#[ i'm so lucky to get so many great anon asks aaa ]

[despairforme]

Why don't you and Grimmjow just get married already?

     He had gotten a similar question before. A question about marrying Grimmjow. For some reason, people seemed to not be able to grasp the concept of them being the same sex. And because of that, they COULDN’T live their life as a traditional couple. How the hell could Nnoitra marry a guy? Marriage was the union between a man and a woman. He’d been told that same-sex marriage was a thing, but he hadn’t done any research to see if it was allowed where they lived. In any case, those people who spoke about people of the same sex getting married obviously weren’t religious, like Nnoitra was. Religion didn’t play a big part in his everyday life, but it was how he was raised. If he ‘ married ‘ Grimmjow, then he would literally be SPITTING on everything that had been important to his mother. One thing was being in a relationship with Grimmjow, another thing would be to defile the sanctity of marriage by pretending to marry him. Nnoitra hated thinking about stuff like this. He hated how DEEP his need to make things up to his mother was. She was fucking dead, so none of this should matter - yet, it did. Maybe it wasn’t such a big surprise. She had done so much for him, and in the end, he had just left her without a word. And she had died all alone. He hadn’t even cried when he visited her grave. Nnoitra had always wanted her approval and her affection ( even though he knew he had never deserved it ). Somehow - that need hadn’t ended when she died.

     Did he believe in God? Sometimes. He didn’t think there was anything wrong with him loving Grimmjow, but marrying him? That would be wrong. A lot of people were so eager to speak about ‘ equal rights ‘, but Nnoitra wasn’t going to join them. If there was ONE thing he didn’t want to be associated with, it was the LGBT community. Lots of weird ass people dressing up in god knows what and walking in some parade while waving rainbow flags? FUCK NO. Those people, and especially those guys were one of the reasons why Nnoitra couldn’t be open about his sexuality. If people knew he was into guys, they would judge him. They would think he was feminine and girly. He was never going to associate himself with the stereotypical ‘ gay ‘ man. He wasn’t going to run around in fucking rainbow tights just because he loved Grimmjow - a man.

     ❝ I talked ‘bout this before. We’re both men. We can’t marry. ❞ Even if, by some chance, they could marry legally, didn’t mean that said marriage would be a proper marriage. Not in Nnoitra’s opinion at least. Things would have to change a lot if Nnoitra was going to accept a marriage between the two of them. First, he would have to stop caring about his mother, and pretty much just forget all the time they spent together. He would have to forget his time spent in church or the times he had prayed. Nnoitra couldn’t see how he was supposed to manage something like that. And even if, he did, by some miracle manage this, it was still the second issue, which was just as big. Those fucking LGBT people had to stop branding themselves like they did. If he married a guy, Nnoitra would be one of the fucking front runners of that community. He would be one of the guys who had taken the biggest step, with actually marrying someone of the same sex. Would the LGBT community ever be something he wanted to affiliate himself with? He fucking doubted it. Why couldn’t he just be left in peace to date Grimmjow on his own terms? Why did he have to ‘ prove ‘ his love for him with a stupid ‘ marriage ‘? Did him refusing to be open about their relationship keep him from being proud to be loved by Grimmjow? He didn’t think so. Others might, but he didn’t. Other people had nothing to do with his love for Grimmjow, and he was going to keep it that way, by keeping their relationship secret. 

#[ it's.... it's complicated ] #[ you'd think nnoitra was more simple but ] #[ he really isn't when it comes to this ] #[ his macho complex RUNS DEEP ] #[ and also scars from his childhood ] #[ being emotionally neglected and ] #[ only connecting with his mother through religion ] #[ has made its marks on him ] #[ i hope this made sense xD ] #[ sometimes it's not easy to get his thoughts across BECAUSE THEY ARE A MESS ] #[ thank you so much for this ask anon ] #[ relationship asks = <5 ] #[ especially those that MAKE NNOITRA TROUBLED ] #[ i'm so lucky to get so many great anon asks aaa ] #ᵈᵉˢᵖᵃᶤʳ ;; ic. #ᵗᵃˡᵏᶤᶰ' ˢʰᶤᵗ ;; answers. #ᵇᵘʳᶰ 'ᵈᵃ ᶜᶤᵗʸ ;; verse.