sailorcheese

[sailorcheese]

I seriously need a miracle in the next two days or I’m not eating this week and I already barely do and ugh this just feels so fucking awful

[sailorcheese]

snoopy of the day

[sailorcheese]

"what's the appeal of drag kings" because women are my favorite guy next question

[sailorcheese]

this feels like absolute shit but I turn 30 next weekend and can’t afford groceries this week and don’t know what else to do, I know there’s way way more important things that need donations right now

but if you have the ability and feel like being extremely kind and can spare a few dollars I’ll do a little commission for you, I’m rusty but I’ll do my best

I don’t really use much else so here’s my ko-fi

[sailorcheese]

I even went outside and tried, like really tried for the first time in years, to paint and it just made me feel worse

#I wish I wasn’t like this so badly #please don’t shit on me for this it’s just an under painting and I don’t have the mental fortitude to take criticism right now

[sailorcheese]

I just want to stop feeling like a failure like… I turn 30 next weekend and I’m still stuck working part time in a degrading job, my degrees clearly don’t mean shit, my education means absolutely nothing, I don’t make art anymore not that anyone ever actually liked my work, I don’t make music anymore, I can’t drink, I don’t have my own car anymore, all of my skills are apparently worthless, my finances just keep getting worse and worse, there’s literally no end in sight to the misery for me and I kind of wish I’d just never tried to begin with

I just want to give up like really, really give up

#but if I do that Bren will be sad and alone and I don’t want that for him #but I think he’d be better off without me anyway

[sailorcheese]

forgot to use some oil in my hair today to keep the frizz away and I’m deeply regretting it

#me #selfie #gpoy

[sailorcheese]

[sailorcheese]

had a panic attack at work again love it love how I’m backsliding so hard god I just want a fucking drink

#or to just drive my car off the bridge idk which sounds better

[sailorcheese]

thought I was gonna regret the cut but tbh I’m so fucking glad I did it

don’t look at my tired greasy ass face tho just the hair

#straight up took off like six inches of hair #this is the shortest it’s been since I was like…… 20? #me #selfie

[sailorcheese]

just cut half my hair off as a stress response so I hope I’m not in tears, again, by the end of the day 🫠

[sailorcheese]

my work bestie came over for dinner again last night and we’re gonna try and make it a weekly thing because it’s been so fun and she’s so into everything I do! she loves my food and my art and I’m just so happy I have a friend I can hang out with again who actually thinks I’m cool

#last night we did Japanese curry which she’d never had before and it blew her mind lol #but tbf it blew my mind the first time I had it too lmao

[sailorcheese]

[sailorcheese]

[sailorcheese]

literally halfway to tears because I opened up one of my big portfolio bags for the first time in years and I still have my big mobile drawing table that I thought I trashed a long time ago???? I have an actual large surface for drawing again??

[sailorcheese]

writers and artists will go "this isn't good enough." my brother in christ, you're creating something new out of nothing and expressing yourself creatively. your productivity and unrealistic standards of perfection do not define you or the worth of your art. you're doing great.

#take this seriously #I had given up on myself as an artist because I spent WAY too much time surrounded by nothing but artists #now that I have “civilian” friends and almost want to make stuff again #because they love my work??!! #and I’m talking about people who work at a hardware store #I think I’m really close to there again

[sailorcheese]

you won’t believe this but it got worse!!!!

it’s been such a shit day that a cop is currently in 3rd place for my best customers today and I really can’t believe that

#a man with a really fucking scary dog made me have a full blown panic attack at the register!!! #he was so fucking rude and mean for no god damn reason #I’m good now but oh my fucking god