#> his trauma response mechanisms kicked in and he didn't even realize it lol

[seraphim-soulmate]

me to myself, (about me), "oh man this is all gonna fuck him up so bad when he finally wakes up from the post-op fog and realizes the amount of suffering he's endured is gut-wrenching and will make him puke from crying. anyways time to go do some other random thing to distract myself bcs I obviously am not yet cognitively capable of confronting the carnage that my life became"

*sits down with popcorn to watch the shitshow "me" will have to endure once I come back to myself*

OH FUCK ITS ME IM ME I LIVED THIS AND IM GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT ALL FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

#personal #me #i love the post-op + medication + trauma brain fog #where its like im fully functional and weirdly upbeat for someone to whom really terrifying things have happened to! #oh wait. its because I didn't actually emotionally process any of it. #enough of me is left to make rational conscious decisions and to cry at puppy videos #the part that handles the Big Stuff is Offline at the moment actually. not me thinking ive just been coping really well lol #> his trauma response mechanisms kicked in and he didn't even realize it lol #like every time i talk about everything ive gone through surrounding this recovery im aware it's horrifying #but im not quite getting the adequate feedback from people #i think the feedback i would require is to break down sobbing and hug me and rock me oh. its saving me. #FUCK i gotta do that shit myself too oh gofdamn it i have to be niceys with me. more than i have been. #my trauma response might also actually just be correct in this one tbh like maybe I really can't handle all of this actually #that would be fair! i understand why you'd check out of the hotel california! (my brain) #sorry me for being mean and not understanding what you're going through im going to try to be more there for you <3