sobersulkcrybutnoteaten-blog
Mychapter
A beautiful princess inside of me.
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The church where we used to stay.
Its funny and it feels natural to sit in here. Para akong nag iintay sayo. Parang ganitong ganito yung madalas nating gawin. Ako, waiting because you just went out from your work. Me waiting, hungry because l wanna dine out with you. This is how l used to be. This is the same feeling l will always have kapag nakaupo ako dito. Dito sa mismong inuupuan ko. Here in the same location where we cry and laugh. Where we exchange sweet nothings. And then there.. I miss us, again. April 13 2017
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Posts that touches my heart.
“She misses you, but she won’t chase you. For the longest time, she’s tried to be good enough for you. For the longest time, she did her best to make you happy. For the longest time, she’s done everything she could to show you she deserves a person like you. But finally, she can’t find it in herself to make an effort anymore. Finally, she can’t find it in herself to care as much anymore. Finally, she can’t find it herself to fight for you anymore. Every mistake you’ve made has finally caught up to her. Every flaw you carry has finally convinced her that you’re bad for her. Every heartbreak you put her thru has finally pushed her far enough to not want to come back anymore. So, don’t expect her to come running back to you like she always has before. Don’t expect her to give in to her feelings for you like she always did in the past. Don’t expect her to settle for getting hurt over you like she always does all of this time. It took a lot of "I’m dones”, it took a lot of “I don’t think I can do this anymores”, it took a lot of “It’s overs”, but she’s really finished this time around. Sure, it’s going to be hard to be alone, but she’d rather be alone than to be with someone who makes her feel like she’d rather be alone. Sure, it’s going to hurt to move on, but she’d rather be hurt moving on than to be hurt by someone who doesn’t appreciate her staying. Sure, it’s going to be a challenge to love someone again, but she’d rather love someone again once she’s ready than to love someone who takes her love for granted.“
-I believe she thinks of it
I tried. I set aside my pride for the love that I’m just the one who’s still holding on. I beg you. Maybe If you ask me to kneel in front of you, I will. I fight for you. I love you. I want you back. My messages in your inbox are seened, but I’m still waiting for your reply. I’m so fool, hoping that someday you will come back. You ignored me. You took me for granted. I stalked your profile, your with someone. Your smile is like the one you used to wear when our love is still fresh. You’re happy. But this time without me. This time, with that someone by your side. I should let you. I should let you go. If my sadness is your happiness. I’ll sacrifice. I’ve done enough for you. It’s time to wake myself up, stand up! I’ll love myself. I maybe alone but not lonely. I’ll try to be happy for the people who stays and loves me. -brave enough to let me go, i know
– it hit me, actually. I caused someone pain. Big time. Wronged her over and over and over until she was teared apart. Hurted her until she crawled down. I know she was drowned and l was not there to pull her up instead, i was too busy making myself happy. I was so damn fucking selfish. I never think of her. I never think of her feelings. I put her down. I made her dream becomes nightmare. I was so so so evil. There is no word that can compensate what l did with the girl l made promises with. Wala akong kwenta for wasting her 2 years building dreams. And now l am the one who broke the promises. If l can only turn back time i would have taken care of her more. Sana hindi ako sumuko sa hirap ng sitwasyon namen. Sana nakuntento ako. Sana humanap ako ng dahilan to fall for her nung mga panahon na nawawalan na ko ng pag asa mismo sa sarili ko na sasaya ako sa kanya. Sana kami pa. Sana hindi ako nanghihinayang. Ang daming sana. Ang daming nasayang.
And now she is all alone. Braver, fiercer, not beaten like never before. I adore her. She made it. She made it all alone. Without any help. Without any strength. What have l done? I made her like a monster. She is now a fighter. I miss her. I miss everything about her. Kisses, hugs, deep conversations, bondings, dine outs, her care, sweet little fights, arguments, smiles and laughs, silence.. Making love with her.
I have to pay for the things that l did.. Done.
Finished. Move forward vie. Just like her.
Focus on the girl you chose to be with. Appreciate her and never do the same thing. They dont deserve to be hurt. They are a princess. Just like you.
:’(
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Goodbyes..
Pero thankyou. Hindi mo tinolerate yung pang aabuso ko sayo. I made you strong. I made you fierce. Sad truth, l made you hesistant. I broke my promises. I torn your heart into pieces and now you are having a hard time putting it back together. Im sorry for all the wrong things. Im sorry for causing you a lot of pain and trouble. For putting you in an endless nights. Im sorry for entering your dreams and making it a nightmare. Patawarin mo ko sa lahat lahat ng pagkakamali ko. We deserve to be happy. I and you deserve the best in life. Hirap man tayo umusad pareho i know in time we will. Im gonna stick to the girl who never get tired waiting for me till l get healed. Sana makatagpo ka na dn ng para sayo someday. Surely may mga taong sasaktan padn tayo but at least we are going to gain a lesson for each and every situation. Pakatatag tayo sa buhay. Walang susuko glaiza. I know we could be very good friends at hindi nagtatapos dito ang role natin sa buhay ng isat isa. Uusad lang tayo pero babalik tayo where we left each other. Pero sana pag balik natin, buo na tayo at pwede na tayo maging magkaibigan. Yung walang hatred. Yung walang sisihan at walang sama ng loob. Salamat for teaching me a lesson that i cannot forget. Yun ay, never break someone's trust. Kasi yun ang unang factor na kailangan para sa strong na relationship. Paalam, mama, mami, mimi asawa ko, by baby, mahal ko. Hanggang sa muli bes! Me
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The last message. :( its just so fucking hard to let go of the person thats been part of my life eversince. :( paalam po.
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Last conversation with by. Part 1
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No one knows me.
Hindi mo alam kung bakit nahubog ako sa ganitong paraan. You didnt know why my personality is strong. You did not witnessed what l went through. You dont know at all.
Probably you know me. The sweet me. The side of me who loved you for two years. But beyond that, you did not know. No clue at all.
I learned living life in a hard way. That’s why l don’t trust. Family, loved ones, friends and even the girl that l am inlove with right now. I dont trust anyone. I only trust myself.
You may tell unfair. They may tell why do l need to be hard. But it is what it is. I sulk, sober and cry as l learned to count 1 to 10 on the street. I’ve stumble too many times and the feeling of i am alone fixing myself trying to stand up. Could be really hard. But life, as it is. Is so unfair. You just have to learn to play so you will not be eaten alive. - Me: to the person proclaimed the she knows me.
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I am for sure that, that's me. 😕😲😖
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"People fucking come and go. Some will leave you learnings but some will stay longer. But indeed. Fucking for sure. They will all leave you. Fucking deal with it, FUCKERS. :)
-Veevee
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Always mis-understood.
After l told her everything i thought she would help me somehow. Instead, she put me down. She scolded me. She put forcely into my mind that l cannot change and there is something mentally wrong with me. Baka mali na kinausap ko sya. Akala ko she push me up but she did the other way around. I confessed everything and she degraded me. She critisized me. She said a lot of disgusting words against me. I did very wrong. I shouldn’t have talk to her. Look at the outcome. Im still fucking down. *deepsigh* i regret talking to her. But one thing l have notice. She just can't let of talking to me. So probably she is still into me. I dont wanna assume but that is what i feel whenever l tried to say good bye. No please. Not me. Im not worthy of anyone.
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An empty morning.
I woke up yesterday at 3pm. Which means, right at this moment i haven't sleep yet. Im not sleepy and yes. I used met. This probably the main reason why l cannot sleep. Using that type of drug. These past few days l learned to use it. I learned how to enjoy myself with the spirit of that pill. They are right. They called it happy pill. You dont know what is the exact feeling of it but its making me feel better. Let's start with, l'm jobless. I recently quitted my job because of some sort fucking reason. The truth is, i got tired. Im not happy. I feel like l am not being productive anymore. I am not motivated and l dont think that, that line of job is still healthy for me. So l fucked up. Being a jobless person is really frustrating and at the same time you would think of something that's making sense. Like of how your life is doing? Are you still happy living your life? You would think of other perspective in life aside from money, work and love. Let's just fucking admit it. We are all living because of that. Going fucking round and round like how a goldfish live his/her life. Yeah im going far for nothing. Well anyways this tumblr is made only for me. No one can judge. No one will comment and no one will degrade you. That's good to know. Fuck off.
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