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onlyweknowleeknow · 1 year

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Oddinary Thrives in Your Dreams

Parts: 1…

Minho x reader, Han x reader

Genre: dystopian au, action, angst, fluff.

Synopsis: In a world where the strange and odd are destroyed, you are not safe. So what will you do when eight peculiar men fill your dreams? Will you decide to become Oddinary, or will you remain in a colorless world?

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: afab reader, language, fear, drugs, alcohol, murder, character death, gore, horror(?), dystopian au, fighting, violence, discrimination, kissing, threatening, kidnapping, etc.

A/n: this is a spin-off of the Oddinary universe, written according to how I think it would be, of course. I hope you guys like it, I’m not sure how many parts there will be, but hopefully I’ll remember to update. enjoy! :)

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When had the world been stripped of it’s color? When had the uniqueness of people become something appalling? When did the world become so bland?

You didn’t know, for it had happened long before your life.

Being born into a world where the odd and special were cast aside was nauseating. You couldn’t have any interests of your own. Art had become something of uniform, there were no abstract pieces of people’s design. Music had become dull, there were no words spoken from the heart. Books had become few and far between, the only ones remaining in view seeming to be history or math books.

When the world forbade the creation of one’s mind, the earth had lost it’s colors. It had happened slowly, agonizingly slow.

But now, after all was said and done, paintings were of serious people and plain landscapes. Music was dry and tasteless, jazz, rock, rap, indie, country; they were no more. Writing was erased, now only few books were hidden away from the government, teeming with prohibited words.

So when you were born, full of quirks and forbidden interests, your parents, who were also born with a tiny flame in their eyes, couldn’t have been more wary. Still, they found you books and poems, old CDs and paintings, anything to show you what used to be. It wasn’t much, but it was more then the world wanted you to have.

And you had learned, over the years, how to keep these things a secret.

When you left your home, full of nearly empty hidden libraries and small, secret art rooms, you were met with the painful reality of the outside world. One you had been scared of facing your entire life.

The world had changed, it wasn’t the same as your little piece of home. It was cruel, cold, and unforgiving. When you left for college, out of the safety of your hometown, you had been welcomed with plain clothes, identical haircuts, and sad, unknowing faces.

These people, these friends, they would never know the joy of being free. They would never know anything aside from uniformity.

But there were a few, just a handful of people, who still had hope in their eyes and a fire burning in their souls. Though, one by one, as they began to show more of their unique traits, they had disappeared. Simply fading away from the world’s memory. And that is what made you melt into the background, that it what made you lock up your individuality, only finding the key when you were alone.

When you were alone, you would paint beautiful pictures, write long, emotional stories, and make the most beautiful music. When you weren’t alone, you would laugh weakly at universal jokes, you would talk the same way everyone else did, and you would never, ever let your personality show.

You didn’t know if that’s how it was with everyone, or if most people were simply born without something that made them unique. It wouldn’t be hard to believe, not in today’s world.

But you just couldn’t find it in yourself to let everything go, you couldn’t give up your art, none of it. You couldn’t keep faking yourself for the world’s approval, even if it meant you would disappear, much like those before you.

You had to free yourself from this black and white world, no matter the cost. It seemed impossible, but an impending sense of doom loomed over your head the longer you did nothing.

So you did do something. It changed your life, and it certainly changed your view of everything you’d ever known to be true.

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You could hear your profferer’s heels clicking against the plain tile floor. When she arrived in the lecture room, you felt your posture straighten, just as everyone else’s did.

She was wearing a gray suit, black heels adorning her feet. It was the standard uniform for female employees at your college. Unlike her, you wore a plain black shirt and blue jeans, one of the few outfits you could wear without being whispered about. If you wore something extreme, which you never had the guts to do, you might just be gone the very next day.

Thoughts like this were what clouded your mind in the haze of the mornings, when the skies were dark and the shadows were bright.

You could hear your professor speaking, but today was one of those days, one where you couldn’t pull your eyes away from the window, where you couldn’t quite listen to the world around you. You were lost in your mind, eyes locked on the rain outside.

“Y/n, y/n? Y/n!” A sharp voice struck you from your thoughts, eyes snapping towards the sound. It was your professor. She looked displeased.

“Y/n, I need you to focus. How will you ever work if you don’t listen enough to retain this information?” She scolded you, just as she did most days.

“I’m sorry, ma’am.” You said quietly, foot tapping silently against the ground.

Your teacher shook her head, but you could see the way her narrowed gaze softened, just the tiniest bit. It helped you relax, for some reason. It was nice to see hints of humanity scattered here and there, even if it was only a few times a month.

When class ended, your teacher had grabbed your attention when you were leaving. You turned around and apologized to the other students you had gotten in the way of.

“Yes, ma’am?” Your voice was frail and dry, a technique you had picked up from your mother back home. Be plain, be boring, be weak, be normal. They won’t suspect you that way.

“Please, darling. Don’t use those formalities. I’ve been your professor for three years, it’s time to move past those lousy names. Call me Miss Irene, at least while we’re alone.” Her smile was warm, something you hadn’t seen since you left home.

“Ma’am—“ You began, her sudden shift in attitude shocking you, but she tutted at you.

“Now now, y/n. I’m serious about this. I have something important to discuss with you, I’d like to be comfortable while doing so.”

You didn’t feel confident about the offer; if another person walked in, you’d both be in trouble. But you, too, wanted to feel a sense of comfort, so you agreed. “Might I ask why you called me back, ma’am—Miss Irene?”

You were welcomed with a hum in response. The teacher, Miss Irene, walked around her desk and opened the bottom right drawer. You watched her skeptically, clutching onto your bag tightly. Perhaps it was a trick, maybe she saw the part of you she wasn’t supposed to see? The idea made your eyebrows furrow and your grip tighten.

But then she did something surprising, or rather, showed you something surprising.

“Y/n, I know you’re… special, odd, even..” Her voice rang through your ears. Your gaze was locked on her hands, which were still rummaging around in her desk.

“I’m sorry?” You blinked, taking a small step backwards.

Miss Irene seemed to realize her mistake, for she quickly pulled her hands out of the drawer, a paper held in her fingers. “No no, I’m not—it’s not like that. I just haven’t seen someone like you since I was rather young. It’s not a bad thing, in fact, it’s quite the contrary.”

She began again, her left hand making vigorous motions. She was using her hands to speak, to get her point across. It was not allowed, but you found yourself intrigued. How could she be brave enough to show herself in the open? Like a mouse in a cat’s jaws, just waiting to be bitten into.

“Listen to me, carefully. I’m not going to turn you in, I’m not even going to report you. It would be hypocritical of me. Darling, you’re a very intelligent young woman, you remind me a lot of myself when I was your age.” She chuckled, brushing a hand down her suit. “I wasted my potential, mostly because there was nobody in my time to nurture it. But you, Y/n, you do not belong in a world like this. None of us do really, but there are a few remaining souls that can change the world for the better. I believe you are one of those souls, whether you realize it or not.”

Her right hand lifted the small paper she was holding, left hand laying at her side. “I don’t know what it is, but there’s just something about you, Y/n. Other people see it too, I can tell when the other students and teachers watch you carefully, but never approach. I’m giving you this information because I believe in you, but do with it as you wish.” Miss Irene stretched out both her arms, holding the paper between her fingers, offering it towards you.

You found yourself hesitantly reaching outwards, eyes moving between the paper and Miss Irene’s gaze.

When you finally grabbed the paper, she pulled away and smiled at you softly. “It’s not my choice, but… I really think you should go. Even if you just stare and leave, it’s better then nothing.”

Her voice began to fade away into the depths of your mind. Your eyes were wide, fingers now tightly holding the paper, instead of the bag over your shoulders.

You had heard of this place before, but not in the real world. Only in the very bottom of your dreams.

Dreams. A word so foreign, so lost to the world, but so relevant to you.

Dreams. Something that had faded out of the human species long ago, and now, the only dreams left were static screens, if you were lucky. But you, now you were lucky. You not only had hopes and aspirations, but you had real, beautiful dreams.

At night, when you drifted off to sleep, you really did drift into a land of dreams, a world that people had thought to have gone extinct decades ago. When you told your parents about these images in your mind while you slept, they were amazed. Even they had only heard tales of the faraway land, and to have their own child be able to reach it? It was incredible. They nurtured your ability the best they could, researching old facts and forbidden questions about the dreamscape. And now, here you were, a vivid dreamer.

A lucid dreamer.

But you didn’t just dream of odd scenarios your mind created. You also dreamt of the world before everything had changed; you dreamt of art, music, books, personalities. You dreamt of people who were praised for being different, you dream of a world where being unique was an accomplishment; a gift.

Your eyes quickly flickered back to Miss Irene’s, your heart rate quickening. “Is this real?”

She could see the hope in your eyes, she could feel the ambition radiating off of you in waves. She nodded. “It’s real. I wouldn’t lie to you, or anyone, about something like this.”

The two of you stared at one another for a few, fleeting moments. All the words, all the emotions you could never say out loud were conveyed through your eyes. Both of you.

“You should go there.” Miss Irene broke the silence with a whisper. You only nodded, hands quivering.

You felt warmth engulf you, your body tensing for a moment. Miss Irene was hugging you. You were wary, eyes looking around the room. But you hugged her back and it felt right.

When she pulled away, her face was rosy, a tear sliding down her fragile cheek. “Go on now, darling. Prove everyone wrong, won’t you? And come back for me when you change the world.”

You, too, now had watery eyes, your vision blurring in the corners. You only nodded, not brave enough to say anything. Even after years of acceptance from your parents, the harsh conditioning of the outside world had nearly immediately pushed you into your shell. You grasped the paper, staring down at it again.

On the paper was five sentences, one address, and 8 pictures, each with a name beside them.

‘If this card finds it’s way to you, then you are invited to Oddinary Headquarters. Do not come if you are tender hearted, for our mission requires iron-willed participants. But please, do join us. We will welcome you with open arms and a little push in the right direction. We hope to see you soon.’

The message made you shudder, it seemed like a dangerous task, but it was calling to you. It had called to you so many times before. In your dreams. In fact, you knew each of the young men in the pictures and the names to go along with them. They had taken your dreams of the past, replacing them with only images of their own intricate life.

The first boy, Chan, he was the one who always greeted you at the front desk. Greeted was less true, it was more like he observed you, eyes calculating and careful, with his green-black hair, glasses with chains behind his ears, and gloves. He would always allow you further inside, but his eyes staring at the back of your head never felt very welcoming.

The second boy, Jisung, he stood in a hallway that widened into a small room. He always had too many candles lit, clocks hanging and covering the walls of his space. He often put in eye drops, his black hat covered his hair. And when you descended down the stairs, away from his space, his eyes were the only ones that brought you warmth. You could see it swimming in the depths of his gaze; what was it? That, you weren’t sure of. But with the second boy, you felt peaceful and safe. Why? You were moving to the next room before your mind could search for answers.

The third boy, Seungmin, he was the one with a camera. He always startled you when he took a sudden picture of you each time you entered his room, with his soft appearance and round glasses. The area was wide and bare, except for the Polaroid photos coating parts of his wall and the long table in the middle of the room. It was set up with lamps and many photography tools. He always offered you a cake, and when you declined, he would frown, your picture falling from his grasp. But each time you bent down to pick it up, you would stand to find yourself in a new room. And Seungmin’s eyes watching you crouch didn’t feel very nice.

The fourth boy, Jeongin, he was the one with newspapers and books. His room was dark, with a couch against the middle of the wall, cabinets on either side, shelves lining the wall to the right of the couch, coated with books and lamps and writing tools. A rectangular table laid in the center of the compact room, much like Seungmin’s, but much smaller. You would always find Jeongin laying on his couch with a newspaper thrown over his face, but he was never asleep. When you moved the newspaper, he would sit up straight and knock you down, pining you against the table with a grin, before he snatched the newspaper back and laid back into his former position. But you could feel his gaze following you from under the paper as you walked down the next flight of stairs, and his eyes didn’t feel good.

The fifth boy didn’t come yet, but instead, when the staircase widened into something modern, the sky was shown to you. And across from you on the left, was a crouching boy, eating an apple on the roof. When he looked at you, fear shot through your spine and his vibrant, red hair still haunted you when you awoke. But he was for later. When you hurried down the stairs, a crushed can shot in front of your face and stabbed into the wall, but even that felt safer then the red head’s cold eyes.

The fifth boy, Lee Know, he was the one with a gulf club and purple hair. His room was lined with shelves of soda cans. You never got to see him for long, but when he walked closer, golf club pointing towards you with a dark smile to unstick his can, his eyes watched you. When he had gotten his can, he just grinned at you, and then, just like that, you were in a different room. But still, his threatening eyes mocked your memory, they didn’t feel very kind.

The sixth boy, Changbin, the one who moved in the darkness like he was a shadow himself. His room was a long, wide hallway. He appeared in a doorframe with red lights, each time the bulbs flickered out and then back on, he was closer to you. You always backed up, finding yourself in a bright white elevator and before the doors shut, there was Changbin, head tilted menacingly while a box was strapped to his front, it read; ‘free hugs’. His arms were outstretched, smile faltering as the elevator doors clicked shut. And his eyes, which faked friendliness, didnt seem too happy.

The elevator lifted high above the dull city, doors creaking open to reveal the rooftop and a familiar shade of red.

The seventh boy, Hyunjin, he was the one with blood red apples, crimson hair, and ocean eyes. He appeared beside you, blowing into your ear. You were never sure why, but the eighth boy, Felix, appeared beside you, too. It was strange that they were the only ones who you saw together, but in this dream, you didn’t have time to ask questions. Felix was gifted with blonde hair, which was covered by a shimmering, capped hat. He wore a crimson suit instead and had a similar blue gaze as Hyunjin’s. Felix held a lock, rather then an apple. They both leaned into you, whispering shine chilling words;

‘Do you want to be Oddinary?’

Then, they pushed you, your body breaking the thin glass of the elevator and falling, spiraling towards the ground. The two boys jumped after you, eyes full of something you couldn’t quite understand. The other boys jumped behind them, appearing one by one and all 8 of them, in all their glory, would whisper to you as you fell;

‘Do you want to be Oddinary?’

And then, you woke up. But still, a sense of familiarity followed you long after you left the dreamscape.

“Y/n? Y/n, you need to go, now. They’re coming.” Irene interrupted your thoughts, making you twitch back into reality and away from the dream, or rather, nightmare.

“What—who, who is coming?” You tensed, quickly shoving the paper into your pocket.

“I don’t have time to explain, I’m sorry darling. You need to go, hurry. You’ll be safe there.” Miss Irene was now lightly pushing you towards the door.

You didn’t have time to argue, not before Miss Irene had successfully pushed you out of the classroom. “Go there, you need to go now. Remember, come back for me.” She sounded urgent, and she gave you one fleeting hug, before backing up and shutting the classroom door.

You stood there for a moment, before you heard yelling from down the hall and glass shattering inside the classroom. Your mind swirled, confusion settling deep inside your soul. But you didn’t have time to ask questions, nor worry about Miss Irene, that became clear when the pounding footsteps and voices from down the hall got closer, and closer, and closer.

Before you could even think, your feet had taken action. You were sprinting down the hallway, away from the voices, away from the feeling that planted itself in the back of your heart, and towards the door. Towards the address of the small piece of paper in your bag, towards freedom from this world of unison.

You were out of the school in an instant, arriving at the main street even quicker then that.

You looked left and right, legs carrying you to the left, where a familiar bus stop sat.

You felt your heart rate soaring, but your heart itself was plummeting.

It was only you at the bus stop, so when you checked your watch, you couldn’t help but let a shiver run up your spine. It was 5:13pm, and the next bus wouldn’t be arriving until 5:30pm. So you stood, rigid and tense, waiting at the bus stop. Sweat trickled down the side of your face, but it wasn’t because of the few blocks you had just run, it was because of the looming sense of fear that clouded the air around you.

And now, in the silence of the evening, you were able to think about all the questions your mind had developed within the pst hour or so. The most important ones surfaced first; why was Miss Irene so intent on you going to Oddinary Headquarters? How did you dream of them before, and was your mind playing tricks on you, or would it really be how your dreams had portrayed? What happened after Miss Irene closed her classroom door, was she okay?

All these questions and a hundred more filled your mind to the brim, and before you knew it, an engine caught your attention.

The bus had arrived.

You approached it quickly, getting on without a second thought. Nobody spared you a glance, you were thankful for that.

You found a seat on the right side of the bus and sat down. Yours palms felt sweaty, your face felt hot, but still, nobody looked in your direction. Your hands gripped onto your bag, which was now seated in your lap.

You were growing more and more anxious as the seconds ticked by, your foot tapping against the ground in a frantic pattern.

The bus seemed to be moving so slow, but you needed to remain calm, if you didn’t, somebody might notice, and if somebody noticed, you were a goner.

In today’s society, countless amounts of people were inspected for odd behavior, some never came back from said inspections. You would certainly not be seen again if you were sent to an inspection facility.

Your mind began to drift again; to Miss Irene, to the Oddinary Headquarters and the boys who resided in the strange building. Why had Miss Irene helped you and how had she seen past your walls? Why was Oddinary not shut down? What happened in the classroom after Miss Irene shut the door? Who was after you and why?

Before you could even begin to think of answers to any of your questions, the bus was coming to a stop. Your glazed over eyes focused again, redirecting from your lap, to the window.

You inhaled sharply, heart rate picking up slightly.

You stood from your seat, feet carrying you away from your isolated spot, to the front of the bus, where you thanked the driver and stepped off of the bus.

Then, it left. You were the only one who had gotten off at this stop. Honestly, you were surprised the bus had even stopped here, most people didn’t come to this part of town. You hadn’t missed the judgmental looks and disbelieving stares you had gotten when you got off at the old stop, but you were thankful that was all you had received; disgruntled glares.

Perhaps the world knew where you were going, and perhaps it was waiting for you. The air was cold and still, like the earth had stopped rotating, just for you, just for this moment.

Uniformed trees stood proudly, but they, too, seemed unmoving. The ground beneath your feet seemed to sway and fold, but that was probably your nerves. There was no noise, there were no people, no animals, no nothing. Just old buildings packed tightly together.

You watched the world for a moment, taking it all in. You probably didn’t have time, but when the world stopped, you had to admire it—you just had to.

And then, a car wizzed past you and off, into the night. Suddenly, everything came back to life. The trees blew gently in the nighttime breeze, ants crawled across the sidewalk, crickets chirped, squirrels jumped through the bush and the trees. Just as quickly as the world paused, it had started up again. Even the earth hesitated.

You tightened your hands, slinging your bag across your shoulder again. You needed to focus, you told yourself as you pulled out the piece of paper Miss Irene had given you from your pocket.

You clutched onto it, almost like it was your lifeline. It kind of was, honestly.

You looked towards the corner of the street, reading the name of the road you were on. You were close to the address, you knew.

Your feet carried you down the beaten sidewalks, eyes twitching around the unkept scenery.

Before you knew it, you had found your way to the building. Almost, at least.

When you saw the familiar red letters, your heart caught in your throat.

The building was tall, so tall. There was something ominous about the building; something strange. It was certainly the same place from your dreams—from your nightmares. How could it possibly be more horrifying in real life?

You got closer, and closer, and closer to the building. Your blood was running cold, eyes narrowed warily.

Now that you were only a few inches away from the building, you almost turned and ran. But you couldn’t, you had promised Miss Irene. Besides, you were curious. It was human nature, and you were human, weren’t you?

Then again, as the saying goes, curiosity killed the cat. But you would prefer to be killed then forced into the dull world you had witness your whole life, so really, what was the risk?

You scoffed internally at the thought, wiping the silly words form your mind.

You reached out, towards the door. When you grasped the handle, you flinched; it was colder then you had expected.

You inhaled deeply, the cold air stinging as it entered your nose, but you didn’t mind.

Your muscles tensed, limbs working to pull the door open.

It creaked.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

The noise filled your ears when the door cracked open.

You breathed shakily, working up the courage to peek your head in. You almost hurled at the sight that awaited you.

Not only was Chan, the first boy there, but also the other seven boys. They were all in the narrow hallway, either leaning against the walls, desk, or each other.

Their gazes all turned towards you, calculating looks swimming in their eyes.

You found yourself searching for a certain someone; Jisung. Jisung and his badge filled hat. He was already staring at you; they all were. But again, he was different. Something soft lurked behind his cold exterior. You found yourself longing to be closer to him, but why? Who was he? You had only seen him in your dreams, and even there you were drawn to him.

“Don’t just stand there, come in. You’re letting the air out,” an accented voice spoke suddenly, snapping you from your daze.

Chan.

He smiled at you, though it was cautious and forced.

You couldn’t get yourself to move, you were stuck in place. You had stupidly assumed everything would follow your dreams, but nothing seemed to be going as you had planned. You were expecting a lot of things, but not this. You were not expecting, nor prepared, to be met with all eight boys from the start. If you had a few more minutes, or even just a warning—maybe then you could have been ready.

Red and purple movement caught your attention; Hyunjin and Minho, the seventh and fifth boys.

They were moving closer to you, eyes hungry and threatening.

“I said come in,” Chan repeated lowly.

Again, you did not move.

You only watched in pure horror as the two boys stalked closer to you. The other six were grinning, a different emotion behind each of their smiles.

“Come on y/n, we’ve been waiting for you. Haven’t you been looking for us?”, Chan’s voice echoed—before suddenly, Hyunjin and Minho were right in front of you.

A sharp pain crept down your spine, the red haired boy, his arms were under you as you fell and each boy spoke the same bloodcurdling, heart wrenching sentence;

“Do you want to be Oddinary?”

Then everything went black.

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onlyweknowleeknow · 1 year

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108

Felix x reader

Genre: best friends, wedding au, angst.

Synopsis: Not everything is meant to be. And sometimes, no matter how much you want things to work out, you just have to come to terms with the fact that not everything ends with love confessions and kisses.

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: unrequited feelings, longing, kisses, sadness, heartbreak, freckle counting, reader let’s Felix go, insecurity, sad(?) ending.

a/n: I hope you guys like this little story. I wrote it a looong time ago and just changed it around to fit Felix. It’s short, but I’m writing a lot of stories for you all to read, this is just to hold you over for a bit. enjoy! :)

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Today was it, the most important day of your life.

Your gown was lovely, as was the man who held you in his arms. He spun you around, hands wrapped tightly around your dressed up waist. He smiled down at you, lifting his eyebrows when he met your gaze.

“Hey, you’re crying,” he hummed, finger tips running up your face to wipe the tears from your damp eyes. “You said you didn’t want to cry today.” The young man teased, lips curling into a tiny pout.

“I didn’t want to, but I planned on it. Don’t act like you didn’t expect it.” You laughed weakly, softly hitting his shoulder.

That only made him feign offense, huffing and puffing for just a moment, before he spoke again. “I hope they’re happy tears. The trip to Tokyo is looking better by the minute, hm?” You scoffed, hands resting on his clothed arms. You couldn’t answer him, it wouldn’t be right to lie to him on his wedding day.

“I think your wife is waiting for you, Lix.” You motioned towards the beautiful, blushing girl. She went from group to group, leaving delighted smiles on her guests’ faces. Some brides would have been unsettled that their new husband was spending so much time with another girl, but not her. You weren’t a threat to her.

You never were.

Felix smiled gently, nodding. You began to pull away, but he pulled you back, hands firm on your waist. “She is. Why don’t you give me once last dance?” He asked, and how could you say no to him?

“Sure,” you agreed, watching Felix grin.

“You know I love you, right?” You nodded at his words. Of course he loved you; like a sister, like a best friend. You should love him like that, too, but you didn’t. You loved him as something more.

“I’m sorry, just one last time can we—“ you sighed, “like when we were kids?” Your voice was a whisper, eyes dropping to your feet as you swayed in the young man’s arms.

His grip tightened around you in silent understanding. “Like when we were kids,” he whispered back, craning his neck so you could cup his cheeks.

Simpler times. Simpler times when you promised you’d marry each other, times when you would spend the entire day trying to count his freckles, giggling and scolding him when you’d mess up because of his squirming. Days when you would run outside, playing together until the sun began to set, until you fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Simpler times, when he was yours.

It felt like only yesterday, when you were 9 years old, holding his chubby cheeks and squeezing them when he’d move too much. Your own eyes would watch his beautiful brown ones. Your gaze would scan his cheeks, trying to count each and every freckle. “I promise you, Lix, I’m going to find out exactly how many freckles are on your face,” you’d grit seriously, tongue sticking out of your mouth as you focused.

And again, when you were sixteen at school formals. You would sway to the music, his hands on your waist, yours on his shoulders, or vise-versa, if he got too nervous to grip onto your curves. Even then, you cupped his cheeks, trying and trying to count his freckles. The low lighting and soft sway of your bodies only made it harder. “Stop moving, I’m losing count!” You’d scowl.

He would only laugh or smile, whispering; “Then get closer.” You’d end up too flustered to continue, dancing your feelings away. It was the simpler times you would miss.

And in these final moments, you watched him carefully. You watched the sparkle in his warm, brown eyes. You watched as he scrunched up his face when he said something silly, and how he smiled brightly at you as he rambled and babbled the minutes away. But then, so seemingly sudden, he was perfectly silent, content eyes meeting yours in a quiet promise.

This was it. His wedding day. And here you were, holding his face once last time, scanning his delicate features. Memorizing them more then you already had, if at all possible.

His couldn’t help but chuckle as he watched you, his best friend, his soulmate of sorts. “Still haven’t figured it out yet?” He teased you lowly, fondness lacing his voice.

“I would’ve had it figured out already, but you never stay still.” You mirrored his grin, eyes darting around his face, finding each tiny freckle.

“Come on! It’s your last chance, nobody’s given me an exact number yet.” He smiled cheekily.

People say that everything happens for a reason. That your life is already mapped out, that the path to the one you’re meant to be with is already sketched in stone. But all you could think of was the fact that you didn’t want to follow your path, not if Felix wasn’t the one waiting for you on the other side.

As the song came to an end, he pecked your cheek, washing away the thoughts from behind your clouded eyes. Felix squeezed your hand lovingly, just one last time. “Have fun in Tokyo.”

You smiled, giving him a small shrug as his hands fell from your waist, leaving you shivering at the lack of warmth. “Have fun in Italy,” you said, biting back even more tears.

And as he moved away, you called out to him, gazing at the stars in his eyes and the galaxy on his cheeks. “Oh, and Lix, you have 108 freckles.”

Felix stared at you for a fleeting moment, before a small smile graced his features. His finger lifted to his lips; a shushing motion. “It’ll be our little secret, then.” He winked, throwing away the invisible key.

Felix gave you one final look, one final look that said everything words could not; ‘I see you, and even though it’s not you I’m marrying, I will always be here for you. I love you.’

You watched as he shuffled over to his wife and lead her to the dance floor. He pulled her into a loving kiss and gave her a look that he had never given you, the same look that you had dreamt of receiving thousands of times. Felix watched her like she was the most important thing in the world, like she was a shining star, or an angel, like she was delicate and precious. Like she was his lifeline.

He looked at her the way you looked at him.

Planning weddings usually brought you joy, such joy. This was the only one that brought you happiness, along with a pang pain and regret. Felix had begged you to plan his wedding, and you had agreed, of course. You had always assumed you would plan the boy’s wedding, but you had always thought you would be the one he was marrying. That you would be his bride.

You looked back at your finest work as a wedding planner, at your finest work as a best friend. You always wanted the best for Felix, you wanted him to be happy.

And by the smile on his face, you could tell you had done just that; you had done a good job, you had made him happy. This was your final gift to him, in a way. You got to send him off into his lover’s arms.

You had grown up with Lee Felix. You had watched him grow out of his gaming phase, out of his tiktok phase, out of all his phases. You had watched him grow smarter and stronger. You had watched him grow into the stunning man he was today.

This was the most important day of your life.

Starting today, you had officially stepped down as Felix’s best friend. He had a new one now.

Except this time, he was in love with her, too.

“Goodbye, Felix.” You smiled softly at the man, the man who danced with his new wife, the man who spun his bride in his arms delicately, before pulling her in for a feathery kiss. The man who you had watched fall in love with someone.

Not you, but her.

You watched the man you had fallen in love with, before finally, you slipped out of the wedding early.

You would always love Lee Felix, but now, you needed to find your path again. Even if Felix wasn’t the one it was leading you to.

Besides, even if Felix wasn’t the one you were going to marry, he would be there for you as a best friend.

Always.

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#straykids changbin #straykids felix #straykids hyunjin #straykids han #straykids jeongin #straykids minho #straykids seungmin #straykids #straykids chan #straykids fanfic #straykids angst #straykids fluff #bestfriend au #wedding au #straykids i.n #straykids lee know

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onlyweknowleeknow · 1 year

Text

Rabbit Hole

Hyunjin x reader

Genre: best friend to lovers au, business au, angst, fluff.

Synopsis: Hyunjin couldn’t stand it anymore, he needed an excuse to call you his. So in his desperation, he created an excuse. And now, after all was said and done, he knew; he had gone too far down the rabbit hole.

Word Count: 10.3k

Warnings: language, crying, desperation, unreciprocated feelings(?), talk of finance, smitten Hyunjin, Hyunjin is going through it, arguing, clueless reader, best friends, kissing, implications of smut, anxiety, alcohol, anger, regret.

A/n: I know the spacing is weird and annoying in this story, but I’m too tired to fix it. enjoy :,)

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You yearned for him every second of the day.

You longed for the ghost of his fingertips, the sound of his laugh, the curl of his lips, even the wetness of his tears.

You loved him, but not in the way he wanted you to.

No, you longed for him as your best friend, and you loved him as such.

But for the boy, it wasn’t enough, because for him, he loved you in such a different way. A way that you might never reciprocate, but still, his feelings only grew and grew.

He yearned for you every second of the day.

He longed for the ghost of your fingertips, the sound of your laugh, the curl of your lips, even the wetness of your tears.

He loved you, he loved you more then the number of stars scattered across the night sky. He loved you as more then a best friend, and he always would.

He had fallen— no, he had crashed into you, his heart burning with a painful passion.

He could never look at someone the way he looked at you. And perhaps it was lucky, or maybe unlucky, that everyone around the two of you saw it.

Except you.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Hyunjin, when are we leaving?” You called out for the boy, fingers fiddling with your mascara brush.

“Soon, are you almost ready?” He called from the other room.

“Yeah, you?”

Hyunjin didn’t answer for a moment. “Ah, almost.” He replied after a pause.

Your hand stilled, gaze tilting towards the doorframe suspiciously. “Okay… good.” You said, shaking your head softly as you turned back to the mirror.

Once you were content with your appearance, you leaned back, smiling fondly. Your hands fiddled with the mascara stick, pushing it back into it’s container. You hummed, delicately setting the makeup tool down.

“I’m ready.” You called out, voice echoing in the quiet house.

“Aish—“ You heard a thump and a startled curse.

“Hyunjin?” You blinked, walking out of the restroom.

“Hold on!” He said immediately, the lock on his door clicking.

You scrunched your nose, foot tapping against the ground.

What you didn’t know, was that on the other side of Hyunjin’s door, was a nervous, panicking mess. He had never felt so worried or unsure. His mind was filled of images of you. Of your smile, of your frown, of your eyes, nose, lips, hair. Of everything.

Then again, it wasn’t unusual for him, you were always on his mind. But now, after he had finally managed to get you to come on an, albeit fake, date with him, everything felt that much more serious.

So while you were staring at his door, he was leaning against it, slender fingers tugging on the tie around his neck. While you were raising your brows at the lock, Hyunjin was praying to god you walked away.

So when he heard your footsteps retreat, he couldn’t help but release a breath.

Hwang Hyunjin was stupidly, indescribably, completely in love with you. His very best friend. But he would never let you know, because to him, your friendship was worth a thousand romances.

Hyunjin was strange, he really was. He was the son of a rich businessman, and next in line for the company’s throne. Yet he was gentle, sweet, creative, and oh-so talented. He was shy, yet somehow the most dramatic person you’d ever know if he opened up to you. Nothing like how you would have imagined a boy of his class to be.

You often helped Hyunjin get ready for various events his father requested he attend, and tonight was no different.

Well, except for the fact that you too, would be attending.

As Hyunjin’s date.

It was strange, really. It only happened because of a certain chain of events that left Hyunjin needing a date to bring to this specific event. That date being you. And so, you became the date he would be bringing to every event he would attend in the foreseeable future. Unfortunately.

In fact, the boy had no other choice. It was either fake a relationship with you, his best friend, or get married to a random girl that was the daughter of one of his father’s business partners.

Now, Hyunjin had gone on many, many dates that his father had set up. But the older man had never forced him to see any of the girls again. That is, until the last date.

Shin Ryunjin was her name.

And she was absolutely perfect. She was stunning, intelligent, and spoke her mind.

But Hyunjin wanted nothing to do with her. Not romantically, at least. He had told Ryunjin this, to which she said it was completely okay. However, Hyunjin and Ryunjin’s fathers wouldn’t let it go.

No, no.

Those two were meant to be, as the businessmen often claimed. And so, a marriage was announced.

That’s when Hyunjin drew the line, coming up with possibly, the worst, most see-through lie you had ever heard.

“I can’t marry Ryunjin, father. I’m in love with someone else.”

And that bastard, that cheeky, annoying bastard just had to make things worse.

“Who?” His father had asked.

“Y/n.” Hyunjin had replied.

Damn that boy. Dragging you into his mess.

It was more complex then that, but the details didn’t matter at this point. What mattered was the fact that Hyunjin’s father, the man who practically saw you as his daughter, had been absolutely ecstatic about the fib Hyunjin told.

So much so, that he had almost immediately called off the wedding and told Hyunjin to bring you to the business party he was throwing Friday night.

Of course, you had gotten many texts from Mr. Hwang, all of which confused you. Until you asked Hyunjin, then it made sense.

Hyunjin would never, ever admit it, but he was excited to take you with him. He would also never admit that he had planned this whole ordeal out with Ryunjin, who was more then happy to help the young man chase after you.

You had argued for hours, you saying you had school you had to attend, him saying the party was after school hours and that it was a one time thing, at least until he could figure something else out. He didn’t want to figure something else out.

You saying the thought of even fake dating him was disgusting, him saying you were being dramatic. He was hurt by your words, but didn’t say anything about it.

You saying his father would never believe it, him saying his father was already smitten with the idea. As was he, but you didn’t need to know that.

It went back and forth, back and forth. Until finally, you agreed. Hyunjin had promised to buy you an outfit, as he knew you couldn’t afford something to wear to such a party.

You had been pissed for days, hell, you still were. Except now, you had to own up to you decision of agreeing to accompany Hyunjin.

So, that’s what you were doing.

Getting ready in Hyunjin’s large house, wearing a ridiculously expensive dress, and having your hair and makeup professionally done. Of course, you had fixed the mascara, for the makeup artist had put it on much too thick for your personal preference.

You decided to leave the boy alone, figuring the two of you would already be getting on each other’s nerves tonight.

So, instead of walking towards Hyunjin’s room and shaking the handle as you usually would just to annoy the boy, you opted to make your way back across the hall into the bathroom.

You had been in Hyunjin’s house plenty of times. It wasn’t exactly a mansion, but it was big, that was for sure. Hyunjin used to have his room on the far right side of the house, but he switched rooms for you. Specifically, he switched for a room with a bathroom inside, and another bathroom across the hall. When you spent the night at his house, you refused to use the same restroom as him. Hyunjin was clean and neat usually, but it seemed like in the restroom, he lost all care.

Hyunjin didn’t mind, if switching his room meant you’d stay over more often, he’d have switched in a heartbeat.

You made sure to check your appearance one more time, but nothing was out of place. So you walked out of the bathroom again.

“Hyunjin, I’m going downstairs.” You told the boy, who was still locked in his room.

“Alright, I’ll be down soon.” He responded.

You checked the watch that was on your wrist, nodding to yourself. “I hope so, we gotta go soon. It’s almost 6pm.”

No answer.

You simply shrugged to yourself, arms swinging by your side as you made your way down the stairs, shoulders slumping.

Did Hyunjin really have to say yo ur name specifically? He could’ve said anybody’s name, but no, the jerk picked your life to shake up.

He already knew you liked someone else, perhaps the word like was too little.

Maybe you loved the freckled boy, with his deep voice and sweet accent. Or maybe, you were infatuated with him. But it had been years, years since Lee Felix had captured your attention, taking your heart with it.

You had met Felix at one of Hyunjin’s birthday parties when you were young.

Actually, you had met all the boys at that same party. Discounting Jeongin and Seungmin, for they had entered your lives later.

But never mind that, because Felix was there.

You remember when you first saw him, nervous and clinging to his mother’s hand, his sweet, brown eyes locked on his feet. He looked so precious, and even you, a 6 year old little girl, realized that you wanted to be near him.

So when you approached him, a bubbly smile on your lips, Felix couldn’t help but reciprocate the curl of your mouth.

And when you sweetly grabbed his hand, dragging him over to the bouncy house, Hyunjin, little Hyunjin, couldn’t help but feel a tightness in his chest.

Before, Hyunjin had seen you as a best friend, but that day, on his birthday, something changed. He had encouraged you to befriend the shy boy when he walked through the door, but now that you had, now that your hand was gripping his instead of Hyunjin’s, it made him uneasy.

Even at his young age of 8, Hyunjin didn’t like the feeling he got when you looked at Felix. And he didn’t know it yet, but that feeling was jealousy, and it was seeping into his veins. That was the day Hyunjin’s heart realized,

it loved you. Hyunjin loved you.

Hyunjin sat on his bed now, gripping his sheets tightly. He couldn’t mess up his hair, nor his light makeup now.

He wanted to cry. He had made a mistake and he knew the moment he saw you, all dolled up, all for him, he would never, ever be able to climb his way out of the hole he had dug himself into.

He was fucked.

You hummed a song to yourself as you waited in the kitchen, leaning against the large island lazily. The shock of Hyunjin’s riches were far less relevant after all these years. You had known Hyunjin since you were born, and he was 2. Your mothers had been high school friends, and had only grown closer over the years. So, the two of you were practically raised side by side.

Both of your mothers didn’t come from rich families, but Hyunjin’s father fell for his mother anyways. Your father was from an upper class family, so his marriage to your mother was less shocking then the Hwang’s, considering Mr. Hwang was the heir of the family business when he was young.

Perhaps it was because Hyunjin’s mother was, and is beautiful. It wouldn’t surprise you if Mr. Hwang fell for her beauty, along with her charming personality.

Hyunjin was a lot like his mother. He was sweet, gentle, and artistic, but if needed, he could turn cold and stern. He also retained her beauty, along with his father’s good looks. He was similar to Mr. Hwang also. He was good with people, and drew almost everybody in. He was the perfect mix of the couple.

Your fingers tapped at your phone screen, mind swaying as you scrolled through your phone. When you checked your watch again, it was 5:56pm.

You groaned. “Hyunjin!”

You waited for an answer, which came in the form of the boy’s footsteps as he hurried down the stairs.

When you saw him walk into the kitchen, you couldn’t really say you were surprised. Hyunjin was handsome, even you couldn’t refuse that. He had on a crimson colored suit, tailored perfectly to his slender body. His shoes were plain, black dress shoes. His hair was styled beautifully, his silky curtain bangs framing his sculptured face nicely. The rest of it curved against his neck. His pretty hands were adorned with a few rings, small earrings dangling from his ears. His makeup was light, accentuating his eyes and lips, along with shaping his nose.

It really was cruel, how beautiful he was.

A soft smile spread across your lips, eyes curving into the little crescents that Hyunjin loved so dearly.

“You clean up nicely, Jinnie.” You complimented with a playful laugh.

He sucked in a gulp of air, breath hitching.

Often times, Hyunjin found you the most beautiful when you were far from fancied up. He found the way your messy hair would fall over your eyes as you tried to complete a math problem, or the way you kicked your legs up when you were on his bed, either reading, writing, or talking to him, beautiful. Or when you took off your makeup and grinned stupidly at him as you sat beside him to watch a movie, or even when you were yelling at him to give you the last bite of food. He found you beautiful in simple moments like that, when you were truly, fully yourself.

But here, now, looking at you in a dress that matched his suit, with your hair and makeup done up, all for him? You were breathtaking. The crimson dress went to your knees, the top was made of thick, crisscrossed sleeves that wound their way around your waist. They were off your shoulders, covering your upper arms only. There was a small zip in the back, one that the stylist had most likely helped you with. You were wearing a beautiful white choker-like necklace and white earrings to match. You also had on a couple white bracelets to match the necklace, and your shoes were black heels.

Your words hardly registered in his head, and he could tell by the way your eyebrows were slightly raised, that you had caught him staring.

“Oh, thank you. So do you, y/n.” He managed to say seriously, but of course, you knew something was up.

“What’s wrong? Starting to regret your choices, are we?” You just loved teasing him, didn’t you?

You smiled, walking forwards and poking his chest with your pointer finger as you watched him expectantly. He swallowed.

“Aish, don’t touch the suit! It’s ironed.” He made up a quick escape, backing away from you as he dramatically looked down at his chest. You tilted your head, watching him carefully, before you snorted.

“Oh no, I’m sorry, sir.”

Hyunjin shuffled. “It’s your fault for dragging me into this, you know.” Your mood changed to irritation at the memory of why you were even with the boy right now in the first place. “I don’t even know how to act. What if I fall over?” You gasped, covering your mouth with your hand.

You shuddered at the thought. “Do I look good? Will I fit in?” You started to panic.

Hyunjin smirked at you, carefully placing his hands on your bare shoulders. “Yah, your hands are hot.” You complained. “You’ll leave sweat marks on me.”

“Y/n!” He snatched his hands away from you, making you burst into laughter and double over.

“Quit it, you’ll ruin the dress.” He snapped, crossing his arms and popping his hip out.

You looked up at him from your bent position, scoffing as you struggled to stifle your laughter. You stood up, fanning your face. “God Jinnie, you’re funny.”

Hyunjin deadpanned. “I liked the freaking out you better, bring her back.”

You rolled your eyes, punching the boy’s shoulder lightly. He grunted, rubbing his shoulder with a pout.

You beamed at him for a moment, then lifted your arm to gaze at your watch.

“Fuck— Hyunjin! It’s 6:11. We’re gonna be late!” And just like that, your panicked self was back, just as the boy had requested. Hyunjin blinked, snatching your arm. His eyes widened as he looked at the time on your watch. It really was 6:11pm. “Shit, let’s go. My dad will kill us if we’re late.”

Hyunjin hurried towards the front door, opening it for you when you followed him. “Uh, no. Your dad is gonna kill you, if we’re late. I won’t let you drag me further into your mess.” You proclaimed, quickly shuffling out of the door.

Hyunjin slouched. You were right.

He shut the door behind you both, walking after you as you approached the limo.

It was going to be a long night.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Y/n! Stop it.” Hyunjin scolded.

You curled your lips. “Jinnie, please? I just want one!” You held up your hands, one finger sticking up desperately.

Hyunjin really did try to say no to you, but how could he when you were looking at him like that?

He groaned in exasperation, nodding. “Only one.”

You smiled at the boy, who was already looking tired of you. Your shoulders shook lightly as you laughed, playfully punching Hyunjin’s shoulder for the second time tonight.

Hyunjin glanced towards you, shaking his head. “You’ll be the death of me.” He complained.

“Mm.” You hummed, taking a sip of the singular wine glass Hyunjin allowed you to drink. “Maybe, but you love me anyways.”

Hyunjin leaned about against the limo’s seat, legs crossed gracefully over one another. He did love you, even if you drove him mad sometimes. That was true, just not how you thought it was.

“We’ll be there soon. I don’t wanna say this, but chug.” Hyunjin said with a side-smile.

You peered towards the boy, running your fingers around the rim of the glass. “Chug?” You inquired, to which he nodded. A smile of your own spread across your lips as you lifted the glass to your lips and began to quickly drink the alcohol within it.

Hyunjin watched you carefully, fingers on his neck as he turned his head towards you, gaze locked on your lips and the way your neck moved each swallow. He shuddered, adverting his gaze out of the window instead. Once you were finished, you put the, now empty, glass back into the wine-cup holder Hyunjin’s father had installed in the limo. You checked the camera on your phone, making sure you hadn’t messed up your makeup. Thankfully, you hadn’t.

You felt the limo come to a stop, as did Hyunjin. “I’ll open the door for you, don’t get out until I do.”

“Why?” You cringed, tapping your foot.

Hyunjin glared at you, hoping you wouldn’t be stubborn about this. “It’ll make everything more realistic, just follow my lead, please? I know better then you.”

“For once.” You mumbled.

Hyunjin’s head whipped towards you. “Yah!” He exclaimed. You giggled. “I’m kidding, Jinnie. Hurry up though, my back hurts.”

“You’re like an old lady.” He huffed.

“Don’t disrespect your elders!” You scolded. Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “I’m older then you.”

“Not me! The actual old ladies out there.” You said.

Hyunjin just grunted and opened his door, stepping out with a sly smile.

You huffed, slumping against the seat as you crossed your arms.

Soon, your door opened, Hyunjin’s hand waiting for yours. He watched you carefully, eyes calculating as he bent into the car. You grabbed his hand. It was normal. You always held the boy’s hand, but something told you this time, it was different.

He gave you a gentle smile, one that definitely helped to calm the nerves that were currently crawling up your spine.

You stepped out of the limo, hand in hand with him. Camera flashes startled you, your grasp on his hand tightening. Why were there photographers?

You winced as you stood to your full height beside Hyunjin. “Take deep breaths, it’s okay. This is normal, people get nosy at big business parties.” The boy whispered sweetly into your ear, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze. You stared at him for a moment, slowly allowing your shoulders to relax.

Hyunjin wondered what kind of photos the paparazzi would be getting. Did the two of you look like you were in love? Hand in hand, staring at each other silently. Hyunjin was sure, at least, it would look like he was in love. Probably because he was. But you, you looked at him like a big brother, someone to curl into when scared. And there he was, staring at you like you were his whole world. Would they be able to differentiate the looks you two shared? Yours of a loving friend, and his as something more?

Somewhere, deep in his chest, he hoped they wouldn’t. Because he wanted, more then anything, for you to seem in love with him. He wanted to find the pictures that would soon be online, and he wanted to keep them forever. Because maybe, just maybe, it would seem like you were looking at him the same way he was looking at you.

Just once.

When you looked away from him, a nervous smile graced our face. Hyunjin watched you for a few, fleeting moments, before he tore his eyes away from your side profile.

He moved forwards, you following close on his heels. He couldn’t help but laugh at you, following him around like a little puppy. You glared at him as he looked back at you, which simply made his smile grow more. At that, you couldn’t help but grin sheepishly also.

“Jinnie, quit it.” You pouted as he tugged you inside.

“Just come on, stop pouting. There’s food inside.” He bribed you. You rolled your eyes. “I’m already coming inside, and I know there’s food.” Hyunjin snorted, your arms now in front of you.

One of Hyunjin’s hands made it’s way to your waist, gently grasping onto your side and pulling you a tad closer to him. You stiffened, gazing up at the boy, who refused to look at you, his cheeks and ears were painted a soft pink color. Your lips curled, eyes curving into half-moons as you watched him. He was so careful, like he thought you’d smack his hand away. But you didn’t, you really couldn’t, you were here to play a role, after all.

You turned your head away from him as you entered the second set of doors, eyes widening at the sight. The room was huge, decorated gracefully with soft colors illuminating the large ballroom.

Every man, woman, and child in the place looked extraordinarily graceful, each posing with an elaborate aura that radiated power and confidence. Even the youngest child you saw, a girl who seemed no older then 11 years old, seemed to fit in more then you as she stood beside her parents quietly.

Hyunjin seemed to notice the way your shoulders tensed, for his hand tightened slightly around your waist, his neck craning to get a better look at you as the pair of you stood at the entrance, still unnoticed by most people in the hall.

“Y/n.” He whispered, bending closer to you, his voice just a gentle whisper in your ear.

“Don’t be nervous, you fit in perfectly. Nobody will question us, alright?” You turned your head towards him, giving a faint nod.

Hyunjin’s heart sank at your response. It was cruel of him to drag you here, into a world that even he, who had been raised in it, struggled to handle. He was regretful, eyebrows furrowing.

He leaned in, pressing a chaste kiss to the apple of your cheek. He watched your lashes flutter as you fully turned towards him, a faint red rising in your cheeks and touching the tips of your ears.

“Hyunjin!” You whispered, shocked.

The boy sent you a proud grin, standing back to his normal posture. You stared at him, not missing the way his cheeks were also deepening in color. He watched you watch him, eyes shining sweetly. You scoffed, shaking your head fondly as you looked away, eyes gazing into the large room. You were stunned again, wondering how someone could afford something so grand.

Hyunjin began to move, his hand on your waist simply pulled you along with him.

It didn’t take long for people to notice the two of you, or rather, to notice Hyunjin. Your stunning best friend, whose hand was currently gripping your waist. You shrunk internally, but tried your best to give off confidence. You only hoped it worked.

Hyunjin pulled you through the crowd of people, most of which watched you both. You should’ve expected it, after all, Mr. Hwang was the one throwing this party.

And yet, you hadn’t seen it coming.

Hyunjin bowed and greeted multiple families, but kept moving. He figured you were already nervous enough. He just needed to find his parents.

But then, you stopped.

Your eyes were trapped, trapped in a trace. Your body immediately tensed, heart dropping in your chest.

There he was, standing off the to side, speaking to a few adults, a pretty girl wrapped around his arm. He looked so beautiful, his blonde hair was neatly combed, body fitted into a black suit. His small dimples were visible as he smiled at one of the talking men. He looked to effortlessly ethereal. But so did the girl he was with.

Of course he did, he was Lee Felix.

Your body pushed against Hyunjin’s grasp, feet taking a few, small steps backwards.

“You didn’t tell me he’d be here. Who is that girl?” You said through clenched teeth. What if he saw you? Then you would never be able to tell him how you feel, not without him thinking you’d hurt Hyunjin. But why did that even matter? He already had someone with him. Was it his girlfriend? It couldn’t be, he’d have told you and the others. Right? This was not good, not good at all.

Hyunjin’s brows were furrowed in confusion, his gaze following yours.

And then, his heart plummeted, too.

He didn’t know Felix would be here, he hadn’t gotten to look at the guest list. Even if he had, he doubt he would’ve noticed Felix’s name, nor the girl’s, who’s name was probably scribbled next to his as a plus-one.

His eyes turned back towards you, hand retreating from your waist. “I didn’t know he’d be here, I don’t know who that is.” He swallowed.

He watched you, your eyes glazed over, watching the freckled boy and the stranger.

He wondered, as he studied you, if he looked at you the same way you looked at Felix. It was a sad reality, really.

Your eyes held the whole world when you looked at Felix, like the entire galaxy had made home in your beautiful gaze. And you had a certain feel to you, when you were with Felix, that you didn’t have with anyone else. Almost as though the accented boy was your whole reason for existing.

That’s how Hyunjin looked at you. Like you were everything that kept him going, like you were the only reason he was living in this horrid, wretched world.

He wondered how he would react seeing you with another man. It was hard enough to watch you fall for Felix, but to imagine you actually with him? Horrid.

Then again, the sight in front of him made his blood boil. How could Felix just look past you? How could he bring someone else when he knew all too well that you were hopelessly in love with him?

Hyunjin knew, he had known since the day you met Felix, that you would never, ever, look at Hyunjin quite the way you looked at Lee Felix.

Because to you, Felix was your everything. You loved him.

Hyunjin knew, for sure, as he was watching you in that moment, that you would never be his. But that didn’t matter, because if he couldn’t have you, you should’ve at least gotten to have Felix. And now both possibilities seemed so far away.

No, you would touch his finger tips, but be just out of his grasp.

It was all a sick, cruel joke the universe was playing.

And Hyunjin couldn’t win. Now, neither could you.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Y/n, please come out. It’s been 10 minutes, my parents are waiting for us.” Hyunjin knocked on the bathroom door, pleading for you to come out.

But you couldn’t, you had messed up your makeup with faint tears, and now you looked a mess.

Maybe you were overreacting, but you just couldn’t get yourself to leave the restroom.

You mind was swarmed with memories of Felix, dashing, beautiful Felix. With his freckled cheeks, thick accent, and dimpled smile. Who was that girl? The question haunted you.

“Y/n, please.” Hyunjin slumped against the door, not caring if anyone saw him at this point. His hands and forehead were pressed against it, eyes shut.

He really had messed up, he already knew that. But he didn’t know Felix would be here, especially not with a date. If he had, he never would’ve brought you.

The door suddenly unlocked, so Hyunjin took a step back. There you were, makeup slightly messy, eyes swollen and cheeks red. He almost cried at the sight of you.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled, stepping forwards to capture you in his warm embrace. You hugged him back, pulling him inside the restroom with you. Then, you locked the door again and continued to hug the tall boy.

You weren’t crying, you already had and besides, you shouldn’t shed anymore tears over something you couldn’t control.

Hell, if Felix was happy, you should be too.

“I’m sorry, I kinda messed up our time, huh?” You whispered into Hyunjin, who was still tightly hugging you, his chin resting on your head.

He chuckled lightly, shaking his head mindlessly. “No, you didn’t. It’s okay, this party is hours long, we only spent 15 minutes not attending it. We’ll be fine, I’m sure.” Hyunjin really wasn’t sure, however, he did know that his parents were probably looking for the two of you.

You sighed, retracting your body from his arms. He felt cold at the loss of you, but didn’t say anything.

“Can you help me? I just need to fix my makeup.” You sighed, walking towards the sink.

“What do I do? You don’t have a bag or anything, did you even bring makeup?” Hyunjin quirked a brow.

You hesitated. “No, but it’s only the mascara that’s running, so just carefully wipe it. I would, but my hands are…” You looked at your hands, which were shaking slightly.

Hyunjin inhaled, nodding. “Okay.” He mumbled, grabbing some tissues from the dispenser next to the sink. “What about your foundation and contour?“ He pursed his lips.

You had thought about that, but at this point, you didn’t care. “I can deal with that after. But I’d rather had messed up foundation then black streaks on my face.”

Hyunjin nodded at your words.

You leaned against the sink, hands gripping onto the counter to steady yourself. You tried your best not to think about Felix, nor the girl he had brought with him.

Hyunjin dampened the tissue, hoping it would ease the process of fixing your makeup. He leaned down, one hand beside yours on the counter, your body practically trapped under him. He was focused, lightly dabbing away the tear stains. Luckily, they hadn’t dried yet, so it wasn’t as difficult as he had thought it would be.

Your grip tightened on the counter as Hyunjin gently tapped the tissue against your face, eyes flickering back and forth over him. He was so close, you could see every strand of hair on his head, you could even smell his cologne. He was focused on you, but for once, it wasn’t because he couldn’t look away, it was because he was cleaning you up. And for just a moment, your heart beat a little bit faster, because here, encased in your best friend’s arms, you felt whole.

You just watched the boy, scanning his face that you had memorized years ago. You looked at the little mole under his eye, you looked at his nose and his lips, just admiring him for what felt like the first time.

Had he always looked this beautiful?

You couldn’t quite recall. To you, Hyunjin had always been handsome, sure, but he was still your annoying best friend. And now, you couldn’t help but look at him in a different, new light.

As his fingers curled against the counter, his face so close to yours you could basically feel his warm breath fane across your cheeks.

And then, in the heat of the moment, while you were questioning everything Hyunjin was, he pulled away. A proud smile on his face as he tossed the tissue into the trash can. “I fixed it! Look in the mirror.”

You nodded mindlessly, Hyunjin’s head tilting when you didn’t look away. You caught on, turning your body towards the mirror.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was certainly before then before.

You grabbed a dry tissue and tried to even out the foundation. It didn’t work great, but it worked well enough to not mess with your makeup anymore.

“Good?” You turned towards Hyunjin, who smiled fondly at you.

He held out his hand into the symbol for perfect. “Impeccable.”

You nodded, smiling at the ground for a moment, before you looked back up.

“We should go find my parents now.” Hyunjin said calmly.

Well, to you, it was calm. But inside, Hyunjin was fawning over you. How could he not? You looked so precious, all shy and worried.

Then again, he was also fuming. He didn’t think he’d ever been so upset at anyone, let alone at sweet Felix.

It wasn’t his fault, not really. It was just like how Hyunjin felt about you; he loved you, but the feeling wasn’t mutual. You loved Felix, but the feeling wasn’t mutual.

Love really has it’s way of messing with your mind. It’s unfair and cruel, making you fall for someone you just can’t have. Hyunjin sighed as he followed you out of the restroom, his brows furrowed in thought.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Do you see him?” You asked, clinging onto Hyunjin’s arm nervously.

You were gonna give him whiplash if you kept looking around how you were now.

“I don’t see him, I’ll tell you if I do. But seriously, y/n, you gotta stop moving your neck like that. I’m afraid it’ll break.” Hyunjin whispered.

You snapped your neck towards him in the same way he told you to stop doing. “Funny.”

Hyunjin scoffed.

“Didn’t you say we need to find your parents?” You inquired.

Hyunjin hummed, nodding. The two of you had been doing pretty good at evading conversations with people at the party, but you still hadn’t been able to find Hyunjin’s parents.

“I’ve been looking for them.” He said, his eyes still sweeping the large room as the pit of you cautiously walked through it.

“I see them!” You suddenly exclaimed, hitting Hyunjin’s arm lightly a few times.

Hyunjin flinched, looking at you, then to where your gaze was pointed. “Ah! Me too, let’s go.” He quickly tugged you along. Or, he tried to, but you beat him to it.

When you approached Hyunjin’s parents, they both looked ecstatic to see you.

“My son!” Mr. Hwang called cheerfully, patting the young man on the back. Hyunjin smiled, giving his father a bow, to which you followed suit.

“Y/n, dear, it’s lovely to see you, you look stunning. Mr. Hwang and I were so pleased to hear that you and Hyunjin were finally together! We’ve been waiting for years.” The woman giggled, watching happily as your cheeks fired up.

“Ah, thank you, mother.” You bowed again.

“So, y/n. Please tell us, how did Hyunjin finally make you his?” Mr. Hwang asked, noticing the way Hyunjin’s fingers had locked with yours.

“Oh— well, he—“ You stuttered, quickly thinking of a story.

“Really, it wasn’t anything extravagant. Hyunjin was walking me home after we had hung out all day, and he just sort of… spilled his feelings.” You tried your very best to make the story seem reasonable. You hoped it wouldn’t be too far-fetched. Hyunjin and you often spent your free days together, and he always walked you home after, so the fabrication was believable enough. To you, at least.

Hyunjin’s heart was hammering against his chest. He pictured the scenario in his head, wondering what it would be like if he really did admit his feelings to you like that.

Mrs. Hwang clapped quietly, smiling. “How sweet. Not everything needs to be fancy, you know. Some things are better simple.” She explained.

Hyunjin erased the scene from his mind, choosing to beam at his mother instead, before his attention was directed back towards his father.

“I agree. I do hope he at least got you flowers, though.” Mr. Hwang said, pointing at his son.

You laughed, fiddling nervously with a strand of your hair. “He got me a box of chocolates.” You lied. It felt wrong to lie to the Hwangs, but it was necessary, you supposed.

Mr. Hwang nodded in approval, patting Hyunjin on the back again.

“Just let us know if he needs to be put in his place. I know he can get…” Mr. Hwang trailed off, chuckling.

“Father! I’m right here.” The boy in question pouted, jutting out his lower lip.

Mr. Hwang was about to speak, but another man approached, greeting the four of you. He began to talk to Hyunjin’s father, who excused himself from the other three of you.

“Why don’t you two go get something to eat, if you haven’t already.” Mrs. Hwang said sweetly, rubbing your arm gently. You nodded, only just realizing how hungry you were.

Hyunjin said goodbye to his mother, then pulled you away, and back into the crowd.

“Jinnie.” You softly tugged on the sleeve of his suit.

He turned towards you, blinking. “Hm?”

You shuffled, smiling at his sheepishly. “The food is, uh,” you pointed past Hyunjin, “that way.”

Hyunjin furrowed his brows, looking behind him. You were right, the food was, indeed, that way. “Oh.” He said.

You laughed, it was your turn to pull him along now.

As you approached the table, you only grew more and more excited, your nerves completely dissipating.

Hyunjin let go of your hand as you arrived at the table, watching you with a soft smile as you excitedly grabbed a plate and scanned the table full of delicious food.

He couldn’t help but fawn over you, it wasn’t his fault. You were so precious, always excited at the prospect of food. And for the second time that night, you reminded Hyunjin of a little puppy.

He managed to move his eyes off of you, gazing elsewhere as you collected various amounts of food from the table.

Then he spotted someone he definitely didn’t want to see tonight. Walking hand in hand with a girl, was Felix.

And he was approaching the table, his sights already locked on Hyunjin as he happily waved, a wide smile on his freckled face.

Hyunjin stated, eyes wide as he carefully smiled back. What should he do? He couldn’t turn around, not now that he had acknowledged the incoming boy and his date. He glanced over his shoulder, searching for you. He found you, still at the food table, of course. You seemed to feel his gaze on you, because you looked up almost immediately and grinned stupidly at him, waving in excitement.

Hyunjin stared at you, a look of wordy shadowing his face. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, head and smile dropping when you looked past Hyunjin, seeing Felix approach.

But by then, he had seen you too, his smile growing even bigger.

You were seriously going to throw up.

Hyunjin scolded himself internally for the hundredth time that night, slowly turning around just in time to bow to Felix.

“Hey! I’ve been looking for you, I didn’t think y/n would be here. Are her parents attending? I didn’t see them.” Felix chirped.

You had set down your plate of food, knowing you had to go along with the role you had promised to play for Hyunjin. You approached the trio, eyes locked on Felix and his date as your arms wrapped around Hyunjin’s.

“Actually, I’m his date.” You smiled, it was painfully fake.

You swore you saw Felix’s bright smile drop for a moment, his eyes scanning your outfits and putting the facts together. You two were matching, of course you were here together… as dates.

Felix didn’t know how to feel. He had brought his girlfriend, if you could call her that. He had been seeing her for only a couple weeks, just tonight feeling brave enough to introduce her to his parents. And they liked her, but not as much as he had hoped they would.

When Felix saw you, he had only been more elated, but seeing you as Hyunjin’s date upset him. He wasn’t sure why, but he ignored it,

You clung tightly to Hyunjin, not just for show, but because you were nervous.

Hyunjin could tell, so he placed one of his hands over yours, softly caressing your hand as he spoke to Felix.

You sighed quietly, trying to it best to relax, but you couldn’t. You observed the girl with Felix, and it only made you feel worse. She was stunning, almost a perfect match for Felix. You shook the thoughts from your head, attempting to engross yourself into the conversation.

“How long have you two been together? I’m surprised I didn’t hear about it sooner!” Felix laughed, smiling at the both of you.

“Only a few days, we didn’t want to tell everyone yet. We’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell the others.” Hyunjin said in his politest tone.

“Yah, you don’t need to be all respectful with me! Of course I won’t tell them, it’s non of my business anyways.” Felix chirped, looking at his date suddenly when she tapped his shoulder. “Ah, right. This is Yuna, Shin Yuna. Her father is a partner of my father’s.”

The girl, Yuna, smiled brightly, bowing to you and Hyunjin. You didn’t like the way she clung onto Felix, it made your heart burn with anger and jealousy.

But you also didn’t like the way she looked at Hyunjin, in fact, you wasn’t sure which you disliked more. Her with Felix, or her staring at Hyunjin.

It was odd, to you, the feelings that spiked in your chest at her stare.

You had never been jealous of girls with Hyunjin before, but perhaps that was because Hyunjin had always made it clear that you were the only girl he wanted to hang out with. Yes, it was a selfish way to think, you knew, but you couldn’t help it. When someone is with you for so long, you can’t help but get attached.

“It’s nice to meet you, Yuna. You’re a stunning couple.” You spoke up, surprising all three of them. Hyunjin looked the most startled, his soft touch on your hand freezing. “But Jinnie and I really should go, we have a date planned tonight and,” you checked your watch for show, “it’s already 8:35. Our reservation is at 9:00, isn’t it?” You looked towards Hyunjin, who stared. You stepped on his foot, making him wince and cough slightly a s a distraction, before nodding.

“Yep! It’s at 9:00, we should get going.” Hyunjin said in a rushed tone.

Felix and Yuna looked surprised, but Yuna didn’t seem upset. It was only Felix that seemed a bit down that the two of you had to leave so soon.

“Oh. I see, well, you two have a good dinner. I’ll see you both another time.” Felix said hesitantly, eyeing the plate he had watched you fill and then put down.

Odd.

You laughed nervously, bowing before you quickly dragged Hyunjin towards the doors.

“Y/n—“ He inhaled. “Y/n!” His voice was louder now, so you turned.

“What?” You grunted.

“What the hell was that? We don’t have any dinner reservations. Besides, if we are leaving, we should say goodbye to my parents.” Hyunjin was unsure of what was going through your mind as you stared at him. What were you thinking?

“I know you don’t.” You suddenly said. “I just couldn’t stand there and watch that girl— Yuna, cling onto Felix like that. And the way she was looking at you just made—“ You stopped, sealing your mouth shut.

“What? The way she was looking at me made you what?” Hyunjin tilted his head, heart beginning to beat faster. We’re you upset, jealous even?

“It doesn’t matter, can we just leave? I’m tired and I just want to go home. I can call a cab if you want to stay, but I’m leaving.” You removed your hand from Hyunjin’s, who looked confused.

“Y/n, why won’t you talk to me? You’ve been acting strange all night, I don’t—“ Hyunjin began, but you cut him off.

“I am talking to you, Hyunjin. I’m just mad.” You defended yourself, arms crossing over your chest. You would be freezing if you were outside, but luckily, you were just in the lobby of the large building.

“Mad? Why are you mad?” He swallowed.

You couldn’t stop the scoff that escaped your lips, eyes flickering up and down the boy in front of you. “Seriously, Hyunjin? I’m mad that you brought me into this mess of yours! You know how I feel about coming to parties like this, and on top of that, Felix saw us together!”

Hyunjin furrowed his eyebrows. “So? Just— I don’t know, just tell him we called it off. Mutually. Im sure he’d give you a chance, I don’t think he’s especially happy with Yuna.”

You tried to bite your tongue, you really did. “It doesn’t matter! That doesn’t matter anymore. Your parents think we’re together, everyone at this damned party thinks we’re together! It’s not going to end. Your father isn’t gonna let either of us get away that easily, Hyunjin. And you know it.”

“Why does that matter? I told you I’ll deal with it, what’s so wrong with some people thinking we’re together, I don’t—“ Again, you cut him off.

“What’s wrong with it?! What isn’t wrong with it?!” You threw your hands up, pointing at the boy’s chest.

“I don’t want to date you, Hyunjin. It’s— it’s disgusting! It makes me sick just thinking about being with you in that way, and now hundreds of people believe this stupid lie you made up?” You poked his chest as you continued.

“You forced me into this and I hate it! I never wanted to come with you, I only did because you’re my best friend. But then you crossed the line, Hyunjin. You can’t just… you can’t kiss my cheek, or— or hold my waist all night! I let it go at first because it was all for show,” You dramatically shook yourself to seem more convincing, “but it’s too much! I don’t want to date you Hyunjin, it disturbs me to even think about that.” Alright, you were being harsh and dramatic. But you were cold, tired, and hungry. None of those things made for a very happy y/n.

Hyunjin stared at you, his whole heart shattering into a million pieces.

People often say that those closest to you are the ones that have the most power over you, they’re the ones that can hurt you the most. And for the longest time, Hyunjin didn’t believe that. Because really, even if it were true, you, his sweet, little y/n, would never hurt him.

Yet here you are, crushing his love into meaningless particles of dust, watching them blow away, never to be seen again.

“What?” Was all Hyunjin could say, scared that he would burst into tears if he tried to speak anything more.

He could see your glare visibly soften, just the slightest bit, but you didn’t take anything back.

Did you find him appalling? Did it really disgust you to think about being anything more then a friend to him? The words you had said to him were horrible, and he was sure that you didn’t mean to hurt him, how were you supposed to know his feelings? To you, the things you said might have seemed like mutual thoughts, but they weren’t.

Hwang Hyunjin was in love with you, but you didn’t know that.

Hyunjin felt his face heat up with anger and sadness, his eyes were also beginning to water. He blinked the tears away quickly, but you had already noticed.

“Hyunjin?” Your eyes widened.

“Hyunjin, I—“ He cut you off this time, an empty scoff of disbelief leaving his lips. “What, y/n? Haven’t you said enough? What more could you possibly want to say?” His tone was the angry one now, voice laced with something you’d never heard him use towards you.

Hwang Hyunjin was livid, and he was hurting on top of that.

“You need to leave. I’ll call you a cab.” Hyunjin turned and entered the ballroom before you could speak, leaving you confused and unsure of what to do next.

You never should have said the things you did, you didn’t even mean them. You were overwhelmed, but that wasn’t any excuse. Even if it was, it was a lousy one.

You were, by no means, disgusted by the thought of being something more than a friend to Hyunjin. And that was exactly what scared you. You shouldn’t be feeling that way for your best friend, you should be feeling that way for a certain, freckled boy named Felix. But you weren’t, not anymore, and maybe it was the small amount of alcohol in your body, but you couldn’t help but think back on memories of Hyunjin.

You unearthed something the childhood version of you had covered up a long time ago.

Your feelings for Hyunjin.

And just like that, the childhood crush and feelings came roaring back to life. In fact, you realized something. Every moment you had spent with Hyunjin, you had been extremely happy and at peace, and that wasn’t normal. Not for a friend, not even for a best friend. The way your skin would momentarily burn at his touches, the way you stared at Hyunjin fondly when he spoke about something he loved, the way you admired his every feature and movement, it wasn’t normal. But you had covered it up with the excuse that it was because he was your best friend, and you had, somehow, gotten yourself to fall for your own lies.

But the truth was this; You loved Hwang Hyunjin, not at a friend, not as a best friend, not as a brother figure.

You loved Hyunjin in a way you had long forgotten possible.

You loved Hyunjin more then you had ever loved Felix.

You loved Hyunjin with everything you were, and everything you would ever be.

You loved Hyunjin, as your whole world.

And now, you had gone and messed it all up, shattering your heart along with it Hyunjin’s.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It had been days, four days to be exact, since the party you had attended with Hyunjin. You had tried your best to get in touch with him, but he wouldn’t answer you. You didn’t have the heart to tel his parents what happened, so you didn’t text them. You doubted they’d be able to get him to see you anyways, he’d make up an excuse.

So, after two more days, you couldn’t stand it anymore.

You had seen, or at least, talked to Hyunjin every day of your entire life. Not talking to him for nearly a whole week? While it might not seem like much to others, it felt like forever for you.

You loved your other friends, but seeing only a few of them a couple of times, Seungmin, Jeongin, Changbin, and Han specifically, really didn’t make you feel much better. They could tell, too. Han had let it slip that Hyunjin wasn’t hanging out with them as much either, usually he was only with Minho, which was normal for the pair of dancers.

You were sad to hear it, your words really did upset him, and knowing that hurt. But you were sure Hyunjin was hurting more.

So, you decided it was time to win Hyunjin back. And to start, you needed to see him.

Luckily for you, you had been to hundreds for Hyunjin’s dance practices and performances, you had memorized the way to the studio years ago.

You needed to see him, so you got in your car, started the engine, and began driving.

When you arrived, it was 4:14pm, which meant Hyunjin and Minho’s practice would be ending in just one minute.

You quickly got out of your car and approached the building. You were nervous, that much was true. Your hand grasped into the handle,fingers trebling as you drew in a deep breath.

You pushed it open, greeting the woman at the front desk and made your way down the familiar hall, to the even more familiar practice room.

You had passed about ten dancers, probably from the same practice room you were headed to, but Hyunjin and Minho were not one of them, so you continued. When you arrived, you could hear talking within the room. And then, your heart skipped a beat at a familiar voice.

Hyunjin was inside, along with Minho. You expected it, but hearing Hyunjin’s voice for the first time in a while still made you nervous.

You grasped the handle, similarly to the way you had held onto the handle just a few moments earlier.

You Twitter the handle, pushing open the door, which creaked softly in response.

Three pairs of eyes met yours; Minho’s, Hyunjin’s, and a girl’s that you had never seen before.

But that wasn’t what surprised you.

What surprised you, what the protective hand that was wrapped around her waist. It was Hyunjin’s hand, he was holding her against him, Minho standing a few feet in front of them, his icy gaze softening when he saw you.

Hyunjin’s hand flew off of the girl’s waist, making her move backwards in surprise.

You shut the door immediately, hesitating by the handle for a moment. You needed to go, the feeling in the pit of your stomach made you aware of that.

You let go of the handle, watching in horror as it turned and the door began to open. In a flash, you were running down the hallway, out the door, and into your car. You turned on the engine and left, checking your mirror for a fleeting second.

And there, standing in from of the studio, was your Hyunjin. Maybe he wasn’t yours anymore, but still, there he was, watching you drive away.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When you got home, it was 5:30pm and the sky was already darkening. You slumped onto the couch in your apartment, hands covering your face.

What were you thinking? Hyunjin didn’t love you, at least not as anything more then a friend. So why did you think he would wait for you? Wait for you to do what? To apologize? To say you didn’t mean it? And then what? Everything would just go back to how it was before, he would still have dated the girl from the dance studio.

You were so stupid, who pushed down their feelings for years?

A knock on the door interrupted your train of thought, the noise causing you to lift your head and stand up from the couch.

You sighed, slumping towards the door. You took in a deep breath, putting on your best smile as you opened the door.

You tried to shut it right away, but it was too late.

Hyunjin was pushing his way into your apartment, and when you realized you couldn’t stop him, you just let him in and stepped back, eyes glued to your feet.

“Y/n…” Hyunjin panted, a bit surprised at the strength you had used to try and keep him out.

“Hyunjin, I’m so sorry.” You spoke, looking up to meet the boy’s surprised gaze.

You sighed lowly, shuffling nervously. “I didn’t mean anything I said back there, at the party. I just— I don’t have an excuse, but I do have an explanation. And I know it’s too late now, but I still need to get this off my chest.”

“I think I’ve… I’ve felt something for you since we were kicks, and I used Felix as a distraction. I’ve pushed my feelings down for years, I didn’t mean to, I was just scared? I think I was scared, or maybe I was just being irrational, but still. I really like you Jinnie, and I know you’re with someone else now, but I needed you to know. So please, don’t think it disgusts me to think about you as more then a best friend, because it doesn’t. I was just fighting my feelings and… I shouldn’t have done it the way I had. I’m sorry.” You bowed deeply, standing back up, though your gaze was trapped on your feet.

You felt something touch your chin, Hyunjin’s slender fingers lifting your head to look at him.

His smile was so gentle, so sweet. You almost melted.

“Y/n, I understand. Not exactly, but— I really like you too. I think I love you, even. That’s why I avoided you all week, I couldn’t look at you without combusting at the thought that it disgusted you to think about dating me.” He chuckled softly, thumb running along your cheek.

“It’s not too late. That girl at the dance studio, she’s just my dance partner. Minho wanted to go over some steps with the both of us, you just walked in at a bad part in the choreography.” Hyunjin sucked in, chewing his lower lip. “It’s not too late.”

The both of you stared in complete, utter silence, neither of you sure what to do next. All you knew, was that Hyunjin’s hand was on your cheek, and you had never felt more alive then now, in this moment with Hyunjin.

You decided to take the chance, leaning towards Hyunjin.

He swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing as your breath fanned over his face.

You gave him a silly grin, one that he adored.

You didn’t move from there, so he did. Using his hand on your cheek, he pulled you into him.

When your lips met, it felt like you had finally found the missing pieces of yourself. The broken pieces of Hyunjin’s heart and yours intertwined, making the beating organs whole again.

His lips were so soft, the kiss so sensual and tender. Your hands found their way to his jaw, his finding home on your waist. He tugged you closer to his body needily, a soft whimper escaping his plush lips as you nibbled on them.

When you pulled away, Hyunjin’s lips were already a bit swollen and red, his eyes blown out.

He pushed his lower lip out, leaning in to peck your lips quickly. “Why’d you stop?” He pouted, grunting when you squished his cheeks together fondly.

“You are just so cute!” You exclaimed, softly running your fingers through his hair. He grumbled, but allowed you to continue. He wouldn’t admit it, but he really liked the feeling of your fingers against his scalp. Besides, he figured you’d give him another kiss if he didn’t complain.

And you did.

You kissed him again, and again, and again.

Your fingers ran through his silky locks, admiring his neat mullet. “You’re so pretty.” You mumbled into his mouth, his fingers gripping you so tightly, you were sure your waist would bruise.

He hummed, trailing his sloppy kisses down the curve of your neck, and over the jut of your collar bones. “That’s my line.”

You giggled, playfully pushing him away.

“Yah! Come back here, I’m not done!” He complained, quickly slipping off his shoes and replacing them for the pair of slippers he had left at your apartment when you first moved in.

You squeaked as he reached for you, running down the hall and into your room.

But he followed you, and he certainly wasn’t done with you.

He made sure to leave marks of his love all over your body that evening, and again at night, and one last time in the morning, just because he could.

And you did the same to his body.

You were in heaven, Hyunjin made sure you knew that.

And that’s when Hyunjin knew, you would never look at him the way you looked at Felix, but the reason was different then what he had originally thought.

That night, while you slept, tangled up in the safety of his arms, Hyunjin knew;

You would never look at him the way you looked at Lee Felix, because to you, Hyunjin was your whole world.

And nothing could compare to the way the world looked in your beautiful, sparkling eyes.

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

A/n: I hope you guys liked this story! I didn’t proof read it, I will in a few days… hopefully, but I figured you guys would want it now, so here you go. <3

152 notes · View notes

onlyweknowleeknow · 1 year

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I Don’t Like Watching You Cry

Seungmin x reader.

Genres: Best friends to lovers, mutual pinning, angst, fluff, collage au, roommates au.

Synopsis: You’ve always been Seungmin’s, and Seungmin has always been yours. To you, it wasn’t enough, but he never made a move, so you let it go. Seungmin never realized just how much he cared for you, not until he saw you shaking, tears wetting your pretty face.

Word Count: 7.1k

Warnings: angst, language, hate, depression, bickering, kissing, alcohol, drunk people, sexual violence(not any of the members), violence, anger, aggression, fluff at the end.

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Seungmin had been been mine since before I could remember.

He had held my hand on the first day of kindergarten, again in middle school, and again in high school. Even in collage, he gripped my fingers between his.

Seungmin was an oddity, never caring much about what people thought of him. He often let me do his hair, or paint his nails. He would never admit it, but he liked it.

It was obvious in many ways. May it have been the way he would subtly flaunt his nails, or ask to go out after I finished his hair, which was something he normal despised.

Seungmin didn’t like people, their presence was often accompanied by a minuscule frown, or no expression at all on Seungmin’s face. Because of this, he didn’t have many friends, aside from the few boys he had met in some of his classes. It was fine with him, he preferred it even.

He would have much rather curled up with me on the couch and watched horror movies or sappy romance films.

Seungmin came over often. In fact, my mother often teased him about being the son she never had, as I was an only child. We frequently baked cookies or brownies in the kitchen, none of which were ever very good. But still, it was fun.

Other times, we would have harmless pillow fights, or chase each other in the park, tears brimming in our joyous eyes. I remember once I fell and cut my knee, Seungmin looked like his eyes would pop out of his head.

After that, he told me to wear knee pads, or go slow. But it didn’t last long, his playful side reappearing once my scar had scabbed over.

We jumped at the chance to move in together in collage. We only grew closer after that. Our lives were entwined together. The both of us were perfectly happy in our little bubble.

And I guess, at some point over the years, I had grown fond of Seungmin. Not as a friend, not even as a best friend, but as something more. Something that made my cheeks flush and heart leap in my chest.

His innocent touches stayed with me, the way his fingers brushed over mine, the way his hands smoothed down my hair, or wrapped around my waist for a hug. And often, it was times like that, times slow and peaceful, that I would take my time to admire him.

His tranquil smiles and serene laugh. His smooth voice often pulling me to sleep in his arms, only to be awoken to him complaining about how warm or heavy I was.

I couldn’t live without the rascal.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Kim Seungmin!” I yelled from the kitchen of our shared apartment. I heard some shuffling, before his bedroom door opened. A groggy looking Seungmin quickly waddled into the kitchen.

I sucked in my breath. He was only wearing sweat pants, and a thin, white shirt. I could practically see his toned torso. I needed to snap out of it. Now was not the time to think about that! I had important things to speak to him about.

“Why are you yelling? It’s 8:00 in the morning…” He complained, rubbing sleep out of his lidded eyes.

I reached across the counter to where he had sat down and ruffled his already disheveled hair. “Yah!” He said, pulling back as he smacked my hand away.

“I’m yelling because you ate my leftovers!” I snapped back, crossing my arms over my chest and looking at him expectantly.

His head pulled back, brows furrowed. “What leftovers? I didn’t eat your food.” His eyes traveled to mine, head tilted slightly. He really was cute.

My brows raised suspiciously. “I had fried chicken in there from my lunch yesterday. It’s gone now! Don’t even think about lying, I saw the bones in the trash can.”

Seungmin’s eyes widened in realization, a sheepish smile swirling over his delicate features. “Oh… that was yours?” He swallowed, rubbing the nape of his neck awkwardly. I scoffed.

“Y/n, I really didn’t know! I—“ I tutted at him, not able to stop the simpering smile that covered my face at his nervous behavior. “It’s fine Minnie, but if you eat my food again, I won’t be so nice.” I threatened, to which he only chortled lightly, shuffling to his feet.

“I’ll make it up to you. Let me get us dinner tonight, Jeongin told me about a new restaurant that opened a few blocks from here, I’ll pick something up.” I hummed at his offer, nodding as I spun on my heels.

“Want coffee?” I asked as I began to make some for myself.

“Your coffee is horrible, y/n.” He said plainly.

“Yah!” When I spun around, he was already running to his room, mischievous snickers filling the hallway. I rolled my eyes, a fond smile finding its way to my face. “What a jerk I live with.”

Seungmin swiftly returned to the kitchen, plopping down in the same seat he had sat in earlier at the island. “Y/n, Chan sand the boys are going to a new club tonight, want to tag along?” He asked, though his eyes were directed at the phone he was scrolling through.

“How many new places have opened lately?” I snorted, but agreed anyways. “Yeah though, let’s go with them. It’ll be fun.

Seungmin spared me a quick glance. “I was going with or without you. But thank god you’re coming.” He exhaled lowly, a small smile appearing in his face.

I just rolled my eyes, though my lips were also quirked upwards. “Anywho, I’ve gotta get to class. Mr. Chang said we’re starting a project today. I don’t wanna miss any instructions.”

The boy lifted his head, offering me his full attention. His gaze raked my form up and down, a sly grin on his lips. “Quit it! I’m changing, I’m changing.” I threw my hands up in exasperation, slinking to my room with a salty expression.

I heard Seungmin’s laughs echo all the way to my door.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Classes weren’t too bad today, aside from Mrs. Jang’s class, but that was expected from the strict professor.

I met up with Hyunjin, a mutual between Seungmin and I. Even though Hyunjin had a different major then me, we often had free time during the same hours.

“Y/n, can we go to the Brew Café? I really need a lift right now.” Hyunjin complained. He slouched, really playing off the fact that he was tired. He was dramatic as ever.

“If you stop lugging around and buy me something, sure. I want a muffin anyways.” Hyunjin squealed excitedly, his posture straightening.

“Deal! But only because my professors would kill me if they saw me slouching.” He shuddered.

“Ah, the sad life of a dance major. Boohoo.” I teased him, exclaiming in surprise when he poked my sides with his delicate fingers. I laughed in delight, shrieking as he chased me down the sidewalk with jabby-hands.

“Hwang Hyunjin! Stop!” Our laughter filled the streets, multiple people on the sidewalk giving us either annoyed, or delighted looks.

“Race you!” He suddenly challenged, his hands recoiling from my giggling frame as he ran down the sidewalk, bag bouncing against his back.

“Hyunjin-! But, you got a—“ It was no use, he was already bounding away, almost too far to hear me. Either that or he was ignoring me. “Shit.” I cursed, sprinting after him.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A muffin and coffee did help my mood for the day, not that it was bad to begin with. But a little deviation from normal helped the days not mold together in an endless cycle.

I had just finished my last class for the day, it was only about 3:47pm though, so I decided to go shopping. Seungmin and I had practically demolished our food supply.

My bag bounced against the curve of my back. The weather wasn’t great, wind making strands of hair blow into my face. I could feel rain drizzle over my thin jacket, causing a shudder to run up my spine.

It was an unpleasant walk to the store, really. I would probably have to call a cab back to the apartment if the weather got any worse then this.

Luckily, I had found a small store near school, and it wasn’t too long before I saw the outline of the petite shop.

When I walked in, a pleasant smell filled my nose. I wasn’t sure what it was, maybe some fresh bread or something. But never mind that.

I reached into the smallest pocket of my backpack, pulling out a wrinkled piece of paper. I frowned, uncrinkling the list of groceries.

I scanned the list once the writing was legible. There were quite a few things on it, and I already knew we needed some other things that I hadn’t put on the list. I wasn’t sure if we could really afford all this, so I decided to only get the stuff I knew we would need, or really want, at least.

Okay, so I had no self control. But it’s really not my fault.

It took me about two hours to find everything, I was still learning to find my way around the store. I had managed to find a 2 for 1 deal on pizza, and obviously, I couldn’t resist. Some other things I grabbed were milk, eggs, sugar, coffee grinds, various fruits and vegetables, and other common items. I ignored the little muffins I had grabbed, trying to not let guilt seep into my mind.

I could indulge in things I liked! Right? We didn’t have much money to spare… Seungmin trusted me with almost half of his paychecks so that I could get food for the both of us. Then again, I was paying for half of it too. Maybe if I got him some brownies he would forgive me.

And that’s exactly what I did.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I inwardly cursed at my choice to go shopping alone. Hauling the bags into a cab was one thing, but getting them up to our apartment was a whole other story.

Eventually though, I did get the groceries to our apartment. It was a long, tiresome journey, but I made it.

Maybe that’s a bit dramatic, although, the small sweat I broke proved that it was tiring. Or maybe I just needed to exercise more.

Once I got to the door, I set down the bags that crowded my arms. Red marks were left in their place from the strain. I pursed my lips, rubbing my fingers over the light marks, before I checked the watch that was on my wrist. 6:43pm, it read. I hummed, reaching into my backpack, which was still slung over one of my shoulders. I retrieved my keys, locking the door with a sigh.

I grumbled something almost incoherent to even my own ears, lazily grabbing all the bags from the ground. I brought them inside and took off my shoes at the door, slipping on my indoor slippers instead.

My gaze peered around the living room and kitchen, then down the hallway to the bedrooms and bathroom. I didn’t see Seungmin, but I did hear the shower running.

I assumed he was getting ready for tonight.

Seungmin and I had already decided to go with the other boys to the opening of a new club, we were pushing back Seungmin’s apology dinner to tomorrow night instead.

If it was almost 7pm now, that meant I had around 2 hours till we were leaving for the club.

Felix had messaged everyone in our shared group-chat, telling us that even though the club opened at 10:30pm, we should go early, at 9pm, to get a little head start in the line. Of course, everyone agreed, Seungmin and Jeongin even complaining about how they should’ve thought of that first. While Hyunjin spammed the chat about how he wouldn’t have enough time to get ready because Changbin had dragged him along to the gym.

It was only about 3pm when this all happened, so Hyunjin was simply being his usual dramatic ass self. Even though he was the one who had asked Changbin to help him workout, Hyunjin’s schedule always seemed to clash with his gym schedule.

He preferred to dance, but his instructor told him that he needed to lift to strengthen his arms and legs more, which was why he had requested Binnie’s help in the first place.

I snorted at the recent memory, halfway finished unloading groceries by now.

When I completely finished organizing and unloading, it was about 7:45pm.

I high-fived myself, rather proud at how quickly, yet neatly I had accomplished my task. The shower was long off by now, the boy in question had come out around 7:10pm, his hair damp and a towel around his waist.

I adverted my gaze, yelling at him to put some real clothes on, to which he mocked my scolding, yet still slunk back into the darkness of his man-cave. When he returned, he was dressed, but didn’t stay in the kitchen long.

He told me he had a paper to finish, so he went to his room. That’s where he’s been since.

Instead of checking up on the busy boy, I opted to try on some new clothes I had bought the previous month. I had gotten them on a drunken spree, but when they arrived, I secretly thanked my wasted self.

I had three options. They were a bit expensive, sure, but at the time I had just wanted some party clothes. And besides, everything was paid up now, so I had nothing to worry about.

I scanned over the outfits after I had laid them out, squealing giddily like a child receiving candy on Halloween.

The first outfit was a short, black dress. It was low and the sleeves were nearly disconnected, starting just over the elbows. It had a triangle cut out below the breasts, the top part having some lace around the top, the sleeves having a hole cut out for your thumb to go through. It was stretchy and durable, I had worn it once before in the privacy of my room.

The second was a crimson dress with a low v-neck and off the shoulder sleeves. The sleeves were see through and flowy. The material wasn’t too stretchy, but it was still comfortable. If I was going to be dancing, I probably wouldn’t pick this dress, though. The sleeves might get caught on something, and it wasn’t as easy to move around in.

The third dress was another black one. It had thin straps for sleeves. It was low in the breast area also. My drunk self really did love risky clothing, huh? It was slightly tilted at the bottom. Pretty, silky ruffles at the end of the dress. It went down just past the middle of my thigh on one side, and slightly above the middle of my thigh on the other. It was very stretchy and had built in shorts, along with a built in bra to push your breasts upwards slightly.

I almost immediately picked it. I put away the other dresses and rushed to the bathroom with the dress I had chosen. I needed to figure out what to do with my hair and makeup. I had never been more thankful that I had gotten laser hair removal two years back. It really was easier then shaving every other day, not that I did anyways.

I decided to do some neat waves. Heating my hair into feathery curls instead of frizzy ones. I tied my hair half up with a black ribbon, extremely proud of myself when I checked the mirror. Letting a few strands of hair out in the front, I curled them so that they complimented my facial structure better.

It had taken time, and I nearly burned my fingers and hair countless times, but it was well worth it.

Once I had, as much as humanly possible, fixed up my hair, I had a realization.

“Oh, damnit. I should’ve put my dress on first.” I mumbled, groaning softly. It was too late now, so I decided to just do my makeup first. The dress didn’t have a narrow head hole anyways, so it wouldn’t be too hard to get into. I hoped, at least.

We were going to a club, so my makeup had to be somewhat bold. Well, it didn’t have to be, but it wouldn’t fit the scene as well if it wasn’t.

I decided to go with a siren eye look, adding a fade of brown eyeshadow that turned cream colored as it got further from my eye.

Once I added the wings, it took me a while to perfect them, but eventually they turned out pretty good.

I, of course, had put some foundation on, not too much, just a bit here and there to cover any uneven skin coloring. I really didn’t feel like a full, full face of makeup, so I simply didn’t do one. I added some lipstick and coated it with a bit of gloss. Once I was finished, I added some highlighter and a tad of contour to the areas that needed it. Sure, I was doing my makeup out of order, but it all turned out the same.

When I was completely done, I checked my watch. It was 8:50pm. I huffed, irritated that Seungmin hadn’t given me a heads up that we were leaving soon.

I hastily undressed, putting my dirty clothes on the edge of the sink for a moment. I grabbed the black dress and easily slid it on. I was very, very thankful for the flexible material.

After shimmying around in the outfit to get it on correctly, I put on a pair of silver earrings I had found in the bottom of my jewelry box. I also put on a black choker, and multiple black and silver bracelets, along with a few black rings. I was finally done getting ready. By then, it was 8:57pm.

I tutted my tongue, taking one last look in the mirror before grabbing my dirty clothes and leaving the bathroom.

My eyes scanned the hallway as I walked to my room. I didn’t see, nor hear Seungmin.

I brought my clothes to the laundry room, putting them in my unclean basket. It was piling up, I really should do my laundry more often.

But either way, now way not the time to fret about that.

I exited the laundry room, approaching Seungmin’s door. I knocked, but was met with silence.

“Minnie?” I said, knocking again. “Hold on!” He called out.

I waited, then the door opened.

Seungmin looked stunning. He was in a black turtleneck with black dress pants, a baggy, silk collared shirt buttoned over the turtleneck at only the bottom four buttons. It was black, grey, and white, with a somewhat spotted pattern? I couldn’t explain it well if I tried.

His brown hair was messy, the dyed blonde part in the front feathering over his forehead.

I was in awe of his beauty. He looked so simple, so delicate, yet he was the most enchanting being I had ever set my eyes on.

I inhaled sharply, eyes twitched back to his face. He seemed just as speechless as me.

“You look great! I mean— I don’t— I like your hair and… y’know, your outfit.” I choked on my words, scolding myself internally.

Seungmin’s face of surprise turned into a sheepish smile, his hand moving to rub the back of his neck as his eyes creased into a joyous grin.

“Mm, thanks! You look ravishing too, by the way. Everything, I mean. Your hair, makeup, outfit… you really planned well.” He laughed breathlessly.

I could feel the tips of my ears burn, my cheeks doing to the same. “Anyways, we should get going. I think…” My voice grew quiet. “Ah, yeah. Felix texted the group chat.” Seungmin saved me from myself.

I blinked, opening my phone. Felix had, indeed, texted the group chat. “Y/n, Seungmin, I’m on my way to pick you guys up with Hyunjin and Minho. Chan, Changbin, and Han picked up Jeongin already, they’re almost to the club by now. We’re five minutes away from your apartment.”

I tapped my foot. Felix shared an apartment with Hyunjin and Jeongin, while Chan, Changbin, Han, and Minho all shared their own apartment. So I wasn’t really sure if each of them had been hanging out, and that was why their roommate groups were split. I didn’t really care either way, all of them would be at the club anyways. Our little group all lived together in three apartments, like puzzle pieces scattered a few miles apart.

“We’re here.” Felix texted, my phone dinging softly.

Seungmin and I made eye contact, any tension was gone.

“Don’t do it Seungmin.”

The corners of his lips quirked up. “Do what? This?” He asked innocently, shoving past me with a crazy giggle. He was grabbing his house keys and bolting out the door before I could blink.

“Kim Seungmin!” I yelled, grabbing my own keys on the kitchen counter as I ran by. I struggled to lock the door, grunting as I barreled after the boy.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

By the time I got to the car, Seungmin was already grinning at me stupidly.

I wanted to shove the smug grin right off his face.

“You always get the heated seat! I hate sitting in the middle. It’s squished and shockingly, it’s not even warm!” I complained with a sigh.

Hyunjin snorted, eyes crinkled at the edges.

Minho turned around, looking at Hyunjin and Seungmin who sat at each window seat, then at me, outside of the car.

Felix giggled, also looking back.

“Yah!” Minho said. “Seungmin, just let her have the heated seat. You got it last time and I don’t want to hear you two bickering all night.”

Seungmin refused.

Felix and Hyunjin were having the time of their lives. Giggling and snickering at Seungmin and I.

“Thanks Minho, I’ll just sit in the middle.” I sighed, shoving Seungmin’s chest.

Seungmin grabbed my wrist, grunting. “Aish, so violent.” He complained as I yanked my arm away grumpily.

I bent down, slinging my leg over the boy’s lap as I struggled to crawl across him.

His hands ghosted over my waist, eyes locked on my face as he steadied me.

I scrunched my nose, glancing down at his slender hands that grasped me. My face was heating up, so I quickly continued to crawl over him, landing in the middle seat with a huff, my sides going cold from the lack of Seungmin’s warm hands.

Hyunjin jabbed my side with his elbow, wiggling his brows at me. I silently cursed at him, which simply made him snicker more. Felix and Minho turned around, facing the road.

I could still see their entertained smirks, even Minho was amused.

I slouched against the cold seat, arms crossing over my chest.

“You look lovely, by the way.” Felix said softly, giving me an apologetic smile. I sighed, my anger melting at his shining grin.

“Thank you, Felix. You don’t look too bad either.” I chirped, lips curling upwards when he shyly looked away from the mirror he had been glancing at me through.

I felt Seungmin shuffle beside me, his arms now crossed over his chest as well. He looked unhappy, his lips curled into a scowl.

“Seungmin, what’s wrong?” I asked, sitting up straighter to get a better look at him.

“Nothing, it’s just taking forever to get there.”

“You’ve been in the car for 3 minutes, Seungmin.” Minho said from the front seat. Seungmin just slouched more, like what I had been doing only a few moment earlier.

I heard Hyunjin try to sniffle his laughter, which he failed at. I rolled my eyes, watching Seungmin for a few more seconds to make sure he was alright, before I eventually looked back towards the road.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When we arrived, Felix managed to find a spot not too far from the front. Arriving early did help, but not much. We found Chan and the other boys at the back of the line, scowling. Minho scoffed, patting Chan’s back as he approached. “Whats with the sour face?” He raised a brow stupidly, receiving an eye roll from the older boy. “Shut the fuck up, Minho.”

By the time the line was even remotely finished, Hyunjin looked like he was dying, Felix and Han had stopped trying to lighten the mood, Changbjn looked ready to pop a muscle, Chan had stopped attempting to control Minho’s complaints, Jeongin looked bored out of his mind, and Seungmin was just annoyed. It was a few minutes past midnight, and the music inside the club was taunting us.

“Hyung, can we go somewhere else?” Jeongin gave Chan his best puppy-dog eyes. Chan pulled his lips into a thin line, glancing towards the doors of the club, which were still a considerable distance away.

The rest of the boys were looking at Chan expectantly, most of them wanting to go somewhere else too, Felix was the only one who still had some hope for the line.

“What? Why? The line just means it’s a really good club! We should wait, just a little longer?” Felix frowned, which almost immediately made Chan agree. Nobody liked to see Felix sad.

The freckled boy excitedly walked over to Jeongin, who was pouting. And soon enough, Han joined the pair. They were all smiling and entertaining each other, Jeongin not looking as bored anymore.

The line did clear. It took 45 minutes, and it was almost 1am now. But finally, finally we could go inside. When we reached the doors, the security guards made sure we were good to go, and let us in. Felix was right; the club was amazing. The dance floor was covered with a hoard of people, music bouncing off the walls and thumping into my ears. There was an almost fully stocked bar in the back, along with couches and tables all throughout the big room. It was, to put it simply, uplifting. The only down side was the drunk men and women that stumbled around.

Sure, all of us were all in various years of collage, but the youngest, Jeongin, had turned 21 recently, so you were all easily able to get into the club.

Felix and Han had somehow gotten Jeongin so hyped up, that he was now bouncing around as much as them. The trio quickly said their goodbyes to everyone and practically ran to the bar to socialize and get drinks. I shared a knowing look with Chan and Minho, who were most likely going to be the designated drivers for everyone tonight.

I snorted, eyes turning towards Hyunjin, who looked ecstatic about the huge dance floor. He had somehow managed to convince Changbin to join him, which actually, probably wasn’t as hard as it seemed. The buff man loved to dance also, and before I knew it, they were disappearing onto the dance floor. I turned towards the remaining boys; Chan, Minho, and Seungmin. Seungmin had in the same blank expression he always had in crowds.

“I’m gonna dance with them.” I let them know, receiving small nods in response from the distracted boys.

I grinned, quickly spinning on my heels and walking after Hyunjin and Changbin.

When I found them, then were dancing in the middle of the floor, big, goofy smiles on their faces as they enjoyed the music coursing through their veins. I joined them, their infectious laughs making I laugh along with them.

“Yah, y/n! You never told me you could dance.” Changbin exclaimed as he shook his hips. I nearly burst into a fit of giggles at his silly dance moves. He seemed pleased with himself, Hyunjin also trying not to shake with laughter. “What can I say? I’m good at everything.” I said playfully.

“Oh really? What about that one time you tried to draw a—“ I cut Hyunjin off with a jab to the gut, making him double over in pain and laughter. “Don’t spill my secrets, Hwang.” He chuckled as he stood back to his full height, Changbin watching with an amused lift to his brows.

“We should go find Felix, Han, and Jeongin at the bar. I need a drink.” Changbin whooped. Hyunjin quickly agreed, so you followed suit, following the rather short boy through the crowd.

When we reached the bar, if wasn’t hard to spot our friends. How could we miss them? They were all good looking guys, even I had to admit it. All 8 of them stood out amongst others, and sometimes, I wondered how I had even gotten into their little friend group. Because of Seungmin, that’s how.

“Hyungs, noona.” Han greeted happily, a bit drunk already. He couldn’t really handle alcohol well, neither could Jeongin. He hadn’t had much to drink in his life anyways, he had only recently turned 21 and preferred to stay sober most of the time. Not tonight, though. Jeongin was animatedly talking to the bartender about fashion, which seemed to perk Hyunjin’s interest, because he walked over and joined their conversation.

“Innie left us for that bartender, I guess they’ve got Hyunjin now too.” Felix raised his brows as he watched the pair of boys talk to the stranger, before turning back to Changbin and you.

“It’s fine, he’ll get tired of them eventually.” Changbin said, calling the attention of the second bartender, whom he began to speak with with she made his drink.

Han pushed his lips outwards into a pout. “Y/n, can we go dance?” Han pleaded, Felix watching him with a slight smile.

My gaze turned to Felix, who glanced towards me with a shrug and a nod. “Sure, cmon. Felix, are you coming?” I questioned, to which he shook his head. “I’ll stay with Changbin, he won’t want to babysit Hyunjin and Jeongin.” I quirked my brow. “Isn’t Hyunjin older then you?”

“Shockingly.” Felix teased, making Han gasp.

“I’m telling him you said that!”

“Han, don’t! I don’t want a speech about respecting my elders. I’ll make you brownies if you keep your mouth shut.” His accent was thick with concern for his own well-being. Han’s eyes lit up at the offer. “Deal!”

I watched them fondly, quieting agreeing that I too, would keep my mouth shut for Felix’s brownies. Eventually Han dragged me away from the freckled Australian and into the crowd of dancing, sweaty bodies.

Han was uneasy on his feet, the alcohol in his system messing with his footing. I danced with my hands grasping his elbows, his holding onto my forearms. “Y/n!” He slurred. “Did you have a drink?” I shook my head. “You should! I’ll get you one. They have really good…” Han trailed off. “I don’t know, whatever Jeongin let me try was good.” Han stopped dancing to think, but only shrugged.

“Be right back!” He said with excitement, quickly skipping away through the crowd.

“Han, wait—“ I sighed, brows furrowing. I didn’t bother going after him once I saw he made it back to the bar with the other boys. I instead pursed my lips, feeling quite awkward without any of the boys.

I felt something touch my waist, so I looked down, only to be greeted by a pair of hands entrapping my hips. I didn’t recognize them, my head suddenly turning towards the stranger. It was a man, probably in his early-mid thirties. He smiled drunkenly at me, hands tightening around my hips. I winced.

“Excuse me, please don’t touch me. I’m really not—“ He cut me off, which seemed to be happening a lot lately.

“Aw, c’mon love. Dance with me!” He forcefully turned me towards him, pulling my body flush against his.

“Please, stop it. Let me go.” I said sternly, not able to hide the quiver in my voice. The man only snickered, leaning closer to me as his hands began to inch up your body.

Suddenly, you were feeling very, very bare.

I pushed my hands against the man’s chest, attempting to push him away. I liked to think I was strong, but this man was definitely a fan of the gym. His arms easily encased me against him. I began to squirm, his arm tightly wrapped around my waist, the other moving towards my chest.

“Stop! Let me go, right now!” I began to yell, but the music drowned out my voice. The man’s gaze was locked on my cleavage, tongue running over his dry lips. I choked back a whimper. He leaned down, pressing kisses along my neck. I tried to pull away, but I just couldn’t.

I could feel my face growing red hot with anger, tears filling my eyes. I were horrified, disgusted, and furious all at once.

I lifted my leg, silently thanking the gods for the stretchy dress, and kicked him right between his legs, which made him yell in surprise and immediately unhand me. It caught the attention of a couple nearby. I spit at him, then turned and hurried towards the bar.

I was clearly in tears now, images of what could have happened flying through my mind. I was disgusted and ashamed. I felt so vulnerable, so weak. My brows were furrowed tightly, my soft sniffles almost inaudible, even in my own mind. When I reached the bar, I noticed that Han had gotten lost in a conversation with Changbin and Jeongin.

Felix and Hyunjin were also talking, but they turned towards me, noticing me first since they were closer to where I stood. Something bumped into me from behind, making me stumble forwards slightly.

It was just another drunk person, who apologized and waddled away, a bit embarrassed.

Felix and Hyunjin stared at my distraught figure for a moment, Felix finally moving closer to me, arms wrapping around my shoulders and pulling me into his chest. One of his hands stroked my hair as I let myself cry. Hyunjin was standing behind Felix, eyes on my red face.

“What happened?” Hyunjin said slowly, his voice low and gruff, laced with anger. His fists clenched, eyebrows knitted together.

“I- he—“ I choked on the words, ashamed.

Felix shushed me, comforting my shivering frame.

At this point, the other three boys were watching carefully, all of their faces tinted red with fury, their eyes narrowed sharply.

“Han went to get me a drink, but—“ I inhaled sharply. “Someone, a guy, grabbed me. He… he tried to touch me, I couldn’t—“ I stopped talking. My face pushed against Felix’s shoulder. His grip on me tightened, and that’s all I needed to feel to know that he too, was angry.

“Who?” Hyunjin spat.

I lifted your head, looking out into the crowd. I saw the man, still lingering where he had grabbed me. He was with another girl, she looked uncomfortable.

“There. In the blue jeans and white t-shirt. He has a chain on his neck.” I identified, Hyunjin storming towards the man immediately. I didn’t say anything, watching as Changbin and Jeongin followed. Han and Felix stayed with me, sitting me at the bar, while they sat on either side of me. They asked the female bartender for some water, which she quickly got for me. I didn’t miss her sorry, understanding expression.

“Thank you.” I whispered weakly, clutching only the glass like my life depended on it.

It had been 5 minutes since Hyunjin and the others walked away, but Felix and Han didn’t talk. They just watched me quietly. I could tell Han felt regretful, while Felix looked upset and distraught.

“Thank you. Both of you.” My voice cracked, the boys each inhaling. “Don’t thank us. We shouldn’t have left you alone. I shouldn’t have left you alone.” Han said remorsefully, seeming a bit sobered up. I frowned, shaking my head as I turned fully towards Han, Felix’s eyes still on the both of us.

“Hannie, it’s not your fault. It’s okay.” Han nodded softly, fidgeting with his fingers. I grasped his hands, giving them a squeeze. He looked towards me, smiling softly. Then, I turned back towards the bar.

Han stood. “I’m gonna go find— oh. Never mind.”

I looked up, tilting my head slightly. “Hm?”

“Seungmin.” Han sniffled nervously, eyes locked on the approaching boy. I turned around, shocked to see Seungmin looking livid. He was tense, it wasn’t hard to tell. His shoulders were tightly pushed against his neck, hands held in fists, his face riddled with disgust and fuming with hatred.

“Minnie?” I blinked. “Felix, Han. I’m taking y/n home.” Seungmin said lowly, his voice revealing just how angry he was. Felix and Han nodded.

“Have you seen the other boys?” Felix spoke up.

“Yeah. They’re all having a conversation with that man, if you can even call him that.”

“All of them?” I swallowed harshly. Seungmin nodded, grabbing my wrist gently. “Let’s go.” His voice and gaze softened as he looked at my face. It was swollen and damp tom all the crying you had been doing, makeup slightly messed up, you knew. He saw scratch marks on my neck.

Hyunjin had told him what happened, so he just assumed you had been scratching at the spot the man had touched, desperate to get the feeling of him off you. His rage sparked itself alight again.

He contained himself, watching as I carefully pulled my wrist away from him to stand on wobbly feet. Han and Felix were watching, but they stayed quiet, knowing that now was not the time to say anything to Seungmin.

Once I stood, Seungmin put out his hand. I grabbed it, my hold on him tight. He grasped my hand tightly back, inhaling sharply to control his fury.

He pulled me away from the pair of boys, through the crowd, and out of the club. When we both exited, the cool, nighttime air greeted us with open arms. Only then, did Seungmin pull me closer to him, hugging me tightly against his chest.

He felt your body quiver, but he wasn’t sure if it was from the cold, or if it was because you were crying. Maybe both.

He simply held you, and once you calmed down, he pulled you to Chan’s car, who had told Seungmin to use it to take you home in. He pulled the keys out from his pants, unlocked it and opening the side door for you.

I got in silently, watching as Seungmin shut the door. The drive was eerily quiet, Seungmin not talking, not even after the two of us were back in our apartment.

When you were both inside, Seungmin sent Chan a quick text that he’d drive the older boy’s car over to his house tomorrow. Then, he put his phone back in his pocket, locked the front door. But he didn’t look at you, in fact, he tried his best to avoid your gaze as he shuffled past you, walking towards his room.

“Seungmin?” I said gently.

He froze, slowly turning to face me. That’s when I saw it. His face was red, damp streaks coated his cheeks. He had been crying. Silently crying to himself, and he didn’t want me to know.

“Minnie… come here.” I sighed, watching as he steadily trudged towards me. I reached out to him.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, pushing his head against my neck. I tightly held him, my arms around his shoulders, fingers skimming through his soft hair. He quietly cried into me, his body shaking with each breath and sob. “I’m so sorry— I— I wasn’t there. I should’ve stayed with you.” He whimpered, but I shushed him, much like Felix had shushed me earlier.

“Seungmin, it’s not your fault. I’m okay, I promise.” I reassured him, grasping the hair on the back of his neck with one hand as his warmth breath fanned across where the man had kissed me. I tensed slightly, Seungmin noticed and tried to pull away, but I only held him closer, so he melted into my embrace.

“I cant stop thinking about what would’ve happened if you hadn’t gotten away. I would never forgive myself. I don’t like watching you cry.” The sniffling boy admitted, clutching onto me.

I pulled away now, cupping his face in my hands. “Well I did get away, and you don’t need to worry about me anymore.”

“I always worry about you.” He whispered. “You’re always on my mind, 24/7, 365. I promise to stay by your side. I’d risk my life for you in a heartbeat, don’t you know that?”

I swallowed, thumb caressing his cheek. He leaned into my touch, his lashes fluttering. The two of us just stared at each other for a few moments, lost in the other’s gaze.

“I think I love you, Seungmin.” The words left my mouth before I could stop them. The boy’s eyes grew wide, brows furrowing.

“What?” He sucked in a breath, hands lightly grabbing my jaw.

“I said, I think I love you.” I repeated, it was too late to turn back now.

The tiniest of smiles appeared on his face, a weak chuckle escaping his lips. The light reflected off of him perfectly, his warm eyes shimmering a beautiful brown, tongue running over his plush lips.

“I think I love you too, y/n.” That was all he needed to say, and then I was pulling him closer, the feeling of his soft lips touching mine set my heart ablaze.

His lips were as gentle as petals. He kissed me back delicately, like he was afraid he would break me.

My lips molded with his perfectly, the push and pull of my fingers were in his hair, the same with his in my own locks. He grasped the back of my head with one hand, pulling my face closer to his. His other hand continued to cup my jaw, my hands pulling his cheeks closer to me, thumb wiping away his stray tears.

I had waited forever to kiss this boy, and now, finally, he was here, in my arms, kissing me. His lips against mine, the feeling of him trapped my brain in a whirl of emotions.

When I finally pulled away, his eyes were slightly blown out, lips swollen from the kiss. I smiled at him, biting my lower lip as his hands smoothed down my body and rested on my waist. He was being careful, not wanting to make me uncomfortable after what had happened at the club, I was sure.

But with this boy, my boy, I could never be uncomfortable. Not when his rosy cheeks were painted so beautiful, not when his eyes shimmered with adoration. Not when he gave me the brightest smile I’d ever seen on his face, and that? Well, that was saying something.

I was— no, I had fallen into his smile, and I were especially sure at that moment; I would never love anybody quite the same as I loved Kim Seungmin.

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A/n: I hope you guys enjoyed this! It’s my longest fic to date. it was supposed to be angst, but I got soft, so it became fluff instead. don’t be shy, give me feedback! hopefully you guys saw the song reference ;)

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onlyweknowleeknow · 1 year

Text

Almost Forever

Han x reader

Genre: angst, breakup au, idol au.

Synopsis: Han had always been the one, you had never doubted it for a moment. But sometimes, the right people come at the wrong time. And because of this, your relationship came crashing down in a mix of hateful tears, sorrowful words, and not so sweet goodbyes.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: afab reader, mental/emotional manipulation, hints of fluff, angst, depression, anxiety, perfectionism, language, crying, yelling, fighting, break ups, regret, misunderstandings, unhappy ending(slanted parts are memories), Han has big time anger issues.

A/n: this is gonna be a unique story. I’m not very motivated to write a normal one, so I hope y’all like this type of writing too. I do not condone this kind of relationship, it is definitely not healthy. this is simply a figment of my imagination, please do not take offense to it, nor get upset by anything said in the story. enjoy! :)

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Han Jisung.

The name seemed so distant, yet all too familiar.

It seemed like an eternity ago, the day he simultaneously walked out the door and out of your life.

Han Jisung had given you anything and everything. It only took the curl of your lips or the flutter of your lashes to get what you desired from him. And you, too, had given him everything. But sometimes, everything still isn’t enough.

Sometimes, on a completely random page in the book of your life, a new character is written. And sometimes, that character fades away within a few chapters, sometimes just a few pages. Yet sometimes, if you get lucky, that character will stay. That character will blossom into someone you couldn’t imagine your story without.

Unfortunately, authors like to tease their readers, don’t they? So they swirl hundreds of words and emotions together, spinning a web of adoration around each and every character, only to rip them away, one by one, when you least expect it.

They build people up, up, and up. Higher and higher, until they break the ladder, until they send one character or another tumbling into a pit of despair and longing and emptiness.

To you, that’s who Han was. He was your favorite character, the one that everyone adored and admired, the one that had been written off the pages of your book all too soon.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You unlocked the dull-looking door with a groan. It pushed open to reveal an even more tiresome looking apartment.

Without much thought, you dropped your purse and slid off your shoes. You walked towards the couch with lazily strides, feet dragging.

It had been a long day, an extremely long day. Your boss had been so generous to give you an extra load of work because, apparently, one of your co-workers had called off sick and, also apparently, that was your issue. Somehow.

You didn’t have time to dwell on the past workday, though.

Suddenly, you recalled some leftovers you had in the fridge, tucked away in the very back, hidden safely away. Who knew, maybe Changbin would pop by and snatch up any remaining food. Wouldn’t be the first time.

So, with another groggy sigh, you diverted your path to the kitchen, rather than to the couch. As you walked into the kitchen, your eyes landed on a piece of paper that was magnetized to the fridge.

You had forgotten about the folded sheet, so you inspected it closer.

Quickly, you pulled away, then breathed in a sharp inhale. It was a simple recipe for rice cakes you had used almost a year ago now.

It wasn’t that you really needed the recipe, now or back then, but Felix had recommended it and how were you supposed to deny his suggestion, the baker himself?

Your eyebrows furrowed, your hands came down to snag the paper from the fridge and immediately crumpled it into a ball. You threw it away, then let your hands run over your face as memories began to cloud your vision.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Your fingers flattened the table cloth, your tongue pushed against the inside of your cheek. You hoped it looked okay.

Your hesitant gaze wandered across the dimly lit room.

You had spent hours planning the little event in your dining room, but it was well worth it. The crimson table cloth was neatly splayed across the table, delicious food lay spread across it.

One of the dishes included some rice cakes you had spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to perfect, who could have guessed Felix’s recipe would be for advanced bakers only?

Flowers were placed in the center of the table, and candles were set around the perimeter of the room in miscellaneous patterns.

You pushed your hands together and breathed into them happily.

You did good. Yes, this was definitely worth the struggle. He would love it, you assured yourself.

You couldn’t stop the excitement that bubbled up your spine, couldn’t stop your fingers from lightly twitching.

You drew in a sharp breath and scrunched your nose, a habit you used to put your emotions at bay. You spun on your heel after checking your watch; 8:22pm. Han would be home soon, he had promised to try to come home around 8:30pm, which was an hour sooner than he normally got home. It was your 4th anniversary, after all.

You made your way into the bathroom, and made sure to touch up your hair and makeup, along with the grey dress that adorned your figure. It was pretty and delicate looking, yet comfortable to wear and soft to the touch. Your hair was pulled back, styled into a fragile bun. You allowed a few pieces of hair to fall over your forehead; it completed the look, you thought.

When you entered the kitchen again, it was 8:29pm. You hummed, and sat down in your chair to stop from fidgeting. Though, your foot continued to tap against the ground, your teeth also continue to nibble at your lower lip.

You couldn’t sit still, hands itching to touch or fix something. So, you stood up and shuffled around. You fixed everything that was out of place, humming a soft song that had been stuck in your head all day. You arranged the pillows in size order, fixed the dishes that were slightly out of place in the kitchen, rearranged the food platters on the dining table, and touched-up practically anything else you could get your hands on.

Time sure did fly by, because when you checked your watch again, it was already 9:15. Han should’ve been home a while ago, but you couldn’t really get mad. He did say it would be a tight fit, so you decided to wait.

But the seconds turned into minutes, the minutes into an hour, and an hour into 3 hours. And soon enough, you were slouched on the couch, staring at absolutely nothing.

Maybe he got held up? He wouldn’t purposely bail. He was a busy man, after all. He had to write songs for StrayKids’ upcoming comeback, learn choreos, and more.

You stood up, then sat back down. What could you do, really? It was 12:30am now, you were getting tired and worried. It wouldn’t be the first time Han had skipped a date the two of you had planned, but he hadn’t skipped your anniversary dates before. It was a mistake, you were sure.

As another hour passed and Han still wasn’t home. You decided enough was enough. You packed up all the food and cleaned off the table, folding the crimson table cloth into a neat square, before putting it away. You did the dishes, and by the time you were finished making sure everything was spotless, it was 2:07am.

You fought the urge to stay up and wait for your boyfriend. Instead, you walked to your shared room and undressed, putting on some pajamas. You then took off your makeup and thoroughly washed your face. You put your hair into a more comfortable updo and settled into bed, snuggling into the warm, entrancing covers and sheets. You stared at nothing for the hundredth time, a single tear escaping your eyes and leaving it’s mark on the pillow below your head. You checked your phone one last time, but still, radio silence met you from Han’s end.

It was an accident. It had to be.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Your mind was filled with memories of him for the rest of the night, and well into the next day.

Work was long and tiresome again today, so you took a short break. You wanted to get coffee, but you really didn’t want to have to call a cab or walk. So you just stayed in your sad, little office, giving your mind a break.

A migraine was starting to form in your head, the familiar throb of pain washing over your body in waves. You sighed, today was only getting worse. Your co-worked had called off for all week, which meant you had double the workload… all week, obviously.

Even though you were prepared to handle everything, your mind was elsewhere, deciding that you definitely shouldn’t get any work done today.

But your self break ended soon, so you had to get back to work. Working definitely made the day go by slower, paperwork upon paperwork piled on your desk. It seemed like the day was endless. Even so, you were hardly able to make a dent in the papers on your desk, which just pissed you off more.

You groaned, checking your watch.

A mistake. Your eyes hovered on the piece of jewelry, time slowing down even more, if that was even possible. Apparently it was.

It was a simple, leather watch with black numbers and silver pointers.

You unhooked the watch, flipping it over to stare at the indent on the other side. It was Han’s initials plus yours, a reminder that you would forever be his. And maybe, at the right time, you would’ve been.

You found yourself biting the insides of your cheeks, chewing carefully.

And then it happened for the second time within less then 24 hours. It was strange, really. You hadn’t thought about him for months, not even if you looked at the watch. But after yesterday, he hadn’t left your mind, not even once.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Have you seen Han?” Your voice sounded small, even to you.

You only shrunk when Chan and Changbin turned their eyes to you. You weren’t scared by any means, just nervous. You had recently been nervous quite a bit. It was unusual for you, but what could you do? Nothing, not really.

Changbin shook his head. “I haven’t since he left about two hours ago. He might’ve gone to the other recording room though.” He offered. Chan agreed, his deep voice speaking up as well. “Yeah, he probably did. He goes there a lot when he can’t think of lyrics, or just when he needs a break.”

You thanked the boys, who offered you sweet smiles and soft whispers of ‘good luck’.

The pair was right, Han was in the other recording room. You could see him through the small glass panel on the door. He was sitting on the small sofa that sat in the middle of the room, hands covering his face. You watched him for a moment, but he hardly moved from his spot, so you knocked.

That made him jolt upwards, his eyes wide. He relaxed when he saw you, gaze softening as he motioned for you to come in. “Hey my love, what are you doing here?” He asked when you opened the door and walked inside, his voice hoarse. You assumed he had been napping. You offered him a smile, walking towards the couch, where Han was now sitting up with his arms outstretched for you.

You giggled, approaching him. He wrapped his arms around your hips, face pushed against your torso. “I missed you.” He mumbled, sighing deeply. You rested your hands on the top of his head, stroking his soft hair. “I missed you too.” You said quietly, not wanting to startle him awake too much.

“I’m actually here to check in on you. You missed our date again.” You slowly spoke, waiting for his response. And just like that, he was tense again. His muscles tightening for just a moment, before he pushed himself away from you. You stumbled slightly, blinking down at him.

“What do you mean, ‘again’?” He asked.

“Well— I’m sure you didn’t mean to, but you missed our last two dates also.” Your voice was slow and hesitant.

Han scoffed, standing to his full height slowly. “You know I’m an idol, right?” He asked, his tone laced with irritation.

You sighed, bristling. “Of course I know that. I’m not blaming you, I’m just letting you know how many dates you’ve missed now, I—“

You were interrupted by the, now upset, man. “It’s always about me messing up, isn’t it? I have a lot of pressure on my shoulders, y/n. I have to produce music for the group, and still attend normal practices.” He defended himself.

“Han, that’s not what I’m saying, I just—“ He interrupted you again.

“On top of that, I also have an extremely busy schedule to attend to. Fan meets, concerts, filming, vlives, and more things you don’t even want to know about.” Han was practically fuming now, his pent up anger exploding all over you.

“Han, calm down. I know you’re busy, I’m just saying that you’ve missed some of our dates. It’s really okay! I just wanted to tell you and check in.”

Han scoffed at that, crossing his arms as his gaze narrowed. “Calm down? You’re telling me it’s okay? It’s not fucking okay, y/n. All you do is talk about yourself! I can never do anything to please you anymore. You always complain about me not being around, when we both know I spend as much time as I can with you!” He continued on, “I work so hard, harder then you, that’s for sure. You just sit at a desk and sign papers all day, while I’m working my ass off to perform in front of millions of people! On top of that, I have to deal with Dispatch trying to pry into our private lives!” He shouted. Throwing insult after insult at your job and life.

“I know and I’m sorry, but that’s not fair, Jisung.” You said in a hushed tone.

Han paused. You almost never used his first name. But rage blinded him, so he continued. “You’re right, it isn’t fair. It isn’t fair that I have to deal with your complaining all the time, on top of my already stressful life. Would you just give it up? I need a fucking break.”

The Han you had agreed to date would have never reacted to anything like that. But this Han, he wasn’t the same person. He had changed over the past 4 years, and not really in a good way. You could feel tears threaten to spill from your eyes, and judging by the way his own gaze softened, you weren’t doing a very good job at hiding it.

That was the day you really, truly accepted the fact that your sweet, playful Han was gone, at least for now. It was time to close this chapter of your book, it was time to let Han Jisung go. You didn’t want to, but his words just sealed your relationship’s fate.

You stared at the boy who had stolen your heart, only ripping your eyes away when you felt a tear slide down your cheek.

“Fine. You want a break? I’ll give you a damn break.”

You shoved past him, ignoring his sorry pleads of forgiveness and his empty promises. “Y/n- wait, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry, let’s talk. I let my anger get the best of me, I promise it won’t happen again. Y/n—“ You didn’t want to leave him, of course you didn’t, but you had to. If not for yourself, then for him.

It wasn’t fair, it really wasn’t.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You wanted to curl up into a little, tiny ball and never see the light of day again. Life was cruel and harsh, you had been sure of that since you were a child.

But now, as an adult, after falling in love, the world seemed unfair in a whole new way. A cruel way.

Your heart shattered each time you saw Han in a news article or on television. It hurt to see dating rumors and scandals about the boy. You didn’t know if any of them were true, since you had cut contact with all of the members, and you certainly had no claim over him, but the thought of him with someone new or just the thought of him struggling, still broke your heart.

Even after all these months, the boy had managed to retain a solid grip on your life, his face appearing in even your deepest dream as of late.

And when you awoke, sorrow would fill your mind, trapping you within it’s depths.

But here, in the middle of your work day, was not the time to think about the miserable story that was your love life, or former love life, rather.

The only thing you could do here and now was hope for the best for Han Jisung and his members.

And sometimes, if you allowed yourself, you could imagine what it would have been like to spend eternity with the precious boy. Because god only knows; you two had almost forever.

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A/n: I wrote this while at a sleepover with two of my friends. It was hectic and honestly, this isn’t proof read. I have no idea why I decided to write a brand new story instead of writing a chapter for my ongoing series, or finishing up one of the two stories I already had mostly finished. But anyways, I wrote this in like 2 hours with a ridiculous amount of distractions, so forgive any mistakes. <3

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onlyweknowleeknow · 1 year

Text

Angels and Demons, Good and Bad

Parts: 1, 2…

Hyunjin x reader. ft. Felix x reader

Genres: Strangers to lovers, supernatural, angst, fluff, dreamland(?), previous Felix x reader.

Snyopsis: Your heart had been beating for one reason and one reason alone; him. That is, until you find out he has committed the ultimate sin, leaving you spiraling to grasp the difference between reality and dreams. Your distressed reality seems to not only push you further into the depths of your mind, but also attract a certain soul, one whose attention you shouldn’t have, but might just need.

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: afab reader, angst, depression, suicide, character death, angels and demons, supernatural, eventual smut, implications of smut, fluff(?), self loathing, financial struggle, obsession, self harm, violence, language.

a/n: this is the second part to my first series posted on tumblr. I hope you guys like the story so far! Sorry if my updates are few and far between, I have lots going on in my personal life right now. I hope to make this series at least 5 chapters long, but it’ll probably have around 10 chapters total. We’ll see I guess! Enjoy <3

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I sat on the couch, hands digging into my scalp, just as they seemed to always be doing lately. My knees were curled up, mind swirling with confusion. It was just a dream, right? How could a dream have left marks?

My fingers itched for the keyboard of my computer, mind longing to research about the dream. I might be able to find information, or perhaps look for similar occurrences that happened to other people.

So, I hesitantly lifted myself from the welcoming couch, flickering my sights towards the stove clock; 9:36am.

I had about an hour till my first class began, so I took the chance to find my computer. It was where I had left it before, sitting upon my neat desktop.

Though now, light shown through the luminescent curtains, offering a soft glow to the desolate room.

I mumbled a curse when I saw just how messy my room was, contrasting the clean nature of my desk. But I didn’t have time to consider that, not now, at least.

I made my way across the room, over various piles of clothes and books, all the way to my desk. I pulled out the chair, heard the old wood creak under my touch.

Great. Just another reminder of something in my life that needed to be fixed.

My shoulder blades rolled, a dull pain slithered up my neck, which reminded me what I had been doing in the first place.

My hand found a spot on the bruises, heart leaping at the dreams’ scattered scene.

I felt a cold chill behind my back, the breeze wrapped around my torso in teasing wisps.

It reminded me of someone. Felix had also been a bit on the colder side, which was strange considering how warm his personality was.

Was he trying to reach me? I pondered, wobbled my head, and sat down with an outward glare towards the computer.

My fingers fiddled with the power key for a moment, before I finally pressed down with a quiet exhale.

I was nervous, honestly. Part of me had hope for what I might find, while the other part of me was dreading the words I might unravel in the process of my research. The prospect made me quiver, except now, the breeze was gone, a fleeting memory that left goosebumps in its wake.

Much like Felix’s touches the previous night.

No, not Felix’s. It wasn’t Felix, it couldn’t have been. He’s been gone for months. I sneered at the idea, the tremble in my fingers gave away my real feelings; fright.

I clicked in my password, and the familiar screen of YouTube popped up, the hour long playlist of Felix’s favorite song was still up and ready to play.

I deleted the tab and smoothed down my hair hastily. “Not the time, y/n, not the time.” The mental preparation was definitely needed.

The internet was full of lies and tricks, yet, excitement still bubbled through me at the prospect of Felix visiting my dreams. So I began to search about anything I could, about everything under the sun. As my fingers slid across the keys, the screen lit up with various sights and links about the topics. Angels, dreams, supernatural, and anything in between.

But a certain header had my attention almost immediately; “Dreams Between the Veil.” It was quite a simple label, but I was drawn to it nonetheless.

After I clicked on the link, my computer brought me to the site. It looked old, the technology that made the cite was obviously not the best. I just hoped it was reliable.

I began to read. The words filling my mind like light filled the world each fateful morning. There was nothing very good on the website, nothing pointing towards anything helpful or similar, except one, singular post.

It was from an anonymous user, created 4 years ago. I expanded the page, eyes tracing each curve of the letters, tongue rolling off each syllable as I whispered the words aloud.

“I’ve been visited by my husband every night for 10 years now. He died when he was 62, got into a car crash,” My heart ached for the poor commenter, but I had to keep reading.

“He’s been coming less and less now. At first, I brushed it off for guilt making my mind dream of him, but sometimes I would wake up with things from the dream, or in a new place in my room; the place I would leave him in my dream.”

I inhaled sharply. “Like for instance, one night I had fallen asleep leaned over the kitchen counter, and he had visited me. He told me to wake up and carried me to my bed, the same bed he used to lay in with me. He tucked me in, and when I awoke, I was in my room, tucked under the covers of my bed. I don’t know how he does this, but occurrences like this have happened many times.”

The writing was nearly done by now, her story stirring up my insides. “I can only assume he has unfinished business, or maybe he just wants to stay with me a little longer.”

The post finished there. I was about to get angry, sorrow getting ready to explode from me in the form of tears. Nothing in that post had helped, and they left no contact information. The account had also been deleted, which meant no crumbs left for me to follow.

But the world has its way of working things out. I noticed another tab on the accounts’ post. So, of course, I clicked on it. It was an edit, something commented only a year ago. It was by a different account, but definitely the same person.

I rapidly began to read, eyes flicking back and forth, back and forth. But what I read did not make me happy. In fact, it crushed my very being.

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I checked the time, only having 15 minutes to get to class. Would they even notice I didn’t show up? I just wanted to sink into the welcoming warmth of my bed sheets.

I couldn’t do that though, my grades were already teetering on the edge of oblivion and I couldn’t afford another absence.

So, I lifted myself from my desk chair, feet sweeping against the ground in tired motions. I opened my closet, grabbing a random, cream colored hoodie and some black leggings.

I stripped myself of my older clothes, pulling on the new ones with a sullen look on my face and a sour taste in my mouth. I put on a few bracelets; two of which were from Felix. I also put on a necklace. My hands ghosted their way up my neck, the small bruises burning with a fiery passion.

I looked at my feet, black socks adoring them. My hands glided between my collarbones, pushing away the hoodie to grasp onto the necklace I had just put on. Felix had gotten it for me when we first got together.

It was a simple, silver chain with the eternal symbol formed in the front. It was a bit small, hauled up slightly above my collarbones, instead of below them.

My fingers skimmed across the smooth jewelry, then dropped to my side in fists. I checked my watch again, groaning faintly at the fact I only had 10 minutes left.

I grabbed my small backpack and keys that jingled beside the door, sticking my phone in my hoodie pocket.

I slid on a random pair of shoes, put my hair into a half up, half down style, and left the cold, empty apartment. Felix had taken all the life and joy from it when he left.

I made sure to lock the door behind me, shoving the keys into my hoodie pocket as well.

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The day was beautiful, the sky pigmented a lovely shade of blue, fluffy clouds only adding to its glory. Honestly, it made me sick, fingers tightening around my backpack straps.

How dare the world be so beautiful when Felix wasn’t in it anymore? How dare the skies paint themselves so perfectly when he couldn’t experience it. It wasn’t fair, it just wasn’t.

The days before his death were gloomy and cold, the weather couldn’t seem to decide if it wanted to rain or snow.

Maybe it was a sign, a sign that something bad was going to happen. But my naive mind was too enthralled by him, too entangled in his marvelous webs to even bat an eye.

When I thought back to it now, it made me angry. I was rarely ever angry with Felix, but lately, it felt like all I’ve been doing is getting upset by him. At his memory.

I shouldn’t, I knew. Yet, I couldn’t help it. The feeling of being completely abandoned just drips into the cracks of my confidence, dragging me down with slow, agonizing movements.

The thoughts were thrown out of my mind when I ran into something solid. When I looked up, I was met with a dark-haired boy. He was stupidly good looking. His hair was dark and cut neatly against his head, curving in on his forehead. His cat-like eyes narrowed down at me, showing something dark swirling within their depths. Plump lips parted, revealing an adorable set of bunny teeth.

But the snarl that left his lips was far from cute. “Watch it.” He growled, pushing past me as he fixed his shirt in disgust.

My eyebrows furrowed, a scoff leaving my lips. I just rolled my eyes, my mood already off to a bad start, his attitude didn’t help. “What a prick.” I said to myself, shaking my head slowly as I watched the rude boy disappear from my view.

I continued to class, eyes trapped on the ground in front of me. It was gonna be a long, long day.

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It really had been a long day. The minutes ticking by so, painfully slow. My first class was worse then the second, and the second was worse then the third. By the time I had finished my classes for the day, it was 2pm. I hated Tuesdays. The classes weren’t usually that bad, but they were right on top of each other.

I decided to go to my favorite café, which, luckily for me, was just a few blocks away.

When I arrived and opened the door, the delicious smell of freshly baked goods and coffee filled my nose. The little shop always managed to put a smile on my face, even just for a few hours.

I didn’t bother looking around, the other customers weren’t of my concern.

Besides, I was stuck in a trance. Beaming ear to ear, was my favorite, living, person in the world; Chaeryeong.

“Chae!” I exclaimed, her eyes scrunching in the corners as she giggled at me. “Y/n!” She responded, just as enthusiastic.

I reached over the counter, lighting hitting the girl’s shoulder. “Yah! Why didn’t you tell me you were working today?” I jutted my lip out into a pout, Chae, rubbing her shoulder, looked at me with a sulky expression.

“First of all, ouch. Second of all, I did tell you. It’s not my fault someone never checks their phone.” Her backhanded insult slapped me right in the face.

“Oh…” I reached for my phone, opening it with quiet taps. She was indeed right. She had texted me, I just forgot that I had put my phone on silent for my study session last night. Chae 1, y/n 0.

When I looked back up, Chae had her hip popped out, arms crossed. I smiled sheepishly at her, shrugging my shoulders in embarrassment.

“Anyways…” I coughed, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ears, which were probably a whole new shade of red.

Chae scoffed at me, shaking her head as she spun on her heels. “Want your usual?” She asked, even though she was already making it for me. “You remember my usual? I don’t recall you having a good mem-“ She cut me off with an angry whisper. “I don’t have to make it for you! You’re lucky I’m giving this to you for free.” I gasped, placing a hand on my chest.

“You wouldn’t make your best friend pay for coffee!” She raised a brow. “Was that a challenge?” She assessed, shaking the cup of coffee in her hands. “It’s not a test! Please don’t waste my coffee, I need that.” I begged, watching in panic as a few drops spilled onto the floor.

She squinted, slowly handing me to cup. “Fine, but only because I’m the one who’d have to clean it.” She stated matter-of-factly.

I just dipped my warm drink, not wanting to have my coffee snatched my my clutches.

I stayed to talk to Chae for a while, she always made me feel better. She and I had been best friends for almost 3 years, having met on the first day of collage.

She was always brazen, yet very sweet when she wanted to be. Chaeryeong was a big reason I was able to keep functioning. She always put a smile on my face and yummy coffee in my hands. How could I possibly complain?

Her roommates were also really fun, sometimes making me wish I had roommates of my own. And eventually, I did. But Felix didn’t stay for nearly as long as I wanted him too, and honestly, I didn’t think I could accept another roommate after him.

Chae’s would have to be enough for me. And usually, they were.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Every little while, when new costumers came in, or old customers left, I would step aside and allow Chae to do her job. It had been about an hour now, my bag slung across a chair close to the the counter.

I was scrolling through my phone, leaning against the counter while Chae made a latte for a new customer. When the bell on the door jingled again, I didn’t bother looking up.

In fact, I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for the unsettling chill that ran along my spine. When I felt it, it reminded me of the ill-mannered boy I had run into earlier, so I did focus my gaze on the newcomers.

Sure enough, there he was. The stupid, bunny boy who I had run into earlier. Not only him, but 6 other boys too. They were all devilishly handsome, it was ridiculous, honestly. But what intrigued me was the aura they gave off. It was something I had found only in my darkest dreams, the ones that made you shoot up in bed with tears in your eyes.

But I ignored it, and I ignored him. The thing that I couldn’t ignore was the way he glared at me. And I was sure, if he had fur, it would be spiked.

Chae’s voice snapped me out of the daze I was being whisked away into. “Hello, welcome to The Daily Coffee Grind. What can I get for you today?”

Her voice was cheery and welcoming, but it didn’t really comfort me now.

My eyes swiveled towards her, a quiet scoff exiting my lips at her heart-eyed expression. Chaeryeong shot me a discreet glare, warning me to be quiet.

My arms simply crossed over my chest, body leaning back lazily as I rolled my eyes, looking back at my phone. As I was clicking away, I could hear the boys order, but I didn’t pay them much attention.

When I finally did look up, it was because Chae flicked my arm.

“Aish, what was that for?” I grumbled, my mood had turned sour again.

“What was so funny?” Chae inquired, hands back on her hips.

I pursed my lips, sweeping over each scenario that could happen if I was snarky. So I bit my tongue, shrugging lightly.

Chae hummed in suspicion, a painfully fake smile plastering itself over her features as an old couple came in. I checked my watch, it was 2:45pm now. I should get going soon, school work was certainly piling up at my dark apartment.

I was hesitant though, doing homework really didn’t sound appealing right now. Another little while with Chae couldn’t hurt.

So, I stayed. After the older couple had gotten their food, Chae and I began to talk. It had been about a week since we’d seen each other, so we simply filled the other in on things in our life. I managed to put up a facade that she seemed to fall for. I didn’t want her to know I was still drowning in sorrow because of Felix, I didn’t need her pity anymore.

“Y/n, don’t look now, but those those guys are staring at you. The good-looking ones from earlier.”

I raised a brow, ignoring her warning to instead, not very discreetly, look at the 7 men. They were, indeed, watching me

Not how I would have assumed they were by Chae’s words, but instead, they just glanced my way every few moments, eyes hovering a second too long.

Except one.

His blonde hair was cut neatly, half of it tied up with a few unfastened strands hanging over his forehead. It was most definitely a wolf cut, not extremely long, but nonetheless. He had slender, cat-like eyes, even more so then the other boy from earlier. Though, this boy’s eyes were, for the most part, the only cat-like features on him, an adorable mole placed right under his left eye. His lips were wide and plump, painted a pretty shade of red. His nose was curved perfectly, and his jawline was ridiculously sharp.

His slender figure was only accentuated with his clothing; black, white, and gray camo cargo pants, a black belt which defined his slim waist, and a white hoodie with pretty, soft pink roses painted onto it. He was also wearing a black beanie, black boots, a bracelet on each of his wrists, and multiple rings on his graceful fingers.

It was sinful to be so good looking. And he was shamefully staring at me.

The thought made me recoil, curling in on myself as a pang of guilt ring through my body. I quivered, quickly looking the other way. These thoughts made me feel like I was betraying Felix, which was something that I couldn’t do, especially not after I had read that anonymous post. Not ever.

My hands curled over my neck, for some reason I wanted to protect Felix’s marks, which were mostly covered by my hoodie. My lower lip was pulled into my mouth, currently being used as a stress reliever for my teeth.

Dread began to seep up my spine, spreading into every inch of my body. I swallowed harshly, feet shuffling uncomfortably. The twinge in my gut made me want to hurl.

How could I be looking at other men when Felix had only just left me? He would leave if I did, I was sure of it now. It seemed unfair and cruel.

But I had to look back, something about the stranger just drew me in, pulling me closer and closer into his trap.

Like a siren drawing in their prey from boats and beaches near the sea.

He was still surveying me, only now, his lips were curled into a troublesome grin.

His body shifted, eyes moving towards his table of friends. He said something to them, but it was so quiet that I couldn’t pick up on it.

Almost immediately, the whole table turned towards me. They were laughing, eyes curved into something joyous, yet so sinister, it made my blood curdle. In fact, Chae noticed the shift in my mood, her eyes following my line of sight.

By now, the boys were snickering to themselves, each one peeking towards me for a moment, which made their laughter roar to life again.

I hadn’t ever really felt like this, like my whole existence relied upon these 7 boys. Not when the mean girls set their sights on me in high school, not when I embarrassed myself in public, not even when my own parents kicked me out.

Maybe it was because I had Felix with me. My Felix.

His name made my eyes begin to water, my heart feeling as though it was being ripped out.

There was something about those boys. I didn’t know what, but they made me feel so small. Like everything I’d ever accomplished was nothing at all.

It made me sick, the feeling so overwhelmingly horrible that I had to excuse myself.

I said goodbye to Chaeryeong, my face certainly red with emotion, and not the good kind. I could feel it in the way my skin felt hot and my eyes let water drip down my cheeks. “Y/n—“ Chae began, but I simply turned on my heels, not wanting to talk with her, or anyone, right now.

I sent the table of boys one last look, only to find they were all watching me. Each of their eyes held something untouchable within their depths.

They all had confident, arrogant looks on their faces. But it was his eyes that gave him away. It was his eyes that conveyed worry, and regret. Pouring it all into my mind, if only for a moment.

I tore my gaze away, a whimper leaving my lips, Felix’s name repeating itself over and over again in my mind.

Yet, the cat-eyed boy watched me. And maybe, just maybe, if I had gazed at him only a little longer, I would have seen him cringe each time Felix’s name was repeated in my mind, and the longing look his eyes entailed.

Or perhaps, I would have seen the way his fingers twitch towards me as I left, or the way his foot began to tap as the distance between us grew.

But even if I did, I never would have heard the promise he made to himself in his mind.

“I promise, to find you, and I promise to protect you.”

That was the promise Hyunjin made. Not because he wanted to, necessarily. But instead, because something about you drew him in like nothing ever had before.

It was as if your soul had reached out to his and reminded him of who he used to be.

But no matter what it was, Hyunjin vowed to both his soul, and yours that day.

He would never stop looking for you, and he would never, ever let you go.

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#straykids hyunjin #hyunjin #straykids han #straykids felix #straykids minho #straykids lee know #straykids i.n #straykids jeongin #straykids seungmin #straykids chan #straykids changbin #straykids angst #itzy chaeryeong #straykids fluff #straykids smut #stray kids series #skz #kpop fanfic #straykids fanfic

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onlyweknowleeknow · 1 year

Text

Angels and Demons, Good and Bad

Parts: 1, 2…

Hyunjin x reader. ft. Felix x reader

Genres: Strangers to lovers, supernatural, angst, fluff, dreamland(?), previous Felix x reader. Snyopsis: Your heart had been beating for one reason and one reason alone; him. That is, until you find out he has committed the ultimate sin, leaving you spiraling to grasp the difference between reality and dreams. Your distressed reality seems to not only push you further into the depths of your mind, but also attract a certain soul, one whose attention you shouldn’t have, but might just need.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: afab reader, angst, depression, suicide, character death, angels and demons, supernatural, eventual smut, implications of smut, fluff, self loathing, financial struggle, obsession, self harm, violence, language. a/n: hey, so this is my first posted story! It’s going to become a series, I’ll be updating the warnings as it goes. Please let me know if I’ve missed anything. Enjoy!

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My eyes burned with a weary light, hands tangled in the disfigured locks of my hair. The computer that sat on the desk in front of me was the only thing illuminating the room, dark curtains pulled in front of the moonlit windows. I altered my position, back cracking as I sat straight. The cursor blinked on and off, a light blue glow emitting from the glaring screen. I had fret about the endless words for hours upon hours now, the essay no closer to being completed then it was the night before.

Though, I knew the reason behind my sorrowful dejection wasn’t because of the flimsy words sprawled in front of me. In fact, the lack of motivation had been digging into my sides for weeks now. Such did happen when one lost something dear to themself. I had been seated in this chair since the sun began to set, carrying on with the dubious tasks that my job entailed, all the way until the sun was long past it’s high. The searing feeling of distress bubbling up, dripping into each crack and crevice of my mind.

The door creaked open, my gentle weeps halting for just a moment. I was met with a tender hand on my shoulder, warmth spreading through my limbs at the familiar touch.

But when I turned around, no one was there. Agony seeping into my mind once again. The ghost of his touches were always with me. Might it be in the morning, the soft caress of his fingers on my cheek. Or perhaps, in the evening, the feeling of his hands grasping mine as he led me down winding roads, into amiable shops full of ancient trinkets. Maybe, it was at night, the wisp of his warm breath fanning across my goosebump ridden neck. But no matter, because he was just a memory now. My mind was straying, truant in every aspect it could be.

A weak, choked cry echoing past my dry lips. I saw him everywhere I went, too. I could feel him, lurking in the shadows of my mind, my brain holding onto, longing for what he once was. If only he could become that again, but alas, he had faded far beyond repair. His warm, caramel eyes now drained of any life that had once frolicked within them.

His face often crossed my memory, and behind closed doors, I often wept for him. For what we could have been. His features made home in my mind, embedded into the depths of my very being. I would never understand a soul as I understood him. Just as no soul would understand me as his did. We were cut from the same vine, tossed into a world neither dreamed of. But together, the dread was washed away, a rainbow painting the clouds as the smell of petrichor rose through the air. However, that too, was washed away eventually, because everything good must come to an end. In fact, the gentle boy visited my dreams on common occasions, which had much to do with my beliefs of him being otherworldly. He often brought me to faraway lands when he visited me, whispering sweet words into my ears. And when I awoke, he would be watching me as though he knew everything my mind entailed, whispering the same sweet words into my ears not even a day later. And in every dream, a stranger’s voice would whisper into my ear; angel, angel, angel. Like a mantra.

His face always there when that word was repeated, like a greater force trying to tell me to be good to him, because he was something beyond my understanding.

Yes, his freckled, honey skin ebbing it’s way into my dreams. His plump lips and brilliant eyes, too. Each figment of him made me shiver and convulse. The pain nearing the point of no return. It was past there, really. He held my heart, tugging it from my grasp with just the curve of his lips, the touch of his skin, or the glint of his soulful eyes.

He was an angel, I was sure. The way he looked to the skies, reaching outwards with his mind, the need to return overpowering him. He didn’t belong in such a world. Each flicker and twitch of pain or violence made his face pale, and his eyes water. He was unique, something about him causing people to journey across plains for him, only to be turned away by the cruel world that surrounded them. He was truly a soul meant to do good, to bring laughter and glee into the lives that he touched.

If only for a moment, I would let him hold me again. I would let him fill me with the warmth I so heftily longed for. But like an angel, he was on Earth for a simple quest. He wasn’t here to go through the twists and turns of the devil’s words, nor to suffer through the sorrow that being human brought. No, he was on Earth for one reason, and one reason alone. To earn his wings. The feathery limbs that only the best of angels deserved. And he did, he deserved them more then anyone.

But perhaps, his longing to return to his home is what took him, even before he could earn the sought after reward. I knew he felt something me, the light in his eyes proving enough. Even then, something stronger then his feelings was pulling him back, something was bringing him home, demanding his presence be wiped from the Earth. He couldn’t contain and fight it forever, I knew. And perhaps, even an angel could sin. After all, taking ones life was the greatest sin of all, was it not?

Something so far beyond my thoughts, that it never crossed my mind he would do such a thing. But of course, the human mind is a weak tool, facing away from even the most obvious facts and signs. And I regretted not seeing it sooner, I did. Felix was gone, that was the cold, hard truth.

Now was not the time to remember him, though. I had work to attend to and a busy day ahead of me. My eyes surrendered to the darkness, the soft glow of the computer slowly fading as I clicked the bright screen away, replacing it with a darker screen, accompanied by the gentle tune of Felix’s favorite song. I watched as the minutes ticked by on the video, a one hour relapse of the song. It replayed in my mind every second of the day.

I exhaled slowly, hands desperately clutching my hair. My eyes shut, giving into the serene feeling that washed over me in waves. I didn’t notice the tears that streaked my face, not until the fell onto the keyboard below, dripping through the cracks of the keys. “Shit-“ I cursed, rushing to untangle my fingers from my hair, wiping my shirt over the few damp keys. Once satisfied with the lack of liquid, I stood up, pushing the chair away from my tired body.

My fingers danced across the keyboard, pushing down on the off key and gliding back across the other keys as I lifted my hand away. Now, the darkness was unavoidable, the shadows reaching out to me; begging to pull me into their embrace.

I ran my fingers down my face, eyes shutting with a groggy sigh. When his face began to fill the space behind my eyelids, I opened them. My hands tightening into fists as I walked towards the door, pulling it open and being embraced by a soft light that was on in the kitchen. I walked out of my room, abandoning the darkness that awaited my return. I walked into the dimly lit kitchen, leaning over the island with a defeated sigh. I kicked my legs up behind me, like a child.

I grumbled a few words, before I checked the time on the stove; 1:07am. Great. I inwardly cursed myself for having stayed up so late. It wasn’t my fault, not fully, at least. Time seemed to fly when I was in a daze, locked into daydreams accompanied by Felix’s soft smiles.

They felt so real, like he was really there, like it was really him in my dreams. I wished it were, at times. I pushed the thought away from the forefront of my mind, deciding to make a late night snack. I opted for ramen, which was more of a meal, but I hadn’t eaten dinner anyways. I opened the small pantry in the kitchen, searching the shelves for a packet of the delicious noodles.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

After finishing the late night meal, I made my way to the living room, sitting on the cushiony couch. I stretched across the piece of furniture, one leg hanging off the edge. My eyes traveled around the dim room, the kitchen lights doing a nice job of giving it a soft glow.

My gaze landed on a blanket that was thrown across a cushioned chair beside the window. I grunted in dismay, a glower settling upon my face. Before I could stand for the blanket, the clutches of sleep grasped at my eyes, pulling me into the great darkness that waited beyond my sights. I allowed the cool air to push me deeper into the depths of slumber, my arms wrapping around a nearby pillow and clutching it to my face.

My stomach was pushed against the couch, one knee hurled up beside me. I waited to be taken into my dreams, praying that I wouldn’t see the familiar silhouette of Felix that night. Yet, the prayer of opposition turned into a prayer of desire. I supposed I shouldn’t have prayed at all about the boy who haunted my every movement, because after all, he was an angel.

He heard my plea, but decided to ignore it. His loving face appearing in my dreams, his lowering glare spoiling my mood further.

“Why did you wish against me, my love?”

His baritone, yet dulcet voice soothing my rigid edges. I focused my eyes elsewhere, considering our surroundings. The places in my dreams changed nearly every night with Felix, but tonight, we were in the living room. Everything looked just like it was when I laid down, I could even see the bowl I had used for ramen in the sink.

He was in front of me in the blink of an eye, his petite, smooth hand gripping my chin, forcing my head towards his burning stare. “Sweetheart, look at me.” He whispered, my breath shuddering. I hated the games my mind played, forcing me back into the dark hole that was my memory. Even going so far as to create new memories, new dreams of what Felix and I could have achieved. It was like Felix— no, the Felix my mind had saved, polishing to perfection, could see the vexation in my eyes.

He bent forwards, his nose brushing against mine. “Baby, please don’t wish me away anymore.” He mumbled, thumbing my chin upwards, his lips feathering light kisses against my jaw. My hands tightened, but the urge to grip onto him won over my anger in the end. My hands advanced on him, arms wrapping around his neck, fingers entwining in his hair.

He hummed against my pale complexion, the gust of warm air making my wrists flick, tugging his hair carefully. He grunted, hands smoothing down my body and making home on my waist. He hit a sweet spot, tongue teasing the area he so fondly remembered. I let out a mewl, tugging his lips closer to my neck, which he had been slowly moving down. I could feel the small swell of his love bites begin to form. “I won’t, I won’t wish you away again. I promise.” I implored, a sullen frown ghosting across my face as he pulled away. But my scowl soon melted away, the warmth in his eyes and quirk of his lips too much for my mushy heart to bare. “Good. Now lay down and close your eyes. I’ll visit you again, I promise.” He muttered softly, giving my waist a squeeze before letting go.

Felix’s hands slithered to my wrists, gently pulling my own hands away from him as he ushered me onto the couch. “Felix— stay longer.” I suggested with tired eyes, the couch practically pulling me into its fluffy depths. Felix shushed me gingerly, shaking his head slowly.

“Not tonight, my love.” I couldn’t argue with him, his hands had gently nestled me into the couch, the soft, serene air around us was only lulling me further into sleep. Felix made his way around the coffee table, to the grey chair with my blanket draped over it. He grabbed it, gracefully making his way back towards me. He delicately laid the blanket over me, it’s mellow material comforting me. Felix ran his hands along my hair, smiling down at me softly. He began to hum his favorite song, the tune also doing its part to whisk me off into a land of dreams. Before long, darkness began to seep into the corners of my vision, my sight blurring as my eyelids tried to shut. “Sleep now, I’ll be back. I promise you.” Felix said affectionately, his gaze admiring my every feature. My body relaxed at his words, allowing the approaching darkness to have a quick execution. I was asleep, safe beside the boy I longed so greatly for. Even if it all was just a dream, it felt so immensely real.

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My eyes blinked open, my back aching. Where was I? As my eyes adjusted to the morning sunlight that shown through the windows, I realized where I was. I was still on the couch. I remembered the night before, along with my dream. I sighed, pulling the blanket up under my chin and nuzzling my face into it. Wait. The blanket? I looked down, realizing the warmth that covered my body was not my body heat, but instead, the blanket that had been tossed over a chair the previous night.

My eyebrows furrowed, mind winding backwards. Had I gotten up? I didn’t think I had, but I must’ve. There isn’t any way the blanket just magically flew over to me. Unless… my heart skipped a beat, hand flying to my neck. In my dreams, Felix had never kissed me enough to leave marks, only a rare twinge of soreness in my lower half. I threw the blanket off, quickly stumbling towards the bathroom. What I saw in the mirror shocked me. There, on my neck and under my jaw, were Felix’s love marks. The small bruises blossoms with a deep purple color. They were so clearly formed by his beautiful lips. This couldn’t be real, right? Shit.

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Let me know what you think. I hope you all like this story, I’m really excited to be posting it!

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