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pluviatenebris · 2 years

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so I do plan on becoming active again but I need a bit of a break and here’s a tl;dr of what’s been going on irl. nothing happened here or anything so no pressure to read! I promise I’m not ignoring anyone or dropping threads, I am just Recovering.

in the meantime I will probably mostly be mindlessly on Pokefarm (feel free to click me in guest most to give me delta points!) and straightening up our living space now that I have more motivation to work on some irl goals.

last Sunday (09/04) my partner and I had to surrender our cat that I adopted the month after my mom passed in early 2017. I was living alone at the time, in an apartment my mom and I had moved into together in 2015. my partner moved here in August of 2020. so the cat was my companion for several years. but he’s always had really bad ptsd but it had escalated to the point that we could barely move around our apartment without him lashing out aggressively at every single movement or sound - mostly at me. he didn’t back off in fear, no he bit and clawed like his life depended on it and I’m going to have ptsd about it for the rest of my life. it was like living in an abusive relationship for years.

so we spent like a week trying to figure out our options; we couldn’t take him and dump him somewhere because he has a microchip with my name on it. my community support specialist helped us call 13 shelters (all either not accepting surrenders or full with a waiting list), my partner called Animal Control and they were unhelpful AND rude as fuck to us. when I finally managed to get him in a carrier and we went to the vet they gave us the run around of more numbers and places to try and we spent a whole day calling more places, going more places and getting nowhere. my partner finally said we should go to the shelter I got him from, who did not have a listed phone number to call. thankfully, because he had come from that shelter, the woman was patient and understanding about us not calling in advance and accepted him as a return rather than a surrender due to the environment no longer being safe for the cat either, which more or less would not penalize me from adopting from that shelter in the future.

anyway, prior to getting him cage both my partner and I got slashed to hell and as soon as we dropped him off at the shelter we went to a walk-in clinic to get the scratched looked at (one of my was really bad) and we had to get antibiotics because they were clearly infected. and then the antibiotic treatment was hell on both of us and we’re currently dealing with yeast infections and have had to add that specific antibiotic to our med allergies list.

so it’s just. been a long week. I am just starting to feel safe in my own home again, and I’m showering more often, doing laundry, just taking care of shit I have been struggling with for the past two-ish years that I thought was all my depression just being in a low swing. it wasn’t. it was stress and denial.

we’ve also adopted a stray from our neighborhood who is the polar opposite of the cat we surrendered, he’s so submissive, such a lap cat, follows you to the bathroom, nyooms down the stairs the moment you get up to go to the kitchen, only nips playfully ... he’s literally our saving grace right now. he showed up a few months ago and made it wildly apparently that BB needed to go because this situation was toxic for everyone. the stray was getting attacked by him for no reason and the stray would just squeak in protest and flop over because he didn’t understand why the violence either!

anyway, I named the stray Klaus. yes, really, Klaus. (my partner has been a fan of the TUA comics since long before we met so he conceded on my name choice even though they wanted to name the stray Jim after Jim Root from Slipknot. I am not a Slipknot fan, sorry to say, but I fully support my partner’s undying love for the band and all of its current and past members.)

Klaus is clutzy af and fucking LOVES catnip. the first time I gave him some I tried to put some out for BB too to see if he’d calm down a little but he snubbed his nose at it so Klaus ate his too and got so zooted he fell asleep with his face in my boot. he had my heart in that moment tbh. he’s curled up on my bed as I type this - we’re all healing together. Sini and I being able to move around our home like Normal people now, and Klaus realising he has a HOME now and does not have to fend for himself outside (Sini has been homeless in the past and they sympathise with Klaus a lot for it) or take abuse from another cat for the food and affection he was being starved of. win-win for all of us.

I wish BB nothing but the best and that the shelter finds him a new home that is more accommodating of his needs. but I am so exhausted from all the cat drama, the medical complications, I just need a little more time to pull myself together before I can write again.

If you read or even skimmed this thank you for your support, it means the world to me. 💖

#[ ooc ]#I will most likely still be lurking until I'm ready to write again #so feel free to send me stuff or DM or whatever <3

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pluviatenebris · 2 years

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Today was a long day of my s/o and I running around like chickens with our heads cut off. We had to surrender our 13 year old cat. And it was just A Lot.

Hopefully I’ll be feeling better to do things tomorrow.

#[ ooc ]

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pluviatenebris · 2 years

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SEXUALITY AND GENDER IDENTITY THEMED PROMPTS FOR PRIDE

❝ i guess i always kinda knew? it just wasn’t that important until i got older. ❞

❝ it never mattered to me like, what form people came in. i love souls, the body is just kinda like pretty packaging. it’s nice but it’s not what’s important to me. ❞

❝ oh yeah i did the whole ‘massive crush on my best friend’ thing. wouldn’t recommend it. ❞

❝ today my gender is kinda of ‘meeehh?’ ❞

❝ yeah of course i’m only into women, have you seen them? ❞

❝ i think i had a harder time accepting myself than my family ever did. ❞

❝ i’m pretty sure everyone else knew i was gay before i ever realized it. ❞

❝ i have a hard time talking about it, even now—i’m not ashamed or anything like that. i just, don’t really know…how or what to say i guess. ❞

❝ i think i’m ready to actually come out to them. ❞

❝ i really want to tell them but i don’t wanna do it alone…could you help me with it? ❞

❝ the ‘am i gay’ quizzes are a gateway drug. ❞

❝ would you mind using [insert pronouns] for me now? i’m trying to see how it feels. ❞

❝ they’re right actually, i’m gay and i do have an agenda to make everything gayer. ❞

❝ ever since i told them i’m gay they keep pointing to every slightly attractive man and asking if he’s my type. ❞

❝ me? no i don’t think i’m—i mean. yeah sometimes i think about what it’d be like to kiss girls/guys but i’d never…come on, everyone thinks about it a little bit right? ❞

❝ at this point the closet is literally made of glass. ❞

❝ actually, i’m [insert identity]. ❞

❝ it’s all ‘i wish i was into women it’d be so much easier’ until you find out about the lesbian drama. ❞

❝ i’m bisexual and confused. not about being bi, though. just like…in general. about life. ❞

❝ i just need a nice bear to throw me around for a few hours, i think it’d do more for me than therapy. ❞

❝ i would trust any stone butch with my life. ❞

❝ sappho would be so proud. ❞

❝ i’m still figuring myself out. i know i’m not straight, that’s a start. ❞

❝ i finally figured out my sexuality and then boom here comes a gender identity crisis. ❞

❝ i’ve just…never really been interested in the whole sex thing. ❞

❝ anyway, if neither of us find our true loves in the next five to ten years, wanna have a lavender marriage? for the taxes. ❞

❝ you wanna come to pride with me? ❞

❝ this is my first pride actually, i’m kinda nervous. ❞

❝ well, this seems as good a time as any to come out. ❞

❝ no one can know about this—it’s just between us okay? ❞

❝ i’d never tell anyone. ❞

❝ you don’t owe anyone ‘coming out.’ it’s personal, do things at your own pace. only tell the people you want to. ❞

❝ you’ve always made me feel safe so, i just knew i could tell you about it. ❞

❝ everyone’s hot and i’m a disaster who doesn’t know how to ask anyone out. ❞

❝ i’m not sure i wanna fuck them or be them. ❞

❝ i’m just experimenting i guess, trying to figure out what i like. ❞

❝ she said she didn’t see us working out but then she brought me a potted plant so i guess it’s still up in the air. ❞

❝ i want to be one of those bold, unapologetic people but i’m still just terrified. ❞

❝ she’s so pretty i think i’m gonna die. ❞

❝ oh, no he’s got a great smile too. i’m in deep this time. ❞

❝ how did you know? like for sure that you were into [gender]? ❞

❝ do you mind if i ask you a question about being [identity]? ❞

❝ thank you for trusting me with this. ❞

❝ it’s okay, take your time to put it into the right words. i’m not going anywhere. ❞

❝ wait, you think i’m [identity]? what makes you say that? ❞

❝ i’m here, i’m queer, i wanna leave. ❞

#[ ask meme ]

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pluviatenebris · 2 years

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FINLEY STEVENS QUOTES SENTENCE STARTERS

❝ i’m hoping this is food and not human body parts, but who knows? ❞

❝ you’d have to be a fucking idiot to come here. luckily, that’s my speciality. ❞

❝ kids - we just hit the fucking jackpot. ❞

❝ should i be freaking out right now? ❞

❝ no offense, but you’re kind’ve scary looking. ❞

❝ where am i supposed to pee? in the woods? fuck that. ❞

❝ [name], you absolute bastard. ❞

❝ if you’re here to kick my ass, you’re going to have to get in line. ❞

❝ you almost hurt my feelings, but you could never be so lucky. ❞

❝ fine, i’ll do it. but I’m gonna be an ass about it. ❞

❝ not going to lie, i’m getting the heebie jeebies. ❞

❝ we all got something to hide. it’s just easier that way. but it’s totally cool when someone shows you what’s underneath. that’s my favorite part. ❞

❝ a smart trespasser wouldn’t go towards the sound of another person, ‘lest they get caught. ❞

❝ i’m stupid, so I do it all the time. ❞

❝ i feel like this could’ve been done without the manhandling. ❞

❝ is that what you were going to say, or did i make this entire thing awkward? ❞

❝ oh god, now i’m going to get sued by the ghostbusters. ❞

❝ don’t do that, i’ll get demonetized. ❞

❝ you’re even beautifuler at two in the morning. sorry, i had to speak my mind. ❞

❝ great, add it to your porn collection. ❞

❝ i’m never going to trust you again. ❞

❝ everyone’s flawed. at least you know it and aren’t super weird or righteous about it. ❞

❝ i think you know more than i think you know. ❞

❝ the devil isn’t in the details. the devil’s everywhere. you know what is in the details? words i can’t pronounce. ❞

❝ think happy thoughts, and all that shit, right? ❞

❝ i need, like, seven hands, but yours will do. ❞

❝ you can literally do so many things with a machete. ❞

❝ you’re literally blowing my mind right now. ❞

❝ you would’ve done the same thing for me if you were five feet taller, right? ❞

❝ am i a dumb-smart person, or a smart-dumb person? ❞

❝ that was a level of aggression i didn’t expect, but i can dig it. ❞

❝ sorry, i thought i saw you doing something suspicious. ❞

❝ i still get tingles. like i know you’re going to punch me, but i’m excited about it. ❞

❝ you mean you weren’t dropped on your head as a kid? i thought that was a normal part of puberty. ❞

❝ you’re not darkness. you’re light. ❞

❝ we’re the best team around. like shrek and donkey, or… two of the five spice girls. ❞

❝ none of my ideas are good ideas. keep up! ❞

❝ oh no, no. my kinks include hand holding, and spotting ghosts in the window of a four story building. ❞

❝ everyone else blames everything on god. i might as well, too. ❞

❝ could you imagine how cold and clammy a ghost kiss would be? ❞

❝ my life isn’t fun. it never has been. i never claimed to have a sparkling lifestyle. ❞

❝ sorry not sorry, as the kids say. ❞

❝ i appreciate the determination to prove me wrong. really. ❞

❝ do you want the truth, or should i keep lying? ❞

❝ you’re not just fucked up. you’re fucked up and still going. that’s more than some people can say. ❞

❝ now i’m getting creepy, danger vibes. ❞

❝ the intimidating man stare does nothing for me, pal. ❞

❝ i really want to ask what’s going on in your head right now, but I’m afraid i won’t like the answer. ❞

❝ the plan is don’t die. think you can manage that? ❞

❝ it’s pretty straight forward, you can either keep a secret, or you can’t. ❞

❝ why was i breaking and entering, or why was i caught? ❞

❝ i can neither confirm nor deny whether i may or may not know something of importance to this situation. ❞

❝ no, there won’t be a ghost orgy, so don’t worry about it. ❞

#[ ask meme ]

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pluviatenebris · 2 years

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PROMPTS FOR FRENEMIES, ENEMIES TO LOVERS AND REFORMED VILLAINS

❝ so is that a ‘no’ to solving this with murder…? ❞

❝ look i said i’d help you let’s not make a big thing out of it. ❞

❝ i’m only helping you to make sure you don’t fuck it up. ❞

❝ okay, i’m just gonna nod and pretend to get this whole moral high ground speech you’re giving me so we can move on. ❞

❝ i know you can be so much more than this. ❞

❝ would you just stop treating me like something you’re trying to fix? ❞

❝ don’t get any weird ass ideas, i’m just here cause we want the same thing. ❞

❝ why do you do that? every time i think we’re getting somewhere you shut down and do something stupid to try push me away again. ❞

❝ see the thing about your plan is, it’s not gonna fucking work. let me do this my way. ❞

❝ i’m only saying this once so don’t ever bring it up again, but i actually like having you around. you challenge me. i like that. ❞

❝ stop posturing and just let me help you. ❞

❝ we do work well together, but i don’t belong here any more than you belong where i do. ❞

❝ okay, i’m sick of you acting like i’ve somehow had it easier than you. ‘cause i haven’t. i just choose not to be a dick about my shit. ❞

❝ you make me want to be better. sometimes that feels good, but a lot of the time…i feel like it’ll never be enough. ❞

❝ i never asked you to change, why can’t you just accept how i am too? ❞

❝ i know you can be better—i’ve seen you be better than this! ❞

❝ why does it matter so much to you what i choose to be? ❞

❝ actually, i think we rub off on each other quite well. ❞

❝ okay if you smile at me like that one more time i’m going home you smug little shit. ❞

❝ no— don’t start. i’m here, i’m making an effort. ❞

❝ you’ve got quite the mean streak in you, haven’t you? i’m impressed. ❞

❝ wow, i didn’t think you knew how to be selfish. ❞

❝ well, i didn’t think you knew how to be selfless. ❞

❝ i have a lot of regrets. and if i’m honest, i envy you. you alway seem so sure of what is or isn’t right. ❞

❝ if you would just let me speak for a moment you’d see we’re on the same side here. ❞

❝ if you tell anyone about last night, i’ll cut your tongue off. ❞

❝ alright, so we kissed. don’t get so bent out of shape about it. ❞

❝ are you ashamed? about being with me? ❞

❝ it’s not that i don’t want anyone to know about us, i just don’t think they’d understand. ❞

❝ i think you like being around me ‘cause you don’t quite have to be so uptight as you do with all your little friends. ❞

❝ i can’t seem to stay away from you. ❞

❝ alright, okay—we’ll do this your way. but i can’t promise there won’t be mild complaining. ❞

❝ i said i’m fine. go find someone who actually likes your fussing. ❞

❝ careful there, someone might think you’re actually starting to care. ❞

❝ it’s fine, you wouldn’t be—well, you, if you could do something like this. that’s why i’m here isn’t it? ❞

❝ you brought me along because i can do things you can’t handle. so just let me do my part then, yeah? ❞

❝ no, lets find another way. ❞

❝ someday, you’re gonna have to learn there isn’t always another way. there isn’t always a right answer. ❞

❝ before i met you, i used to understand where i stood on everything. now it’s all…mixed up. ❞

❝ the world has never been black and white, you’re just starting to see the grey for the first time. ❞

❝ you don’t have to do this, let me do it for you. ❞

❝ no, we’ll do this together. ❞

❝ i’m not heartless, you know. i just don’t see the point in wearing it on my sleeve all the time. ❞

❝ i don’t think you’re weak, by the way. in fact, in some ways you have strengths i’d never be able to possess. ❞

❝ just because i don’t do things the way you do doesn’t mean i’m wrong. ❞

❝ i do trust you. you’ve earned that. ❞

❝ oh god, don’t look at me like that. i’d rather you just be angry than do the whole disappointed face. ❞

❝ i didn’t let you down, i don’t answer to you! ❞

❝ why can’t you just try to have a little hope? ❞

❝ i may live to regret saying this, but i agree with you actually. ❞

#[ ask meme ]

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pluviatenebris · 2 years

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“don’t” starters

❝ don’t do it. ❞

❝ don’t do this. ❞

❝ don’t look. ❞

❝ don’t cry. ❞

❝ don’t laugh. ❞

❝ don’t leave. please. ❞

❝ don’t be like that. ❞

❝ don’t bother. ❞

❝ don’t eat that. ❞

❝ don’t risk it. ❞

❝ don’t look at me. ❞

❝ don’t give up your day job. ❞

❝ don’t tell me what to do. ❞

❝ don’t even think about it. ❞

❝ don’t think too hard about it. ❞

❝ don’t you want me? ❞

❝ don’t give me that shit. ❞

❝ don’t procrastinate. ❞

❝ don’t worry about it! ❞

❝ don’t knock it until you’ve tried it! ❞

❝ don’t be so hard on yourself. ❞

❝ don’t jump to conclusions here. ❞

❝ don’t play the victim. ❞

❝ don’t just sit there! do something! ❞

❝ don’t hesitate to ask if you need anything. ❞

❝ don’t make me tell you again. ❞

❝ don’t hold your breath. ❞

❝ don’t be a menace. ❞

❝ don’t let them get to you. ❞

❝ don’t stoop to their level. ❞

❝ don’t get your hopes up. ❞

❝ don’t like it? leave. ❞

❝ don’t hold back. let it out. ❞

❝ don’t mention it! ❞

❝ don’t fuck with me. ❞

❝ don’t you know how much i care about you? ❞

#[ ask meme ]

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pluviatenebris · 2 years

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heartsapclypse // Klaus && Sparrow Ben.

❝ He didn’t entertain them! He kind of just…went with the flow of things. ❞ Mainly because he couldn’t escape Klaus, but that’s besides the point. That’s a little detail that doesn’t need to be transferred over to Ben. The egotistical fuck couldn’t handle it, probably. He’d probably cry himself to sleep at night if he knew how soft their Ben was. How he didn’t even like violence or the thing that came out of him. How he had been his conscience for so long. How…

Klaus shakes the thoughts away. He doesn’t want to deal with them, not now. Not when he’s got his head on straight ––– or as straight as he can get it. Sobriety has done him no favors on that front –– confronting the pain has given an ache in his soul that he can’t quite shake and he hates it. Hates it more than he probably should, really, but when did they ever have any sort of healthy coping mechanisms instilled on them? Reginald didn’t exactly feel the need to TEACH THEM ACTUAL SOCIAL SKILLS.

❝ Actually….I don’t know what Ben liked. ❞ For a change, his voice comes out quiet. As close as he was with his brother, in both life and death, he has no idea what the answer to that question is. When they were kids they ate whatever was on the table in silence, because if they didn’t they’d get the punishment that Reginald thought they deserved. Dinner wasn’t full of lively conversations and chats about their days –– it was filled with a record on and dead silence from them all. Usually him rolling a joint underneath the table for later use –– even back then it was a way to keep the ghouls at bay.

Again, that familiar sting races through him, that absence that Ben has left him with. He’s happy his brother has found peace –– he just misses him. All these years he hasn’t had to grieve because he was right there –– and now he’s just gone. Now there’s no one to talk to day in and day out who knows every awful thing he’s done, and hasn’t had a way to leave him for it. Except for now. That shudder moves up his spine and his fingers flex, and he pushes into his jacket a little tighter. It does nothing –– the front is open because he will not give up his fashion for some comfort.

❝ Cep….that is a very big word that we are not going to entertain because you are a smarty mcsmart smart. ❞ Klaus sticks his tongue out, dances ahead of him, turns on his heel, and begins to walk backward toward the door. There’s displeasure racing across his features at the word, but there’s a whispered hope running through his chest. It’s easier to sway Ben to his side, he thinks. Not because of his charm or anything like that, but because he’s persistent. It’s hard to shake Klaus off once he’s got you in his sights.

Klaus hums in his throat as he presses his back against the door and steps outside, squinting into the bright city lights that are surrounding them.

❝ Y’see, that’s not going to work for me. But that’s the wonderful thing about who we are! We can do what we want, when we want, how we want, dear brother. ❞ It’s a slip of the tongue but he doesn’t take it back, instead throws his arm around his shoulders again. ❝ You ever dine and dash or are you a goodey two shoes who has no fun? ❞

❝ You don’t know? ❞ He repeats, his expression softening ever so slightly when Klaus goes quieter. ❝ The way you talk about him I would’ve mistaken the two of you for close. ❞ Klaus going quieter is odd. Not that he’s loud normally — in fact Klaus seems to be one of the more soft-spoken of the Umbrella siblings. Somehow. For all the theatrics he pulls he doesn’t seem to raise his voice much. So Ben doesn’t feel any sense of accomplishment for provoking a softer response or for the bout of silence that follows the words, the unmasked look of anguish that flickers through the medium’s expression. It’s different from the look the rest of Klaus’ siblings give him. They look at him in this bizarre mix of having seen a ghost and excitement at their long-lost sibling only to have their hope shattered when they remember that he’s Not Their Ben.

When Klaus looks at him it’s like there’s none of that shock value though. There’s this sense that Klaus knows exactly who he’s looking at - not the brother he lost, but a suitable brother replacement. It both hurts and frustrates Ben in a way he can’t even begin to convey because for as much as he knows that Klaus is just using him to fill a void, he’s used to being used. That’s always been the dynamic of his family; stepping on and over each other to get ahead. Throwing each other under the bus for a scrap of praise from their father. The Sparrows are loyal to each other more for the sake of the convenience of their job than out of familial obligation. The Umbrellas aren’t like that. Not when all six of them are mutually still hung-up on a sibling who died half their lifetime ago. He hates that for first time in his life he's seeing something that he wants and he’s powerless to demand it be given to him. Not only because these are strangers — the Enemy — but because these people are also a threat to his family’s control of the city. They’re a threat to his sense of normalcy.

... So why is it that he’s now so conflicted between his desire for supremacy and his sudden longing the understand the bond that this chaotic bunch of misfits have for each other? ( to understand what he’s missing, is the simplest answer. even when he wasn’t sure how to convey it tangibly - Something has always been Missing. ) It’s pathetic. It makes him feel weak. And yet for some unfathomable reason he can’t quite seem to shake himself out of it. Even his rampant stubbornness can’t quash the small glimmer of hope he feels.

❝ Ce – pha – lo – po – dic. ❞ he repeats slowly in emphasis as though it’s the most obvious word in the world. ( It certainly is in his world, so why shouldn’t it be in everyone else’s? The world is familiar with what The Sparrows can do, so there’s no excuse for ignorance. ) ❝ Belonging to or resembling cephalopods. Don’t you read? ❞ He huffs a light breath that isn’t quite a scoff but borders on one and leans back on his heels just slightly. He tilts his head upwards, ignoring the slight height difference between them, trying to seem taller than he is. ❝ Octopus, squid, cuttlefish, nautilus. All cephalopods. – Surely you must have a basic understanding of what’s inside me? You and your runt brother are the only people I’ve faced off against who didn’t look absolutely revolted and appalled to see additional limbs sprouting. ❞ ( Not counting his own siblings of course. The added tendrils were just an extension of Ben’s body, the same way Fei’s crows were part of theirs. The same way Alphonso’s appearance had morphed over the years. The same way Jayme’s saliva was only hallucinogenic when she wanted it to be. The same way Christopher was still their brother even while all that remained was his essence imprisoned in some sort of technologically advanced cube that their father had forbade them from questioning. Their powers are who they are and it makes Sense. ... right? )

❝ Like you’ve already seen them before. ❞ It’s rhetorical, a hint of sarcasm. Of course they have. That’s the frustrating part, isn’t it? They know all about his powers and he has only the minimal understanding of theirs from a brief demonstration. ... He’s making himself more transparent than he should be.

( And okay, he hadn’t really ‘ faced off against ’ Klaus so much as punched him in the face and later grabbed him with a tentacle and squeezed him a bit. Ben had been confused and angry, to the point that he couldn’t tell if the whole recognition thing was some kind of elaborate prank or a test from their father. The little one could fight but was definitely pulling his punches and Klaus showed no sign of his powers regardless of how hard Ben had tried to crush his windpipe. He’d figured it was mockery at the time but now he’s fairly certain the dipshit has very little self-preservation instinct. )

Ben winces and shields his eyes with one hand as sunlight suddenly floods his vision. He blinks several times as he waits for his vision to adjust but walks in the general direction Klaus headed. Actually he’s almost relieved that Klaus throws an arm around him yet again to steady him before he can make a fool out of himself in disorientation. ... Until Klaus calls him brother. Says it so casually, so second nature that Ben knows that Klaus isn’t talking to him. He grits his teeth and twists out of the medium’s grip, fixing him with a fiery-eyed glare.

❝ Look, ❞ he sneers wryly. his tone stilted. It’s taking more of his willpower than it should not to simply slam his fist into the other male’s face for emphasis. ( The fact that Klaus would probably just take it makes it less tempting. There’s no satisfaction in hitting a defenseless target. ) ❝ I’m fine with this whole civil niceties game you’re playing. ❞ he wags a finger inches from Klaus’ face. ❝ But if you’re looking for your dead brother, look elsewhere. I’m not him. ❞

He hates that it comes out sounding more bitter than threatening, and the fingers of the free hand at his side flex in nervous energy. More so he hates that he can’t bring himself to say ❛ I’m not your brother. ❜ Can only say that he isn’t that Ben that he knows Klaus would much rather have around than him.

#heartsapclypse #heartsapclypse; klaus #[ muse; sparrow ben hargreeves ]#there is a lot going on here and I'm sorry but this boi is full of Angst #Sparrow Ben vc: I'm not that brother but I'd be okay with being your brother. Just not THAT one. Yes this makes sense don't question me!

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pluviatenebris · 2 years

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harlan from s2 of the umbrella academy is canonly autistic!

Harlan Cooper from Netflix’s The Umbrella Academy is autistic

[ID: Two Images side by side of a flag with the pastel colours green, blue and purple. On the left flag is an image of Harlan Cooper. He is a young boy wearing a checked green shirt. He is looking morosely at a figurine of a cat. On the right flag is the international symbol of access. End ID]

#[ visage; harlan cooper || justin paul kelly ]#[ isms; harlan cooper ]#SO IMPORTANT TO ME.#I would protect Harlan with my little autistic life.

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pluviatenebris · 2 years

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ksenia solo in lost girl 4.02

#[ visage; vanya hargreeves || ksenia solo ]#god I need to re-watch Lost Girl at some point #but anyway comic Vanya fc alksjd

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pluviatenebris · 2 years

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justin h. min; short films

at the link below are high quality, roleplayable gifs of justin h. min in two youtube shorts, american refugee and how i became an adult. these were all made by me, from scratch. he is korean (possibly with some japanese ancestry), so please keep that in mind with casting.

like/reblog if you use, and don’t use them inappropriately or i will delete them!

trigger warning: eating/drinking, partial nudity

~204 gifs. 268px by 151px.

preview:

{ gif page here }

#[ visage; ben hargreeves || justin h min ]#bless you op

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pluviatenebris · 2 years

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✧ ｡ — JUSTIN H. MIN GIF PACK (THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY)

If you click on THIS LINK, you’ll be taken to #60 gifs of actor Justin H. Min, best known for playing Ben Hargreeves on The Umbrella Academy. Every gif is 245x140 in size and made by yours truly, so please do not repost or add to other gif hunts. Enjoy!

ETHNICITY: Japanese & Korean SOURCE: The Umbrella Academy / Season 1 TW: Mild violence DISCLAIMER: You may turn these into gif icons if you clearly credit me once posted.

#[ visage; ben hargreeves || justin h min ]#bless you op I was debating doing this at some point

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pluviatenebris · 2 years

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Honestly I could talk about all of my muses and why I have them diagnosed with the disorders they have. (unprofessionally ofc, the only ones who have been forced into counseling are Klaus and Diego and like hell if they’re actually going to fully open up to a clinician.)

I love psychology and neurology and the way our brains work and adapt and grow and change so fucking much.

#[ ooc ]#also if I ever use a word like narcissist or psychotic in a reply know that I am only ever GENUINELY using them clinically.#Sparrow Ben is absolutely npd - he is such an attention and praise seeking lil shit. (/affectionate)#and Five canonically has isolation psychosis.#I would not ever write those words derogatorily.

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pluviatenebris · 2 years

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hi! i was super curious after reading your pages and i really hope this doesn't come off as rude, it's genuine interest! i saw that you portray diego as having avpd, and i'm super intrigued by what makes you think so as someone with avpd myself. is it something you also have? is it just headcanon-based or are there elements of his canon character that made you think avpd fit him?

Hi! I don't find this rude at all, Nonnie. Psychology is actually my static Special Interest and I've been researching this stuff for yeaaars so I tend to diagnose my muses based on how I feel I portray them. I'm a mentally ill and disabled autistic person and I will acquire representation for the whole of the disabled community where-ever possible. So it's definitely a headcanon for the muse, but it's rooted in how I perceive Diego in the sources.

(To preface; I have bpd personally and do not have avpd. I in no way want to speak over anyone who does and if this does not sound accurate I would love to know how I can change my perception or what I can do to better portray what I am trying to convey with him!)

Personality disorders are generally a response based on our upbringing, it's how our caregivers condition us to respond to people. All of my muses have personality disorders because while the Umbrellas had Grace their upbringing was not a healthy environment and their "father" was mentally and verbally abusive, manipulative as shit, and absolutely crippled their self-esteem.

People with avpd are high empathy ( though they often fixate on the negative vibes they get about themself from others ), low self-esteem, struggle with identity, set unrealistic standards for themselves, and often keep people at arm's length. A lot of these stem back to Diego's upbringing - he grew up with a speech disorder, and s1 shows us many hints that even his siblings talked over him for him ( Luther and Five interrupt him mid-sentence a lot. )

high empathy / high rejection sensitivity / holds others at a distance:

[at the funeral] Viktor: You never know when to stop do you? Diego: You got enough source material for your next book?

Diego takes Viktor's comment as a negative remark against him so he verbally pushes Viktor away in a way that he knows will make Viktor leave him alone. For people with personality disorders ( this is especially common in my experience with bpd ) your brain believes that if you push someone away then you made them leave and that they cannot abandon/reject you because you yourself made that “choice”.

The thing about empathy is that s1 Diego seems like such an asshole because he always knows exactly what to say to hurt his siblings where it counts because he can read most of them like a book. I do think he struggles the most with reading Klaus and yet this is what makes Klaus the sibling Diego pushes away the least. Klaus is the designated safe sibling of s1 due to his own low empathy because Diego can’t figure out what Klaus is feeling at any given time so Diego generally takes Klaus’ words at face value. ( Likewise Klaus knows Diego well enough to know that if he’s nice to him or compliments him Diego will lower his guard and let him stick around even though he feigns annoyance with him. )

struggle with identity / low self-esteem:

The whole bargain Batman thing. Diego admits to Allison in s3 that this was a coping mechanism. Even though he had left the academy after Ben’s death Diego did not know what to do with himself. He wasn’t cut out for the police force so he became a vigilante. This carries over into s2 the moment he’s out of the asylum, he wants to save the president. Because being a hero is all Diego really knows how to do, his concept of who he is without his upbringing is practically nonexistent.

A second part of this: Diego’s Mexican Spanish accent is not the one he had as a kid, he was raised by an upperclass American accented asshole and a robot mom given the same accent. I’ve always headcanoned that Diego got more in-touch with his roots when he left the academy and that he picked up the accent up as a character voice in order to block his stutter. (I use 'character voice’ clinically, I really do believe Diego is proud of his heritage and enjoys showing it of with his voice whenever possible so that there is no doubt in anyone’s mind that this is a Mexican man.) Because many people who stutter can sing and act without stuttering, there’s something in the conscious effort of maintaining a certain quality to your voice that often sidesteps the impediment. But we hear his childhood accent come out again any time that he is so emotionally overwhelmed that he starts stuttering. (And I give David so much credit for this as an actor because it’s all so subtle, especially because David is having to imitate younger Diego actor’s voice when his Mexican accent is actually his natural one.)

What I’m saying here is tl;dr - Diego does that accent consciously because it’s the most consistent sense of identity he has because it’s not rooted in his childhood and he developed it all on his own.

sets unrealistic expectations for himself:

Where do I even begin !!

s1 is Diego taking on caring for Grace’s deteriorating wellbeing himself. He takes Reginald’s monocle from her to protect her from his siblings. He shuts her down himself. He tries to join Patch’s investigations repeatedly even though it gets him arrested at one point because he’s not a police officer. After Patch dies it becomes about him wanting to seek revenge for her against Hazel and Cha-Cha. Diego has a lot of extremely high expectations for himself because as a child there were always high expectations hanging over his head.

s2 Diego so obsessed with saving JFK despite knowing the president dying is a thing that is supposed to happen for the sake of the future he came from. A lot of Diego’s inferiority complex is root in his position in the lineup growing up being Number Two.And thankfully by s2 Diego does realise that Luther being Number One is not the actual root of his conflict - it’s the sense of no matter how much he accomplished it was never enough for their father. However, he doesn’t actually understand how deep this complex is rooted until the grassy knoll point where Reginald has ONCE AGAIN shoved his failure in his face.

As harsh as that wakeup call is, this is why we finally see a Diego who is learning to set healthier limits for himself in s3. (And honestly I’m so proud of him for it.)

some other symptoms I didn’t list in my first paragraph:

difficulty controlling emotional responses & impulses:

-fighting Luther at the funeral.

-the fight with Reginald in s2 that ultimately ends up in him getting stabbed for freezing up.

-throwing the conch before the family dinner.

-THE OLGA FOROGA PHONECALL.

-The fact that he smacks Stan upside the head when he doesn’t agree with what the kid is saying or doing.

-Ringing the bell in Hotel Oblivion without reading the sign.

-Diego and Sparrow Ben arguing in each other’s face.

In general he lashes out a lot when when he’s upset. And again, I think a lot of it ties back to getting talked over a lot as a kid because he couldn’t get the words out fast enough so he developed a habit of letting his impulse rule in those moments because the more anger he channels when he’s speaking the more sharply and clearly the words come out and displays of violence ( generally at inanimate objects ) demands that everyone shut up and listen to him.

This is long and I probably missed some stuff but I would love to know your thoughts, Nonnie!

#[ ooc ]#[ headcanons; diego hargreeves ]

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pluviatenebris · 2 years

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*Klaus and Jayme are absolutely NOT scheming together and also getting drunk but if they were, it's about to be Sparrow Ben's problem*

❝ – what the fuck. ❞

Absolutely horrifying! The worst possible combination of sibling and enemy-who-keeps-trying-to-be-a-sibling are bonding and Ben doesn’t doubt for an instant that Jayme is going to throw his pride under the bus. Maybe he should just kill both of them now and save himself the headache.

#arcaneprophesied #[ muse; sparrow ben hargreeves. ]#RIP TO SPARROW BEN FOREVER ALKDJG

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pluviatenebris · 2 years

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bornbreathless // Char && Ben.

@pluviatenebris

❝ i’m not here to ask you for anything. i just wanted to make sure you’re okay. ❞ from Brelly Ben?

She hadn’t meant to snap, to let the what do you want slip past quite so sharply as it had. Ben doesn’t deserve her being an asshole just because she’s agitated, and Char sighs a heavy breath, offers an apologetic look.

“Sorry. I, uh, I’m good.” It’s a lie, of course, but one that she’s told so many times that sometimes she even believes it. She tips her head in invitation for Ben to join her on the bench. “Just a long day. How are you doing?”

Anger scares him enough to flinch in response regardless of whether or not he’s on the receiving end of it. Having a father who started barking insults and demands the instant a single hair was out of place had that effect on a person. He tries to be patient with his siblings, he understands that they too are angry; angry that no matter how hard they try their father’s standards will always be higher. Ben wishes he could share the sentiment — at least for them anger is a motivator to get stronger, gives them the longing to challenge their father’s belief that they aren’t good enough. For every harsh remark Ben receives he just wants to curl further into himself until he’s no longer the center of attention.

Ben shifts his weight from one foot to the other, posture tense in spite of the forced motion of nonchalance. He worries about Klaus and Char the most; Klaus who relishes in defying their father’s expectations on purpose but is spiraling down a path of self-destructive habits and Char who he can recognise as retreating farther and farther into herself just like him. Her spirit is wearing thin and that scares him more than the anger, roots him to the spot studying her out of the corner of his eyes as he flicks his gaze primarily downwards to the ground.

❝ My stomach hurts, actually. ❞ he responds quietly, moving to take a seat next to her and twining some of his fingers in his lap for comfort. He hopes that being open with her will invite her to return the sentiment. Because while his words sound self-explanatory it’s actually code for a lot of things — his anxiety manifests as somatic complaints more often than rapid breathing. But also because the portal that The Horror manifests his extra limbs from ( or however it works, he really isn’t sure ) is located at his stomach. And no matter how much their father pushes him to conquer his fears and demand control he hasn’t because The Horror terrifies him. ❝ ... you know you can talk to me, right? ❞

#bornbreathless #[ muse; ben hargreeves ]#I was imagining this as kids/teens so we could figure out their dynamic but lemme know if I need to rework stuff!#Ben has a lot of feels about his sister already!

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