Perry the Platypus, stop it,” Heinz warned.

Perry set his fork down and shrugged, holding out his arms in confusion. There were several more soft thuds.

“Well something’s bumping my leg, and don’t think I haven’t seen you practicing that weird telekinetic thing with your fingers,” Heinz retorted.

Perry rubbed his bill with one hand in exasperation, then pointed down. It wasn’t his fault he accidentally discovered that pretending to use the Force actually tricked Norm. Heinz reached underneath the table and brought out a lumpy tablecloth. Perry grabbed the edge and yanked, revealing a tan dog with brown spots.

“Do you know this dog, Perry the Platypus?” Heinz asked. Perry shook his head. “He doesn’t look like one of our little friends. No, don’t eat our food! This stuff isn’t cheap, you know!” He moved the plates to the center of the table to prevent the canine from scarfing down the food, then set him on the seat. Perry sternly gave him a stay command. The dog huffed but flopped down obediently.

Balthazar glanced at the dog, rubbing his chin in thought. “That mutt looks familiar somehow.”

“Diogee!” a voice cried. “You’re not supposed to be at a seafood restaurant. Go home!” The boy from earlier ran up to their table with his arms wide open, and Diogee took a flying leap into them, knocking them both over. His body was slightly suspended in the air due to his backpack, and he laughed at all the licks he was receiving.

Finally, he stood up and dusted a few crumbs off his sweater vest. “Sorry about Diogee. He gets out a lot.”

Heinz waved off the apology. “Don’t worry about it, kid. Your dog is pretty adorable when he’s not trying to eat our food.”

“Thanks!” Milo grinned. Perry smiled back, reaching across the table for his plate so he could start eating again. “Oh, I recognize you two! I haven’t seen you since the day with that runaway fire truck! How are you?”

“Milo Murphy, right?” Vinnie said, shaking his hand and completely ignoring Balthazar’s indignant gasp. “Small world, I guess.”

Milo laughed. “Tell me about it. And is that an actual platypus? I have pajamas that look almost like you! Minus the fedora, which by the way looks really awesome!”

Perry tipped his fedora to Milo, slightly blushing from the compliment. They made platypus pajamas? He’d have to look into that. It would certainly be a nice gift idea.

Balthazar coughed to get their attention. “So we meet again, Milo Murphy. If that is your real name-”

Milo scratched the back of his neck. “Well, I was almost named Mikey at some point, but my mom didn’t want my name to sound like candy.”

“That’s not my point,” Balthazar scoffed. “Tell me the purpose of your mission, counteragent.”

“Counteragent?” Heinz cracked up. “How can this kid be an agent? He doesn’t have a hat!” Perry made a zipping motion with his fingers so Heinz didn’t reveal vital information. Were they at a different OWCA branch? He’d never seen files on them before.

Balthazar glared at him. “You don’t need a hat to be an agent!”

“But you’re wearing a hat,” Vinnie pointed out. “Even if it does attract a lot of weird stares.”

“Agent?” Milo asked. “Um, Sara and I often pretended we were time travel agents but....”

“There, you see?” Balthazar barked to Vinnie. “So he’s involved with time travel in some way! I knew it!”

Heinz reclined against the back of the couch, listening as Vinnie tried to clarify that there was a difference between pretending to be an agent and actually being an agent. “I know I could be kind of unreasonable-” Perry gave him a sideways glance. “-very unreasonable during schemes-but geez, what does this guy have against one kid? He’s crazy.”

Perry had to admit, it was pretty tempting to give Balthazar a good kick to the shin. If it was Phineas or Ferb that Balthazar had been attempting to interrogate, he would definitely not be showing so much restraint.

All talk ceased as everyone turned to stare at the odd scene at their table. Even Heinz fell silent. He really didn’t want to get involved. The parents of the boy were too busy figuring out their check that they hadn’t noticed their daughter had joined in the argument.

Milo hugged Diogee, looking slightly apprehensive at the attention. “Sara, you don’t need to get involved. It’s fine.”

Sara placed her hands on her hips, scowling. “It’s not fine! Back off my brother, you oversized leprechaun. He hasn’t done anything!”

“Balthy, I think we’d better go,” Vinnie warned.

“Not yet. All I want to know is who you’re working for,” Balthazar growled.

Milo’s eyes flickered between Sara and Balthazar. “I’m not working for anyone.”

“So a lone wolf then,” Balthazar murmured. “Very well. Dakota, we’re leaving.”

Without another word, he turned and exited the restaurant. Perry released the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. For all of Balthazar’s blunder and rashness, even he wasn’t stupid enough to push the matter further in such a crowded public area.

“Right behind you. Hey, so change of plans. Can I get that to go?” Vinnie asked a dumbfounded waiter, who had been staring awkwardly at the salmon he brought out during the exchange. As the waiter boxed the food, Vinnie shook hands with Milo. “Sorry about my partner. I’ll have to talk to him later about this.”

“I still don’t know what that was about,” Sara sighed. “We’re packing up now. See you later.”

“It was nice to meet you!” Milo said. “Bye!”

As the family passed by the front podium, the lobster tank by the entrance burst open and left a woman screaming about the water ruining her expensive shoes.

Vinnie shook hands with Heinz and Perry. “I never did give you an answer to your question, did I? I just don’t think anyone should be alone. We don’t exactly have the best living conditions, but sometimes a good thing can wander by our pistachio stand. Well, see you later!”

He politely thanked the waiter for boxing the food, then hurriedly took off after Balthazar.

Heinz signaled the waiter for a check. “He’s way too nice for his own good.”

Perry chattered in agreement. If only all partners could be as good a communicator as Heinz.

#milo murphy's law #phineas and ferb #perry the platypus #heinz doofenshmirtz #balthazar cavendish #vinnie dakota #fanfiction

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themurphyzone · 7 years

Text

Double Team Ch 1

PnF/MML crossover. The sequel to Double Date!

Ch 1- What’s Gonna Work? Not Teamwork.

“Humph. They’re all horribly incompetent,” Mr. Block huffed. “I can say with complete confidence that they’ll screw up the assigned mission with all the grace of a pig on greased roller skates.”

Major Monogram rolled his eyes. “I can agree with a quarter of that statement. I don’t know your men, so I can’t speak for them. But Perry the Platypus is our top agent for a reason. Don’t underestimate animals with human intellect.”

“We’ll see,” Mr. Block said. “But don’t get your hopes up about that alliance. My agents have better things to do than babysit a petting zoo. With the exception of Costco and Oklahoma of course.” The right screen shut off at Block’s obnoxious laughter.

Monogram stared at the blank screen, unimpressed. “Remember to bring Lord Doom into the slammer when you’ve completed the mission. Man, why did that guy have to pick such a stupid villain name?”

Perry saluted as the left screen faded out. He prayed this mission would be smoother than the entire Professor Parentheses incident. They were working with experienced agents this time, so maybe it would over before he knew it and he could snuggle into Phineas’ bed before midnight.

“So I never got to mention this last time we met because of societal conventions, but has anyone ever told you that you look like a leprechaun? I mean, you’re wearing all green and stuff even when it’s not St. Patrick’s. And don’t even get me started on the actual style of your clothes. You must be really popular at steampunk conventions.”

“I do not look like a leprechaun! Do you have any how hard it is to find a good pair of spats in your century?”

Then again, maybe not.

Perry doubted both agencies would have a steady alliance for fighting evil even if their mission was successful. If Block’s condescending attitude was anything to go by, his agents likely wouldn’t want to be paired with animals. And he definitely hated the way he treated Vinnie and Balthazar during the briefing. He had never seen a superior openly express disdain for their subordinates during briefings.

No wonder Balthazar was irritated all the time if he had to deal with that guy on a near daily basis. However, Perry still disliked him for his treatment of Milo in the restaurant. Interrogating a child in a public place? Either he had to be stupid, crazy, or both.

Vinnie was just as easygoing as he was when they first met, simply enjoying a foot long sub in peace. Perry sat next to him, deciding that it was probably better to let Heinz and Balthazar tire themselves out with their argument.

“How do you manage yours?” Vinnie asked, jerking his thumb towards Heinz, who was currently mocking Balthazar’s accent.

With practice. How Vinnie managed his, he didn’t have a clue.

After twenty minutes, the argument had finally run out of steam and they were glaring at each other in silence. Perry used the opportunity to review the file with the mission details and map out a plan.

“Balthy, we got a real mission for once. Cheer up,” Vinnie nudged a disgruntled Balthazar, who folded his arms and looked away. “This Lord Doom guy made his hideout in an abandoned castle. Typical villain fare. Do you think he’s got minions? Most bad guys have them, at least that’s what I’ve heard.”

Heinz shrugged. “If he does, I assume they’d be better than Norm. Seriously, he’s gotten into the habit of breaking walls whenever he feels like it thanks to a certain platypus-” he jabbed a finger at Perry “-and I’m the one who has to repair it.”

“I want all of you to take this mission seriously,” Balthazar said, adjusting his glasses. He glanced at the file. “His hideout is all the way in Drusselstein? That backwater country? I sincerely hope we don’t have to deal with the locals, because they’re kookier than an intoxicated loon.”

Perry and Heinz looked at each other, surprised that Balthazar said something they could agree with for a change. “I swear they try to murder you on driving tests. And the instructor doesn’t even get in the car with you! What kind of assessment is that?” Heinz grumbled.

He was worried about the mission. Not because of the ‘doomsday device to end all doomsday devices’ as the file called the invention that needed to be destroyed, but how well they’d actually work together. Perry would be fine by himself. With Heinz, the chances for a slip-up increased, but they could improvise their way out with ease.

However, he had no idea how Vinnie and Balthazar handled themselves in action. Furthermore, being the only animal (discounting Heinz’s legal status as an ocelot) complicated matters. He wasn’t sure if he could communicate that well with them. Even Monogram and Carl had trouble understanding him sometimes.

Perry pushed a button on the keyboard, and a wall flipped around to reveal a platypus themed plane. OWCA had approved his request for a larger method of transport within a week of the Professor Parenthesis fiasco. If they wanted to assign different agents to work with him, then the small hovercraft wouldn’t be enough to fit everyone. He’d learned that lesson the hard way.

“What do you guys think? It’s more straightforward than bending space-time so the trebuchets match up,” Heinz said. “Perry the Platypus gets all the cool equipment. Monobrow won’t let me have more than just the basics. He’s afraid I’ll put self-destruct buttons on something expensive.”

“You bent time?” Balthazar asked as everyone boarded the plane. “How come we were never alerted?”

Heinz shrugged. “Well, the time of day didn’t change. It was more or less just changing the distance between North America and Europe to make for a shorter trip.”

“We don’t exactly have the means to deal with the space-time continuum,” Vinnie said. “That’s usually reserved for the highest ranks. Besides, they’re always warning us to not change history. It’s the first thing they drill into your head. Not literally drilling, of course. That would hurt.”

Perry entered the cockpit, inputting the coordinates listed on the mission file for Lord Doom’s castle into the computer and changing the mode to autopilot. There was no way he was manually piloting this thing for the next four hours.

Everyone made themselves comfortable on the plush chairs. Heinz stretched out his limbs, reveling in all the leg room unavailable to him on commercial flights. Perry sat next to him, claiming the arm rest between them with an elbow. Heinz nudged Perry’s elbow off, smirking as he laid his entire arm across it. Scowling, Perry dug a hand underneath his arm so he could grip the edge. They continued the war over the arm rest as the plane rolled down the runway.

As the plane picked up speed, Balthazar gripped Vinnie’s shoulder. “I’m just, uh, making sure you’re all right since you’re not used to flying,” he said, chewing his lip. He sank against the seat, squeezing his eyes shut.

Vinnie patted his back. “Think soothing thoughts. Like, uh, jasmine tea. Yeah! A nice, freshly brewed jasmine tea. Bought in a family owned store and made with love. Served in a floral patterned cup and saucer. Bluebells, for instance.”

The plane lifted off the ground, Perry holding Heinz’s hand the entire time. He wasn’t scared. He was just making sure Heinz wasn’t scared. That’s all. Takeoff sometimes gave even the most seasoned agents butterflies.

Thirty minutes later, a robotic voice chimed in on the intercom. “Welcome. You may get up and move around as long as you do not strip the plane for inventions. I will notify you again when we are close to your destination or in the possibility that we will plunge to certain doom over the open ocean, where no one will be able to find and identify your bodies. Thank you and have a wonderful day.”

“Bet you don’t have anything as cool as this plane in your agency,” Heinz said.

Balthazar scoffed. “We have much more refined methods of transportation than your primitive flying death trap.”

Vinnie opened a pack of in-flight peanuts from the supply box. “Depends if you consider double bikes refined. But our agency definitely doesn’t supply in-flight peanuts!”

“Your agency doesn’t treat you guys well,” Heinz remarked. “I mean, OWCA doesn’t pay their interns, but from what I’ve seen they actually enjoy their work. Have you considered quitting?”

“Quitting? Are you daft?” Balthazar stood up, unbuckling himself from the seat and standing up so that he towered over Heinz. “I joined the Bureau to save the world, and if you think I am here to do anything else, you are sorely mistaken.”

Heinz leaned back in his seat. “It was a simple question!” Perry chattered in warning, and Heinz shut his mouth before he could say something to set Balthazar off.

“Balthazar, calm down,” Vinnie grabbed his coattail, trying to gently pull him back to his seat.

He ripped the cloth out of Vinnie’s hand. “This is our chance at a promotion and you two better not ruin it for us.”

Perry folded his arms. If anything was going to ruin this mission, it would be Balthazar’s attitude. Heinz and Balthazar glared daggers at each other. After several minutes, he huffed and took his seat once more.

Vinnie offered a tentative smile as an apology. Perry tipped his hat in acknowledgement. At least Vinnie wasn’t holding anything against them.

“Tch, what’s that guy’s problem?” Heinz asked, his voice low so that nobody but Perry could hear him. “I say one thing and he blows his fuse!” Perry made several broad gestures. “Look, I’d love to get along with him too but at this rate it’s just not happening!”

Perry prayed that he didn’t require rescuing at some point during the mission. He’d be doomed if Balthazar and Heinz couldn’t set aside their argument in time.

With the exception of Heinz's snores, it was too quiet now. Perry had thought Monogram's animal sensitivity lectures were long and boring. Those paled in comparison to the near silence he could barely endure.

It would be a long four hours.

#milo murphy's law #double team #heinz doofenshmirtz #perry the platypus #balthazar cavendish #vinnie dakota #phineas and ferb

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