phaggiebean

[phaggiebean]

Taylor Swift mailed me a pipe bomb because I’m gay. I don’t have proof. You just have to believe me.

[phaggiebean]

Remus: This is so fucking frustrating! I fucking hate everybody in this goddamn house!

Sirius, tearing up and voice cracking: E-Everyone?

Remus, sighing: Except you.

[phaggiebean]

[phaggiebean]

babe what's wrong you've barely touched your vanilla extract

[phaggiebean]

[phaggiebean]

I used to hate the word faggot but now I realize that it's probably one of the only things that the gay community has left that isn't being sanitized, shined, and sold back to us at a premium by deceitful ass companies who claim to like us but then vote for policies that kill us. you're not gonna see a bank in a pride parade with banners that say "we love faggots" but you sure as hell will see a gay person saying "I love being a faggot" it feels so more real.

and I want it to stay controversial too because if a bank ever feels like they have the right to say "haha faggot right guys? 😏🏳️‍🌈" we should be able to publicly execute their ceo

[phaggiebean]

vanilla extract might be my favorite new meme

[phaggiebean]

I have such an insatiable need to create.

[phaggiebean]

Tumblr, I propose a battle of wits!

I have put Iocaine powder in one of these two goblets. You choose, then we both drink.

[phaggiebean]

hey! you asked for tips with dealing with eds, and I'm sure you'll have heard the standard 'hot water bottles/pain killers/braces' etc, so I thought I'd send some more niche ones that really help me?

my rheumatologist told me to stop crossing my legs when I sit on a chair. obvs it's hard to do as it's something so natural, but it makes your body asymmetrical which, for someone with eds, can cause a whoooole bunch of broblems

symmetry in general is key! try not to lean on one side/leg when standing, sit in a symmetrical position etc

ankle boots are great for holding together loose ankles

muscle tone is one of the best things for helping people with eds as it quite literally holds your body together - if you wanted to go to the gym, aim for small weights but high rep (which is the opposite of what most ✨gym people✨ go for but it's far better for us bendy folks in the long run)

yoga seems to be every non-disabled person's suggestion but with eds it's really not good... the whole culture of (western) yoga has become so much about being the person who can bend the most in this pose and lean back the farthest and whatnot, but with eds it's literally one of the worst things you can do because it encourages you to overstretch. I personally used to love yoga, and I do it far less frequently now I know I have eds but whenever I do I make sure to basically only do half the poses. It's hard to ignore what the instructor or even your brain is telling you, but you can still get the meditative benefits from it without doing damage to yourself!

insoles! a lot of problems can actually be caused by poor posture from walking and the lack of collagen in our bodies can cause flat feet too, so insoles can help even things out. cheap ones will do, but if you've got the means it's great to see a specialist to get ones made purposefully for you

I hope these help? Obviously every person with eds is different and there's no 'one size fits all' solution, but it is a manageable condition and it gets easier to live with if you know your body well. Feel free to message me with questions or if you want to chat!! :)

omg this is so helpful!! /srs thank you so much

[phaggiebean]

being the waitresses defense lawyer every time you go out to eat with your family. it ain’t much but it’s honest work

[phaggiebean]

i love you people who hold doors i love you people who let others pass on the driveway i love you people who make funny faces at babies i love you people who pick up litter i love you people who say please and thank you i love you people patient with service workers i love you people who share an umbrella i love you people who are casually kind

[phaggiebean]

I have never seen this pairing together but I LOVE IT SM, all the fuzziness I love it <333

coffee & kisses | kaebedo

a/n: waaaaaaaaaaah it's albedo's birthday !! i always think of like really sweet romantic mornings with these two so of course i did another wake up fic for them a;lsdfkj but ugh i think these two romantics are super silly with each other in the morning and it's so cute waaaah please enjoy !

warnings: none, tickling

summary: the only thing getting albedo out of bed this morning is kisses.

Albedo breathed in deeply, stretching his body out and barely suppressing a groan as he did so. He let himself go limp again, sinking down into the soft blankets and pillows, before fluttering his eyes open and squinting a bit at the sun peeking in through the windows. He sat there for a few moments, before noticing a very familiar scent wafting through the house. Coffee. A smile crept onto his face as the smell grew stronger; Kaeya didn’t like coffee but there’s no doubt he knew how much Albedo adored it.

Hearing a soft knock on the door, Albedo turned his head to catch Kaeya slipping in. His hair pulled into a bun and his giant t-shirt hanging off his frame, indicating that he hasn’t been up for long.

“Aw, you’re awake,” Kaeya said, softly. “That’s not fair. I was supposed to kiss you awake.”

Albedo couldn’t help the grin spread across his face and he closed his eyes, turning his head away and sinking further into the mattress. “I’m not awake. You can still kiss me.”

He heard Kaeya chuckle before making his way towards the bed. Feeling the mattress dip, Albedo smiled softly before puckering his lips when he felt Kaeya’s presence looming over him. He couldn’t help but giggle quietly when Kaeya scoffed, feeling a little playful.

“Ugh,” Kaeya groaned. “You’re such a little booger in the morning!”

Albedo instantly burst into surprised giggles when he felt Kaeya’s finger begin to pinch and squeeze at the dip of his waist. He pushed his hips up before falling back down onto the bed and throwing his head back as more laughter poured out of his mouth. Kaeya was laying on top of him as he scribbled his fingers against his sides, chuckling over Albedo’s mirth and cooing at him.

“Aw, am I tickling you, boogie?” Kaeya babied, massaging his thumbs just above Albedo’s hips as the rest of his fingers continued wiggling against his sides.

“Y-yehehes, Kaeyahaha! Plehehease, nohohoho!”

Kaeya finally moved down to focus on his hips, nibbling his fingernails against the bones that peeked out from the waistband of his pants. Albedo gasped deeply, trying to bring his legs up to his chest, and fell into loud belly laughter when Kaeya targeted his bare skin. His soft fingers expertly finding all the ticklish spots on his hip bones, using an unbearable amount of pressure that kept Albedo gasping and spluttering.

“You look absolutely stunning in the morning,” Kaeya suddenly complimented, continuing to tickle Albedo’s hips and pushing down so he can’t twist away. “Archons, look at you. I can’t believe I get to wake up to this every day.”

Albedo whined through his laughter. He felt a blush start to form on his cheeks as he thought about Kaeya’s words. Yes, Kaeya woke up next to him every day. But more often than not, his boyfriend tickled him awake just like he was doing now. Not that Albedo minded; he did end up having better days whenever Kaeya tickled him awake. Even though half the time he was left a breathless mess.

“Kaeyahahaha, plehehehease! Leheheave thehehem alohohone!”

“Aw, are your little hips too ticklish?” Kaeya teased, and chuckled when Albedo nodded in response. “Hm, okay, fine.”

The ticklish sensations slowed down when Kaeya pulled his hands away from his hips and Albedo almost sighed in relief before his giggles began bubbling out of his throat again. Kaeya had moved one of his hands to start gently dancing his fingers at his lower stomach, slowly moving upwards towards his middle and causing Albedo’s giggling to increase.

“Are you hungry? I’m making some coffee and croissants for you,” Kaeya said casually, locking eyes with Albedo as he had his one sided conversation. “They’re in the oven right now so that they’re all warm when you wake up.”

“K-Kaeyahaha, dohohon’t! It tihihihickles!”

Albedo squealed when Kaeya’s fingers finally began clawing against the center of his stomach. The ticklish sensations zapped at his torso, spreading all the way to his sides and chest. He could hardly even squirm away, much less push at Kaeya’s wrist, too paralyzed with his unending giggles.

“It tickles?” Kaeya asked. “Well, I guess that’s expected. I am tickling you awake.”

“I-I thohohought you wehehere suppohohosed to k-kiss me awahahake!”

Kaeya gasped and stilled his fingers on Albedo’s stomach, still pressing lightly against his skin and bringing out a few stray giggles from the alchemist. Albedo looked up at Kaeya, whose face was inches away from his, expecting his kisses now that the taller man stopped his tickling. He raised his arms up to wrap them around Kaeya’s neck when his boyfriend leaned closer.

“I can’t believe I forgot,” Kaeya whispered, grinning when Albedo could almost taste his lips. “What kind of boyfriend am I? Forgetting to kiss my love awake?”

“A silly- Ack! Ah! Ahahaa! Wahahait!”

Fully expecting Kaeya to close the distance between them, Albedo had closed his eyes before he screeched in shock. Instead of his lips, Kaeya had quickly veered off course and pressed his sloppy kisses against Albedo’s neck. At the same time, Kaeya’s fingers started moving again, barely ghosting at his ribs and keeping Albedo at the edge of hysterics as his two worst spots were targeted. He weakly shoved at Kaeya’s shoulders, even tried tickling him back, but Kaeya was determined to tickle Albedo until he was “awake.”

“K-Kaeya! K-Ka- Lohohove! Lohohove, I’m awahahake! I’m awake! Stahahap it!”

Albedo pressed his hips up, squirming around uselessly, and openly cackled as Kaeya’s fingers finger made their way to his highest set of ribs and his kisses began turning into soft nibbles against the side of his neck. He desperately cried to Kaeya that he was fully awake as hiccups threatened to make an appearance. Kaeya gave him one long last kiss against his jawline before finally sitting up, leaving Albedo furiously blushing and gasping for air against his pillows.

“Are you awake now?” Kaeya asked, chuckling at Albedo’s slightly disheveled hair.

Albedo sent him a playful glare and stuck his lip out in a small pout. He crossed his arms over his chest, partly to protect himself but mostly to keep up his “upset” appearance. “No. You still didn’t give me my kiss- on my lips!”

Kaeya laughed, amused that Albedo caught his words and saved himself from further neck kisses, and leaned down to finally give Albedo his long awaited morning kiss. The alchemist hummed into the kiss, absolutely melting away in Kaeya’s hold, and sighed with content when they broke apart.

“Okay, I can get up now,” he giggled, bounding out of bed and pulling his robe on so he could head down to the kitchen where his coffee and croissants awaited him. Kaeya scoffed but followed him out the bedroom with a smile on his face and before they reached the kitchen, Albedo quickly turned around to peck his cheek. “Good morning, love!”

#dani's fic #dani's things #albedo kreideprinz #kaeya alberich #kaebedo #ticklish!albedo #lee!albedo #ler!kaeya #genshin impact #genshin impact fics #not my writing #not my tags #i love it so much

[phaggiebean]

you’ll be in for a shock! ⚡💜⚡

#not my art #genshin impact #mihoyo #lisa minci #beidou #keqing #fischl #wolfstar #i love this

[phaggiebean]

When they’re Insecure Pt2 🖤

Characters: Razor and Albedo

Summary: You’re spending a lot of time with others, and the boys begin to doubt themselves

Genre: Angst to fluff

TW: Injury/death mention

RAZOR

Lupical is most important, nothing comes before Lupical

you were his lupical

you often visited the forest, looking for various materials and supplies, but upon one visit you found yourself being led off path by the sight of a promising patch of berries, only to find yourself in the middle of a hilichurl camp

before a scream could even be let out, the sky darkened, and a flash of grey hair shot past you, destroying the camp and saving you from mortal peril

after that, he always insisted upon guiding you through the dark forest whenever you visited, preventing any harm from coming your way

the two of you spent hours inside the forest, human contact had been limited for razor, but he never found himself on edge around you

your presence was an immense comfort to him, and you allowed him to learn more about human culture

in return, you’d bring food; meals, baked goods, fruits, smoothies, anything for the two of you to enjoy together, sitting side by side, overlooking the forest as you enjoyed your treats

everyday the boy waited for you, anxiously scanning the trees for the familiar sight of your hair amongst them, bursting with excitement to spend another lovely day with you

one day, he spotted not one, but two heads of hair moving throughout the forest.

you brought a friend one day. an outsider. a stranger. the two of you walking the same path you walked with Razor, avoiding all the camps just like he showed you to do.

you-you didn’t need him anymore, did you?

reaching the spot you usually met up with razor, you stood and waited for the man to appear, eager to introduce him to your closest friend

after a short while, you realised he might not be appearing today

disappointed, you told your friend you’d meet your strange companion another day

but that day never came

you went back day after day, only for razor to not appear

concern blossomed in your chest. had he been hurt? was he okay? was he ill?

not knowing pained you, you didn’t exactly know how to contact him, so you did the next best thing

wander straight into a camp of holichutls, hoping that he’ll come save you

a purple flash, the swing of a claymore, he appears, teeth bared and ready to fight

he locks eyes with you, then proceeds to storm away, leaving you to chase after him, but he just keeps going forward, not even giving you notice

“Razor! Razor! Stop I know you can hear me!” grasping onto his arm, you try to pull him back

he gives pause at the contact, unused to the soft touches

“Friend is important. You know forest now. Razor not needed.”

You manoeuvre in front of him, stopping him in his tracks

“Not so fast! What do you mean not needed? I’m still one wrong turn away from being a hilichurls dinner! Of course i need you Razor, you’re... we’re lupical, aren’t we?” You smile, hoping to ease his pain, to show him how much he means to you

Stunned by the affection, not many had had the opportunity to get so close to him, to form such a strong, unbreakable bond. the warmth in his chest felt strange. like there was a fire burning inside

“Yes. Lupical. Yes. But Friend not come back. Razors forest. Friend not allowed back.” The seriousness of how says it sends laugher rippling through you. “Whatever you say Razor. As long as you keep me from wondering into hilichurl camps.”

And so the two of you depart, hand in hand, into a forest that feels like home

BENNETT

The ever unlucky adventurer had finally found himself a reliable partner

the joy and sunshine trapped inside your being seemed to counteract any bad luck that came his way

any injuries, you could heal, any obstacles that appeared suddenly in your way, you dealt with them without even breaking a sweat

how lucky could he be?

when no one else was willing to take commissions with him, you were always there, ready and willing to join him on his quests

the two of you quickly formed a strong bond, relying on each other, placing your lives in each other’s hands

the boy was full of energy, always eager to do his best to help you however he could

not a day went by without the two of you sitting side by side, exhausted after a tiring and challenging day

the days were sweet and mellow

soon, the commissions shared between the two of you slowly dwindled

what became a daily thing, became almost weekly. he saw that you were often away with other groups, groups of people that were stronger, luckier than him

had you had enough of his bad luck? had you grown out of him?

you had never shown any irritation towards him, were you trying to let him down gently?

the thoughts plagued his mind, making it difficult to focus on anything, which only exacerbated his bad luck

he didn’t notice the explosive barrels, he truly didn’t

the huge pyro explosion caused dread to pool in his stomach

“Y/N! Y/N!” he shouted through the smoke, desperate for any sign of life, how could he have messed up this badly?

“I’m fine! Don’t worry!” you shout back cheerily, having protected yourself with a cryo shield

He was by your side in an instant, in disbelief that you were truly okay

but, you were definitely going to hate him now, right?

everyone else did. every other fault that occurred was blamed on his bad luck, others unwilling to even look in his direction

was that going to happen with you?

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he feels tears brimming in his eyes, threatening to fall down his smoke covered face “I know you were fed up with me already, but I don’t want this to end! I-I... you’re the only one who’s stayed so long...” The tears really do fall down, hot and heavy down his cheeks

before he can get rid of them himself, your soft hand rises to his face, delicately wiping them away

“Oh Bennet, I haven’t been very thoughtful recently, have I? I wanted it to be a surprise! And surprises need mora... it’s your birthday coming up soon! That only happens once every 4 years! So I wanted it to be special,” his eyes widen at your words, you-you were doing all this for him?

“I’m not going to spoil the surprise, but I promise you it’ll be worth it!” You grin wide, wanting oh so badly to tell him, but knowing the surprise will blow him away

The grin is infectious, he feels his own face breaking out into a smile

how did he get so lucky?

“You don’t have to...I-I mean, if you want to-ill be there. I ju-just...” suddenly nervous and bashful, could he be so bold as to ask for more of your time?

scrunching his eyes shut, he summons all his courage, voice coming from the depth of his soul, “I want to go on adventures with you! That’s the most important thing to me!” Face as hot as his flames, he doesn’t want to open his eyes, fearful of your reaction

Soft giggles erupt form you at his abrupt confession, how could you ever say no to him?

Taking his hands in yours, you make a promise that is sure to quell his bad luck forever more

#not my fanfiction #bennet genshin impact #bennet #genshin bennett #genshin impact bennet #genshin impact bennett #bennett genshin impact #bennett x reader #bennett headcanons #bennett imagines #genshin

[phaggiebean]

Attention!

Important! They are ALL FRIENDS!

Most of the time they’re just happy to get on with their business around humans. Sometimes they get a little too curious, usually after a minute they’ll realise you’re not food or a good place to sit, but if they bother you then it’s best to just move away.

Remember they sting to defend themselves or their nest, and from their point of view humans are gigantic, unpredictable and potentially very dangerous creatures.

It’s understandable if you’re scared of them, but please don’t say they’re evil!

[phaggiebean]

the hardest part about bouncing back from a depressive episode is cleaning up the mess you’ve made of your life like you can’t exactly say “sorry for ignoring you and your messages for a week, i was too busy suffering from crippling loneliness hope we’re still ok lol” right