don't you throw it all out, you're so close to the line, things will change in due time, you will fly, you will fly, you will fly
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4/25
I may have revealed a little too much of myself today and yesterday.
I drove the wrong way on the highway for the first time today. It may have also been the first time I ever turned off my car in the middle of the highway. The traffic was that bad. Five cars got into an accident today, but thankfully, no one got hurt.
Phew.
It took me six hours just to get back. Six. Had I been on the highway just thirty minutes too soon, who knows what would have happened.
I thank God everyday.
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4/23
You’ve changed for the better, but bad habits die hard.
I mean, you had to pay a $60 parking violation ticket today and all you had to do to avoid that is pay $3.50.
See that? Dumb mistakes. Never do that again. Never let the rich people eat you up like that again.
It kinda ruined the vibes, tbh. But the important thing is we learn and move on.
I will never let you breathe down my neck like that ever again.
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― Clarice Lispector, Near to the Wild Heart
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The West has deemed the lives in Iraq and Syria as small print
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Arm of the Seine near Vetheuil, Claude Monet
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4/15
Thanks, Paul.
memento mori
I figured that out too, you know. It came to me as I watched a patient in bed for almost ten hours straight. Everyone just seemed so passionate. Alive. Ceaselessly striving. And if they weren’t, their bodies were. And yet, we were also dying. I will never get those ten hours back, even if I earned 200 dollars for it.
Cluelessly, I wondered if I would ever get there, to where they were. The ones who made difficult decisions. The ones who wake you up against your will. The ones stealing a bite of cold pizza in the med room. It didn’t occur to me that I was already mixed into it. I was quietly striving. We, my backpack, my turkey sausages, and my mother. We were sitting in that chair together, yearning for a life we thought we are strangers to. A life so mundane and yet, ridiculously unattainable.
Must we continue to grapple with this haunting duality, that our arrival to the life we can finally call our own, a life that is decent at best by society’s conventions, is their loud departure from ease and the ultimate completion of their tragedy?
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4/11
Saw a rainbow today right outside my window.
Thought to drop by and remind you that you are in the middle of it. Easter did not just come by. It's still happening, right now. This moment. The easter you've been waiting for. Your waiting for an email tomorrow, it might never come, but the important thing is, you tried. You had an opportunity and you did not waste it. Good job.
Also lol the thing is, you are coughing your guts out right now and your tummy is rumbling and your roommate got guests. We didn't really look that far into it, so no.....................................it's not perfect, but gosh is it so much better.
A solar eclipse happened on the day you got sick. And your mom got sick too, with that darn cold. Ominous, yeah? But if my hunch is right, something good is about to follow. I caught COVID for the first time before I got hired for a job that changed a lot of things for me. I also got really sick before submitting my applications. I always get sick before or honestly, anytime around my birthday.
It's just a thing that happens, but gosh, what a pattern.
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3/26
I just realized that this is probably not the ending I was expecting.
No. Graduation might get me closer, but my purpose...this is part of my purpose, but this is not it in its entirety.
I just realized that two minutes ago.
So, what happens now?
This is where the story shall begin.
I'm not perfect. I'm most certainly not always correct. Still, I write.
I pour. I spill. I overflow.
I am a writer.
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