shoujomangathoughts

[shoujomangathoughts]

Character Corner - Oushi (A Sign of Affection)

Okay so here's a series I'm introducing (cheesy name and all) for when I'd like to talk about a specific character instead of a series on a whole.

For some background context, I'd seen hype around this manga and then again when the anime was announced and started airing, but at first wasn't in the mood for some saccharine romance. However, I was recently in the mood and gave it a shot, and I enjoyed it (enough to read all the way to the current chapter lol). Anyway, previous to this I knew a few things about the series, one of which was that a certain character (Oushi) had a quite an online hate-train. And now that I've consumed the series up to its current point... I can't say I fully understand.

Now Oushi is definitely a character who is designed to rub the audience the wrong way; he's brash and kind of an ass toward Yuki, but people make it seem like he does such terrible things to her that he's an irredeemable person.

One of the main reasons people dislike him is the fact that he comes off a bit ableist, and while I can't say I fully disagree, I also don't think he's intentionally doing this (later chapters especially make me believe this). Yes he's a bit misguided and the fact that Yuki isn't the fragile, helpless person he seems to believe she is at times is actually something that makes him insecure. In his mind, he's the person who reached out to her by learning sign language and by being relatively close to her throughout the years, which is why when Itsuomi so quickly commits to learning sign he feels threatened (especially true when he drunkenly mutters he doesn't want Itsuomi to come into "their world"). But honestly he never does anything that terrible to Yuki unless I'm forgetting something. When it comes to his view on trying to protect her, there's a more recent chapter that shows he was present when Yuki was humiliated and mocked for her voice sounding "weird" and he saw how hurt she was and noticed that she stopped using her voice after. He directly sees how someone with a disability is put down for it (mind you he says her voice was never strange to him and he seemed to admire her for earnestly trying), which I think is the root of him feeling like he wants to protect her. Throw that in the mix with his growing affection for her and his personality being that of someone who isn't aware of how to express their honest feelings, and you're on the track to get where he currently is.

I actually think because of this he's a good foil to Itsuomi. Itsuomi was raised abroad and has learned the beauty of communication and tasted the triumph of being understood despite language barriers, and between that and his love of language, he's a lot quicker to adapt and be both intrigued and inspired by someone like Yuki. Oushi on the other hand hasn't had this experience and has seen Yuki's disability be used by others as a means to hurt her, hence why they act so differently. Now I'm not saying Oushi's behavior is entirely correct, but to me it's pretty easy to see why he acts how he does. I also think it's worth mentioning that Oushi himself thinks about how he interacts with Yuki and realizes that he hasn't come across well. He's still growing as a person up to the latest chapter and gradually becoming more self aware.

I also think it's important to see how Yuki herself views Oushi. She labels him childish and thinks of him as being somewhat rude (she calls his signing 'thorny'), but she also talks about how nice she thinks he is. In a series that goes over the fact that expressions are vital to understanding someone, she hardly has a bad thing to say about Oushi. Yes she was a bit uncomfortable when he was near once, but at that point she'd suspected his feelings for her and she was in a happy relationship. She even tells him that she was grateful to have someone like him reach out to her because it helped her. She seems to think of him almost like an overbearing brother, he picks on her sure, but I can't think of him doing anything overly cruel or saying anything that really cut her deep.

I'm not sure I totally understand the hate I see for his character to be honest. The biggest reason is that he may be "ableist", but to be honest the way he treats Yuki is the way I think many people would treat someone with a disability because someone who doesn't have an impairment of a sense wouldn't entirely understand the experience of someone who does. He doesn't really make fun of her for it, more so he tries to limit her (and while he says things, he never really stops her or takes any action). As he's watched her make friends, get a boyfriend, and do things like any other college student, I think he's realized the point of view he was looking at her from was a bit misinformed. I don't know, maybe I missed something, but I think some may have missed the point of his character, especially with how heavily he contrasts Itsuomi, who is mostly perfectly adaptable and understanding. I don't know if it's the shipping of Oushi with Yuki that people don't like (for the record, it's not like I want Oushi and Yuki to date), but I think his character works well in the context of the series. Much of his behavior otherwise seems pretty standard of characters who are jealous (and honestly, like many second male leads).

I wrote this pretty quickly so feel free to disagree or let me know if I overlooked something that makes one of my points feel off, but I just wanted to give my thoughts since I saw some discourse about this character. I know it's more of a slice of life series but I really thought going into this series that he'd be quite the villain and I didn't see his character that way at all. Thanks for reading and hopefully the new format is okay! Sometimes I want to talk about a certain character despite not feeling like I have any real conversation to add about a series at large, hence why I made 'character corner'.

#shoujo #manga #anime #a sign of affection #yubisaki to renren #ashioki oushi

[shoujomangathoughts]

Shoujo Thoughts - Banana Fish

I decided recently to rewatch Banana Fish. I have a lot of thoughts on this series (it's in my top three, if not my favorite series) so I doubt I'll be able to go over everything that I could. This will contain spoilers for the series so here's the warning for that.

I won't spend a ton of time going over Ash and Eiji's relationship because I feel that's the conversational ground that others have covered the most. What I will say though is that I don't really see BF as a BL series or even really think that Ash and Eiji necessarily love each other in a romantic way. This series certainly inspired a lot of LGBTQ+ stories but I've always liked that Ash and Eiji's relationship seems to be in some sort of gray area; it feels ambiguous enough to remain interpretable. I don't want to take away from any queer elements that people may like about the story, but I also think it's sometimes important for media to display emotional intimacy between men, as I feel a lot of stories don't let this aspect exist unless they're romantically involved (or sometimes it's the setup for gay jokes). I like that this series kind of walks the line, though I'm sure many will disagree since BF has had a reputation for being a BL especially after the anime and it's modern popularity.

Something interesting about the relationship between Ash and Eiji for me is the "selfish" reasons they seem connected and how that relates to parts of their character arcs. To Ash, Eiji has an innocence that he tries to protect, as his was trampled on at an early age. It's interesting to see this shift, things like giving Eiji a gun in the beginning to refusing him one when escaping Golzine's mansion. This aspect of Eiji also grounds Ash in a sense - conversations they have like when Ash talks about his fear of pumpkins shows a more innocent side to Ash that can't frequently be on display because of everything around him, but it reminds us of how young he actually is (Ibe notices this as well). Eiji's perspective on things and his experiences are so vastly different that it helps balance Ash out. Eiji, on the other hand, sees Ash and his role in helping him as a way to not quit something. He quit pole vaulting after an injury that also led to some psychological barriers, and in some sense he sees the events that take place as a means of not repeating what he believes to be past mistakes. In some ways, it also comes across a little bit that Eiji almost has a hero complex when it comes to Ash. I don't mean this in a negative way at all, but I think it also demonstrates some of Eiji's naivety (albeit still good-natured) by thinking that it would be so easy for Ash to start over. Their relationship obviously has other layers as well, but I've always found these aspects interesting and they're not as often brought up when it comes to the nuance of the how the characters in this story feel very "human'.

Another aspect I want to talk about is the antagonists. I feel as though characters like Dino come across well and as intended, but some of the others don't or feel as though there might be a bit of missed potential. I feel like Yut-Lung didn't quite live up to his full potential; the way he acted in the beginning versus when he was working with the mafia is a bit confusing at times as he used to use secret techniques and trained moves but then ends up in a bit of a damsel situation. His motivations however are solid and show off what his role is well in my opinion. Fox is the other antagonist that people seem to have issue with. While I think his role is fine and does a good job at reinforcing the fact that Dino really does have connections in all sorts of places (and the parallels to Ash being legally 'dead'), his shift into essentially being the "final boss" doesn't work for some and I see why. He wasn't really built up to be that significant so it doesn't feel as satisfying as it should. Most of the other "villains" in the series are more interesting and end up being more memorable characters (Dino, Arthur, Yut-Lung, Blanca).

Something else that I appreciate in this story is the plot device of banana fish itself. The mystery of the drug is far more prominent early on, but I appreciate that as the story progresses, there is no magic cure developed that makes previous characters feel like they only had a case of bad timing. They outright say there is no cure for the drug and the story sticks to that, which is an aspect I respect. People also say that the plotline with the drug ends up taking a backseat, which I partially agree with, but it's also important to recognize that its role changes. At first, it's the core of the mystery and after that's uncovered, it turns into something that is more political in nature. I feel like some didn't like the change in role it had and that's why they say it's not important after around the halfway point. Not saying that the execution is without flaw, but the drug has a role, even if more in the background, throughout the whole series. The moment when Ash tells Sing to let the briefcase go is the moment Ash decides to let the existence of the drug die with the man that was at the head of it all (not to mention all the scientists and whatnot that had already been killed). It may seem unsatisfying, but Ash would rather just let its existence be wiped than deal with anyone else trying to do something with it, not to mention that he values Sing's life enough to help him even at the expense of something he'd chased the whole series, which shows that being around Eiji probably helped him open up and shows that some of his morals are in check.

The end of the series, while being somewhat controversial for some, is something that I still find myself liking. Honestly, the first time I watched the series I expected Ash to die; from the many moments of foreshadowing and knowledge of other mafia/gang series that show many of these people never being able to truly escape the world they're in. The story on a whole is about Ash and throughout the story he found solid people to love and trust, most specifically Eiji and Max (I'd also say he found strong allies in characters like Sing and Cain as well and Shorter was around before the series began). People always say they wished Ash could go to Japan to start over but I'm not of the opinion that an ending like that would suit the series. I've seen the ending being labeled as senselessly tragic or as some sort of cry-bait but I disagree. I know the mangaka made comments at one point about how at least part of her decision to end it with his death was due to all the death he caused, therefore claiming the ending was justified in her mind because of some sort of karma. I understand why people are rubbed the wrong way by this because of how traumatized Ash is, but I do think that's an angle that makes sense as well (keep in mind not all of Ash's killings were in self defense). Ash gets stabbed in a moment where he saw an opportunity to try again and is then reminded that he still has enemies. It reminds me of the look on his face when Dino dies; he doesn't seem relieved like he probably expected he would. Part of this is probably because he doesn't know what to do with his "freedom" because he's never allowed himself to think that far, but I think another part is that even though Dino is dead, he doesn't really feel free. I know some get upset that Ash gets fatally wounded by a "nobody" character like Lao (which some are under the impression that Ash wasn't fatally wounded and merely chose to bleed out due to a missing line from Lao in the anime), but I think it suits what Yoshida was going for and also reiterates the smaller, more petty enemies that Ash made throughout his life. Dino and some of the other big shot villains being killed did not automatically free Ash of being a part of this world. Ash gets to die knowing that there are people who care for him and that's a feeling that he'd never imagined himself having. He dies a person that experienced genuine care for him after having been starved of it his whole life. It comes across that he dies satisfied. I see why the ending doesn't work for some but I've always thought it made sense.

For now I'll stop here as these were just some observations I was making on rewatching the series knowing how I and others felt about certain aspects. I may end up making another post or something someday on BF because the series really means a lot to me. Thanks for reading!

#banana fish #anime #manga #shoujo #akimi yoshida

[shoujomangathoughts]

Shoujo I Read in 2023

Hello! I just wanted to share the shoujo titles I read this year, as it was a goal of mine to read more and cross some titles off my PTR. In fact, most of the manga I ended up reading this year was shoujo, so I'd say I achieved my goal and then some.

Titles:

Angel Sanctuary (Kaori Yuki)

Snow White with the Red Hair (Sorata Akizuki)

Cat Street (Yoko Kamio) *

Hana-Kimi (Hisaya Nakajo)

Basara (Yumi Tamura)

Kugutsu (Akira Takahashi) * - second part doesn't seem to be translated unfortunately

Eight Clouds Rising (Natsumi Itsuki) *

Seiho Boys High School (Kaneyoshi Izumi)

CLOVER (CLAMP)

Also read some others not in the photo

Magic Knight Rayearth + MKR 2 (CLAMP)

Gohou Drug + Drug & Drop (CLAMP)

Fruits Basket (Natsuki Takaya) - saw the anime reboot but hadn't read it

Chihayafuru (Yuki Suetsugu) - read from where the anime ends previously but I read from Ch. 1 this year

7 Seeds (Yumi Tamura) * - read the first 7 volumes and plan to continue next year

*only available to read via fan translation (shoutout to the teams for making these series available!)

I ended up reading a lot of cool series this year that I've had my eye on for a while. As you can see, I read many titles by CLAMP this year, and I have another post on one of their series coming up too. Also, really sorry to hear about the passing of the author of Hana-Kimi, that series was a nice bright spot for me earlier this year so this really saddened me.

I may make another post about shoujo/josei series I plan on reading in 2024 to come back at the end of next year and see if I read them. But I also wanted to thank the people who read and supported my posts since I made this account in the spring. I kinda did it on a whim but I've had fun making posts and it's actually been nice to have my thoughts put together somewhere I can come back to and look over. Hope everyone has a nice end of the year!

#shoujo #manga #clamp #yumi tamura #kaori yuki #legend of basara #angel sanctuary #snow white with the red hair #hanazakari no kimitachi e #cat street

[shoujomangathoughts]

Chihayafuru Thoughts - Random Moments

The return of my Chihayafuru thoughts! This time I’m gonna focus on a couple random scenes that either stuck out to me in some way or that I don't really have another post or larger topic to fit them into. This may become a series for me to talk about moments I enjoy but I don't really have a larger narrative through line to talk about in regards to them. There will be light spoilers for essentially the whole series so here's your warning.

This scene has always fascinated and lowkey amused me. This comes right after the chapter where Taichi wouldn't allow Chihaya to go to his room and when he ate the cake off her spoon, and for Chihaya to notice that he's acting strange is interesting to me. I say this mostly because it's so early on and yet she just kind of forgets or gets used to it because she doesn't ever really mention it again. Technically Taichi still had a girlfriend at this point and I don't think he'd fully figured out his feelings either, but the fact that she seemed to be noticing and then later was completely blindsided by his feelings has always made this moment stay in my mind. It's also fascinating because so many others noticed his feelings too; Kana, Sumire, Harada, Tsuboguchi, Desktomu (he wasn't surprised Taichi liked Chihaya, only that he was turned down), hell even Chitose called it out and she was hardly ever around them.

//Also as a sidenote, while I love many of the different art styles and the evolution of the manga's art, something about the art early on hits different.//

I know this chapter and Chihaya's "answer" ruffled some feathers, especially when the author seemed to say Arata was soft-rejected here (some people seem to think of that as "damage control", but with this among some other things she's said, I think it's worth noting when an author who writes so many things in interpretable or relatively vague ways actually comes right out and clarifies what she meant). My reading of this scene (even before knowing what Suetsugu said) was that Arata was indeed soft-rejected, and that him saying "I'll work on getting closer to you" is an acknowledgement of the fact that outside of karuta, he and Chihaya don't have all that much of a bond. I think this is interesting since I can't think of many instances where he did truly work on that, but I always thought that he was becoming more aware of the fact that he and Chihaya weren't as close as he probably wanted them to be. I've seen the blushing get brought up as a defense of her "not actually rejecting" him but I think in general, they're both awkward and talking about love and his romantic feelings which can be a bit embarrassing and awkward. The most important thing here for me was that Chihaya herself never really gave an indication that she was telling him to wait or that she'd have more to say at a later time. She said how she was feeling in that moment; doesn't mean it'd never change, but to me she very clearly didn't reciprocate his feelings in this chapter despite having every chance to say it if she had.

I think, on a whole, Shinobu is one of the most fascinating characters in the series. Seeing how isolated she is and how much the game means to her, and seeing how dejected and outright frustrated she gets that she can't make a career out of it is one of my favorite parts of her arc. This line about creating a profession being the reason she's using social media (rather than reaching some level of celebrity) has always stood out to me. She realizes that she can't make money from the one thing she has the most interest and passion in, and resolves herself to carve a place out for herself instead of accepting that no such place exists. I've also always found her relationship with her mother interesting as Shinobu very clearly sees certain things in her mother that she doesn't want for herself (there's a line about being a leech off her grandmother that particularly drives this home). And similarly her mother is clumsy in communicating with Shinobu and is at times almost vicariously living through her and her accomplishments in karuta, yet here we get a moment of her mother starting to see her in another light. After this is when we start seeing her mom try a little harder to support and watch over her because she sees her daughter fighting for her future in a way that she seemingly stopped doing (if she ever did). Shinobu on a whole is quite independent at the start of the series, in part due to her isolation, but I loved watching her gradually gain more people around her and how she opened up.

This is a small moment but one that I really like. Taichi and Chihaya seem to have mostly gotten past the awkwardness of some of their previous post-Taichi confession interactions and seem comfortable again. But then when Taichi mentions the fact that Chihaya covered for Hanano when they took a picture at the queen match, we get a panel where she just stares at him. I've always seen this as a moment where it's reiterated to Chihaya how well Taichi knows her and how easily he reads her. In a way it seems like she feels she can't hide things from him, which makes sense as this is right before she confesses her feelings. It almost feels reminiscent of the "he's the guy who's always been working hard with me" line and the "Taichi's always been by my side" line. She's entirely focused on him.

Though she's by no means a super prominent character in the series, I really like Miyauchi-sensei. From going to a teacher who thought of Chihaya as only being an eccentric girl to seeing how much passion and effort the karuta club was putting into practicing and playing. There are a lot of small but great moments with her throughout. Making the team tasukis and later headbands, supporting the students even at tournaments unrelated to the school (Yoshino and the Queen match come to mind); she really ended up attached to and inspired by these kids. That's why I picked these panels to talk about her. It's a full circle moment where she thinks about the end of the first generation of the karuta club, and the fact that she's emotional is proof that this club has become something special to her as well something she will likely protect in the future.

Another relatively brief moment but one that I think encapsulates one of my favorite themes in the series: youth. This moment where Tsuboguchi talks about youth describes a lot of the commentary the series makes on the topic. We see primarily high schoolers but also characters like Harada, Inokuma, Sakurazawa, Tsuboguchi himself, Sakura, etc. all be examples of players who continue playing despite varying life circumstances. We see people carry passion way further into life than just during their high school years and I feel as though that's an important thing communicated in the series, especially given how karuta and its tournaments work. Having something you're passionate about and continuing down that path or finding new ways to reach people with a similar interest is a beautiful thing. It's reiterated throughout the series how important the time they have in high school is because life will get more complicated when they graduate, but this panel of Tsuboguchi talking to his team and telling them that he enjoys the game even more now is a great reminder that life doesn't end with graduating high school. As someone who was already out of high school when I read this series for the first time, I really enjoyed moments like this that remind younger people to value time in high school while not letting it be their peak (though in some physical aspects like Chihaya's hearing, it might be the peak lol).

This one is based almost solely on Taichi's line "sorry for standing in your way". I've always been intrigued by the author's choice of using this line because it comes across as somewhat more negative and direct than I expected when reading this part. I know sometimes this is the result of fan translation (still unbelievably grateful for the work they put in to help make things accessible though!), but for sake of analyzing this, I'll refer to this translation. To me, Taichi says this probably for a couple reasons. One of which is that it's the end of the match where Arata truly saw him as a proper rival for the first time, and just as Arata could tell that Taichi "loathed him", Taichi could also tell that Arata viewed him as a nuisance. I think this just kind of slipped out after Taichi lost which makes sense because no one is happy to lose to their closest rival. I think another reason that he specifically uses "standing in your way" is because as we essentially know (but it's confirmed later), Taichi feels left behind after watching Arata and Chihaya announce their goals to be Meijin and Queen as kids. They both have been chasing that dream the whole time whereas Taichi has been unsure of himself. He probably doesn't think he is as "deserving" of facing the Meijin because that hasn't been his goal the entire time and he knows that's always been Arata's goal. Either way, even if it was said only out of bitterness, Taichi and Arata hug it out afterwards and Taichi is able to encourage Arata to win. Just always been an interesting choice of dialogue to me.

One of the best parts of Arata's arc for me is when he finally realizes that as much as he loves his late grandpa and his karuta, there is a certain pressure that comes from following a prominent player. Realizing that he's been hypocritical about playing your "own" karuta and that he's tried to avoid nervousness for important matches by leaning on his grandpa's style are truly great moments for him. I also love how this is explicitly communicated by his dad, who turned away from the game because his father was so extraordinary at it. Watching Arata use things that he learned from practicing with his grandpa as well as playing in a way that suits him is genuine growth. He's taking the time they spent together and using it as a push to help him continue down the road to become Meijin himself. I also really like the support that he feels from Chihaya and Taichi in these moments as well; a nice reminder of some of the other people most instrumental in who he is in the present. The moment when Taichi walks in and Arata realizes that he "crushed his dream" is a nice way of showing Arata getting out of his head and just playing in a way that feels the most natural to him. He realizes that to get to where he was, other people have had dreams trampled and that this was a match he shouldn't waste by getting mentally blocked. At the end, when he describes playing Suou as being similar to playing his grandpa, it's nice to see him acknowledging that in order to be himself, he had to feel as though he'd surpassed his grandpa in some way. Reminds me of the times throughout the series where students are afraid of playing their teachers because of the fear of "acting like a student" rather than a rival. Arata came a long way as a player and the Meijin matches provided a lot of good insight into a character who was so confident most of the time.

This was something that's been in my drafts for a bit as a space to put some ideas down for another Chihayafuru post, but I didn't really feel the need to make long posts about each so I just kind of put them all together. Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

#chihayafuru #manga #ayase chihaya #mashima taichi #wataya arata #shinobu wakamiya

[shoujomangathoughts]

Shoujo Thoughts - Basara

Basara, from what I've seen, is a highly coveted series so I felt like I had to check it out. I've been slowly but surely reading it since last year (fell off for a bit for whatever reason) and finally finished it. This is also my first series by Yumi Tamura (since starting, I also read a couple volumes of 7 Seeds and plan to continue it eventually - it's just such a long series!). This'll have a couple spoilers (including a panel), but I'll keep it as light as I can.

Basara is essentially a really great fantasy epic with a large scope. Politics and war, world sprawling adventure that takes you through regions with their own cultures, tons of characters, etc. (as an RPG fan this series' structure is right up my alley).

As I said, the series has a ton of characters that you meet, many of whom are introduced and become a part of the story due to joining the Tatara army. Not all of them feel used to their full potential or overly significant, but it's a colorful cast that's nice to see coming together the further you get (and the further Tatara travels).

Sarasa is an interesting lead. Obviously not dealt a favorable situation, yet she assumes the role of being a leader. However, for a good chunk of the series she isn't very reliable at fulfilling that role; she's at times reckless, selfish, and overly reliant on others. To be frank, there were times where she would frustrate me, though this was probably intentional since the characters around her would often react the way I did (the part where Ageha gives up on her after she takes "the easy way out" is a good example). I might be remembering wrong or am simply being too hard on her, but there were also a few too many times when she'd just collapse and call for Shuri in the first half or so (for me, at least). Her development and growth is a slow-burn that accelerates after finding out the red king's identity, which given her age and the rapidly changing situation she's placed in, makes sense but can still wear on you as a reader. Overall, I did really enjoy her character though.

Shuri, on the other hand, is opposite to her in many ways. The second half sees him mostly learning about the people at the bottom and truly learning more about his country, as well as how harsh their lives are in times of war. I think Yuna and especially Nakijin are instrumental in his growth because they are willing to stand up to him and tell him things without any fear of his position of power (granted he technically doesn't really have one at this point but he still has a reputation).

The manga itself takes you through a land riddled with cruel realities and is pretty brutal at many points throughout. The art in this was really well done (character designs might not be for everyone I guess) and illustrated this post-apocalyptic world that is rebuilding really well. There were many panels that stuck with me in just how strong of an image they presented.

Favorite character : Asagi (HB: Ageha)

He was a fascinating character for pretty much the entire series. He does things for his own amusement, be it cruel or simply trying to delay things because he deems them boring. He's psychologically troubled, which is why he is manipulated by the white king because she'll play into his inferiority complex toward Shuri (who is the epitome of what he'd like to be in many ways). He's a double agent who at times helps more than he means to and at others, disappears or becomes entirely hands-off. His arc seems to boil down to the idea of self-acceptance, which he struggles with. He's raised as the "true" blue king (despite his origins coming into question later) but he also watches someone else use his position for years. By the time he's in Tatara's fold, he finds the comradery suffocating because he's not used to genuine interest and affection toward him. He's unpredictable, which always made him interesting to have around, especially with how he contrasts with characters like Sarasa and Shuri.

On a whole, Basara is one of my favorite shoujo (and just general) manga. It was a ride worth being on from beginning to end and there are moments and characters that I'll remember for a long time. It, among other series, definitely solidifies that shoujo isn't only romance with a school setting. There are many things here that feel more "shoujo" like the art, some of the character tropes and humor, etc. yet it still is a fantastic fantasy adventure series with a ton to offer. Definitely recommend!

#basara #legend of basara #manga #shoujo #fantasy #yumi tamura

[shoujomangathoughts]

Yumi Tamura Art Source?

Hey all, I'm currently writing a post on Basara because I finally finished it, and in my search for some pictures I ran across this.

The person who posted this used it in a review of Basara, but it definitely doesn't look like it. In trying to find the source, it seems to be from some novel series? Anyone know anything? I loved the picture and was hoping it was from a manga but that doesn't seem to be the case. This will probably be a temporary post but feel free to let me know if anyone has any information.

#yumi tamura #legend of basara #manga #shoujo #basara

[shoujomangathoughts]

Shoujo Thoughts - Snow White with the Red Hair

This is another series that I've heard about for years and finally gave it a chance (watched the anime then immediately went to the manga). It's a series that I find very charming, relaxing and was a nice change of pace for me and my usual tastes.

I remember seeing people warning others how "you shouldn't read the manga" because apparently it gets boring and is overstaying its welcome story-wise. While I don't think everything that has happened so far is entirely necessary, I think this sentiment comes from people wanting the more romance focused parts from the beginning to remain throughout. If you haven't read the manga, Shirayuki gets (and takes) an opportunity to help her studies as an herbalist but this results in two years away from the palace, and therefore Zen. They're still together here and there, but the manga starts leaning in a more slice of life direction and the romance is a bit more subdued. I actually appreciated this and found the individual adventures and growth of Zen and Shirayuki more interesting at times as Zen tries to learn and be a better prince and Shirayuki continues her studies and tries to reach people.

Zen and Shirayuki do have a nice relationship though and I find the romance to be pretty well done. They both have that awkward energy and are trying to navigate their own lives as well as their relationship.

The presentation and world of this series is another captivating point for me. The anime was visually great and I thought the manga's art was really nice too. It has a whimsical style and shows you a lot of small interactions and details. It makes the world feel lived in and allows you to have a clear idea of the cast and their personalities. I specifically really like the visual of Lilias and its snow covered imagery (as well as the wintry outfits).

The main cast is also mostly likeable. The way they interact with each other feels natural and they each have their own charm that adds something unique to the dynamic. Even the part that had people frustrated with Mitsuhide didn't bother me as much because I could understand how that was a very in-character decision for him.

Favorite character : Obi

I do find that Obi is the most charismatic character in the series for me. He's obviously had a difficult life but he also seems so genuinely affected by having found a group of people that he comes to value. Every time he's around he adds something, whether it be a witty remark or demonstrating his ability to be a bodyguard. Yes he loves Shirayuki, but the series doesn't really show that Shirayuki loves him back (basically the series isn't really leaning into the love triangle direction). Though I do appreciate that she has on multiple occasions told him how much she values him because he does do and help her a lot. He also seems to have good chemistry with the rest of the cast (particularly in his interactions with Shirayuki and Zen though I also love his relationship with Ryu).

All in all, I've found this to be a really enjoyable series up to the current chapter (sad to see it's on hiatus, hope the mangaka is doing well). I'm not entirely sure how long it will continue as the scope of the story seems to suggest it still has a while left, but I'll be continuing it whenever it does come back.

It's been a little bit since I posted one of these but as always, thanks for reading!

#shoujo #akagami no shirayukihime #snow white with the red hair #manga #anime

[shoujomangathoughts]

Shoujo Thoughts - Angel Sanctuary

I finally completed Angel Sanctuary by Yuki Kaori. For me, it's been a long time coming, having watched the OVAs well over a year ago and reading a couple volumes last fall, to finally continuing and completing it within the last couple months. In comparison to the last series I covered (Hana Kimi), this one is a lot more fresh in my mind and honestly just denser content wise. Again, I'll be pretty light on spoilers until the character section.

To get things out of the way, yes this series touches sensitive and weird scenarios, I assume most infamous for it's incestuous relationship between Setsuna (the protagonist) and his sister Sara. This is done for several reasons that I won't really go into for sake of spoilers, but in a manga with heaven and hell and religious themes, they are condemned throughout the entire story. I never really rooted for them or considered their relationship "cute" because of the nature of their relationship always looming in the back of my mind, but the story itself consistently marks their love for each other as a huge sin so contextually it made sense. It wasn't fetishizing their relationship, rather it was a building block for the greater narrative and the result of a curse placed on Alexiel (who Setsuna is the reincarnation of). It's still admittedly weird but I was able to compartmentalize it for sake of continuing and seeing what the story built around it offered. On a whole, this story tackles many taboo or tragic relationships.

This is my first time reading something by Yuki Kaori and it certainly made a big impression. Her art is really well done and detailed, with a gothic-leaning style that at times emphasizes horror and gore. The tone of the series is pretty serious but also is well balanced with humor and lightheartedness. As someone who's not religious or overly informed, I'm sure many of the references went over my head and at times the names of the various places would be hard for me to remember. The story had a lot of twists and admittedly was pretty tragic throughout.

I enjoyed the worldbuilding as well; all three of the realms (Earth, Heaven and Hell) had interesting areas visually and the way things operated in each place was pretty well explained or shown through visual cues. The politics were easy enough to follow while still allowing twists in the plot to occur. It was interesting to see that the inhabitants of both heaven and hell were portrayed as somewhere between morally gray to straight up twisted. It made most of the characters have unique and interesting motivations. There's also a ton of different characters (with varying significance) so I'm sure any one could find several characters that they'd enjoy. Some of my favorites throughout were Kira, Kato, Hatter, Katan, Rosiel, Michael, etc. The mangaka also seemed to have no issue with killing a character off which made it anxiety-inducing for me at times when a character I liked seemed to be in danger because I stopped doubting that she would really kill them off.

I would say my favorite arcs were the Hades arc and the Hell arc, I really enjoyed the look of these places as well as the pacing. Kato was one of my favorite characters so it was nice to see the parts that had a larger focus on him as well as the beginning of Setsuna realizing the possible flaws of his recklessness. Hatter was also a pretty twisted character that made for an interesting arc with a lot of great imagery (the parts with Kurai specifically had nice visuals). I found the story overall to be a interesting fantasy epic that covers a lot of ground. In fact, I feel as though this one would be good to reread at some point to help absorb all the content.

Favorite character (contains spoilers) : Kira

Kira was the character that I found most interesting throughout. He was pretty layered due to his tragic past and all the suffering he went through, which made it hard to tell what his actual motivations were or if he truly meant some of the things he'd say (even when it seemed like he didn't). He was an emotional support for Setsuna (presented as a lot more mature than Setsuna), and it seems like he struggled for a while about whether he was actually attached to Setsuna or just there for him because of his affection for Alexiel, who he has always been chasing. Kira however is also a reincarnation of Lucifer, which creates a lot of issues later on (ruthless murder, seeming betrayal, etc.). Overall, he was the character I would get most excited about seeing because it was hard to tell where his character arc would lead him.

//Sidenote// I found the little sidebar comments from the mangaka in this series amusing. She would say things like "Sorry I killed this character but I wasn't really fond of them" or "Yes this character was specifically created to later die so sorry if you got attached", etc. I had to hunt this sidebar down because I remember finding it funny how she described this ("kind of a gay and dark, perverted story"). Were these characters ever used? I have no idea but it made me laugh.

#shoujo #angel sanctuary #kaori yuki #manga #tenshi kinryoku #dark fantasy

[shoujomangathoughts]

Shoujo Thoughts - Hana Kimi

So for my first post outside of Chihayafuru, I thought I'd talk about Hana Kimi (aka Hanazakari no Kimitachi e), which I believe is considered a classic shoujo (quickly looking at the sales I'd assume it was). Even though there's several live action adaptations (as a fan of SHINee and f(x) it surprised me that the drama Minho and Sulli were in was based on this manga), my experience is solely the manga. I finished reading this a couple months ago so if I remember something wrong, I apologize in advance. I won't really talk about any spoilers until the character section.

For these posts, I'll just go over some impressions I had (very casually "review") and talk about my favorite arc and/or character.

Hana Kimi's premise is pretty interesting; Ashiya transfers to an all-boys school in Japan because she looks up to Sano and his ability in the high jump. So we've got this setup of a girl infiltrating an all boys school and the manga essentially focuses on the shenanigans that come about because of that, as well as some more coming of age and some familial themes. I specifically thought Sano's issues with his family were handled pretty well and tied into his character and the overall narrative in a satisfying way (I also liked his brother's character). This series doesn't go super deep into more serious topics or handle them with the most nuance, but that's probably because at its core, this series is more lighthearted. It has a lot of scenarios typical of a high school series (sports events, school dances, etc.).

Of course, there's also romance. The romance in this series, or at least the acknowledgement of it, moves very slow. There are moments where it's very clear something is going on, but it's played off as characters being dense/misunderstanding/etc. It's a series that's tagged with "love polygon", but there's never any doubt about who the romantic conclusion lies with, so if that sways you one way or another, there's that. The romantic plots are pretty typical of the high school series you may have read or watched before but the cast is still enjoyable enough to continue (for me at least).

Overall, I actually really enjoyed this series. The cast has a large amount of different personalities and they lend themselves to a variety of situations. Some of my favorites were Dr. Umeda, Kayashima and Nanba. I've seen the art of this series be described as dated but I really like it for the most part (I enjoy a lot of the art from series from this time). It's a solid slice of life rom-com series even if some of the little arcs felt unnecessary (the arc with the boy from America and the ghost/spirit boy are scenarios that come to mind) and the ending felt a bit abrupt. I suppose some of the comedy might have aged, but I don't remember anything glaring (Akiha was a bit weird when it came to Umeda though if I recall). I haven't read a lot of slice of life series like this, let alone many from this far back, so I'm not sure how it stacks up to other series but I'd still recommend giving it a look.

Favorite character : Nakatsu

I don't think I really have second lead syndrome, but sometimes I find the character that won't "win" ship-wise to be more interesting. Nakatsu here is the one in the group with a sunny disposition and generally is upbeat. He has an interesting personal arc where he mulls over the fact that he's into Ashiya (despite believing her to be a guy) and he eventually decides that he'd rather accept his feelings than worry about sexuality. The manga has a weird way of "justifying" this (I believe that Umeda said something about Nakatsu being able to tell she wasn't a guy because of pheromones or something), but I liked the conclusion that he came to and how he freely expressed his interest in her. The arcs centered around Nakatsu were also entertaining to me because they focused on more serious situations that forced his upbeat personality to be broken down a bit. This was also interesting, as the group could typically tell when something was wrong with him because he was a pillar of the group's energy. I also appreciated his conversations with Sano and Ashiya about his feelings, the fact that Ashiya actually gave him a rejection instead of brushing him off, and just the general friendship dynamic. However it was really clear that Ashiya wasn't into him romantically (she's only at this school because of Sano and the way she gets involved with him is sometimes borderline obsessive, but hey, it's fiction). He was a character that suited both lighthearted and more serious situations in the series well which probably contributed to why he stuck out to me. I did feel for him when he was hurting about his one sided love but I also knew he lowkey never had a chance.

Well, if you read all this, thanks! I haven't done any posts about other series until now and this is a lot more casual since I'm not analyzing anything, but I've got a couple other series that I read somewhat recently or am currently reading that I'd like to do this with. Give Hana Kimi a shot if you haven't read or heard of it before!

#shoujo #manga #hana kimi #hanazakari no kimitachi e

[shoujomangathoughts]

Update (kind of lol)

Hey all, I originally started this as a place to just talk about Chihayafuru, but I feel like I may have jumped the gun a little bit. After the pretty extensive posts I made and as I've dug around more write-ups by others, I've been at a bit of loss when it comes to writing about Chihayafuru and contributing anything new. So I think that in addition to the Chihayafuru posts, I'm also going to write about other (mostly) shoujo/josei series that I'm reading or wanna talk about (I've started some drafts already and it was nice to not feel writer's block). If you have any interest I hope you'll stick around, and who knows, you might find or be reminded of a series. I'll still post about Chihayafuru whenever some inspiration hits!

[shoujomangathoughts]

Chihayafuru Thoughts - Dissecting Ch.138 (Spoilers)

I’m gonna do my best to share my observations about this chapter, but there are a couple moments before and after that connect to it so I’ll bring them up as well.

This is actually the post that turned into me talking about Chihaya and Taichi over larger chapter ranges but I decided to bring it out of my drafts and finish it. Others have already broke Taichi’s confession down and this probably won’t contribute all that much to the conversation, but I wanted to share my interpretation anyway. I touched on these chapters a bit in previous posts, but I’ll try not to be redundant.

Spurred on by the fact that Taichi has been struggling with himself for a while, his 18th birthday and the Taichi cup, and Hyoro’s question about change, Taichi seems to be reflecting. This is why prior to confessing to her, Taichi admits he took Arata’s glasses. Even if it is many years later and it’s something that doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, he tells her something that he specifically hid from her out of fear that she’d hate him for it. I always find it interesting how serious and almost bewildered Chihaya looks here because it’s clear that even though they’re so close, she knows his private nature (”He’s Taichi. Of course he couldn’t tell me.”) and thus isn’t used to Taichi being vulnerable like this. It makes everything quite tense even before the actual confession.

Then we get Taichi saying his line about wanting to shed his cowardice and the moment comes where he’s finally honest with Chihaya about his feelings. When he says it, he’s not looking at her (at first) and it’s clear that he’s still afraid of going through with it, as after he looks at her and sees her stunned expression, he immediately has thoughts of saying it was a joke. Instead however, he continues and fights through his own anxiety to clearly tell her how he feels. It’s quite a personal confession too, listing some of her physical attributes that coincide with her personality and interests; it’s clear that he’s watched her a lot and has always had a special interest in her.

The part where he thinks about how he can’t love the part of her that thinks of Arata is a raw admission (to himself) addressing his jealousy and insecurity in regards to her relationship with him. Part of his complicated relationship with Arata has always involved Chihaya and that only became more prominent as they got older. The panels here shift into Chihaya considering Arata’s confession again and seemingly coming to realize that there may have been more to Arata’s simple confession than she’d previously understood, the same way Taichi had more to say right after confessing. Between this and Taichi’s confession, she’s confused and probably feeling guilt over many things - never noticing, causing hurt inadvertently, not knowing how she herself feels, etc.

Next is Chihaya’s response, “I’m sorry”. She seems to say it multiple times (the anime depicted it this way too), which is interesting to me. I’ve talked about repeating certain phrases before (Taichi’s apology and Chihaya’s ‘thank you’), so it’s possible that she’s apologizing for many things. I’ve always seen this part as her saying sorry for what she didn’t know or understand and how that may have hurt him (recall that she thought of the “Why does Taichi always go off alone” question after he confesses). I also think she may be apologizing for not knowing how she feels. Confused and overwhelmed as she was, I’m not sure she’d so immediately reject her best friend and then react the way she does when he needs space away from her but that’s just how I see it I suppose. Though it’s also clear that even if it’s just a matter of not knowing her own feelings, she doesn’t seem to reciprocate at this point.

Either way, it doesn’t matter what she said or how she meant it because Taichi himself didn’t even hear it. Her expression and body language is enough for him to take it as utter rejection. You can see the moment where his facial expression changes and it seems like he knows he may have just destroyed a very important relationship. As he walks out he thinks a couple things. The first is that he’s never accepted any confessions he’s received. While I understand what he means, I do think the emotional pain of rejection by your best friend that you’ve known for a long time is greater than being rejected by someone you barely know (not counting Sumire I guess). Not trying to negate others’ feelings, but I think it’s worth mentioning that the emotional stakes in the former are more fragile. Taichi also makes a comment about her being uncharacteristically quiet (I believe there’s a translation where he calls that ‘creepy’ because it’s clearly out of character for her), and attacks himself and his “sense” or talent because of his inability to hear her over the bell. It’s obvious that this was the last straw before he’d entirely burned out.

Another moment and specific pages that have always stuck out to me is this part right after Taichi's rejection (or at least what he takes as such). Here we see the cards all blacked out, and most have already fallen in a pile by his feet. He's been on the way down for a while at this point and reached his limit before emotionally breaking. Meanwhile the next page shows black cards falling all around Chihaya while she very clearly looks distressed. For all the thinking she's been doing about Taichi and trying to figure him out, she never quite placed why he was acting the way he was. These two pages also point to why they act the way they do in the following days; Taichi is at the end of his rope and is emotionally spent (all the cards already on the ground), meanwhile Chihaya is overwhelmed and confused because of this new information (the cards just now surrounding her).

At this point, it’s presented that the atmosphere between them is entirely different, one of the reasons why it seems like Taichi didn’t want to confront Chihaya about his feelings in the first place. They’re not talking, they can’t even seem to look at each other, Taichi is very clearly faking smiles, but things have certainly changed and eventually something’s got to give. Between everything that happened prior, the aftermath of the confession, and finally his dropping grades, Taichi decides it’s time for him to step away from Chihaya and the club. I’ve seen discussion about how this decision is proof that he’s still “cowardly”, but I actually see it as the opposite. He finally put his feelings out in the open (and isn’t taking it back or pretending things can go back to what was normal) and now he’s deciding to leave a place and group of people he really loves because he needs time to work on himself. If he’s emotionally not present, it wouldn’t be fair to the rest of the team or to himself. 

I’ve always seen Chihaya’s inability to communicate anything to him during this time as being a result of her turning inward a bit. As previously mentioned, she looked overwhelmed by his confession and she seems to be trying to sort things out in her head. I say this because when he’s not showing up to the club introduction ceremony and she thinks “Where’s Taichi?”, it sincerely feels like she’d never even considered that he might leave after what happened between them, even if it was only temporary. It comes across as though she hasn't fully thought through how hard this could have hit him. Whether she understood or not, by the time she’s running after him, it does seem as though she’s prioritizing her own feelings of fear rather than considering how he feels. In my opinion it’s not really her fault and she’s very clearly panicking, but it does read as a bit cruel to beg somebody to stay after turning them down and not respecting that they may need space for a while (though this also makes me think Chihaya herself doesn’t view what happened as her flat out rejecting him). 

Then we get the kiss. I know some people hate it, but it’s clear to me that Taichi does this out of desperation. It’s not depicted as romantic or sexual, nothing about it feels rewarding for either party (or really the audience for that matter). It appears as though he barely even kisses her and it’s used more so to communicate how hard it is for him to be around her right now. It almost feels like an “actions speak louder than words” situation, where if his confession and his words weren’t enough for her to get it, then this would be undeniable proof of how he feels. Was it necessarily the best avenue? Certainly not, however this, combined with his “made of stone” line and describing the cards as black effectively get his feelings across to Chihaya. His face as he says this again shocks Chihaya because this isn’t usually how he acts. She’s seeing how someone she relied on for emotional support crumbled and it’s an eye opener for her. I’ve always loved the overlay of their memories over the line about the cards because it shows how much of their karuta journeys have been spent together, and it sets up the next step for them nicely.

With this, Chihaya now understands why he’s walking away and how broken he is at the moment. This is seen not long after when she compares herself to the rock in the ‘kaze wo itami’ poem and is able to recognize how much emotional baggage Taichi had that she was never able to see. Her seeing the cards as black in the next chapter seems to be visualization of her empathizing with him. Her being afraid of karuta is also due to these events as she becomes afraid to confront the thing that she was always so focused on and how that contributed to the absence of someone she thought would always be there.

I talked about it a bit in a previous post, but ultimately it’s a good thing that they spend some time apart. Chihaya was reliant on Taichi in many ways that she sees far more in his absence and is able to work on aspects of herself that align with her future. Taichi, on the other hand, has to start working though his feelings and finding some sense of self worth, as well as identifying why he continues playing karuta. A relationship between them at this point probably wouldn’t work because Chihaya was focused on other things and not always emotionally present and Taichi’s self loathing wasn’t something that Chihaya’s potential love could fix.

I also really like the timing of the story here and how it fits into the structure of the narrative as a whole. There were moments with Kana and Sumire before this that were about making the most of the time the third years had left and fear about the end of that, and instead we get a huge change even before they graduate. It’s a great way to show unpredictability, and considering the difference in the club going forward and Chihaya passing out when they were first years, really allows the nationals when they were second years to live as a significant moment for them. Change isn’t going to wait until you reach the end of an ideal time, it really can appear at any point. 

// Sidenote // Whenever I see these chapters or the episode that covers them (which is amazing), I’m always reminded of the song All We Are by OneRepublic, especially in considering where the series goes. Lyrics about not understanding each other, taking time away from each other and remaining in someone’s life despite going through change. One of the lines is “You’re an island and my ship has run aground” which always makes me think of the poem Chihaya compares herself to. Random insight into where my brain goes lol.

Mostly talked about one chapter and it still ended up long. As always, thanks for reading if you got to the end!

#chihayafuru #ayase chihaya #mashima taichi #taichi x chihaya #manga

[shoujomangathoughts]

Chihayafuru Thoughts - Chihaya and Taichi (Ch.140-247) Part 2

This is the second part of me covering the Taichi and Chihaya relationship after Taichi’s confession and resignation from the club to the end of the manga, this time focused on events in Taichi’s arc and how it relates to his relationship to Chihaya. Once again, there’s obviously spoilers here since it covers chapters all the way to the end.

After leaving, it really seems as though Taichi plans to quit karuta, or at least take an extended break, until finding out Suou is a teacher at his cram school  (there are some really good write-ups about their relationship that I can’t compare to so check them out!). In general though, being with Suou seems to allow Taichi a space to entertain being a different person as he works through some of his feelings. In the culmination of events (a lot of season three of the anime), he seemingly wants to give everything up. When he watched Harada play Suou, he questioned how it’s possible to give everything you have to something without fear of regret. I’ve always seen his interest in Suou stemming from Suou sympathizing with him and also “not liking” karuta. Having so much ability in the game while also being unattached (or so Suou claims at this point) appeals to Taichi when he’s at his lowest point. If he doesn’t love the game or put weight into winning or losing, he has nothing to lose. I actually think it’s interesting to break down Taichi’s character this way; in the Meijin qualifiers he notes that he wants to be a different person, but still himself (aka a different version of himself). After the events of what season 3 covers though, I feel like Taich is burnt out on trying to change and takes a more extreme avenue when he goes under Suou’s wing. That being said, it’s clear that for all the pain he went through, he cherishes the time he spent with the team, even if it hurts him right now.

He has to figure out why he’s playing karuta and acknowledge that he actually does like it, even it frustrates and challenges him over and over. I’ve always liked the panel where he resolves himself to work through his complicated relationship with karuta because he doesn’t want these memories to be tainted. It’s also nice to see him actually enjoy the game (you can tell by his remarks and body language) now that the pressure is off him. He’s essentially playing to lose (and learn) and not worrying about the team, catching up to Chihaya and Arata, helping Chihaya with her dream, winning in tournaments, etc. This is good for him, he’s able to focus on himself for a while and it more or less proves that part of him always enjoyed the game even if he wasn’t able to convince himself of that. I said this in a previous post, that Taichi seems to enjoy karuta, but the reason he plays is never because he does, which is why he so easily admits that he doesn’t like it when Suou calls it out. 

Even though he feels guilt over leaving the team abruptly and for admitting that he’s enjoying karuta so much more on his own, it’s obvious Taichi is still attached to them. When they just barely make it to nationals, and he thinks about how he can’t go as he’s no longer a member, his phone blows up. The team members texted him about their victory and it’s clear that part of Taichi still exists within that team, as he does a victory gesture. It’s also really nice that the members still seem to think of him as a member and keep him updated even though he left. When Chihaya texts him, she includes the fact that the final card was ‘Se’, which Taichi notes to be about fate. He wonders if he is also waiting for fate to bring them back together. This signals to me that Taichi is willing to go back to them once he works on himself and the timing is right (unfortunately doesn’t happen in time but he’s acknowledging that he still wants them in his life).

When the flashback of the third year boys at karaoke happens, we get this panel of Taichi expressing what I feel is a very raw emotion. The reason he probably feels like this is that if Chihaya's hurt because of how things went with him, that means she truly understands his feelings in a way that she hadn’t before. In a way, it proves to Taichi that he meant enough to her that she’d be hurt to lose him or break his heart the way she did. Taichi often felt inadequate and unnoticed by Chihaya despite always being at her side, so this emotion doesn’t strike me as surprising, as it feels like a bit of validation, albeit in a pretty sad way (reminds me of a scene with Kagura in Fruits Basket). He also feels guilty for this and considers it one of the reasons he doesn’t “deserve” to go back to the team.

I actually view him going to nationals as a lapse in judgement for Taichi regarding what he’s trying to do. After nationals, we’re presented the fact that Taichi is practicing assimilation with Suou, seemingly to gain perspective but also to allow himself to be someone else. But in the culmination of his mom being there, Arata and Chihaya playing, and the part of him that’s been longing to go back, he ends up there. However, after that he goes home and later runs from Chihaya because he doesn’t want to return to “himself”, which makes me think he really only returned because he was emotionally charged, even if it contradicted what he was trying to do otherwise.

During the emotional reunion (one of my favorite moments in the series), Taichi apologizes specifically to Chihaya and then to the rest of the team. I think his apology encompasses more than just being sorry for not being there, the same way I felt Chihaya’s “thank you” carried more weight. He seems to be apologizing for a lot; not being there, the way they left things off, leaving his responsibilities in the club to her, for any hurt he caused, etc. I also love how the team seem to understand that Taichi wouldn’t have left them like that unless he truly felt he needed to because it shows how much they trust him. The focus on Chihaya at first is really sweet too; they’ve known each other the longest and have the closest bond, started the club together, and she’s been thinking about him a lot while he’s been gone. 

During the Meijin and Queen qualifiers, Taichi starts his “villain arc”. He plays in a trickier, more detached way that relies on making opponents commit faults, something learned from playing with Suou. To me this reiterates my earlier point about Taichi trying to be detached for sake of not being disappointed or frustrated if he loses, especially considering that Harada more of less coaxes his actual desire out of him (wanting to be “where Chihaya and Arata are”). He seems to try acting like a different person, using an interesting answer about being a Shiranami member, taunting Sudo and other opponents, avoiding Chihaya and being thrown off when she talks to him. However, seeing Chihaya struggle is one of the things that brings him back to himself, as is seeing that Arata has won in the west and and finally Dr. Harada’s match. During his match with Sudo, he talks about vanishing cards and holding something dear by holding it at a distance. Then, when the ‘Chiha’ card is about to be read, we see his thoughts of “don’t vanish”. To me, this is representative of a lot of what Taichi has been through; despite the pain he would feel at Chihaya’s side and the pain of their separation, even though they don’t spend time together the way they used to, even though he’s been trying to act like someone else, when you break down his true feelings he doesn’t want to lose his connection to her.

In his first game against Arata, he plays a similarly tricky style as he did in the qualifiers and seems to continue trying to be somewhat detached. He even uses Chihaya as a model (”The answer... lay with Chihaya!) to have an almost childish sort of fun that we’ve never seen him have while playing. After the first game, Chihaya and the other girls let some fresh air and snow into the room, improving the atmosphere, but Taichi thinks about how he doesn’t want to be distracted by her and remember when they played together. However, in the second game, he plays more earnestly (as noted by Yoshioka of the Nagumo society). This is also the game where Taichi and Chihaya have a small moment that seems reminiscent of the days they played on the same team. Seeing how determined she is makes him admit to himself that winning has to mean something, contrary to what he was taking from being with Suou. Suou himself even notes that though some people gain strength from believing that, Taichi is different and that the “real” Taichi isn’t his disciple. 

Towards the end of the game, he focuses so intensely on ‘Chiha’ that he physically shakes after a different card is read. And then right before it is read, it  glows to him and after taking it, he notes that it was the only card on the field that he could see (”Only that. Only Chiha”). After that, he takes ‘Fu’ incredibly quick and admits that Chihaya’s take of said card (the first card she took like a “real karuta player”) had always inspired him. To me, this is what Sakurazawa meant by saying “there’s a kind of confidence that only Ayase can build for him”. He’s always been inspired by Chihaya; as kids when Arata’s prowess motivated her instead of frightened her, when he watched her win and get to Class A, when she revealed her dream to be queen and when that dream become tangible, etc. and he’s mentioned that her greed has rubbed off on him. Even when he’d been frustrated and dissatisfied, Chihaya’s unadulterated passion for the game has helped him remember why he keeps playing. It’s also interesting to me that the only commentary and reactions we get from Chihaya here are based on Taichi’s takes (in part due to timing I guess but still). In the end, Taichi loses the third game, but by winning the second, he gained something he had verbalized and convinced himself that he would never achieve; beating Arata. Even though he had ambition to go further, I think this is part of why he’s so quickly able to smile and wish for Arata to beat Suou and for Chihaya to become “the strongest in the world”.

Even though he’s apprehensive about watching the matches. It’s clear that Taichi still wants to support Chihaya. He knows how important this day is to her and has watched her struggle and grow to be at the level she’s at. The line about collecting green herbs is about the fact that he’s been supporting her behind the scenes. Having Sumire and the kohais go to the shrine with her, helping Chitose, the kimono, and Dr. Harada get to Omi Jingu, praying for her at the shrine, etc. were all his ways of supporting her. It’s always been kind of sad to me that Taichi can’t seem to think of himself as being one the “herbs”, that even though Chihaya (and Arata for that matter) doesn’t need him there, they still might want him there, but gaining a better self of his self worth is part of his growth and arc. I think this also connects to how he pondered Kana’s question about ‘role’, and how he seems to believe his role may be to simply support others (”Omi Jingu is no longer my destination”, “I just know it’s not me. Chihaya’s ‘core’”), which is why he plans on leaving once he’s done “gathering the herbs”. He’s yet to find the confidence to voice and act on his own desires.

The conversation with Chitose is a good wake up call for Taichi, who has resigned himself to allowing others to accomplish things that he wanted to do. It’s a nice moment where Chitose (and later there’s a line from Tsuboguchi too) puts in perspective that Taichi is his own person with his own desires and there’s nothing wrong with that. Taichi in general struggles with insecurity and self worth, so it’s nice to someone as blunt as Chitose spell it out for him. The most poignant line here to me though is about whether or not feelings are wasted. Though he doesn’t seem to say it, in my opinion it’s here that we see Taichi accepting that even if Chihaya never reciprocates his feelings, he doesn’t have to feel that they were wasted. This is also a nice change in perspective for Taichi who was once worried about putting time into something and fearing regret over doing so. Even if it hurt him at times, it’s clear that he still cherishes the time he’s spent with her and doesn’t want that connection to be cut off. Also interesting that even though he said his feelings may fade, when Chitose asks him, he only says that he was rejected instead of denying his feelings. Taichi saying his feelings may fade may have been fully true, he may have said it knowing that Chihaya could hear and thus trying to make her less on edge, he could have been trying to make it true for himself by saying it out loud but it’s vague enough to interpret. Chitose also mentions a “void” that Chihaya can’t fill, which I’ve always interpreted as Taichi’s lack of self esteem and ability to truly accept himself, something that it’s true Chihaya can’t fix for him.

When Taichi does walk in, it’s in game four. He previously was so happy about Chihaya’s first win that he dropped his phone to the ground in his celebration. Watching her play with all her might against Shinobu brings him to tears. As was apparent from his final game against Arata, he wants to see Chihaya accomplish her dream; the dream that was part of why he agreed to make the club, the dream he saw become something real and watched her claw her way towards for years. After watching both Chihaya and Arata take ‘Chiha’ in the fifth games, he slips out of the room they are watching and Hanano goes out to find him doing practice swings in the hall. This scene reminds me of when Porky loses to Arata and says “this is why I hate strong players, they make me want to try harder” and also shows how different Taichi is now (remember when he wouldn’t practice swings because he was embarrassed?). When Chihaya and Arata win and become Queen and Meijin, we get to see Taichi’s thoughts that he’s always been left behind. However, the quickness in which he declares he’ll be back to defeat Arata next year reminds me of how fast Chihaya challenged Shinobu and how determined Arata challenged Suou. To me, this proves that Taichi has a drive and confidence he didn’t previously have (he previously got upset with himself for not being able to throw down the gauntlet like Arata). It’s proof that he’s not giving up on himself the way his words may lead you to believe (”Omi Jingu is no longer my destination), and now that he’s playing for himself and because he’s acknowledged what karuta is to him, his desire to not be left behind seems healthier and more out of competitive spirit and respect for his friends/rivals rather than a way to ease his insecurity and feelings of inadequacy. When they hug him, he gets his scene of embracing his inner child and accepting himself, which is a journey that has been a defining part of his entire character arc.

When Taichi and Chihaya talk on their graduation day (before she confesses), its visibly clear to me that Taichi has fully come around on the sentiment from his conversation with Chitose. He seems much happier (here and in the scene with Hanano and Tsukuba) and more comfortable around Chihaya again, which to me signifies that he’s fully accepted that Chihaya may never love him back, and yet his feelings for her are still entirely valid. That translates into him using the line about karuta always being a way to connect them; even if their relationship is different than it once was, even if there’s some distance between them because of his feelings for her and neither wanting to pressure each other (he has yet to know her feelings), he can still be connected to her in some way. The bond that they’ve had for so long doesn’t have to evaporate. It seems undeniable that he’s in a better place. And then when Chihaya does confess, he obviously can’t help but feel happy (so much so that he’s brought to tears) because at the end of the day, he does love her, and those were words he longed to hear for so long even if he’s accepted he may never hear them.

// Sidenote // I’ve seen it mentioned that Taichi still loving her and being the one to have his feelings reciprocated takes away from his character growth, but I don’t agree. I think the fact that he’s able to accept his feelings even if they won’t necessarily go anywhere and not get so depressed about is proof he’s gained self esteem. He seems more content with himself and is making decisions for himself based on his own desires. He’s filling the “void” that Chitose alluded to. The only reason I can think of people wanting some of his growth to be shown through him moving on is that they wanted him out of the love triangle, but that’s just my opinion.

Anyway, thanks for reading another long one! Taichi is my favorite character and the one I find to be the most layered in this series, so it’s a bit hard to organize all my thoughts. I tried my best to stay on topic of his arc and Chihaya’s relation to it.

#chihayafuru #mashima taichi #ayase chihaya #taichi x chihaya #manga

[shoujomangathoughts]

Chihayafuru Thoughts - Chihaya and Taichi in Ch. 140-247

This is the next part of this series. I ended up writing mostly from the perspective of Chihaya and how Taichi affects her character arc so I might eventually write another that's more from Taichi's side. There's also spoilers for the entire rest of the series like the title indicates.

After Taichi leaves the club, both he and Chihaya start on new parts of their character arcs. Both have to be independent in their own way; Taichi in finding (or at least identifying) his own reasons to play and enjoyment of karuta, and Chihaya in taking care of the club (after her temporary absence) without Taichi.

Chihaya ends up being afraid of karuta after Taichi leaves, as she tells Mr. Fukusaku after emotionally requesting time off from the club. Her being afraid of karuta is a physical manifestation of her recognizing how her near hyperfixation and passion may have negative consequences, even if that was never the intention. The guilt she feels over never realizing Taichi's feelings and hurting him is intense enough that she starts to see the cards as being completely blacked out, just as he described his own view of them. Ultimately I think this is for Chihaya's benefit because in many ways her goals have changed. She doesn't only want to become queen, she wants the club to continue and thrive after she graduates and has plans to become a teacher. Finding a fine line between passion and being able to effectively communicate with others is a necessary step for Chihaya and her goals, it just so happens the catalyst was a messy situation.

While she's on her break, she eventually goes to the Shiranami Society and after playing Dr. Harada, she vows to remember how "cold and heavy" the cards were and "how painful it all was". I think at this point it's apparent that Chihaya wants to grow in her ability to reach people. There's a couple instances toward the beginning of the series when the Mizusawa members tell her they're fine with her somewhat overbearing nature and airheadedness because those are just parts of her personality. However, now this seems to be something Chihaya herself wants to change, which again makes sense because her goals have expanded and changed. She wants to make sure that she is trying to learn and grow from the situation with Taichi. The placement of a conversation about her future with a teacher (a few chapters earlier) that includes Chihaya being questioned on if she understands how hard it can be to deal with others seems to foreshadow where her character arc will go after Taichi leaves (and also seems to rub salt in her wounds because it's right after he leaves).

At first, when Chihaya tries to lead and encourage the team, it doesn't go well because she doesn't really have the tools to effectively do it. She just wins quickly as per usual, and instead of improving the team's morale, it instead puts some pressure on them to live up to her skill level and makes her feel distant and isolated. After realizing this, she starts to mimic the way Taichi led them, using the very same words that once supported her and playing alongside them, "like Taichi would". I also believe part of the reason she does this is to make it feel like he's still being included; even though he quit, she and the rest of the members (the ones who knew him at least) believe he will always be a part of the team. I think this is why she essentially says that she'll wait as long as it takes for him to come back. She's accepted that he most likely won't play another match with them as a team, but they'll always be connected and she hopes that he'll return.

Retro plays Chihaya in the Mizusawa vs Hokuo match and tells her that she's cold because she "doesn't notice players below her". Despite him taking it back and saying her aiming for people who are 'strong but alone' isn't wrong, between his words and the words of the announcer talking about what makes a strong leader, it's clear that Chihaya agrees with the fact that she's "cold". She thinks of Taichi upon hearing the announcer's words and realizes that she didn't notice (or acknowledge enough) the qualities that he brought and how essential he was to the team's emotional strength. She thinks of him often in this part of the manga and seems to be noticing more and more the things that made Taichi, Taichi and how she often may have taken him for granted because he had simply always been there.

She continues to incorporate things that Taichi used to do when leading the team at nationals, telling Arata she "can feel his presence". When playing against Arata's team, she's so focused on her team that for most of the match she doesn't realize she's playing against Arata, the first time they've played since they were kids. She continues wearing Taichi's headband even after attributing her bad luck in the previous match to it, seeming to indicate she's emotionally supported by his presence and wants to include him. It's only when the dead 'Chiha' is read and she notices Taichi that her unbelievable concentration is broken and she realizes it's Arata she's playing. Taichi more or less lit up the room for her (sorry to be cheesy). After the match, Mizusawa members point out that it's the first time Chihaya immediately falls asleep after playing, as if Taichi simply there is enough for her to relax a bit.

Beyond the fact that she was able to support the team, another moment where I feel like is proof of Chihaya's growth is when she goes after Porky after he loses to Arata in the Class A matches. It's a small interaction, but nice to see. She doesn't say much at first and seems to wait to see if he even wants to talk, and after he starts getting down on himself, she makes sure he hears exactly what her thoughts on his contributions are. She no longer gets mesmerized by players like Arata and Shinobu to the point that she forgets about her teammates until someone gets or updates her. She is now able to be there for her team and uplift them, making sure she actually tells them about how she values them and the work they've put in together. I'd also argue that her going to "answer" Arata is also proof of her realizing that hearing anything in regards to how she feels is better than nothing, something she probably learned from her inability to properly communicate with Taichi.

After the high school tournament, Chihaya does an extensive cleaning of the club room before she retires and is joined by Taichi, his first time back to that room since resigning. This chapter in general is one of my favorites (Desktomu's lines about their time being a treasure he never expected to have always gets me) but this is the first chapter where Taichi and Chihaya's relationship is seen after everything went down. In the club room, there's some awkwardness and it's clear Chihaya isn't quite sure what to say, and Taichi seems to have been trying to say something before being interrupted by the band students. Whether it was an apology or a "don't worry about me" in regards to her being cautious because of his feelings toward her, or something else entirely we don't know, but it seems obvious their relationship may be different moving forward.

When they're at karaoke in the same chapter, Chihaya seems more conscious of Taichi. Her reaction to him genuinely having fun is sweet because I feel as though Chihaya may have been worried that she may never see that side of Taichi again (and another instance of him seeming to light up the room to her). Him helping clean and hanging out with the club members also seems to prove to Chihaya that he valued the time he spent with all of them, even if at one point they were a source of pain. The panels of Chihaya and Taichi back to back signify a couple things to me. They're facing opposite directions, a visual to show how their lives have taken them in different directions; they are no longer on the team together, practicing together, spending as much time together, etc. and yet they still support each other. Sudo even points out later that even though they're not how they once were, they were still inevitably connected to each other.

Chihaya also makes sure to thank Taichi after they watch the tv special and Taichi is able to articulate to Chihaya's mom why now is a good time for Chihaya to attempt becoming queen even though it causes friction with college entrance exams. Based on all the times she thought of Taichi after he left and her realizations of how much he did for her and the team, I feel as though her reiterating "Really, Taichi. Thank you." is more all-encompassing than just her gratitude for helping her mom understand.

After this, we finally get to the part where Taichi comes back to playing karuta outside of his practice with Suou. This excites Chihaya and she is conscious of him many times in both the qualifiers and his matches with Arata to become the challenger ("Chiha helped Taichi? I'm so glad.", "It's fine as long as Taichi can take cards.", "Taichi's eyes told me to not let anyone take the s-sound cards."). It reminds her of the time they played on a team and supported each other and how hard they worked together (she cries when she sees that Taichi wore his Mizusawa shirt when he became the eastern rep). When Taichi loses to Arata, Kana looks at Chihaya and notes she was crying "bitter tears". Some people interpret this as Chihaya hoping Taichi would defeat Arata, even if only subconsciously. While possible, I've always though of it as being specifically because Taichi lost. They've worked hard together over the years, she recently thought that she'd lost her connection to him, and now while she continues on the path to accomplish her dream, she has to leave him behind (at least for this year). It also connects to Harada's line that "the three will become one and two by the end of the day" and now that Chihaya sees that, she can't help but cry. Again, I'm not sure I see it as her secretly hoping Arata would lose, but realizing that Taichi won't be going further with them this year and that breaking her heart.

Once the challenger matches are decided, Taichi and Chihaya don't see each much face to face. The last time we're shown that they do before the queen matches is when they give Taichi a futon for a night. Kana asks Taichi about his feelings for Chihaya and his response is that they may gradually fade. Initially, it's not known whether or not she heard this, but we'll circle back to that. When Chihaya visits a shrine for New Year's, she thinks about what she should ask her friends in regard to preparation for the queen match. When she gets to Taichi, she's at a loss for words and/or we as the audience don't see what answer she comes to. I've seen people say she may have just wanted to ask him to come and support, which based on other events doesn't sound all that unlikely in my opinion. The biggest reason I say this is the scene when she sees Taichi under the Omi Jingu shrine, smiling and praying. He's not actually there, but it does seem like she really wants him to be there. Right after this she thinks of the club praying there in their first year, but it's worth noting she specifically saw only Taichi, smiling in a very similar way as when she told her to become the strongest in the world when she became the challenger (also remember how badly she wanted him to smile previously?).

At the queen match itself, there are many times when she feels Taichi's support, directly and indirectly. Unbeknownst to her, he helped Chitose get her bag to her and his conversation with her seems to be a factor in her watching the matches at the end. Arata also resorts to essentially acting as Taichi to help motivate Chihaya, which to me is an acknowledgement on Arata's part that while he saw her take her first card and played her at her highest concentration, he hasn't been the one directly supporting her all this time (but some may not like that interpretation lol). She also gets flustered upon hearing Taichi texted Arata only to rush back for her phone and feel disappointed she didn’t get one.

I also find it symbolic that Taichi is somehow attached to all three of her victories over Shinobu. Chihaya wins her first game with the 'Tare' card, one that she attaches to him because it was the poem being read in her headphones when Taichi found her in high school. The second win was taken after she realizes "Taichi has always been here", and fully acknowledges all the support she's felt from him, both in the time he directly supported her and the team as well as the indirect support in the lessons and pieces of advice he'd given her. The first time he walks in (during the fourth match), we see Chihaya remember Taichi's line to Kana about the possibility of his feelings eventually fading. This has always intrigued me (at first I didn't even know she'd heard that) because it seems to bother her or make her anxious, meaning she may subconsciously not want them to fade; she seems to be figuring out her own feelings. Afterward, she recalls the vision of him at the shrine, as if him now being there in person answered her own prayer.

The third win is taken when the 'Tachi' card, Taichi's namesake card, is read. She specifically kept this card and once again very noticeably acknowledges his presence when he comes to watch (like I said, he seems to light up the room). After she wins and wakes up, she immediately notices his absence and celebrates after hearing that he's going to continue playing, with his eyes set on becoming Meijin.

Finally, on their graduation day, she once again becomes a bit anxious after hearing that Taichi's plans for college are different that she assumed. When Desktomu uses the phrase "you're just his friend", she seems bothered and has a moment of realization that reminds me of the moment she truly realized Taichi loved her (the panel is from the extra pages in the final volume I believe, placed with flashbacks from throughout the series). Several moments come to her mind, as if asking herself why she wanted him to smile so desperately, why she felt so comforted and supported by his presence, and why she wanted him to be there so bad that she had a vision of him under such a symbolic place. It's then that she seems to fully comprehend that she would in fact interpret her feelings toward him as being romantic (the distorted effect over her in the panel is what reminds me of the moment from Taichi’s confession), and realizes she wants to tell him that. When she talks to him and is assured that they'll see each other again as long as they keep playing, Chihaya's reaction seems to say "that isn't enough anymore". Chihaya's confession is really well done in my opinion, and it uses parts of her character growth well; she's making sure her thoughts and feelings are conveyed properly (in this case even more so considering she heard Taichi say that his feelings may gradually fade).

Another long one and I feel like I didn't even say all I planned to, but thanks for reading if you got to the end!

#chihayafuru #ayase chihaya #mashima taichi #taichi x chihaya #manga

[shoujomangathoughts]

Chihayafuru Thoughts - Chihaya and Taichi in Ch.93 -139 (S3 events)

This is part one of a series where I plan to talk about Taichi and Chihaya. Here’s a spoiler warning for this section and some light spoilers about chapters after this point.

The stretch of chapters covered in season 3 feels like a fundamental shift in the series and by the end of this part it’s clear that the series will be quite different moving forward. 

In regards to Taichi and Chihaya, this section of the series is where things start changing for them and I wanted to go over some moments that stuck out to me. A consistent plotline here is that Chihaya is actively trying to understand more about Taichi because she starts to feel anxious about their relationship. She actually admits “I don’t know anything yet, not even about Taichi”. We already know how Taichi feels about Chihaya, and there are actually many instances of him trying to grow and change on his own in this part.

This statement from Retro seems to rattle her because in her mind, she knows Taichi and his skills well. When she plays Taichi at the Fujisaki camp, she refers to him as “feeling like a stranger”, something she notes again at Yoshino. Yoshino in general is an important match for both of them (that others have analyzed more in depth than I ever could so check those out!). While Chihaya truly “saw” and acknowledged Taichi in this match, Taichi’s frustration over losing is directly opposite her enjoyment of the match. I feel like the difference in these feelings is why Chihaya is so confused by Taichi’s decision to skip the class trip for the Meijin qualifiers. Taichi, losing after working so hard on a strategy tailored to go against Chihaya, still sees himself as inadequate, and understanding the time he has left (as Desktomu tries to explain to Chihaya), pours himself into karuta more than before. After Kana’s explanation about “competing to stir hearts”, Chihaya seems to gain an inkling about the fact that Taichi may have left their match feeling somewhat unsatisfied and frustrated in contrast to how she left with both the satisfaction of winning and enjoying a match with someone who she has worked so hard with and values.

After Taichi is unsuccessful at the qualifiers and returns, there’s a moment when Chihaya regains her composure (after hearing the challengers were Harada and Arata) where she looks up and sees that Taichi isn’t in the hallway anymore. It’s a small moment but the look on her face suggests to me that she realizes she didn’t ask Taichi about his matches or why he went, let alone seeing if he seemed upset. It also becomes apparent to her that she doesn’t necessarily know how to comfort him and she starts noticing distance between them.

After this, when they practice in the clubroom, it becomes clear to Chihaya (and everyone else) that Taichi is in a slump after losing both Yoshino and the Meijin qualifiers, and the only thing Chihaya can think to do is continue to play him seriously out of fear he might quit. She once again starts feeling anxious that Taichi might be burning out and give up on karuta. She even seems to take his feelings into account when Porky brings up calling and congratulating Arata. She holds her phone up and Taichi is shown directly in the background, and she decides to call him later, as if she wants to be careful about congratulating Arata on accomplishing the very thing Taichi is dejected about (Taichi is right next to her when she calls him later, but the point is Chihaya is starting to be more aware of people and their emotions, not to mention that Dr. Harada fired them up a bit before). She notices Taichi’s apprehension about seeing Dr. Harada as well.

Arata’s confession also rattles her and she spends some time after in a daze. Taichi is too sharp and can read Chihaya too well to not essentially piece together what happened (confirming his suspicion later in his match with Arata). This puts Taichi in a tough position since he still doesn’t know how or when to tell Chihaya how he feels, most likely out of fear that their relationship will change.

When Taichi stays behind again and Chihaya gets visibly upset, Kana urges her to think about why he is acting the way he is. The whole “Why is Taichi always going off on his own?” thing has always been interesting to me (and I feel like I always overthink this or maybe I just don’t get it). The answer isn’t simply because he loves Chihaya. When he skips the class trip, it seems as though he wants to win as a result of his frustration over his loss at Yoshino. His loss against Chihaya, despite so much preparation probably made him think that he’s still not good enough to stand as Chihaya’s (and Arata’s) equal, so he pours himself into another tournament. Taichi even asks himself what he wants to be so bad that he’d miss his school trip, and that’s where a problem arises with his motivation. Among other reasons, it feels like part of why Taichi is trying so hard in karuta is to grow/find himself and change parts of himself that he isn’t satisfied with. However, that’s a vague benchmark and it’s hard to tell when you feel you’ve grown “enough”. Would he have been entirely satisfied had he won against Chihaya, even if they had played each other in an earlier round than the final? It’s hard to say, but maybe he needs the tangible proof that he’s grown because otherwise he may not believe he has (his victory over Arata later and his reaction makes this seem to be the case, if only partially). Taichi staying behind the second time specifically in hopes to play against Arata is also something he wouldn’t want Chihaya to know. Beyond more or less asking Arata about his confession, Taichi doing this feels like he’s trying to face Arata (a person who Taichi compares himself to, to a fault) and try to overcome his own insecurities - “How do I fight? Against Arata? Against myself?”. Despite his private nature and him not typically relying on others, to me there seems to be many reasons he can’t confide in Chihaya, one of which being that he loves her and that is often a part of why he feels insecure because he doesn't see the value in himself enough, so he isolates himself to try and find himself on his own (?). If anyone has a better read on this and its implications please tell me lol it feels pretty open to interpretation to me.

After losing to Arata, it’s incredibly clear that Taichi is feeling dejected and unmotivated in regards to karuta. At this point, Taichi has been on the way down; losing to both Chihaya and Arata, losing at the Meijin qualifiers, not having the drive to challenge Suou like Arata, and knowing Arata confessed despite Taichi not having the courage to be honest with Chihaya about his own feelings yet. The anxiety Chihaya feels about the distance between them and the fact that Taichi appears to be suffering is enough for her to break down. I’d consider this growth for Chihaya; she at times gets tunnel vision for her own goals or doesn’t notice people’s feelings because she herself is having fun. Yet here she so viscerally reacts to the fact that he is struggling, and very purely wishes for him to smile and enjoy the time with everyone like she has been. This desire is how the Taichi cup is born, which results in Taichi thinking about whether he feels he’s grown or not since the last genpei match they played as kids. It’s also sweet of Chihaya to pick genpei matches in part due to appealing to one of Taichi’s greatest assets in karuta, his memorization.

After Taichi confesses, the dynamic between them is different. We’re shown a montage of several days that follow, where they don’t seem to speak and while Taichi seems to be faking smiles, Chihaya can’t even seem to look at him. Whether or not she flatly turned him down isn’t known but there’s also no communication to erase any misunderstanding either.

Once the realization that Taichi is leaving the club fully hits Chihaya, that anxiousness about him slipping away is now a fear being realized, hence her act of desperation to bring him back. It comes across as a bit selfish and unintentionally cruel, that she doesn’t seem to recognize that while she’s been confused and trying to get her thoughts straight (or just waiting and hoping they go back to normal), he’s been suffocating in the atmosphere created after he spilled his most vulnerable feelings. I know the kiss rubs some people the wrong way, and while it may not have been the best option, it effectively translated Taichi’s heartbrokenness to Chihaya and made her understand him more clearly. The other thing that made his feelings clear was the karuta reference - that all 100 cards look pitch black to him. Virtually all of his karuta career has had Chihaya involved in some way, which combined with his dejection after all those losses, makes sense why he has no desire at all to continue. Not long after, he’s convinced that he doesn’t like karuta at all, which isn’t really true. The truth seems to be more along the lines of he was never playing because he liked it. He was playing to meet team expectations, help Chihaya achieve her dream, gain acknowledgement and battle his own issues, possibly even to reject the ideals his mother instilled in him, etc. and he eventually was crushed by that weight. He needs the space and time away from Chihaya and the club, even if it’d be considered selfish for him to do so.

//Sidenote// I always find it interesting when people compare Chihaya’s reaction to Arata’s confession to Taichi’s because the context and her actual relationships with each of them are inherently different. Chihaya has spent a good amount of time trying to figure out Taichi (and in general just knows him better) and for her to miss something so huge obviously stuns her, not to mention she starts feeling guilt that she may have been unintentionally causing some of the suffering she so desperately wanted to dissolve. She also doesn’t seem to know how she herself feels yet, hence the “I’m sorry” which feels pointed to other things rather than a flat out rejection (despite Taichi feeling completely rejected). She also recalls his confession and it depicts Taichi in a very pure and gentle way, which I’d interpret as being remembered in a positive way (even if she also remembers how broken down he was shortly after), and later refers to his words as being like a poem.

I also see people complain about Taichi’s timing in leaving the club. Honestly, it feels like the best time he could, rather than wait until there are new members to help and tournaments to worry about, and then just dip out. Was is it somewhat unfair that they weren’t told face to face (apart from Nishida and Komano)? Sure, but realistically it wouldn’t have gone over well any way it happened and I think Taichi just didn’t have any fight left to give. Apart from Chihaya (at first), everyone seems stunned but seem like they understand that he wouldn’t leave without reason. It’s been obvious that he cares a great deal about the club and its members.

Anyway, I’ll be making more of these that talk about these two after these events up to the end of the series soon. If you read this far, thanks and feel free to add your thoughts!

#chihayafuru #taichi x chihaya #mashima taichi #ayase chihaya #anime #manga

[shoujomangathoughts]

Chihayafuru Thoughts - How Taichi feels about Arata

The relationship between these two has always been fascinating to me. While the base of their relationship is definitely friendship, they also harbor complicated feelings toward each other. I’m not really going to focus on the romantic “rivalry” they have, although there are instances where that’s a factor. I’ll be using examples from all over the manga so here’s the spoiler warning.

Taichi definitely feels insecure and inadequate in comparison to Arata. The glasses incident is something he thinks of many times throughout the story (in Fukui, at the Yoshino tournament, when he tells Chihaya the truth, etc.) and it’s clear that Arata calling him a coward has led him to try to change that aspect of himself, hence Taichi’s line “I wanna be someone who doesn’t run away”. However, Arata’s karuta prowess also amazes and scares Taichi. Taichi feels as though Arata plays at a level that he himself could never reach, no matter how much time or effort he puts in, and he feels left behind (by Chihaya as well for that matter). There are certain scenes where this is apparent and it reminds me of what Taichi said about Emuro; that he “drew a line” based on their ability, something Taichi seems to do to himself as well.

This is also why Taichi has at times thought that Arata is more beneficial to Chihaya’s growth in karuta than he could be. He thinks of himself as lacking.

This insecurity around Arata occasionally causes him to lash out, muttering Arata is his enemy or feeling flustered at the idea of Arata making a team.

This line, following “Chihaya wants to be on a team with you again, but I don’t”, seems more about how Taichi doesn’t want to play with Arata because he doesn’t want to feel useless next to him like when they were kids (a similar feeling to how Desktomu felt at regionals in their first year). He wants to keep improving and meet Arata as an equal, and he doesn’t see an avenue to that if they played on the same team or if Arata was around more often.

I’ve seen this scene interpreted as Taichi saying this because the team is something Taichi has in relation to Chihaya that Arata doesn’t, but my view is a bit different. To me, this scene has always been about the fact that Taichi has gained a certain confidence in team matches (being the leader, prioritizing the team winning over his individual win, etc). Part of this confidence probably comes from the fact that Arata doesn’t play on a team, and thus Taichi doesn’t have to use him as a point of comparison, and that confidence would most likely be destroyed if Arata made a team. To Taichi it feels like the one area of katura that he hasn’t had to worry about Arata in is being threatened, hence why he says something snarky.

Then there’s also the feelings of jealousy that he harbors due to Chihaya’s attachment (oftentimes near idolization) to Arata. Taichi’s love for her often causes him pain because she would bring Arata up a lot and very clearly acknowledged him, whereas Taichi never felt like he was enough as he was and part of him longed for Chihaya to “see” him as well. He seems to think the qualities that Arata has are among those that Chihaya seems to notice in people (and for a while he’s not entirely wrong, karuta freak that she is) and that he himself lacks them. That probably lends itself as to why he seems very touched whenever Chihaya does see him (offering a towel, caring so much about him making Class A, Yoshino, the Taichi Cup, etc.).

However, it’s also clear that Taichi respects and admires Arata as a player and values him as a friend. He cries when Arata returns, calls him for advice after feeling entirely dejected, supports him after Arata defeats him and becomes the Meijin challenger, etc. Taichi just has parts of him that view Arata more negatively and he actively points that out to himself. He uses phrases like “it’s not Arata’s fault” because he understands it’s not Arata himself but rather some of the feelings he’s attached to Arata that make him feel the way he does. However Taichi also accepts some of the negative sentiment he holds for Arata and the rivalry he feels toward him. His feelings toward Arata are well summed up when Taichi says to himself, “I’m happy when I forget you, but I’m encouraged when I remember you”. It’s complicated, and the matches he and Arata played at the Meijin challengers were a nice exploration into how they view each other. Those matches culminated in a nice moment where they realize despite any complicated feelings, they’re grateful to each other.

Anyway, that was rather long even though I feel like I didn’t say all I initially planned to. I’ll probably make more posts like this, one potentially exploring the opposite of this one; how Arata views Taichi. If you read this far thanks for entertaining my rambles!

#chihayafuru #mashima taichi #wataya arata #anime #manga