pyeonijeom

[pyeonijeom]

[pyeonijeom]

Do I want romance or am I a victim of amatonormativity?

Do you guys ever have the problem of not knowing whether you actually want something or society just told you to want it?

Despite being greyromantic I think I want a romantic relationship. And despite me experiencing romantic attraction very rarely, I only can comfortably engage in a romantic relationship if I feel romantic attraction. At the mere thought of doing romantically coded things with someone I’m not romantically attracted to I feel repulsed and almost violated (you see the dilemma?)

But in the last time I’m asking myself more and more questions. Does my discomfort come from the romantic acts or from being told to only do these things with someone I romantically love?

Do I feel uncomfortable showing physical affection to close friends because I don’t like it or because I was told to not do these things when we’re “only friends”? (Or because I’m afraid they will immidiately think I have a crush on them?)

Do I actually want a romantic relationship or do I want a commited relationship but I was taught those are always inherently romantic?

Do I want romance or am I a victim of amatonormativity?

#aro #greyro

[pyeonijeom]

Me: *catches feelings (??) for someone*

Me:

... :/

#greyro #aro

[pyeonijeom]

An Incomplete Arospec Terminology Post

Haven’t seen any of these bad boys float around, but! Here are some terms that may be helpful to folks who are like “what is an aro”? This is definitely not a complete list of terms, and I don’t remember where all the terms came from, but here we goooooo!

Important note: not all of these terms are used by the entire community, and there is discourse within the arospec community about terminology and the politics surrounding them, particularly in the identities section. The OP does not intend to make any statements on specific terms intentionally, and corrections from other arospecs (unless starred) are appreciated. Discourse from exclusionists is not, however, and romantic folks are NOT to speak over arospec folks discussing in this post. All terms defined will be tagged in the OP as to make sure that those avoiding specific terms can avoid them.

ETA: Removed the ‘read more’ and is now tagged as #long post for those who want to save their dashboards.

Important Concepts

Arospec: The umbrella term for the aromantic and aro-aligned identities within the wider aspec, which is the aromantic and asexual communities. The arospec has different needs and wants than the acespec community, and both are worth distinguishing from each other.

Split-attraction model: also known as SAM, the split-attraction model holds that attraction to people can be distinctly split up into categories, such as romantic, platonic, sexual, etc. Using the SAM is not mandatory to identifying as aromantic or arospec, and many people just use “aro” to describe themselves for many reasons.

Alterous attraction: an attraction term to describe attraction that is not entirely romantic or platonic, the “crush” equivalent is mesh

Queerplatonic relationship: a self-defined relationship by those within it that does not fit within the stereotypical definitions of a platonic or romantic relationship. You do not have to be aromantic in order to want or be in a QPR, a partner is called a QPP, zucchini, or a plush

Amatonormativity: the sociocultural idea that every single person is the most happy within a heteroromantic, heterosexual, monogamous relationship. Term coined by feminist Elizabeth Brake to describe the systemic ways that this ideology is upheld, and used within the arospec community as well as within the polyamorous community to discuss…

*Relationship anarchy: the ideology and practice of never assuming any kind of interpersonal dynamic is “one way” or “another” based purely on action. Every interpersonal dynamic, be it platonic, sexual, romantic, or otherwise, is discussed between all parties involved in it

Squish: the “crush” equivalent of platonic attraction, usually used to define friendships or a desire to become friends with someone

Arophobia: a specific prejudice against arospec people. Arophobia can be both intentional and unintentional, being called arophobic is not being called a slur, nor is it a dogwhistle for bullying.

Aromantic Identities:

Aromantic: experiencing no romantic attraction, often shortened to aro.

Demiromantic: only experiencing romantic attraction when a strong emotional bond is present.

Greyromantic: experiencing romantic attraction very infrequently. This is different from…

Aroflux: romantic orientation fluctuates but is always aligned with the aromantic spectrum

Lithromantic: experiences romantic attraction but does not want it reciprocated, also called akioromantic

Quoiromantic: cannot tell the difference between romantic attraction and other forms of attraction, platonic attraction is usually the comparison attraction

Reciproromantic: does not experience romantic attraction unless they know the feelings will be returned

Cupioromantic: does not experience romantic attraction but still desires a romantic relationship, this person can also be called romance-favorable or romo-positive (discussed in the next section)

Aroace: an aromantic asexual, meaning they experience no romantic or sexual attraction

Aroallo: an aromantic allosexual, meaning they experience no romantic attraction but experience sexual attraction

Neuaro/neu aro/neu-aro: a term that fits inbetween aroace and aroallo, for aromantics who are neutral about identifying as either asexual or allosexual

Non-SAM aro: an aromantic who doesn’t use the SAM to define their attractions

Unit aro: an aromantic who solely identifies as aro because their aromanticism is the most important part of their identity.

Nonamorous: the most commonly used term for aromantics who do not wish to enter any kind of relationship or dynamic that isn’t platonic. Other terms exist for this, like callistic, but they are not as well known or used within the arospec community.

Aplatonic: an aromantic that does not experience platonic attraction, and.or does not seek out interpersonal dynamics defined by platonic attraction

The Romance Feelings Spectrum

There are many terms used to describe how an arospec person views romance in society and in their life, many of which are debated within the community. The following list are terms that the OP has personally seen used and discussed (and one is a term that the OP uses personally for themselves), some of them are analogues with the acespec sexual favorability terms.

Romo-positive or Romo-favorable: an arospec who feels positively about romance portrayed in society and media. They may seek out romantic relationships of their own.

Romo-neutral: an arospec whose opinion on romantic portrayal in society and media is neutral. They may seek out romantic relationships of their own.

Romo-repulsed: an arospec whose opinion on romantic portrayal in society and media is negative, and often experiences distress and emotional exhaustion when interacting with media that contains romantic aspects or when discussing romance with people in their daily lives. They usually do not tend to seek out romantic relationships on their own.

Romo-antagonistic: term used by the OP to describe their own very intense disdain for romantic media and social norms, it is often also paired with an intense hatred for amatonormativity that prevents people from forming legally-recognized dynamics that exist outside of its “bounds” of acceptability.

Final Note

These terms are not all the terms used within the arospec community, nor should this post be seen as the sole dictionary of terminology. The LGBTA Wiki through FANDOM is a very good resource for finding terms and their origins. Do not apply terms to people without their consent, and this post does not give any readers permission to correct people on their own terminology. Arospec people are the authorities on the arospec community, and anyone else claiming otherwise is being arophobic.

<#, Allos the Menacing Aro

#greyro #aro

[pyeonijeom]

Here’s to the gray romantic and/or gray sexual people, to those who only feel attraction sometimes or in really specific circumstances. Your on and off relationship with attraction is completely genuine and you’re a lovely person. I hope that great things come your way.

#greyro

[pyeonijeom]

Taeyong through the eras: Limitless

[pyeonijeom]

one very important advice i want to give you is to stop suppressing your emotions. this will literally kill you, i’ve experienced it myself to the point where it got so bad that my body reacted with physical pain. and by letting out your emotions i don’t mean crying on public transport (even though this is also valid!) but don’t say it’s fine when it’s not. everyone is telling us to be positive and to not get upset over little things but if little things upset you please be upset. because the goal is not to SAY that everything is fine but to BE at a state where everything is fine which you can only achieve by letting out what needs to get out.

[pyeonijeom]

H.P.L. was right

What if the Old Ones really came back ? What if Lovecraft was right ?

DOFRESH .PRO

#lovecraft

[pyeonijeom]

[pyeonijeom]

Life doesn’t end at 23. 30 isn’t old. Fetishising youth as the ultimate desirable characteristic in a person is actively harmful to both young and old people. Some of us lost our teenage years to abuse and recovery, and can only begin living when we’re at a different life stage.  Literally knock it off, the lot of you.

[pyeonijeom]

Botanist’s Window 🌱

[pyeonijeom]

pick a plant if you’re having a bad day:

🌼  don’t hate yourself for relationships and friendships you lost or sabotaged - accept that you built walls or adopted some coping mechanisms. be gentle with this and acknowledge that this has happened, but you are able to grow into a wiser person and have meaningful relationships in the future because of this. don’t mind-read others and think they hate you - that’s a lie. you can still make genuine friendships, you’re still a loveable, valuable person.

🌺 you will find something else you love, new friendships, new hobbies, new music, new obsessions, new things that give u meaning. when one thing ends another one begins, so  don’t dwell on people who aren’t in your life anymore or things you don’t enjoy anymore. those might be in the past, but don’t give up on searching for new things that could be even better. 

🌷bad days and bad weeks always end. there are good things ahead. please don’t conclude anything about yourself or your life from a temporary time. it won’t always be like this. 

☘️  there is always a chance of success and there is no one path to happiness. you’ve already come so far from where you started and you should take a moment to be proud of yourself. you never know what great things can happen. don’t lose hope 💛

🌸 keep going through tiredness and there will be something beautiful and new that will fill the emptiness you feel right now. document and romanticise your life. you’ve had days where the world is bright and soft and kind and you will have those days again. 

🌱take your time. it’s ok to rest. stay in bed, drink water, take plentiful breaks, do nothing but breathe. when you’re ready, pick yourself up and piece things back together. there is no pressure.

🍄 pay attention to influences that make you feel bad and try to remove those from your life and thoughts. sometimes things like too much social media, untidy room, too little sleep, too much time in your room, or spending time with someone who doesn’t appreciate you can wear you down. make sure your environment helps you thrive.

🌻 you’re not invisible or forgotten, even if you feel alone. someone appreciates your smile, someone wanted to speak to you but was too shy, someone remembers you fondly even though you haven’t spoken to them for a while. you’re not  insignificant and alone. maybe you can reach out first and you’ll see that you were loved all along. remember, if you’re alone for a long time you will think you’re unloveable, and this is the biggest lie in the world, so try to force yourself to interact with others in a nice and fulfilling way even when you feel scared of embarrassing yourself. people who matter won’t judge you.

🍁 sometimes the hardest, but most worthwhile thing is changing everything you do or think. if you’ve been spiralling, maybe it’s good to assess what you’re doing that is making your situation worse. sometimes your thoughts and actions can be the problem but those can be changed. the first step is accept that your past moulded your current reactions to situations, then make a conscious effort to change every negative thought that you believe in. changing habits and mindsets like perfectionism, self-hatred, procrastination, jumping to conclusions, believing everyone will hurt you is really hard but it can be life-changing. take one step at a time  it’s hard to change what you’ve always known but you can do it, and don’t forget there is help out there. I hope happiness will play a big role in your life one day.

#☘️

[pyeonijeom]

[pyeonijeom]

aloha_mongza

[pyeonijeom]

cho_niii`

#life

[pyeonijeom]

the moments we save

by Denny Bitte

[pyeonijeom]

I think sometimes people who have mental illness (myself included) forget that the reason we may be so tired all the time, is because we’re expending our energy with internally fighting inside ourselves. We’re using up our energy to tackle anxiety, or depression, or whatever the case may be. Fighting against that, along with doing daily chores? Studying? Keeping up with life in general? It can be EXHAUSTING.

So don’t ever feel bad if you need to take a breather for a small while. Don’t feel guilty for needing to nap and replenish those energy juices. Your body is amazing in the way that it can tell us what we need. You gotta take care of yourself, so don’t for a second believe that rest and recooperation has a time restraint on it. Everyone grows at different paces, and that includes rest. So keep growing.

#text