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[slightofsighted]

Writing my resume do I include what carpet patterns I like best or my relevant work experience please this is urgent

[slightofsighted]

One minute should be shorter. Like by a lot. Same with seconds. But an hour feels about right. So like maybe one second is 1/2 a second now but one hour is now 120 minutes. This goes into law tomorrow if I don't stop so give your feedback quickly please please

#new law #law #time

[slightofsighted]

They should invent the next generation of the human race. *whispering* *it's what? In my basement? They can't know?* Uh. I rescind my previous statement, it would not only be foolish to pursue this endeavor but I can also ensure you it has not been done prior to this announcement

#next generation #next generation of the human race #lab rats #science

[slightofsighted]

They should let me into the zoo but this time the regular way rather than the special secret way they made me do last time where they let me in the exhibit with the animals except I couldn't find any of the animals and the people were all laughing at me :(

#poetry

[slightofsighted]

We should let everyone in a High school taze one person a semester. This includes teachers, students, faculty, those toddlers they let the preschool class take care of for some reason, everyone

#high school #taser #toddlers #toddlers in a high school #horses in a hospital?

[slightofsighted]

April pools!! 🌊🌊🌊🐟🐟🦆🐠🦀🐙🐬🐳🦞🦐🌊🌊🌊🐟🌊

[slightofsighted]

Who is making all these new cheeses. Like what the hell is an "iPhone"

[slightofsighted]

Making way to many jokes about religion to make up for my lack of divinity (I was born with it (doctors can't explain it))

#religion #divinity #birth #born weirdly? #sounds like someone I know

[slightofsighted]

Putting four dollars in the mouth of the bear eating me as a tip

#tipping culture #bear #food #recipes

[slightofsighted]

the head of agencies used to be so important in US history. You always read that the 1912 head of education personally built 4 million schools and taught every class himself but now even the president doesn't do Jack (metaphorically, I have no clue who the president is banging)

#united states #USA #America #politics #president

[slightofsighted]

[slightofsighted]

When your Beete man flies away at 15 meters cause of the static force 😢

[slightofsighted]

An exorcism isn't enough I need to drink the Dead Sea

#dead sea #dead me

[slightofsighted]

We see humans as so distinct, yet we are mere reflections of those around us. It is impossible to be unaffected by the actions of others. Humans souls make an intertwined web thicker than you could know. The human cornea is almost identical to that of a shark.

#it's true #science #sharks #humans #saturn's rings #webs #spiders?

[slightofsighted]

The American flag but simplify the colors into three columns

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[slightofsighted]

Pop! Goes the weasel