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randomdailylife999 · 1 month

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Sometimes I still think about the first guy I ever liked. You know the one that gives you butterflies in your stomach, the one that runs around in your mind nonstop, the one that you think you’ll have a future with. I’ll never forget about him I think.

I think we were both too young, maybe he was the right person but the timing was so bad. We both didn’t know what we wanted out of life, and you honestly can’t blame anyone at that age for it. Everyone is constantly changing.

But he sucked lol. He would hide his secret meetings with his “friend” from me. Some reminders to myself on what happened;

- I liked him early on in high school we had group projects and some classes together but then I kinda forgot about him until grade 12 and then I had this massive crush on him

- his entire friend group knew we liked each other, bruh i fucking kissed him on the cheek one night when we were hanging out with his friend group and I pulled him to the side

- moving onto uni, he gave me a t shirt from when he went overseas for a competition

- I ended class early on Thurs/fri and he had a large gap in between classes so I was like okay I can just wait for u and we can hang out and stuff I don’t have to go home right after class

- but instead he was meeting a friend and he said they just came to Toronto so he was going to meet them, he made it sound like it his friend just landed in Toronto from an airplane flight and I thought this person was a dude

- he initially said yea let’s hang out and then the day is here and I try to text him over and over and nothing, and then when I finally reach him he’s like yea I’m still here, I’m waiting for my friend. He just forgot he agreed that we were meeting up!

- I was furious

- this happened for basically the whole semester and I was stupid enough to not realize

- I later found out that this friend was a girl who went to York and she wasn’t even in the same program as him, like I rlly thought this friend was helping him study or something

- I think she’s a lesbian lol but that’s besides the point! Why call them just a friend, suspicious behaviour

- I remember he only told me who his friend was when I asked and I was heartbroken, devastated

- I remember not being able to go practice early Wednesday morning cuz I was just crying all night Tuesday night so I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed early next morning

- I remember holding back tears on the train. I was close my eyes so hard so try not to cry on the way to and from school

- second semester comes around and I ask for his schedule to see if we have time to hang out, he sends it but never asks for mine, bruh at this point I should have given up

- I saw one of his friends second semester who recognized me as we walked by each other but at that point I already stopped talking to him

- I find out he transferred schools to York and now studies kindergarten and he never bothered to tell me, if we were rlly friends, he would have told me??? But ig we weren’t close enough for that

- I remember crying myself to sleep for months

- so we basically don’t talk for a very very long time, I’m going through my closet and I realize I still have his stupid shirt he gave me and I’m like I don’t want it anymore but how do I give it back to him?

- I contact one of our mutuals, his friend first and I explain the situation a bit and we meet in person and I explain it more and I give our mutual the shirt to give back to him

- then my ex crush texts me and wants to meet up for bbt to talk and i was like “unfortunately im busy” or “im busy unfortunately”, that’s legit one of the last things he said to me before he ghosted me

- (I asked him if he was still down to go somewhere I can’t remember, and he said that, and then I told him, okay just let me know when ur free, and he never got back to me in 6 months, yea he could have forgotten to text me back but like yea no lol)

- I had told our mutual that I was willing to talk to him but by the time he reached out to me I was soooo over it, like I thought about it a little bit more and I was like, you’re only texting me because our mutual friend talked to u about it. You don’t even know what u did, someone had to tell u what happened in order for u to reach out to me, that doesn’t sit well with me

- he removed me from his discord friend list and removed me from the group chat he added me to with his friends

- he’s the reason why prom sucked

- hes one of the reasons i didnt rlly like hs all that much

- he’s the last person I ever felt that strongly about, everyone I’ve liked afterwards has never made me feel that way

- I’m afraid to say it but I can’t rlly love like that anymore, the love I feel now it’s as crazy as before ( like I’ve lost my mind lol), it’s a more mature, head over heart kind of love

- he has a masters now I think while I don’t so I want to get one, I can never let someone like that be better than me. I have to be more successful than him

- if he ever sees this, “fuck u”

#first crush #oh well #story time #graveyard #feelings #reminiscing #teenagers #rant post #personal rant

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