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And in that time apart

I fell harder,

While you realized you were never falling at all

–AB

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I’m back?

Odd that I come back here for someone else but now realizing how I’ve missed this corner of the internet, my little online diary

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Someone tell me this

reasons i haven’t replied back:

- i’m socially exhausted - i don’t have the time right now - i don’t know how to reply - i have a bad memory and got distracted - i’m having a depressive episode and don’t have the energy to socialise

not reasons i haven’t replied back:

- i’m ignoring you just because - i hate you - i’m fed up with you - i don’t want to be your friend anymore

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No, I don't feel sad. But I don't feel like anything at all

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Here I was, thinking that I didn't deserve your love, when you really didn't love me at all

-AB

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Depression Army

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Word Vomit #2

Procrastination. I dispise myself because IT'S EXAM WEEK AND I HAVEN'T REVIEWED WHATSOEVER, instead I'm here continually frustrating myself even more because I'm ranting about my laziness rather than doing the actual work I was meant to do in the first place.

My self-control is completely non-existent. I vowed to myself last night that I would deprive myself of social media for a day because I have too much to do and so little time to do it. Guess how long it took me to break that vow? LESS THAN 2 HOURS INTO THE DAY. Another result of all the self-control ish is that my body clock has completely turned upside down (I slept 4 this morning and woke up 8)

Frustrating is an understatement of what I feel because I've been doing this ish for a seriously long time, and it hurts because I really want to break the habit but I just can't change the way I do things (because I don't know how and many other reasons that I cannot explain.)

I swear I need help, because I don't know what is happening with me anymore.

#word vomit #sorry for the rant #currently procrastinating #i don't even know #almost crying #haha kill me

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Sometimes, it's not even sadness that fills up your whole being. It's more like every single part of your soul is sucked out, and you just feel empty

-AB

#sad quote

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Word vomit #1

Is it weird that I hate being the center of attention, yet here I am envious of those that have replies under their tweets that aren't just from friends?

It upsets me when I put something out there and it would be a gem if I get 3 or more retweets or likes after 4 hours of posting it, then I'd see those others I follow getting a hundered and thirty-one retweets after only 2 hours.

I don't know what's wrong with me, why would I even be upset? I barely even have friends to like what I post, what more if they were absolute strangers.

I don't even know what I'm going on about here. I want to be twitter/ tumblr/ instagram famous, but for what? I want to have more friends from the fandom, but no one really likes you.

I try to shrug off the lonliness when I see a conversational thread of two fangirls that are already very close to one another and very in-the-know when it came to fandom "ganap"; I try to shrug off the disappointment when my tweet gets close to zero likes and retweets while those other tweets I see get a minimum of twenty.

I sound so bitter don't I? I don;t even understand where this jealousy is coming from either, all I know is that it's awful of me, and I want it to stop but I know I can't be better that this anyway.

inside thoughts really, you're going to put tags on this, are you really trying to get others to notice you? are you this low? nagrereklamo ka na nga lang, magpapapansin ka pa? And don't think about posting this on twitter...

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the story of us, taylor swift

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Beginnings of word vomit

I just realized (or maybe last week) that I could release all my thoughts here.

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I don't know why I'm surprised to find maichard accounts here.