systemblogging

[systemblogging]

apparently theres 5 threat responses documented now!

from a trauma & dissociation workbook page our therapist shared

#oh

[systemblogging]

(guy stuck in a timeloop) fuckkkkk i got yesterday tomorrow

#me

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[systemblogging]

[systemblogging]

Just wanted to do a poll and see everyone's experience with abuse and how you realised, you were being abused. No shame. Everyone realises differently and that's okay.

#i cant recall

[systemblogging]

i don't understand how i am supposed to live with this profound sadness. to be honest

[systemblogging]

[systemblogging]

learning that people want you in their lives is a skill you can develop if it does not come naturally

[systemblogging]

I’ve been silent for too long and can no longer bear to keep this inside: @systemblogging is a good person and deserves many good things.

#o my goodness.. #thank you ;o;

[systemblogging]

it's like i am literally never going to own a house or find authentic love or escape the clutches of late stage capitalism so really what am i living for

[systemblogging]

[systemblogging]

I hope you guys like…eventually live the life you want to live and I hope nothing haunts you for too long and I hope you’re all kind to yourselves

[systemblogging]

May Sarton, from Recovering: A Journal [ID in alt text]

[systemblogging]

I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!!! continues not only living like this but in fact gets actively worse with time

[systemblogging]

hello

i am a young adult with a dissociative disorder. i post about my experiences here from time to time i am not a medical professional and can only speak on what i have lived through, but in any case i am happy if my writing resonates with others asks are open if you ever want to chat, ask questions, etc

#system blog

[systemblogging]

News Flash ⚡

A neurostructural biomarker of dissociative amnesia: a hippocampal study in dissociative identity disorder

Another study provides evidence that emotional neglect in childhood is the biggest indicator of DID.

#AAAAAAAHH

[systemblogging]

Some realizations I’ve been having about (my own) recovery lately:

1) At some point you just have to do the thing. There will always be some level of pushback. There will never be a point where everyone is on board with the exact same approach or plan. There will always be someone who doesn’t want us to share X memory or talk about Y thing. That doesn’t mean it’s okay to steamroll or force parts or cross their boundaries. That doesn’t mean that you don’t need to listen to everyone’s concerns and validate the shit out of them.

But it does mean that at some point, you just have to fucking do the thing, say the thing, try the thing, or else you’ll never get any data points to show that the thing doesn’t hold power anymore. If you never push yourself to share something you were told to never talk about, then the parts convinced you’ll die or E will die or your family will die or whatever will never get a chance to see that that was a BIG LIE. Eventually you have to take the plunge and break the old rule to show some parts that that shit doesn’t apply anymore and that WE make the rules now.

2) A lot of the time, I (an adult daily life part) am the one who needs to work on changing, and not the part who I’m convinced needs to change. It’s shocking how much I unintentionally slow or block my progress by thinking that other parts are the issue and not me. It’s shocking how things started to shift for us with our higher up parts when we stopped viewing them as terrifying monstrous perpetrator-imitating abuser-loyal parts who only wanted to cause us harm, and instead started viewing them as extremely traumatized children who survived brutal situations in the only ways they could.

Compassion changes everything. I needed the change of heart. Not them. They’re terrified children trying to pretend to be tough and scary. I’m the adult who is responsible for remembering the truth of that and recognizing that everyone deserves compassion and unconditional positive regard. Everyone. I need to do the work on myself first to stop being so critical and controlling and instead accept that they are how they are for very good reasons and that demonizing them is exactly what they were taught to expect. And that bringing them home means showing them that I will love them and never turn on them. Never turn against them. Never turn my back on them. Just like they always deserved. They’re not the bad guys. I’m the one who needs to keep my head on straight about who the real enemy is.

I think both these things are critical to building trust across the system. Trust in yourself. Trust that you know what’s real and what’s true and that you can distinguish between the lies you were told and what’s ACTUALLY the reality. Trust that you’re more powerful than you think. That you’re more capable. That you have more control and more agency. That they don’t control you anymore. That only you get to make your own choices now. That you’re in charge of the rules for yourself now. And trust in each other. That you won’t betray anyone. That you won’t reject anyone. That no one is abandoned or cast out anymore.

Yes, some parts might still be hurting other parts or rejecting or maligning or trying to cause harm. AND, you have adultier parts now who can help change that cycle and disrupt it by being the stable, secure, always compassionate, always validating self who won’t leave anyone behind. Bit by bit, little by little, corrective experience by corrective experience, trust is built and the hold they had on you for so long crumbles more and more and more.

Because here’s the thing: we make our own choices now. No one else. We control ourselves. Not them. Things are different now. We’re in charge of ourselves. We make the decisions and the rules. And guess what? They’ll never know we broke a rule unless we tell them. And we don’t have to. We’re the boss of ourselves now. I’ll keep showing you that. Every day. I promise.