sabine5

[sabine5]

march 4- 3 personality traits I'm proud of

curiosity

kindness

memory

[sabine5]

march 3- what I wanted to be when I grew up

When I was a kid I wanted to be an artist or a children's book illustrator. I think I liked the idea of being allowed to draw all day long. I figured out that I wasn't actually all that good at drawing or painting when I was in high school. But I think I'd like to give it another go.

[sabine5]

march 2- 5 facts about me

I'm an enneagram 4

I've travelled to 4 continents and lived on 3

I have two siblings

I learned to ski when I was 4 years old

I once had a pet chinchilla

[sabine5]

feel free to use this how ever you'd like.

#31 day blog challenge #31 day challenge

[sabine5]

march 1- introduction

Hi. I'm Sabine. Actually that's my cat's name, but it's a pretty name and I picked it out, so I'm using it here too.

This is the real Sabine, sitting in her favorite spot, the cardboard box next to my desk:

I'm 29 years old. I work from home, and feel very blessed that I'm able to do that. I love listening to books and podcasts, especially if I get to do that while walking in the park. In terms of topic, my interests are pretty focused on history, especially ancient history, pop culture, literature, self development, and a bit of politics. I prefer lots of dialogue over action.

I also love to make things: knitting, crochet, painting, drawing, baking, writing. I'm an enneagram 4 and a Virgo. I have many house plants, a lot of yarn, and a pair of roller skates in the trunk of my car.

For a few years I've been working towards these two big goals that I'm focused on here on the blog: losing weight and paying off this crushing mountain of consumer debt. But lately I've decided that enough is enough, and I'm committed to making some real changes. I'm turning 30 in 6 months, one of those landmark what-the-fuck birthdays, and I want to feel like I'm on the right track when that day comes. Right around my last birthday I landed my dream job, and I want to start making the rest of my life feel like what I always dreamed of too.

The real goal, the larger goal, is to be free. To have the financial freedom to do work I love and believe in, not just work that pays the bills. The freedom that comes from feeling confident in my own skin. The freedom to travel, to run and jump and feel strong.

So that's me. I'll write some more tomorrow.

#31 day blog challenge #31 day challenge

[sabine5]

[sabine5]

February check-in/ March goals

Losing weight:

I weighed in at 170.4 this morning, 2.6 pounds lost this month.

Which isn't great. But I guess I didn't do so great. I thought I was eating at a deficit, but I wasn't weighing my food. So I need to start doing that.

Exercise-wise I did pretty well. I walked about 2.5 miles almost every day this month, sometimes double that. I also did some strength and ballet barre classes online.

For March: I will weigh and measure my food to be more certain of quantities and calorie counts. I'm going to increase the frequency of my strength and ballet classes, and I'm going to go on some more challenging hikes. I'd also like to invest in some heavier dumbbells.

Paying down debt:

Started the month at $20,258. I'm now down to $18,229.

So happy with that! I'm on track to pay off credit card #2 in April, Loan #1 in July, and the other two debts by this time next year.

My current plan is quite aggressive, about half of my take home pay is going towards my debt. I could be paying more towards it if I could tighten the budget even further. The hardest categories are shopping and eating out for me. I love both so much and it's difficult to say no all the time. But this is only temporary and I want to be debt free more than I want a cafe sandwich or a new pair of shoes. I can do this.

In March I have a little less to work with, so I'll be paying down about $1800. Hopefully all will go well with taxes and I'll get some money back, so I'll be able to put that return towards my debt as well. Fingers crossed.

#goal check in #debt free #weight loss

[sabine5]

[sabine5]

[sabine5]

Whatever you're working on right now -- writing, code, art, whatever: don't try to make it perfect, or even good, on the first pass. Just make it exist first.

[sabine5]

Lord help me, I’m so in love with him. And he’s in love with someone who doesn’t love him. Maybe she’s happy, I don’t know, but he and I sure aren’t. Happy Valentine’s Day and all that.

[sabine5]

Sometimes it feels self centered to be so obsessed with my body and my money the way that I am. It’s like I wake up and look around and realize that I’ve only been thinking about myself for days on end. I need to find a way to connect. To do some good for others.

[sabine5]

just friends

I'm making a special dinner for my friend tonight.

He's kind of like a friend. But also my sex friend. But we're not dating. Except that we do all the things that people do when they're dating. And we've had this dynamic for close to a year now. But we're not dating. Definitely not. He's not over his ex and I'm too fat to be anyone's girlfriend. Or at least that's how it feels.

[sabine5]

[sabine5]

ottessa moshfegh

[sabine5]

a little better

weighed in at 173.6 this morning. Oof. I hate how enormous that number is right now. But I will get it down soon, I know that I can.

I did twenty minutes of strength training yesterday, and then a 15 minute yoga video. Didn't go for a walk because it was cold and rainy outside. I'll get out today, though. Yesterday's eating was pretty great.

breakfast: coffee with oat milk, overnight oats with protein powder (455)

lunch: naan bread with tzatziki and cucumber (350)

dinner: 4oz roast salmon, 1 cup rice, homemade mango and jalapeno salsa (451)

Total: 1256

Today I'm having close to the same menu, but I ran out of rice so I'll replace that with broccoli, and for lunch I'll have an avocado toast. Tomorrow I'm really excited to make turkey meatballs that I'll have with tzatziki and sweet potato. Another exciting menu item is brussel sprouts with gnocchi and olive oil. I know, it's all very thrilling.

My work has been... not so great. If I'm meant to be working 40 hours I think I'm actually putting in closer to 15 this week. It's pretty bad. Yesterday I worked about 4 hours, Monday I think I did 3, and on Tuesday I did none at all. Today I'll work until 4 then go for my walk, then I'll work some more tonight to make up for lost time.

I'm just to obsessed with Grey's Anatomy, I can't make myself stop watching. And I watch late into the night, too. I think I've watched ten seasons in like a month. It's pretty bad. But also part of a pattern for me. Last fall I did this with Gilmore Girls, I watched it at night and in the middle of the day when I should have been working. It's like torture. I'm enjoying it, can't stop compulsively watching it, but I also can't enjoy it because I'm so anxious about what I should be doing instead.

But on the bright side, when I'm in bed watching tv I'm not shopping or out spending money. So that's good. I think I might actually be able to stay under budget this month.

#diary #food log #tv addict #weight loss

[sabine5]

Not spending money

is really really hard. Which is why I am in such a crazy amount of debt. I spent money I do not have and rationalized that that one purchase is going to make me happy. That I need that thing. Once I have that thing I'll finally be complete. But it's not true. Once I have the thing I take it for granted and I start fixating on the next thing I need.

Case in point: last month I bought an Apple watch. And now I have another charging cable. So I started looking into wireless charging stations to clean up the tangle of wires. But then I'll look at it and decide that it would look better with a prettier bedside table. Which would need a matching bookcase. And don't I need even more books? But the book is only $12 and I want to get free shipping, so I should buy two more to save the $5. And on and on and on, pick a starting line and go from there.

I keep a wishlist on google keep. So when I really want something, instead of hitting purchase on the website, I add it to the list. And then if something has been on the list for a while and I still want it, I get it.

That's how it was with the Apple watch. I probably still should not have bought it. But I rationalized that it would help me with my fitness journey. And I do actually love the watch. But my point is, sometimes I look around at my possessions and try to pinpoint the date each came into my life. The other day I realized that everything i was wearing was less than six months old. That even in this crushing debt I have still been purchasing new things like crazy. My shopping budget is blown nearly every month.

My new plan is not to eliminate shopping entirely, I don't think I could do that. But I am going to set the limit each month at $100. If I want something that is more expensive I will have to wait until I have saved enough over several months to afford it. More of a built-in buffer for impulse spending. No more walking around stores (or online stores) just to see what is there. No more thinking "it would be so nice to have a fish tank" and then researching how much they cost online. I can just think about the fish tank without purchasing one. I want to simplify my life, not add more to it. At least not in the sense of owning more items.

I want to be free. Free from debt and free from all these pointless items that I have stacked up all around me.

#debtfree #impulsive spending #shopping addiction #budget