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This came to me in a dream

//Quote from “Eden Robinson’s prompts for the broken hearted”//

#passes out #sydcarmy #back on my brain like mildew

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passing out

#golden globe winner ayo edibiri save me #golden globe winner ayo edibiri… #save me golden globe winner ayo edibiri…!!! #my gawd LOOK AT THEM #this is what they deserve i’m so happy #i can feel my brain relatching onto them i feel sick

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I regret to inform you all that the ayo and jeremy wins will be doing nothing to help my burgeoning sydcarmy fixation

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GOLDEN GLOBE WINNERS AYO EDIBIRI AND JEREMY ALLEN WHITE. BEARNATION WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK

#IM ALIVE #IM BACK #I FEEL A FUCKING BUZZ #did yall see that ayo #certified sydcarmy anti #said her favorite scene to film #was The Table Scene cause of how and i quote #“’intimate and beautiful’ it was #IM ONTO THEM BITCH #anyways #SYDCARMY #NATION WE UP!

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must be nice to be able to let things go, unfortunately everything that has ever happened to me never leaves my mind

#LOL #both syd AND carmy #sydcarmy

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Love them

#oh my god #this is soooo pretty #so warm luv mwah mwah mwah #sydcarmy

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in more "israel is a terrorist state" news, you might have already heard that they targeted al jazeera journalist wael el dahdouh and his cameraman samer abu daqqa in an airstrike on another UN school refugees were sheltering in yesterday, dec 15. you might have already heard that wael was able to get out and walk ten minutes while injured until he found a car to take him out. samer could not walk and was left to bleed out. al jazeera had a counter for how many hours he was left to bleed out while they pleaded with the red cross, any international body, anyone, to intervene. nobody could get through the israeli snipers and bombardment of anyone who tried to rescue him. after six hours he died.

you might not know that three emergency workers were also killed trying to rescue him. ramy bedeir, nour saqr and hosny nabhan were all murdered by israeli forces when they went to rescue a photojournalist bleeding out in a bombed UN school.

these are some of the everyday practices of genocide. just constant, unending, state-sanctioned murder of palestine's bravest.

#from the river to the sea #free palestine

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this is sydcarmy. if any of yall cared.

#sydcarmy #my eyes behold you this kitty always wants you in the only one for you #like are yall hearing that shit? #it’s them uh oh #Spotify

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love that he keeps doing this. genuinely my favorite fucking bit

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“about the blogger” meme

thank you to @bioloyg for tagging me :)

y’all don’t really know me so this’ll b fun

star signs: aquarius sun, gemini moon, capricorn rising,,, two air signs in my big three might scare u but trust my chart is earth dominant!!!! i promise!!!!

fav holiday: i love christmas! im not particularly religious, and i don’t consider myself christian or catholic like when i was a child, but i love the lights and the music and the gift-giving and general holiday cheer

last meal: lol i think i had a joint for dinner last night honestly. just forgot to eat and went straight to bed after smoking. i’m about to eat filipino spaghetti for breakfast though

current fav musician: faye webster (specifically jonny rn) and beyonce (all of renaissance has been on repeat since its release) and victoria monet (all of jaguar II is insane, grammy sweep i just know it)

last music listened to: probably ctrl (deluxe) by sza on my way home from work last night

last movie watched: taken, that action movie with liam neeson lmfao. but if we’re talkin movie theater viewing, it was the ballad of songbirds and snakes

last tv watched: i’ve been rewatching s2 of bridgerton. kate & anthony the couple that you are.

last book/fic finished: the last book was catching fire (i was rereading thg like the rest of the world) and the last fic i read was an unfinished sydcarmy fic i found literally an hour ago called all things go (all things go) everyone should read it, very good.

last book/fic abandoned: last book i abandoned was speak, okinawa. it’s a memoir about an asian girl’s struggling relationship with her mother and her culture. very good (and relatable) but extremely heavy so i took a pause on it.

currently reading: thg resurgence so i’m reading the ballad of songbirds and snakes, i didn’t get to finish it before watching the movie and i keep getting caught up so it’s taking forever to finish, but im almost done w it

last thing researched for art/writing: i haven’t full-fledged written for fandom in probably years. but i used to research a lot of fighting techniques cause i was deep in the my hero academia brain rot LMFAO

fav online fandom memory: i mostly inhabited twitter fandom spaces so in 2020 i was placed in a ship gc and i met one of my best friends on there <3 so i think that would be it

fav old fandom you wish would have a resurgence: the show is quite shit and not good at all but, for nostalgia reasons, i would love to see fairy tail (anime) have a resurgence. i bet the fics would be soooo top tier compared to when i was like 9 and reading fics on wattpad and ffnet

fav thing you enjoy that never had an active or big “fandom” but you wish it did: this is more to do w me being interested in things once hype dies down and less to do with a fandom actually being active or big, but i absolutely devoured s2 of bridgerton when i first saw it. and i read every single fic in that kathony tag.

tempting project you’re trying to reign in/don’t have time for: i don’t really write anymore and have stuck to silly posts and headcanon threads but i’ve had a pride and prejudice sydcarmy au stuck in my head for a couple days

this was fun now u know some of my life!!! im pretty sure @bioloyg tagged everyone that i come across in this fandom so ive got no one WHOMP but feel free to do this if u see it 😛

#no but srsly #that p&p sydcarmy au #fr

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you know that article that was like the heart of the bear isn't food, it's fashion? *record scratch*

one of my fav dynamics that i like teasing out when i rewatch early scenes from s02 for giffing purposes is how syd and carmen dress, and how their dress play off each other and how they as characters (esp on carm's side, since he has an interest in designing clothes) appreciate what the other wears.

now i know nothing about clothes and irl i just wear what fits over my boobs, but i feel like even when we see him in just dickies and birkenstocks and an expensive t-shirt under a sweater, carm values quality and make; and so even when he dresses casually, he dresses with care and attention, and he knows the particular details of every piece (and he thinks of his clothes like that, as "pieces") he wears--the material, how and where it was made, why it was made like that, the history of the piece of clothing, who made it, and where and how it exists in its cultural context. you know how cyborgs in movies see things--stay with me--like in the terminator from the cyborg's pov it sees a whole bunch of info on the screen when it looks at something? i feel like carm is like that when he looks at people re: their dress/sartorial choices. when he sees richie in track pants and beat up jordans and a beef t-shirt, he knows where mikey got those t-shirts printed, he knows the year and name of the jordans, he knows the entire history of track suits and the type of person in his neighborhood who wears them, and he knows what all that information says about richie socially and culturally. when richie first walks in in a suit, he knows who made that suit. he knows where ebra and sweeps get all their fun, funky shirts. he knows if nat gets her workwear at a department store or at some little boutique.

and so when syd walks in that first day wearing her thom browne shirt, and thom browne is the designer whose pants he was drawing when he was in high school, and who he's become close enough work associates with to ask him a special favor to make a custom jacket for his cdc, he immediately clocks a whole bunch of shit about her even before he looks at her resume. he knows she's wearing thom browne. he knows she's wearing his favorite designer.

(omg, the way the whole s02 thom browne reveal re-casts their meeting--not only did syd already "know" him because he'd made the best meal of her life, she was wearing something made by his favorite designer--another way they are connected even before ever officially meeting. aka 'before you came into my life i missed you so bad.' he was drawing those pants in high school, discovers some other guy was already doing what he thought of doing, admires and becomes professionally close to that guy, and then syd walks into his life wearing clothes he's been obsessed with since he was a teen. HELLO????? if not fate, then something very close to it.) not only that, but in addition to all the ways he and syd immediately form a unit in contrast to everyone else at the beef (the michelin pedigrees, the blue aprons, wanting a different system for the place, etc.) they are the only ones wearing fancy ass shirts.

now, one of the more subtle but delicious things about s02 is that with the move away from being in a professional kitchen every day, we get to see how syd dresses casually. in s01 she had all her beautiful signature scarves and bandanas, her pleated pants, her birkenstocks, and her white button downs with either embroidery or a little pop of red on the collar or sleeves. and of course she had her little green puffer with the detachable hood, which she continues to wear in s02. we also got just a bit of her home-wear: that little fitted button down with the landscape print on it; in her scene with marcus, when she's wearing her jazz on the run t-shirt (which inspired a fic) and her sweatshirt all flirtily hanging off her arms.

we know from the costume designer that syd wears her parents' old clothes:

Sydney wearing a Million Women March T-shirt is not her buying it from Round Two or eBay like we did. She got that from her mom. That’s something that her mom wore that she’s holding on to. That Bulls T-shirt, she’s probably found in her dad’s closet and kept wearing it.

and just that in itself is such an interesting character insight that contrasts her with carmen: it throws into relief how much love is in syd's little family, that she would wear her mom and dad's old shirts. carmen would never wear his dad's old clothes, because there is a painful distance between him and his as-yet-undefined absent father. the similarity in them comes with loss--syd wears her dead mom's old clothes, and in s01 carm asks nat to bring him the jacket that mikey gave him (is it fanon that that's the jacket he wears all the time? or was that a jean jacket he sold to get money to help run the beef?).

in s02 syd wears white overalls, pink cords, bulky sweatshirts, relaxed fit high waisted jeans, baggy graphic t-shirts, a long striped button down over-shirt, chunky shoes; and a threadbare, ratty old t-shirt under her old stained chef's coat that is then covered with the new designer chef's coat carm gifts her.

i feel like syd's taste in clothes is about comfort and self expression in a way that's different from carm's. comfort and self expression for carm mean wearing well made casual clothes that speak to/with the mythology of the american working class man--his clothes project easy, classic, 'all-american' masculinity, but ironically nothing about his clothes are easy, at least not in 2022/23. syd's comfort is a lot more local and specific to her own history, as opposed to a history of fashion and design--she finds comfort in her family, in chicago, in her mother's politics. she's in many ways "girly" as opposed to feminine--consider the difference between overalls and a romper; consider how she had her name stitched into her shirt, the way kids in grade school have their names stitched into the labels of their shirts. it's not infantilizing so much as it is youthful and playful, which i think is so important to have for syd, because so rarely is "playful" something people would call her, since she's the one who heads the brigade, and she's the one who gets all the shit done in all carm's flagrant disappearances; she's the one who gets in the way (in s01) of richie's fun. "youthful" is important too, cause while it denotes youth, it doesn't necessarily mean "green," that characteristic that haunts her, or "a kid," which richie uses to undermine her authority in s01.

what i'm getting at is i think carm likes the way syd dresses. he likes what her clothes say about her, and he likes that her clothes reflect what he likes about her--that she's fun and inventive, that her family isn't fucked up like his (i have suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch high hopes for carm and emmanuel interactions, you don't understand; everyone's like 'oh syd's a berzatto' NO carm is an adamu, he wants in on what syd and her dad have), that she so comfortably lives in chicago, the place he worked so hard to escape but finds himself in; just like her food is one way to connect and read and get close to her, her clothes are, too, and (cause he's a freak) they're a way he can read her without exposing too much of just how much he wants to be close to her.

ALSO!!! he writes himself into her sartorial history. clothes mean so much to carmen, both artistically (he wanted to design them ) and personally (he collects denim and mikey left him shit). here i've posited that clothes are one of the fundamental ways he interacts with the world and people. for syd clothes are how she maintains closeness with her family and her city. even on top of the intimacy of gifting someone clothes, on top of the intimacy of gifting someone something custom made that doesn't exist anywhere else in the world, with syd and carm is the added intimacy that he sees everything she does with her clothes re: her family, and he writes himself into that. now syd wears clothes passed down from her mom and given to her by carm. whatever confidence and comfort she gets from her mom's shirts, carm was like "i want to give you confidence and comfort, too. here's a gift."

OH MY GOD. CARM UNDERSTANDS MUSLIN.

#loved. and i mean. l o v e d #this #sydcarmy #the fashion the fashion the fashion

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These duos have the same exact energy to me and I can’t nor will I ever be able to explain why

#REALNESSSSSS #the bear

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I know it’s not much in the face of everything but I have been finding hope & resilience in palestinian poetry these past few weeks and I created a google drive file of poetry collections by palestinian poets that I will keep updating as I keep on reading. I also recommend checking out @fiercynn’s palestinian poets series for more poets + poetry available online

#from the river to the sea #all beautiful poetry is an act of resistance #<<prev #permanent ceasefire #and liberation for all of palestine

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They need to start paying rent for living in my head 24/7

#THE SECOJD ONE REALLY GOT ME I CANTHFIDGJ #sydcarmy

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Part two of Say Yes to the Mess ~

Carmen sighs through his nose. “Look, Syd, I - I don’t want you to think I’m the kind of guy that cheats, or - or who would just leave his fiancée on a whim. What happened today was – that’s not how I wanted any of this to happen. It’s not how I wanted us to happen, and I –” “Carm.” His breath catches in his throat. “... Yeah?” “I know you,” Sydney says. She sets the bloodied wipe in her hand on the table beside her. “I mean, you still surprised the fuck out of me, don’t get me wrong, but… I know you made a mistake. And I know everything else that happened today happened because of that mistake.” “No, but, Syd that’s — I don’t want you to think this is a mistake,” he says motioning between them. She leans back. “Carmen, if you’re about to tell me you said my name at the altar on purpose —” “No!” he says quickly. “I just…” Carmen sighs and scratches his scalp, fucking up his hair in the process. “You deserve better than that.”

#WE UPPPPP #LETS GOOOOOO PART TWO SAY YES TO THE MESS #they fucked pretty nasty here #good shit