sean-gaffney

[sean-gaffney]

Do you guys remember how kidnap fantasies were popular on wattpad because young girls and queer teens were both made to feel shame at the thought of their own sexualities, so the fantasy of being kidnapped totally against their will was a way for them to engage with a romantic or sexual fantasy without feeling morally in the wrong for doing so? Added bonus that the fantasy involved being whisked away from repressive environments like home or school, right?

Finding out that Bram Stoker was in a sexless marriage and that scholars believe that he very likely was closeted gay puts the entire book into perspective as to WHY it reads EXACTLY like a self insert wattpad Dracula kidnap fic:

“I TOTALLY love my wife and would never do anything that an upstanding Good Straight Working Man wouldn’t do but oh nooo, big strong man with broad back and strong enough arms to carry me back to bed like a princess trapped me and claimed me as his, completely against my will 👉👈 But he protects me against the bad evil sexual women (who I assure you, I am TOTALLY sexually attracted to, as any straight man with a choice would be) but trust me, I do NOT want ANY of this. What’s that? The Count is not capable of feeling love? Would be a shame if I had the special ability to change tha-”

[sean-gaffney]

[sean-gaffney]

Donna: *about to leave for a few hours*

The Doctor on the verge of tears: *long dramatic speech about how Donna changed his life, saved him, made him a better man, rewrote his DNI, rewired his brain chemistry, imprinted on both of his hearts, and how her absence will break his  hearts and leave him in darkness and nothing is the same without her*

+ BONUS

#doctor who

[sean-gaffney]

ok but helen and odysseus have SO much potential as a brotp. his lying/disguise skills + her vocal impression abilities? the chaos would be UNSTOPPABLE

[sean-gaffney]

Don't See Yourself as a Cuckoo

I started reading Chica Umino's March Comes In Like a Lion after years of hearing about its great outlook on characters dealing with a variety of emotional issues. In particular, its main character, Rei Kiriyama and his struggles to come to terms with his past involving a surrogate parental figure who raised him after his family died, but ignored their own kids for the sake of Rei's future.

I see this first hand near the end of the 1st volume when Rei reminisces about the past and how he got into shogi.

It's scary that I felt the same as Rei about 13 years ago. I remember one time where I felt like I was dragging my family down a hell hole when we moved into a new living situation. I was dealing with so much uncertainty and didn't know how to handle it. I think at the time, we had limited resources. I felt that I was selfish because I wanted to move to a better place badly over everyone else's preferences, but my sister reminded me that I wasn't the only one who wanted out. She even said my thinking was warped. I think I was just so afraid of hurting my family and felt they had to do so much for my depression. I wanted them to stop helping me. I felt like a cuckoo despite not actually being a cuckoo.

When I look back at that time now, I realized that I was facing a new situation that I was overreacting to. It's fine to react in ways that make you fearful, but there's a point where it affects your relationships in not-so-healthy ways. You have to be realistic and trust in the people around you despite what your inner critic says.

Rei's quote about being a bird and free of emotional pain reminded me of my experiences with birds. I used to have a pet African finch and felt that he had it much easier than me. He got to eat, sing, fly around, sleep, poop, etc. And then I remember my finch lived in a cage and was taken care of by creatures (i.e. human beings) that he can't exactly communicate with. There's no freedom for him here. And even if my finch was free and roaming, he would have to deal with how vicious wild birds are due to being domesticated. My finch died in 2019 after 11 years of raising him and while I do think he lived a long life for his kind, I have to be careful in saying he lived a good life.

After my finch died, I later discovered an avian center that housed birds of all kinds that were on display while walking on a lunch break from work. There were a variety of them living in a special housing display for everyone to see. All of them were either injured, old, and/or couldn't be raised by regular folks. I had a lot of joy looking at those birds and would walk by to see them almost all the time. Some of them did die over time, but the birds reminded me how important it is to recognize that we deserve people to care for us when life deals us a terrible hand. I still stop by the avian center bird display because all the birds there are precious to me.

I sometimes wished I was a bird because it sucks being sad a good amount. It sucks to cry when you least expect it. And then I think about what that actually will entail. I don't want to anthropomorphize animals because it's hard to compare.

The grand truth is that everyone and everything (humans/animals/plants) goes through pain in some fashion. We decay and wither from time to time. That's how life works. Obviously, some pain isn't worth it. But I feel that we have to appreciate to a certain degree how we learn who we really are through our rough experiences. They make us value what's important in our lives. Despite whatever gaslighting we may get, we can get through the pain and/or live with it in healthy ways.

I will say that one thing I notice about birds is that they're usually together a lot. During the 1st year of COVID, I saw a family of mourning doves living in the back of my place for a short time. It was one of the cutest things I ever saw. The parents would fly away to look for food, while the kids parked themselves at their temporary home. I don't know how they're doing now, but I like to think that they're doing okay out there. Whenever I see families of mourning doves, I think of that one family.

Maybe a part of me still wants to be a bird - soaring into the air and being out in nature, free of modern life constraints. The real cuckoo isn't me; it's those who want us to ignore the interdependence of all things that truly makes human beings feel that they matter.

If you ever feel like you're a cuckoo, it's not your fault. You're a person who deserves the unconditional foundation to live a life full of love to process the pain you unfortunately had to deal with.

Much like what the manga seems to entail, springtime is a time to renew yourself with others around, whether human or animal, after the harshness of winter.

#March Comes In Like a Lion

[sean-gaffney]

ideal saturday night plans babey

#star trek

[sean-gaffney]

‘Temporary’ Names

Vet clinics often have litters of kittens to raise. Either they’re too young for a shelter, too sickly, or the clinic intends to adopt them out when they’re big enough. Whatever the reason, nurses often end up raising kittens and giving them ‘temporary’ names. 

The intention of these temporary names is that if you give the kitten a stupid name, you have something to call it other than ‘the middle black male’, but because it’s a stupid name you wont get emotionally attached and end up keeping it. Again. 

Which is how some nurses end up with cats that have names like ‘Flea bus’ and ‘Trash bag’. 

[sean-gaffney]

you ever just sit and realise u can’t remember 80% of your childhood? like … what happened? who am i ..?

[sean-gaffney]

I have known multiple women who had beautiful German Shepherds who loved them, tolerated their children and bit their shitty husbands all the fucking time at the drop of a hat. The one I remember most strongly was a friend of my parents when I was about nine and utterly enthralled with her beautiful shepherd named Watson who patiently endured my obsession. Specifically, I remember the husband cautioning my mom about it and my mom responding, “oh Jesus, Steve, we all know Watson only bites you.”

I’m not a responsible enough dog trainer to have a German Shepherd but I admire this trait so much.

[sean-gaffney]

#light novel #review

[sean-gaffney]

#fate

[sean-gaffney]

Pick of the Week: Mostly Fish

SEAN: Honestly, the title I’m most interested in this week is Fish Society, despite the fact that I’m 99% sure that once I pick it Ed will tell me that that release date is not accurate. But it’s STILL the most interesting thing on the list. KATE: I second Sean’s pick; I liked An Invitation from a Crab and am looking forward to more of Panpaya’s surreal, beautiful storytelling. MICHELLE: I think…

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[sean-gaffney]

Realistically, a household the size of Wayne Manor needs more than just a butler, and while Bruce might imagine he can keep his proclivities secret from his own domestic staff, Alfred certainly harbours no such illusions. I've gotta wonder what the orientation lecture he's worked out looks like. Like, of course they're going to be extensively vetted before they ever set foot on the premises, but at some point during the onboarding process the subject of the Batcave has gotta come up – I just wanna know how Alfred broaches that.

[sean-gaffney]

[sean-gaffney]

Sometimes the smallest thing can rewrite the trajectory of your life. For example: the reason I could only think about Dragon Ball Z for five years of my mortal life is I attended a local theater one-act play based on Waiting for Godot where Vegeta and Frieza were fighting on namek and waiting for Goku. It was so good it rewrote my brain chemistry permanently

#dragon ball

[sean-gaffney]

She's just a silly little guy!! :D

#gundam witch from mercury

[sean-gaffney]

Always love how much folklore especially creature folklore emphasizes that there is a way for you to win. These are the steps to ensure the dead don't rise: take them out through a hole in the wall and give them iron shoes. Vampires cannot abide sunlight. If you hear a dog howl on a churchyard path turn around and get home as fast as you can. Iron and salt and the colour red. None of this doomed idea, the world is incomprehensible but if you're a bit clever you'll survive it just fine, there's always ways out.