# And I’d even accept a lie (I feel like this line is from Evan’s perspective though)

[bri-cheeses]

| Rosekiller microfic (songfic? idk) | Word count: 641 |

A/N: For better reading experience, I recommend listening to “Brividi” by Mahmood and Blanco, considering that this was based off the chorus of that song

Barty laid next to Evan, goosebumps raised on his skin, head turned so he could better examine the other’s boy’s features.

Evan was sound asleep in Barty’s bed. His lips were parted slightly, and his head rested on the spare pillow that had found its way there sometime after the thousandth occurrence of this happening.

Evan’s eyelashes were long and fluttered slightly as he breathed in and out, naked chest rising and falling evenly as he slept. Something about the way he looked when he was sleeping, soft and unguarded and so painfully lovely, reminded Barty of what he had realized not even three days before.

Barty was in love.

He was in love with someone who understood him, who enjoyed his company, who was beautiful inside and out.

And he wished he could tell Evan, but every time he tried, something in him stopped the words before they ever made it past his lips.

Evan was amazing. He the best thing to ever happen to Barty, and sometimes Barty thought that if he were given the chance, he could love Evan more than any human had ever dared to love another.

But Barty knew that he messed up, over and over and over again, and that he would only hurt Evan if they tried for anything more. The strength of his love threatened to be all-consuming, to chew them both up and spit them back out again. He just didn’t know how to love someone without hurting them.

Barty would sacrifice the world for Evan—he’d known that for a long time. But he had never been certain that he wouldn’t accidentally set the world on fire before handing it to Evan, burning him in the process.

And Barty didn’t want to burn Evan. He didn’t want anyone to hurt Evan, much less for him to be the one to do it.

But as he lay there, he had the sneaking suspicion that he already had.

When he had first kissed Evan, he hadn’t done it because he loved him, he had done it simply because he wanted someone to kiss. And Evan had kissed him back without any hesitation, eager and hungry as they fell into bed together. Barty had thought they wanted the same thing—someone to get off with, something easy and uncomplicated.

But afterwards, when Barty had said as much, he had seen something shatter in Evan’s eyes. Evan had mumbled a quick, “Right”, then made up some excuse to leave.

Barty had blinked, and Evan was picking up his clothes from beside the bed. He had blinked again, and Evan was gone.

But it had happened again. And then again. And it had kept on happening, until Evan wasn’t leaving immediately afterwards, and Barty had realized that he didn’t want Evan to leave at all.

That’s where it had gotten so incredibly complicated, full of messy emotions and misunderstandings. Full of cracked hearts and longing glances, words thought but never spoken.

Sometimes, Barty thought that if he were offered a magic ticket that could take him far away from all of it, take him away from the perilous cliff edge he was dangling off of, he didn’t think that he could refuse. Even if it cost more than money, Barty thought he would be willing to pay the price.

Because the price of the ticket for the other route, the one toward Evan instead of away, was something vital in Evan that Barty knew neither of them could afford.

Barty messed up, and he messed up bad. And he might dream of that destination, the one marked simply “Evan”, but he couldn’t let himself board that train. Evan’s loveliness wasn’t worth it.

So he merely laid there, silently staring at the boy he loved, and tried not to shiver as the goosebumps spread further across his skin.

#i am so sorry #oh also #for anyone wondering #the translation of the lyrics i used to write this are: #Naked with shivers / At times I cannot express myself / And I would like to love you but I’m always wrong / #/ And I would like to steal you a sky of pearls / And I’d pay to go away / #/ And I’d even accept a lie (I feel like this line is from Evan’s perspective though) / #/ And I would like to love you but I’m always wrong / And I get shivers shivers shivers / #basically Evan is Mahmood’s part and Barty is Blanco’s #but that’s only in the chorus because I feel like in the rest of the song it’s the other way around #sorry #it’s a bit confusing I know #but I love it <3 #rosekiller #evan rosier #barty crouch jr #rosekiller microfic #bri’s microfics

[seriestrash]

You Me Her

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Chapter Twelve: White Knight

Word Count: 3972

↠ ♥ ↞

Riley takes the winter break to focus on herself. She works on extra college admissions, preparing for her winter musical audition and she spends time with her family and friends. All the while, Riley pushes the Lucas issue to the back of her mind. 

Riley returns to school in the new year ready to face the music. Well, rather than ‘face the music’ Riley was ready to mute it. She had decided that she didn’t need answers because answers weren't going to change her mind. 

Riley had done a pretty decent job avoiding Lucas all day. That changed after second last period when Riley exits her History class. Lucas waits until he sees Kai wave Riley off before he approaches her.

“Where are you headed?” Lucas asks as he now walks beside her. 

“The courtyard. I have a spare.” Riley states. 

“Most people with a spare last period would just go home early.” Light nerves can be heard in Lucas’ laugh.

“I’m going to revise my half of the lines for the play auditions after school.”

“You auditioning with Kai?” Lucas asks. 

“Yep.” Riley pops the P. 

“I can stand in for him if you like, read his parts to help you rehearse?” Lucas offers.

“No thank you.” Riley rejects politely. “Shouldn’t you be getting to class?”

“I can skip. What’s the worst they could do, kick me out?” Lucas chuckles. “We’re practically graduated.”

"Don’t tell me you’re one of those seniors that believe they’re invincible?” Riley almost snorts. 

“No way but ditching one class isn’t going to ruin an otherwise good record.” Lucas smirks. 

“As I recall you were in detention the evening before the dance.” Riley highlights. 

“Simple misunderstanding..” Lucas rubs at the nape of his neck. “About that night...”

Riley stops abruptly just by the door leading out to the courtyard. “That wasn’t my way of smoothly making an opening for us to discuss it.”

“I just want to explain myself.” Lucas says.

“Giving an explanation doesn’t make what you did any less lousy.” Riley folds her arms. 

“Maybe how I handled things wasn’t the best way to go about it but I did the wrong thing for what I truly believed to be the right reason!” Lucas speaks quickly and with little sense. 

“Can you understand why I don’t want to talk about this?” Riley asks.

“Yes..” Lucas gives a sheepish nod. 

“I guess some things don’t change.” Riley’s eye roll is barely noticeable but definitely still there. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lucas knits his brows. 

“Wonder boy.” Riley eyes him. “It’s your White Knight syndrome, your Hero complex. Your need to look like the good guy to me right now is because of that.” 

“My what?” Lucas looks confused. 

“You want to save everyone. Me and Farkle from bullies, Zay from his big mouth,” Riley laughs so he knows she’s not trying to insult Zay. “Maya with the art program... You even punched my ex-boyfriend in the face for saying mean things about me and we’re not even friends.” 

“We’re not?” Lucas questions. 

Riley gives Lucas a confused look. She’s unsure if he’s being serious or not. How did he miss the past two years of silence between them? 

“So protecting people I care about is a bad thing?” Lucas backtracks to fill in the silence.

“No I guess not.” Riley shakes her head. “But the difference now is that I don’t want to be saved. Not by you.”

“Can we please just go out there and talk about things?” Lucas softens. 

“I’m trying my best to be rude to you and you still want to talk?” Riley frowns. 

“Yes.” Lucas nods. 

“Fine.” Riley sighs heavily knowing Lucas wouldn’t drop the request. “But once it’s all out there can you respect my wishes to leave the past in the past?” Riley questions. 

“Absolutely.” Lucas nods. 

The two make their way out into the empty courtyard and each take a seat at the table across from one another. Riley folds her hands together and waits for Lucas to begin. 

After a moment of silence passes Riley finally speaks up. “Usually the person initiating a conversation is the one to start speaking.” 

“Right.” Nervous laughter escapes Lucas. “I don’t really know where to start...” 

Suddenly something the middle school librarian said flows to the forefront of Riley’s mind. “You like a good story, Riley? Then start at the beginning.” 

Riley literally shakes the thought from her mind. “Just... Talk.. I’m sure you’ll make sense of it all eventually.” 

“Texas.” Lucas says with a deep breath. 

“Oh wow we’re going right back.” Riley grimaces. 

“I know it seems stupid...” Lucas bops his head. “But Texas was the first point in the triangle...” 

“You’ve thought this out thoroughly...” Riley shifts in her seat. 

“I’ve only gone over every detail a million times since, well, since we stopped speaking...” Lucas deflates.

“Texas.” Riley matches Lucas’ tone and breath from before, no longer wishing to stall this conversation. 

“I meant everything I said to you after riding Tombstone, about how important you are to me and how you made New York feel like home.” Lucas says.

“Lucas, what’s the point of this?” Riley cuts in. “I know what happened in Texas. I was there. You rode Tombstone, I called you my brother and you moved on to Maya three seconds later.” A light bitterness in her tone. 

“That’s not exactly what happened.” Lucas frowns. 

“I know I already said I can’t be angry with you for believing things I told you and I’m not but my feelings can be hurt that you accepted the truth so easily.” Riley says simply but Lucas struggled to keep up. 

“It’s more complicated than that.” Lucas is still frowning. 

“Fine. Explain things.” Her light bitterness returns. 

“I get how you see it that way, like I moved on instantly but that wasn’t what happened.” Lucas shakes his head. “After Tombstone, I was still so amped up that I felt invincible. It gave me the courage to feel like I could ask you to be my girlfriend again. I was ready to do that but then the whole brother thing happened... It confused me and I’m not going to lie, when you told me Maya had feelings for me it confused things further, I’d never looked at her that way before. That rush I was feeling after Tombstone mixed with the confusion of  everyones supposed feelings towards me and it all just blurred into question marks.”

“So you’d never thought of Maya romantically until I pushed it?” Riley questions. 

“Not seriously. I mean there was that thing with the yearbook but I thought that was pretty stupid.” Lucas shrugs. “Maybe I do have a white knight complex or whatever you called it because instead of trying to figure out how I felt I started to think of a way to make everyone else happy. If you didn’t like me and Maya did, I thought maybe I should give her that chance and I tried with the date at the bakery but it all felt so wrong. The next few months were awkward, no one was saying anything about it, we just pretended like it didn’t happen...Then New Years...”

“Again, I was there.. Is the play by play necessary?” Riley cuts in again.

“I’m hoping my perspective on things is.” Lucas frowns. “It’s not like I was asked back then how I felt.” 

His comment rubbed Riley the wrong way but she manages to keeps her composure. “I know that Maya and I had a bad habit of prioritising each other over anything else but you were more than capable of expressing your own feelings.” 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean-” 

“It’s fine.” Riley stops him. “New Years, Farkle outed my feelings.” 

“I was so shocked to hear him say that you still loved me but I quickly realised I was only fooling myself into thinking that I was okay with us just being friends.” Lucas continues. “Then we moved into the triangle phase.” Lucas looks just as unimpressed as he did in the midsts of that confusing time. "A decision that took me far too long, I know.” Lucas shakes his head out of disappointment in himself. “There were three main things that factored into my eventual decision.” Lucas takes a deep breath. “Jellybeans, Maya’s identity crisis and Evan.”

Riley gives Lucas a squinted look. Jellybeans probably should have been the most confusing factor but it was Evan that triggered her the most. 

“Do you remember that night you broke into the school with Maya and came back to your apartment covered in purple paint?” 

“I had my dad’s keys so technically it wasn’t breaking in.” Riley defends her innocence. “But yes...The beginning- Or end of Maya’s identity crisis, I guess.. ” 

“Well earlier that day Farkle and Zay were helping me with this experiment. We used the scales at the bakery and some jellybeans. One question, one point to whoever I answered...”

“Maya and I were reduced to a point system?” Riley wears a mild glare. 

“I know it sounds bad but my intentions were genuine.” Lucas is sincere. “So Farkle and Zay started asking questions like ‘who makes you laugh?’ Things like that.” 

“Let me guess, you answered both of us for all of the questions?” Riley interrupts. “Or the scales were at least level in the end?” 

“How do you know?” Lucas pricks up a brow. 

“It’s just a triangle cliche.” Riley scoffs. “Two girls who couldn’t be more different yet your feelings are almost impossible to distinguish between.” 

“But that’s not true!” Lucas says quickly and with passion. “I mean, the scales did end up level but that was because I was trying to even things out without even realising what I was doing. When the guys asked me a question you were the first thing that came to my mind. Every time. Then I made a connection for Maya. For an hour after the scales experiment I was staring at the two piles of jellybeans. I kept trying figure out a way to tip the scale one way. Suddenly I realised how silly the whole jellybean thing was because I knew I could go on forever giving both of you credit for your great qualities but feelings can’t be explained with pros and cons. Then I realised the importance of me answering you for all the questions first. Whether you fell, or were pushed or walked right up to me on the subway that day, it was you. You were the one I couldn’t stop thinking about for days. You were the one who made me feel safe enough to share my dreams with you-”

“If everything was so clear then what happened?” Riley cuts in. He may be saying the right things but since it was the wrong time, Riley didnt have it in her to listen. "That was weeks before the nature trip where you finally chose Maya.” 

“That’s where the other factors come into play. In those weeks.” 

“Right, a confused Maya and the Sherpa.” Riley acts disinterested. 

“After I realised there wasn’t really a decision to be made I went to your apartment to try and tell you how I felt. You eventually arrived with Maya,  covered in paint. I tried to tell you who I chose.” Lucas watches Riley’s face for recognition but she remains neutral. “You even asked if it was you and ‘yay’d’. Then I was told my decision didnt matter until some other things were figured out, like who Maya was and how she felt...”

“As usual, Maya and I prioritised each other before anything else.” Riley reiterates a point she made earlier about her past friendship. 

“It’s not a bad thing at all.” Lucas says. “It just made me realise that choosing you could mean hurting Maya and hurting Maya meant I could lose you.” 

“So you waited until the nature trip?” Riley questions. 

“You and Maya were figuring things out for yourselves and so was I.” Lucas says. “I was trying to figure out how I could choose you without losing you.” 

“And Evan?” Riley asks quietly. “The last factor.” 

“When you dated Charlie I may have been a tiny bit jealous.” Lucas grimaces and it slowly fades back into his blank but nervous expression. “But when I saw that you spent all night talking to Evan I was just.. Sad... Like I knew this lousy game we’d been playing for months was finally over and I’d lost.” 

“You thought I moved on?” Riley knits her brows together. 

“I saw that you could move on.” Lucas says softly. “I had been worried that choosing someone could cause pain but I realised that not choosing was doing more damage... I didn’t like the feeling your conversation with Evan sparked. I was terrified. I may have thought it over a hundred times after the scales experiment but I still acted quite irrationally with my decision. Instead of giving you the purple jellybean like I planned I somehow got it in my head that limiting us to a friendship would be the best way to keep you in my life and maintain- or at least work back up to the connection we had.” 

“That’s stupid.” Riley says her thought aloud and once she realises, she has to commit to it. “You didn’t want to lose me so you let me go?” 

“That’s exactly what you did in Texas, prioritised our friendship over anything else because risking it with romance was just too scary.” Lucas argues. 

“That’s completely different.” Riley’s finding it difficult to keep her composure. “I stepped back because of the romantic potential I saw in two people I cared about. I thought that maintaining our friendships would be enough for me. I tried to prevent a triangle, to prevent heartache. Then Farkle outed my feelings at New Years and I could have denied it but I didn’t. I owned my feelings and was a willing participant in a triangle with my best friend. If you were so scared of losing me why didn’t you just push to stay friends?” 

“I did. I practically begged you to promise me at the lodge that we’d stay friends and when you were acting strange afterwards I showed up in your room and asked if we were okay.” 

“I meant before that, if you really wanted to be with me but thought that could mean losing me then why be with Maya at all?” Riley frowns. “Why not leave the triangle behind and let us all be friends?” 

“We tried that before. It didn’t work...” Lucas matches Riley’s crescent fallen expression. 

“So you chose Maya even though you wanted to choose me?” Riley squints her gaze. 

“Like I said, I knew if I hurt her I’d lose you.” Lucas says.

“You expect me to believe that you chose Maya and dated her for two and a half years because you wanted to maintain our friendship...” Riley coaxes her head. “...A friendship that ended before your relationship did?” 

“I know it sounds far fetched but It’s more complicated than that.” Lucas sighs. “Maya and I don’t love each other. We never did- Look, I can’t share Maya’s truth, maybe if you talked to her it could clear up a bit of the mess-” 

“No.” Riley places her palms firmly on the table top. “I let you explain yourself, now it’s time to leave the past where it belongs.”

“I was hoping that leaving the past behind meant we could start fresh.” Lucas is hopeful. 

“Lucas, I consider us to be the past.” Riley shakes her head. 

“I know it’s hard to believe.” Lucas tries to fight his case more but Riley was already done. 

“What’s hard is not feeling like a second choice.” Riley’s voice wavers. “It feels like you dated Maya and when it didn’t work out with her you wondered what it would have been like if you chose different.” 

“But Riley-” 

“No, Lucas.” Riley cuts him off. “You can have my forgiveness if that’s what you need but you can’t have a second chance.” 

“I should have risked it all.” Lucas states. “I should have fought for you and I know you loved me at some point. You even admitted to lying about being relieved I chose Maya-”

“After you chose Maya I was entitled to say whatever I wanted to protect my feelings.” Riley interjects. “You don’t get to pick one girl and then be upset that the other isn't falling to pieces right in front of you.”

“You’re completely right and I understand but that’s not-”

“I’m not sure you do understand, Lucas because after three years you come to me and expect that I’ve been waiting all this time for you.” Riley tries her best to stay calm. “Surely you had to know that any and all chances at a romantic ending for us ended the moment you chose Maya?” 

“I did know that.” Lucas nods. “But I lost our friendship anyway. So call me selfish for coming to you but I figure I have nothing left to lose.” 

“You’re selfish.” Riley says as she stands up. 

“Riley-” 

“No.” Riley stops him with a mixture of anger and sadness swirling inside her. “Let’s say I believe your awfully convenient argument that you acted out of love for me. Is it supposed to be a good thing that you dated someone I considered to be a sister without having genuine feelings for her?” 

“Like I said, that’s a whole different side to the story I can’t really tell you.” Lucas wishes he could just scream the full truth but he knew it wasn’t completely his to share. 

“I don’t need to hear Maya’s perspective on things just like I didn’t need to hear yours.” Riley says. “It doesn’t change anything for me. This conversation was for you.” 

“I know I deserve the coldness but it still really sucks.” Lucas still has his huffy childlike nature Riley used to find cute but now it just upset her further. 

A moment of silence passes. One long enough to get Riley to open herself up to past vulnerabilities. “Part of me wished that you would chase after me, when I left you at the campfire back in Texas.” Riley speaks softly and avoids eye contact as she talks. “I felt horrible for feeling that way but I did. I wanted you to tell Maya you were sorry but it was me, I was the one you wanted to be with...” 

“I’m telling you now.” Lucas reaches out for Riley’s hand but she pulls it away. 

“And I hear you, Lucas.” Riley nods with sad eyes. “But I can’t believe you.” 

“What can’t you believe?” Lucas asks desperately knowing this conversation was nearing an end. 

"I can’t believe that I wasn’t worth risking it all for.” Riley flicks her gaze up to him for a moment before standing. “I need to love myself enough to believe that I am. I have to.” Riley nods, she scoops up her backpack and makes a few strides towards the door. 

“I already admitted to that monumental mistake.” Lucas says calling her attention back. “And I’m telling you now that I still love you. Isn’t that enough?” 

“How can you possibly love me?” Riley wears a look of pain. “You don’t even know me anymore.”

“You’re, Riley.” Lucas stands from his seat in a desperate attempt to make her stay. “Two measly years doesn’t change that.” 

“That’s where you’re wrong, Lucas.” Riley has one hand on the door handle. “I’m different now. I’m happy.”

Five words had never hurt as much to hear as those. He’d felt heartache and distance and the loss of something special but those five words packed more of a punch than than any of that combined. No emotional or physical pain had ever hurt as much as the implication that Lucas contributed to or caused sadness in such a bright human being.  

The two are just looking at each other in silence. Lucas can’t string a sentence together so Riley delivers one final statement before closing the door. “I’m not the girl in Texas who looked back to see if you were following.” 

As Riley closes the door behind herself Lucas is left wondering if she sealed away any hope at a second chance along with it. 

Riley was spiralling quickly but she did her very best to compose herself as she waits for Kai outside of his class. One the final bell sounds he bounces out of the room excited for their upcoming audition. Instantly he notices Riley’s off mood but she assures him a dozen times she’s fine and just nervous for the audition, which of course Kai doesn’t buy but chooses to drop the issue for now not wanting to shake her anymore before they go on stage. 

The two best friends arrive at the auditorium where there find Noah and Caitlin already waiting to show their support. They take seats with them and listen as Ms. Mitchell calls the auditions into order. 

The auditions were being run a few different ways, singular, in a pair or a combination of both. Riley and Kai were going for the combo with some dialogue between the characters they were auditioning for; Riley for Dorothy and Kai for the Tin Man. Then, the two would separate to perform individual songs. 

When it’s Riley’s and Kai’s turn take to the stage, Riley spots Lucas sitting alone in the back watching. Kai notices him too and gives Riley a silent look to communicate that she should ignore him.  

They begin their lines, they’d been over their audition bit a hundred times after Christmas and could execute it perfectly. Riley felt robotic throughout the audition, like she was just rehearsing again with Kai. Her mind clearly focused on other things. An audition that on it’s own should have landed her minor roll but once it comes time for their individual songs Riley comes to a realisation; she had let Lucas’ presence shake her back during her Grease auditions and again she’d let him taint her experience with A Midsummer Nights Dream but this time Riley was determined to not let him get the better of her. Instead, Riley used it to her advantage. Every bit of emotional strain and confusion was worked into her rendition of ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’. Once Riley finishes her transcending performance everyone, even Kai - whom stands side stage - is left with mouths agape. 

The drama teacher Ms. Mitchell shakes off her stunned expression and thanks Riley. The brunette wanders back to her seat with Kai whispering his amazement to her the whole way. Once seated again, Noah and Caitlin both share their dotting reviews too. Caitlin bounces once her friends are finished auditioning but the other three hang around to show support for the rest auditioning. 

Riley’s getting her things ready to leave when Ms. Mitchell asks if there are any last minute sign ups wishing to audition. Riley is already halfway to the aisle when Lucas shoots up in place and calls out. “I’d like to audition please.” 

Noah looks between his boyfriend Kai, radiating with heat on one side of him and Riley on the other, completely frozen in place. Not sure who to support in this situation he awkwardly grabs at both of them. 

“Ah, Mr. Friar.” Ms. Mitchell turns her attention to him. “I believe I haven’t seen you in here since you quit A Midsummer Nights Dream two years ago. How am I supposed to trust you’ll be anymore relable in this play?” 

“I can assure you Ms. Mitchell,” Lucas says to the teacher but then flicks his gaze directly at Riley. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Oh boy.

End Notes: This took so long but u guys wanted to FULL explanation so I tried to spare no details!!!!!! Next chapter, Lucas fights for Riley but has a cute musically gifted boy with dimples already worked a place into her heart????? And the play!! How’s Kai going to be professional if Lucas lands a part? 

stay tuned! let me know what you think pls!

#rucas #rucas au #rucas fic #rucas imagine #rucas fanfiction