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Random Stream of Consciousness
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this girl has no point of view whatsoever
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Is there a good answer?
Give me a good reason to stick around that doesn't involve having to be around for OTHER PEOPLE.
#crisis#fears#dystopia#mental health#late stage capitalism#perimenopause#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#autism#sensory issues#porphyria#corporate greed#corporate responsibility#climate crisis#the kids aren't alright
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I just want to no longer exist
No matter how hard I try to logic my way to keep living, the reasons to stick around are dwindling fast. When your fellow humans decide that money is more valuable than lives, it's hard to see a way out of all of this without a lot of suffering. I've had enough suffering in my life for several lifetimes.
My husband has a job, but lives in a hotel because we can't find a place to live because he fucked up our finances SO BADLY that nobody wants to rent to us. We have the money. The past is the problem. I don't want to be touched by him, or anyone for that matter, because the thought of human touch makes me cringe. I never used to be like this.
I started perimenopause at age 34 because I was exposed to too much PFAS because Dupont invented teflon down the road. Having a hypersensory processing disorder makes every day a living nightmare because my body is a beachball, my senses are fucked up, my hormones are doing stupid shit, and there are zero resources available for people like me. I have nerve damage in my face which makes me want to cut my head off, but doctors won't give me adequate pain management despite no issues with compliance. I moved, and new doctors wouldn't continue my medication because they were uncomfortable with it. I am uncomfortable every minute of every day. Even my dreams are filled with pain... when I can get sleep.
The world is on fire, in so many ways. While there are glimmers of hope, it's far too late to reverse the damage that's been done and I don't see a way out, despite my peers being among the world's most intellectually gifted people. They don't see things getting better either. Canary in a coal mine.
My family is falling apart. My aunt is giving up because her son and grandsons never communicate with her because they're "too busy". I am trying to visit my lonely relatives as much as I can because I know all too well how loneliness feels. My parents are basically adult children, with one seeing the world through rose colored glasses and the other with the social abilities of a 15 year old. My one 35 year old sister takes advantage of their kindness by hoarding in their home, paying no bills, contributing nothing despite having a job. She doesn't even pay for her rescue dog's medical bills.
If I stepped away from all of this, it wouldn't make things better. I'd feel isolated and like I'm not contributing. If I stay in it, I am guaranteed a life of more stress. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.
#crisis#fears#dystopia#mental health#late stage capitalism#perimenopause#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#autism#sensory issues#porphyria#corporate greed#corporate responsibility#climate crisis#the kids aren't alright
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I lost my memory
Hello world! I lost my memory. I just remembered I had this Tumblr (along with others I’m still trying to remember). If you knew me, say hello! I’m slowly recovering my memory and learning I talked to a LOT of people online.
So, hi again :)
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ver2go:
The chief Raoni cries when he learns that brazilian president Dilma released the beginning of construction of the hydroelectric plant of Belo Monte, even after tens of thousands of letters and emails addressed to her and which were ignored as the more than 600 000 signatures. That is, the death sentence of the peoples of Great Bend of the Xingu river is enacted. Belo Monte will inundate at least 400,000 hectares of forest, an area bigger than the Panama Canal, thus expelling 40,000 indigenous and local populations and destroying habitat valuable for many species - all to produce electricity at a high social, economic and environmental cost, which could easily be generated with greater investments in energy efficiency.
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I'm part of the 17% of kids that don't enjoy sack races. Just sayin'...
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Obama and Michelle react to the Queen of England's FlyAss ride...
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