musings-on-aching-flowers

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

You know what I can't get enough of? Speculation about what the fictional novel Proud Immortal Demon Way says about its fictional author. Because it would be completely possible to make a story like this without that connection. I'm not sure I've read any other transmigration story where the author was a character, so just that addition adds a lot of interesting texture to the situation even without getting deep in the author's head, but it's so interesting how deep I can speculate in so many directions if I think about getting in his head.

And oh man, I could talk for AGES about how Shang Qinghua and his iconic protagonist reflect each other, but a lot of people have written about that already! Including in the medium of fic, which is my favorite way to consume that kind of crunch. So let's talk about familial neglect and mistreatment and the author's favorite character.

Honestly, when I look at how iconic this ship is, I'm astonished there aren't more hit novels where the author gets yeeted into their own book and has to navigate platonic or romantic relationships with their own characters. A lot of the parallels between Shang Qinghua and Luo Binghe are about them being alike in ugly and vulnerable ways, ways I don't think either of them likes about themselves, and regarding aspects of their personalities that I don't think they'd be happy discussing period. Like, Binghe very much hates himself, that's right there on the page. And Shang Qinghua is a ridiculous character, he's very funny, but he's also not stupid. He's very aware of who he is and what he is, and makes a decision to behave the ways he does. I'm typing this up because I was scrolling through an old chat looking for something and tripped across a conversation about shang qinghua and fawn trauma response.

He knows he does this thing! He has an easy opening to turbokill Mobei-jun while he's unconscious and decides to go the route of begging for his life and trying to ingratiate himself after Mobei-jun wakes up instead, which is a much trickier process. He says it himself, that Mobei-jun is his ideal, that he embodies everything Shang Qinghua wants to be, that etc. And that's hilarious and all, especially in light of the eventual romance and the clownery it takes to get there, but in classic svsss fashion, it also becomes a lot sadder when you add up all the pieces and see everything Shang Qinghua hates about himself.

In some ways he's an even more avoidant narrator than Shen Qingqiu, he deflects and jokes like a motherfucker, so it really is a matter of assembling all the pieces and seeing where there are gaps. But what really underscored the connection for me was Mobei-jun's reaction to parental neglect. Because that's what pushed Shang Qinghua into being an author in the first place, his parents divorced and remarried and kinda just.... forgot about him.

Mobei-jun's dad doesn't exactly do that, but he is operating without a mom in the picture, and rather than remarrying, he just chooses to ignore the thing where his shitty brother is persistently trying to kill his son. That really sucks! But Mobei-jun never shows the smallest hint of weakness or vulnerability over this, even when it would have really helped to use his words, like 'hi my uncle is coming to kill me and i trust you to protect me.' He's everything cool, aloof, arrogant, proud, all a bunch of adjectives that really do not apply to Shang Qinghua. Mobei-jun honestly looks like a boring character if you just stick to the main story, because he's so self-contained and controlled. Compare and contrast to Shang Qinghua, who accidentally outs himself as a transmigrator like two minutes after showing up and proceeds to be hilarious for the rest of the book.

(Brief aside to say that I don't think Mobei-jun is necessarily a happier or healthier person for all of this, lmao. The conversation that fawn reaction thing came from was talking about freeze (tee hee) versus fawn in response to threats or stressful situations. But that goes along with the svsss theme of people used to engaging with this universe as a fictional property coming to terms with the depth and complexity of other people's emotions and not just seeing them as simplistic not-real characters in a book)

(Additionally, this makes the ship hilarious as a take on 'opposites attract,' but also it gives me actual Emotions that Shang Qinghua's ideal who he wishes he could be, purely incidentally, he is able to value and love Shang Qinghua in a way that Shang Qinghua can't and doesn't seem to totally understand)

And what's very interesting here. Is that Shang Qinghua made these two characters, Luo Binghe and Mobei-jun. His protagonist ultimately reflects a lot of his own vulnerabilities and insecurities (secretly and quietly in pidw, much more.... overtly in svsss), and Mobei-jun corrects for his vulnerabilities and insecurities. He's the person Shang Qinghua wishes he could be, which is basically... the opposite of Shang Qinghua, to an almost comical degree. And he then gives Mobei-jun the VERY BEST plot armor he can devise. It's hard for a male character to exist near a stallion protagonist without getting swept up in rivalries/suspicions/etc and getting killed by the protagonist, but he makes sure that his favorite character is safe from these things. He's protecting the character he wishes he could be from the character whose faults most reflect his own. That is very sweet and weird and sad, and that's very reflective of the svsss experience, I think.

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

A moment later, it was dead silent within the darkness, and Xie Lian repeated with certainty, “You are the Crown Prince of Wuyong.”

Finally, White No-Face was no longer silent.

He lunged towards Xie Lian, his palm blasts sharp and powerful, and this time, it was Xie Lian’s turn to dodge. He leapt up, and asked as he dodged, “Your Highness, I’ve got a question for you. How come you never show your true face to anyone?”

White No-Face said darkly, “Your Highness, I’m warning you not to address me with that title.”

“You call me ‘Your Highness’, so why can’t I address you the same?” Xie Lian rebuked. “You won’t answer, so I’ll have to guess myself. There are only two reasons why you don’t want anyone seeing your true face. Either you are someone I know, or someone I don’t know, but once I see your real face I could easily figure out who you are. Or, your true appearance is exceedingly ugly, so ugly you can’t stand it yourself!”

Warning for major spoilers in this post! We're back with post 10 of Xie Lian being the funniest mf when he confronts White No-Face at the beginning of book 5, and if there's 1 thing I love, it's a good "fun mocking ramble while dodging an angry loser".

I think it's really interesting how book 4 ends after so much pain, so much...eventfulness of Bai Wuxiang. The impression you're left with of him is that he is powerful and dangerous even though Xie Lian rejects his philosophy and shows huge personal growth. We grow to really respect Xie Lian's character development without losing that fearful reverence for Bai Wuxiang. Book 5 though, from the get-go, is set on tearing down Bai Wuxiang's terrifying reputation built up over 4 books. At the end of book 3, Xie Lian is absolutely terrified at the sight of the cry-smiling mask, but the minute we get back to the present-time, Xie Lian gets over his terror pretty fast and just lies on the floor pretending Bai Wuxiang doesn't exist. In the first chapter of book 5 itself, Xie Lian gets to expose his former crown princehood- and when he literally just addresses Bai Wuxiang by the same title as Bai Wuxiang does for him, the guy loses it! Like...for such a powerful man, you can't help but feel how much he's being undermined here. He's always had the upper hand over Xie Lian and here they are, in his territory the Kiln, and his control over Xie Lian has somehow decreased in comparison to all their prior encounters!

It's a culmination of Xie Lian choosing to grow and make peace with his own former insecurities (unlike a certain other white-clothed calamity) and the power of hualian being in gay love that bring this about, I feel. That's what really gets the edge over Bai Wuxiang. Because it was 1 thing when Xie Lian went on with his life still terrified of Bai Wuxiang, having changed and grown and become stronger but scared of what Bai Wuxiang represents as to who he could be- who he WAS. Before he met Hua Cheng, Xie Lian was alone and unlucky and nobody cared for him in any way, and he was cool with assuming he didn't deserve to be cared for because of his actions. Hua Cheng's devotion to him is perhaps the 1 thing that makes him feel that he is worth more, that he doesn't have to atone the way he's been trying to and that he IS better than Bai Wuxiang.

In book 3, Hua Cheng says, "I can swear, you are you. You're not anyone else." Even if Xie Lian may not fully believe Hua Cheng when he reiterates that they are different people, Hua Cheng still goes out of his way to stress that Xie Lian is a person who himself is worth it. If Hua Cheng really sees that in him, maybe he is different to the Crown Prince of Wuyong in the ways that matter after all. So when he's having the same mask pressed onto him by White No-Face, it doesn't make a difference! He doesn't lose his mind in any way, and says all of this to White No-Face WHILE the mask is being forced on him (remember how the mask in book 4 correlated consistently with Xie Lian's worst days, like appearing on him right when he decided to genocide Yong'an? Xie Lian changes this and takes control of the mask!).

He, in the cry-smiling mask, is able to turn the tables on Bai Wuxiang because he is actively different to him, and he KNOWS it. Hua Cheng makes sure he knows it when he doubts himself, giving Xie Lian the confidence he needs to finally emotionally overcome Bai Wuxiang (the same way he gives Xie Lian the spiritual power needed to break his shackles! perfect symbolism). This is the ultimate win I feel Xie Lian gets over him, because of both himself and Hua Cheng! The rest of the book is Xie Lian solidifying this win over a man who keeps being subverted, keeps being confounded ever since book 4 by Xie Lian's refusal to do what he did.

Further point I would like to make about Xie Lian calling Bai Wuxiang potentially really ugly- which, A) Burn?!?!?! And B, got me thinking that him reacting so violently to that is also kind-of a sign of him having not made peace with his former Crown Prince-hood. I'm sure he was praised for being handsome as a Crown Prince the way Xie Lian was, and never got over the fact that he fell so far from his once glorious status. The idea of being ugly under the mask now makes him feel even more defensive of his own failings and the idea that under the mask, internally, he might not be as good/right as he wanted to be and that this is his own fault- because Xie Lian doesn't wear a mask, doesn't care about being called ugly because something so shallow (even though it's perfectly valid to care about your appearance at all) makes no huge difference to his self-perception. He's just doing his best out here no matter what. By choice. Jun Wu could've had that, but he chose not to out of self-pity eclipsing his desire to be, in some sense of the word, a good person, and it kills him to know that.

I think the fact that this 1 funny exchange actually reveals an awful lot about the characters really says something about the quality of MXTX's narrative placement as well as intricacies in dialogue that make reading TGCF so...beautiful.

#xie lian #tgcf #hualian #jun wu #bai wuxiang #real shit OP!!!!

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

Tbh, I think if you read an mxtx novel with the expectation that the story’s hero is meant to learn some valuable lesson that fundamentally changes their character and views on life, then you are reading her books wrong. There’s not a single mxtx protag (currently) in existence who changes by the end of the story. It’s the world they live in that is changed because of their actions:

—Shen Yuan’s Shen Qingqiu transforms a toxic masculinity fantasy into a queer romance in which the unhappy stallion protagonist with a harem in the 100s is given his monogamous happy ending with a husband he actually loves and values with reciprocity. They fuck off to their forever honeymoon after exposing the corruptness of the cultivation world that ruined Luo Binghe’s life to begin with, and all of this was only possibly because Shen Yuan was just a genuinely nice fucking person. The world lives to see another day and a fuckton of people who died (or didn’t even get to exist) in the original stallion novel get to live long, more fulfilled lives in Shen Yuan’s revision.

—Wei Wuxian is killed for sticking up for a condemned clan, is resurrected against his will, and still stands by his actions in his first life while protecting those that continued to wrongfully condemn him. As a reward, the corpses of the people he died protecting save him and his loved ones (and the rest of the bystanders who killed them), he bags himself the most perfect and perfectly matched man in the cultivation world, and he continues to help others and do what he wants to the ire of the cultivation world who are now too embarrassed to fight him. The younger generation look to him as a beloved teacher, protector, and role model to aspire towards.

—Xie Lian rebelled against hierarchy as a beloved prince of a prospering kingdom, then as a beloved god against the older gods, then as a reviled scrap gods against the then most popular gods of the present day. He was always willing to lend a hand to anyone who needed it and to never hold resentment even if that kindness blew up in his face (and it often did). He gets to marry the man (ghost) who has seen him at his best and absolute worst and chooses him unconditionally, something no one else has ever done before. At the end of the novel, he is the god that all the other gods look to for guidance and strength.

None of these stories humble these characters for being good people. Even when their morally righteous actions net them unimaginably terrible results, even when they falter in the face of their failures, they ultimately remain true to their goodness. And none of the books humble them for that, because being good is not a character flaw. So in short: please stop talking about how mxtx protags “needed” to learn valuable lessons to “be good people” when they were already good people from the very beginning. These stories are not about how the world changes people but how genuinely good people can change the world just by actively being kind even with no benefit to themselves and especially if that kindness leads to detriment.

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

Common Fanfic Mistakes pt. II: Homophones

Hello hello and welcome to part two! Today I will be clearing up some of the most common mistakes I've been seeing in fanfiction, focusing on homophones, that is words that sound the same but have different spellings and meaning.

If you missed the first part focusing on idioms, you can find it here!

Once again, this is not meant as a criticism but as a helpful reference! Mistakes happen and that's ok but maybe we can learn something.

Disclaimer: I am not a native English speaker myself, so I’m not claiming to be 100% accurate here, but I did do some research and I have a MA in English/International Literature, so I do know a little bit what I’m talking about.

Homophones

Unfortunately, English spelling is a mess. We all know this. And this lead to the existence of many many words that are very similar to each other despite having different meanings, making them easy to mix up. Let's take a look at some of them!

pour vs pore

The rain was pouring in rivulets down the window. He'd been poring over the books for hours now.

to POUR is a word that refers to a liquid or flood of some kind--both literal and metaphorical. Rain can pour from the sky, liquor can pour from a bottle, tears can pour down a face. But a flood of words can also pour out of someone, or a crowd can pour out of a building.

to PORE, as a verb, has only this one very specific meaning: to spend hours bent over a book or ruminating on a problem, trying to find information or solution.

weary vs wary

The long journey had left them weary, but they still couldn't help but feel wary of the weirdly friendly strangers.

WEARY is a state of being tired, exhausted and run down, especially after travel or work. You can also be emotionally weary, when it's just been too much and you need a break.

WARY is a state of being careful and slightly distrustful in circumstances that might not be entirely trustworthy.

leery vs (to) leer

She knew she'd been right being leery when the man leered at her.

LEERY is much the same as WARY, being sceptical and mistrustful.

to LEER refers to a creepy or salacious grin or smile, usually used in an unflattering context.

peak vs peek vs pique

His fatigue reached its peak just as the sun was starting to peek over the horizon. Still, the fog rolling over the hills piqued his interest.

PEAK is the summit of a mountain or a hill, or a more metaphorical height, such as peak traffic hours. Similarly, as a verb, to peak means to reach the highest mark.

to PEEK refers to taking a quick, furtive or premature look at something. Like someone peeking only just around a corner, or someone sneaking to take a look at the christmas presents.

to PIQUE is, once again, a very specific word that is usually used in the phrase "pique someone's interest/curiosity". It derives from the French and is closer in meaning to poke. If someone's piqued, something prodded or spurred them into being, for example, interested, curious, or annoyed.

(w)rack vs wreck

They were wracked with guilt at having to wreck this beautiful, stately old mansion.

to (W)RACK--this can be spelled with or without a w--is to be torn up and tormented, usually with guilt, but sometimes also with poverty, hunger or shivers.

to WRECK means to destroy or lay waste to something

wan vs wane

She looked up at the waning moon with a wan smile.

WAN is something pale, dull or weak, often used to refer to a smile or expression.

to WANE refers most often to the moon, but can also denominate something else dwindling, shrinking or disappearing.

suit vs suite

He was glad to have brought his good three-piece suit, otherwise he might have felt out of place in this fancy hotel suite.

SUIT can mean several things--most commonly a fancy set of clothing consisting of (at least) slacks, a dress shirt and a jacket. But there's also the lawsuit, and it can also refer to a set or series of something--for example playing cards.

SUITE is an apartment or series of rooms, often used in connection with hotels. There it indicates a hotel "room" that consists or more than just one room, like a foyer or a sitting room in addition to the bedroom and bathroom.

And that's all I have for today! I hope you learned something! Are there any other common mistakes that you've noticed while reading? Are there maybe some words that you tend to mix up yourself? Let me know and I might add a part three to this series!

If this helped you, consider sending a small tip my way? Thank you for reading 💜

#I LOVE YOU I ADORE YOU #you beat me to it op!!!!!!! I was going to make a post like this too but you did it and it’s better than what I would have done!!!!! #writing tips #fanfic #might add more to it when I think of it

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

Lan Wangji x Untitled by The Cure

#mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #ohhhhh myyyy goddddd #pain #this is so good #mdzs fanart

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

#just tried this and already has been a proxy for 2 people #feels good to be able to help somehow #iran #mahsa amini #jina mahsa amini #iranprotests

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

That post about death note being "everyone's first anime" (untrue statement) made me curious and now I want to gather data for science

Can you reblog this and tell me where are you from and what was your starter anime?

#nz #anime movie: your name #anime series: ouran high school host club

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

Hua cheng make brain go brrrrr

TW: mentions of self harm, tgcf spoilers

People who say Hua Cheng has no depth just don’t get it. Do I wish more than anything that mxtx kept his backstory? Yes. But his narrative function is to be a mysterious bad boy love interest and as a fellow writer and lazy person I somewhat under why she didn’t. Part of what makes him interesting is just how much we don’t know, and the significance of all that we do.

Yes, he is inextricably tied to Xie Lian, as a person and a character. But Xie Lian didn’t ask him to tear his eye out to protect humans. Xie Lian didn’t ask him to found Ghost City or take in persecuted ghosts. Xie Lian certainly didn’t ask him to befriend/ally himself with He Xuan.

And he flat out fucking lies to Xie Lian on several occasions, for the benefit of not only Xie Lian but He Xuan as well. If he wanted to, he could easily kill He Xuan; it’s almost shocking that he doesn’t just tell Xie Lian what his plans are to begin with. He could easily have told Xie Lian to keep Shi Qingxuan away from ‘Ming Yi.’ He could have done the usual protective bad boy thing and forbidden Xie Lian from helping his friend. But he doesn’t. Because on one level, he understands that He Xuan is useful to him as an ally, possibly friend, and narrative foil (who knows how genre aware he is; he’s practically omniscient as is).

Meaning Hua Cheng, born from love, understands that He Xuan, born from hate, is who he could have been without Xie Lian. So yes, it’s about Xie Lian, but it’s not only about Xie Lian. It extends beyond the bounds of who Xie Lian is, and into who Hua Cheng is because of Xie Lian.

He also realizes and respects that He Xuan is the only other calamity and one of the few gods who hasn’t directly or indirectly hurt Xie Lian; until the Black Water arc, when he realizes just how self-sacrificial Xie Lian is and just how stubborn and vindictive He Xuan is. And he beats his ass several times for it.

But returning to Xie Lian, as we must do when discussing Hua Cheng (by his own volition), he understands that for Xie Lian’s mental and emotional well being and for his trauma response, he HAS to help his friend. (There’s quite likely some guilt about Wu Ming driving Xie Lian as well, whether Hua Cheng realizes this or not. If he does, he’s certainly upset with himself for retroactively hurting him. Much to think about.)

He loves Xie Lian for his kindness and his selflessness, but he hates his self harm. And these two things can exist in tandem. He doesn’t ask Xie Lian to stop being kind or to stop being selfless, he doesn’t forbid him from helping Shi Qingxuan, but he does gently beg him not to hurt himself and not to act like his pain doesn’t matter or is funny. He encourages Xie Lian, who at this point has no face left to spare and sees himself as a laughingstock and a failure, not to mention morally reprehensible, to continue doing what he wants to do, that what he wants to do is the right thing — as long as it isn’t self harm. So he tells Xie Lian that his benefit matters too, that his pain matters and that he doesn’t deserve it and shouldn’t prolong it (ie, continue running with a nail in his foot or stab himself to perform pseudo mpreg ghost abortion on himself).

Bear in mind that Hua Cheng has witnessed Xie Lian being stabbed for others’ benefit well over one hundred times, two of which by his own hand. So it’s traumatic for him too. He’d much rather be stabbed himself. “To see with your own eyes your beloved be trampled and ridiculed, yet unable to do anything, is the worst pain in the world.”

Ironically, while Xie Lian’s blithe attitude towards his pain is agony for Hua Cheng, he’s particularly ignorant of his own (he downgrades ripping his eye out and acts nonchalant about using all of his spiritual energy for Xie Lian). For him, the emotional pain of watching Xie Lian suffer is worse than any physical pain. “If your dream is to save the common people, then my dream is only you.”

From this quote and most of his actions, one gets the sense that while Xie Lian’s savior complex is utilitarian*, Hua Cheng’s is fixated solely on Xie Lian. Yet he saved the humans in Mount Tonglu, and he takes in stray ghosts. So his savior complex is rather more of a categorical imperative*; that is, if Xie Lian would save these people, I must save these people. But there’s still a Wu Ming inside of him who knows the Xie Lian who would not save someone undeserving, so it isn’t utilitarian but conditional of them not harming Xie Lian.

So who is Hua Cheng? He’s a devoted believer. But with any religious fervor comes sacraments. Kindness, in his case conditional to his god’s. Self sacrifice, to honor his god’s. A quick wit, a formidable opponent with the saber. Hua Cheng is anything that can be useful to Xie Lian.

“Flower City,” he names himself. Flower, for Xie Lian’s pseudonym given for his kindness. City, a fortress for protection, a place of humanity and a place of worship. Yet, to Xie Lian he becomes San Lang. All others must bear witness to his heathen worship, but Xie Lian knows him the way a god is said to know the devout; wholly, lovingly, benevolently, unconditionally.

*Utilitarian: in ethics, aiming to extend the most happiness towards the most amount of people; amounting to self-sacrificial universal savior complex for Xie Lian

*Categorical Imperative: in kantian ethics, an adage that must be followed on principle

#a m a z i n g #hua cheng #xie lian #hualian #tgcf

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

This man took shotgun pellets for women protesting the wearing of hijabs after the suspicious death of a twenty-two year old woman arrested by morality police in Iran for wearing her hijab "improperly" (some strands of her hair had escaped from under it). Women have taken to the streets to protest by burning their hijabs and cutting their hair short. Currently internet access in Iran is cut off and Meta platforms like Facebook and Instagram are removing posts about the protests.

#let women have autonomy #mahsa amini #iran #current events

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

i said 5 months ago i was gonna share my thoughts on this scene and never did, so it's time to dig this out

what did wei wuxian mean by asking shijie "why would someone like another person" and why i.... don't think he's talking about lan wangji (i know-- i know. just bear with me)

or more accurately: an analysis of chapter 71, wwx's thoughts on love, and how mxtx utilizes parallels between past and present!

(Ch 71 of MDZS web revised edition //// ExR translation)

okay let's get straight to the point that's gonna make y'all want to call me a stupid bitch who can't read: i legitimately do not think wwx was talking about lwj in this scene! here's why:

first and foremost, let's remember what the status of wangxian's relationship was at this point after sunshot ended

first, phoenix mountain: a callback to their teen dynamic. wwx's silly and flirty personality is back, he teases lwj by throwing a peony at him then asking to borrow his ribbon. lwj is frustrated, etc. lwj forcefully kisses wwx then gets angry at himself. wwx finds him and gets worried that something happened to him. they walk together and talk in very friendly manner until the xuanli incident happens. by the end they part on good terms

then, yunmeng teahouse: the first scene of this chapter. wwx is feeling quite upbeat about seeing lwj as they had a nice chat last time they met. he does a lil phoenix mountan callback by throwing a peony at him, then asking him to come upstairs and hang out. lwj does but it.... doesnt end well. he's worried about wwx's worsening temper and fears he's starting to show signs of loss of control, and asks him once again to go to gusu with him. that severely sours wwx's mood, to the point of snapping at lwj when lwj implies that he'll regret it in the future. lwj realizes his mistake and they become polite again, but the atmosphere is significantly strained, and wwx even comments that he was presumptious and shouldn't have invited him over, which lwj dissents. wwx parts with a cordial but distant "thank you", and on... not great terms

what i think really makes the above hurt though is that, when wwx comes back to yunmeng and jc asks who he met. wwx answers this:

worse than jin zixuan.....oof. im so sorry hgj

so, it really is quite tragic. wwx had a nice time with lwj in phoenix mountain, and because of that he wanted to try and wash away their bad blood, ask him to hang out, recall some stories of their youth, maybe mend this relationship that became so strained during the war! what happens instead is that... he gets the harsh reminder of what (in his mind) lwj thinks of his cultivation, thinks he's not in control of it, that it's dangerous and he should be locked up. with that, they're all back to square one :(

the thing is, MDZS is quite known for being non-linear and having a humongous amount of flashbacks, and they're all set and positioned at the time they were for a reason! the thing is, as most read the novel once and then proceed to only revisit scenes separately, naturally forgetting about the grand-picture and the scenes that come before and after, we might misremember how some events play out or the state of the character arcs and relationships, and i believe the popular fanon interpretation that "omggg wwx was asking yanli this bc he likes lwj but can't admit this yet!!!! 🙈" is quite of a great example of this

but!! it's not for any bad reason, after all both the Audio Drama and CQL kinda play up this moment with some beautiful background music. this is, in the end, a romance novel! but let's put a pin on that for a bit and analyze what led to this scene, and why WWX came looking for shijie to ask her this

so as you see, the scene right before was wei wuxian and jiang cheng talking about jin zixuan, with jc asking wwx to not pick fights with him anymore since he's the heir of lanling jin. wwx is baffled because up until that point he and jc were trashtalking buddies when it came to jzx, but there's nothing they can do about it if shijie still likes him

that... makes wwx quite speechless, and he goes searching for her to get an answer. in his mind, jzx is still an awful, undeserving person! so why would shijie like him so much?

why would someone like another person?

of course, he's not as shameless to ask shijie right to her face why she likes someone like jzx, esp since she's already well familiar with his poor opinion of him, so he tries getting an "unbiased" answer by making a vague question, which in turn makes shijie think wwx is in love with someone else

now here's the thing: i feel like fandom tends to flanderize wwx when it comes to his unreliable narration, awareness of his own feelings or lan wangji's. we don't have time to get into that now, but if you've followed me for a while you know my thoughts on this

but here, specifically, i do not think wwx is in "denial about his crush" or "waving off because he doesnt want to get caught". his answer feels genuine, and honestly? really sad once you think about it

"I won't like anyone, at least not too much. Wouldn't it be like putting a rein on my own neck?"

this isn't strange once you consider the types of romantic relationships he grew up observing. other than his own parents', which he's mostly forgotten about, a strong love and attatchment sounds more like tying a rope around your neck. even though wwx is a romantic at heart who flirts easily but had been saving his first kiss for 20 years, he's still never felt this type of love for anyone before, and can't imagine putting himself through it

"So, wait... just because WWX said so you think you should believe it? You're telling me the curtains are just blue? If he's not talking about Lan Wangji, then what's the point of this scene?"

glad you asked!

you see, something that MXTX does quite often with the flashback placement in MDZS is contrast the moments where wangxian's relationship was at its best with moments where it was at its worst. As wwx recall these memories, his pre-conceived notions about lwj get challenged and his actions and words get recontextualized! my favorite example is probably the ending of the flashback of wwx's return, to him waking up in the cloud recesses

no i'll never shut up about this flashback placement. my goddd

so, when looking at the "why would someone like another person" scene, i ask you to not look at it by itself, but as a part of the literary work that mdzs is! because, as the wangxian of the past are stuck in this cordial, but strained relationship, do you remember where the wangxian of the present have currently been left at?

if you ask me, there is something incredibly sweet about leaving these characters at their most tender --- when one is finally beginning to not only understand his own feelings, but to suspect that those feelings are requited, in which he's allowing himself to imagine a calm and happy future with him right as they march inside the lion's den --- and meeting them again when they're younger, and strained, and not fully knowing how to communicate that they care for each other, which in turn only hurts them both.

there is something very sweet about seeing wwx who is slowly realizing that he's in love, testing the waters of that, seeing how much he can take, in what ways he can ask for affection, and then seeing him again as he says "i won't ever like someone, at least not so much. wouldnt it be suffocating? wouldn't it be an impediment? wouldnt it be shackling yourself?" because you, like a cheeky grandma, can look at him and think: you don't know yet, but i've seen you then. you will like someone very much, and it won't be restraining. in fact, you'll never feel more free...

and that is the biggest thing, about revisiting this scene after you're done. because you'll look back this 20-something WWX who genuinely believed loving someone to much is like putting a rein around his own neck... and knowing he'll know a love that not only will not feel like a restrain*, but will be there to catch him whenever something does

*okay, except in bed, but that's only a bonus for wwx

#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #ahhh that flashback placement is SO GOOD I am now SEIZED with the desire to track down the mdzs official translation

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

what’s really ironic about the “just let everyone get infected w covid!! herd immunity!!” arguments now is that letting the virus run rampant through the world has actually achieved the opposite: everyone may get infected, but then they’ll just keep getting infected. delta infections didn’t protect against the original omicron variant. omicron BA.1 doesn’t protect you against BA.2.12.1. none of them really protect you against BA.4 and BA.5. mass infection is not going to create mass immunity, it just means that with every infection you’re rolling the dice on what this unpredictable and very creative virus is going to do to you

#can’t believe it took this long for me to come across this post but it’s exactly right

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

i’ve been trying to think of how to rank mxtx protags and it is. surprisingly difficult because

a) lbh has that protagonist halo making him basically unbeatable but

b) xl and hc are ancient and powerful beings. one is a literal god and yes they aren’t infallible but could a heavenly demon defeat a god? are they stronger? hc was able to beat those 33 officials and i suspect that other than xl, hc is stronger than the rest of the heavenly court

c) wwx practices demonic cultivation which could potentially affect both lbh and hc - HOWEVER, expanding on point b), hc is probably strong enough to be immune to wwx and referring to point a) again, lbh has his protagonist halo BUT

d) does lbh’s halo stretch to the rest of the universe? or does it stop working once they leave the PIDW universe since technically he isn’t the protagonist anymore.

i haven’t included lwj and sqq because yes i love them but they definitely aren’t the strongest, sorry luvs <\3

conclusion: xl is canonically stronger than hc who i believe would be stronger than wwx (plus wwx’s cultivation wouldn’t even work against xl). the only problem i can see is lbh’s halo, so the mantle for strongest mxtx character definitely goes to either xl or lbh

#important discourse that I stand by #mxtx #mdzs #tgcf #svsss #hua cheng #xie lian #wei wuxian #luo binghe

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

The way Luo Binghe keeps relentlessly trying to be loved, even when he believes no one would ever love him, no one ever wanted him... When he said, after Hua Yue city, he decided he would never let Shen Qingqiu be taken from him again, I eventually realized at the conclusion he meant that he knew no one would want him, so he'd always need to make Shen Qingqiu stay with him. Even if he has to destroy Cang Qiong Mountain ... Even if the closest he can get for a long time is hugging a corpse every night. My heart breaks for Luo Binghe but also I'm amazed by his courage to keep wanting to be loved, keep trying to be loved, no matter what, continuing to need to be wanted so openly when its so excruciatingly pathetic and vulnerable.

A thematic thread i kept noticing was survival. Everything Shen Qingqiu is concerned with before his, uh ... second death? (before the 5 years later) is how to survive, trying to make the best possible life for himself out of what he has, even if its all from a fictional novel. He's hilariously not even interested in thinking too hard about what that means about the fabric of reality- to awake in the body of a novel character- he's just like, welp, let's get to it and find myself some older brothers to baby me. The part about his lack of competitiveness too - its not important for his survival to be the best, he wants life to be pleasurable and comfortable. With all the characters you see what their survival depended on, what they base their life around. Like Shen Jiu who wanted to be the best, needed to be the best to be seen as a human.

I guess the question in every character's choices is, is love a necessity for survival? I think of Yue Qingyuan damaging and endangering himself so he can rush back to save who he loves. And Shen Qingqiu saving Liu Qingge's life, the whole time thinking, this will really improve my chances of survival. But that's so him - the way he tries to survive is really just him loving others.

As Shen Qingqiu is trying to run away from Luo Binghe to try to survive, Luo Binghe is running to him, because that's what Luo Binghe needs to survive. That bit of love Shen Qingqiu showed him. That's what everyone needs I suppose, but it feels too shameful to admit it. Unless you're Luo Binghe, unless love is so incredibly scarce and you have the good sense to want to survive.

#interesting and thought-provoking! #luo binghe #svsss #bingqiu #shen qingqiu #liu qingge #yue qingyuan #shen jiu

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

The symbolic meaning behind A-Yuan's butterfly toys

There is such a beautifully poignant moment during the Yiling date chapter, where A-Yuan is playing with the two grass butterflies that LWJ bought him. The minute I read it, it made me smile at how sweet and innocent it all was. But it also pulled at my heartstrings a little, due to the symbolic meaning of the butterflies and what I felt like it foreshadowed.

Chapter 74

Knocking his bowl, Wei WuXian called a couple of times, but Wen Yuan was still looking down, holding two butterflies and mumbling. At times he pretended to be the one on the left, saying shyly "I… I really like you"; at times he pretended to be the one on the right, saying happily "I really like you too!" Being two butterflies at the same time, he seemed to be having lots of fun.

- ExR translations

To me MXTX uses the butterflies to express the unspoken feelings that WWX and LWJ have for each other. I think this small, yet sweet scene, could also show A-Yuan may have picked up on WWX and LWJs true feelings for each other - perhaps on a subconscious level. Children are incredibly perceptive and can pick up on things adults often miss. He may have only seen them together for a few hours, but he's spent a lot of time with WWX and could possibly see how he acts differently with LWJ. Either way, I don't think it's a coincidence MXTX chose to have A-Yuan play with the butterflies - he also has the clay dolls he could have used for his little directorial debut!

The fact A-Yuan is making the two butterflies confess they 'like' each other, echos how WX truly feel for one another. It's almost like the unspoken words they could have, and should have said so many times before. It is certainly allusive of the opportunity they had to confess their feelings during this particular scene as well.

The fact MXTX (or indeed A-Yuan) has made one shy and the other happy, draws parallels between LWJ and WWX's personalities. Much like the WX bunnies with their quiet and energetic personalities respectively. Personally I think it's quite clear MXTX deliberately made A-Yuan portray the two butterflies in this way. Especially if you take a closer look at the original version of MDZS, where the 'shy' and 'happy' personalities are not mentioned - so it's evident that MXTX later added this to enhance the scene, for a very specific reason.

If we look even deeper into this, there may even be more meaning behind the use of butterflies - as I said earlier, MXTX could have used the clay dolls instead. Butterflies are often used as a symbol of love in Chinese culture. More specifically, it can symbolise an undying bond between lovers. They can also represent death and rebirth. Which all fit with the theme of the novel perfectly.

MXTX likes to use little references and pay homage to poems and Chinese culture within the novel. And personally, I think the use of butterflies could be a nod to a particular classic Chinese love story. According to some, this is one of the reasons butterflies often symbolise love in Chinese culture.

There is a tragic yet romantic, Chinese legend known as The Butterfly Lovers (梁祝). Coincidentally (or perhaps not?), there are a few parallels between MDZS and the story as well. Much like our lovely WX, the two lovers in the legend met while studying together, where they develop an instant chemistry. The two main characters even experience misunderstandings that prevent them from becoming a couple. Eventually one of the star-crossed lovers tragically dies and the other follows soon after - which is where our duo obviously deviate, thankfully! The lovers spirits become butterflies and they fly off together, never to be separated again. Which somewhat echoes WXs own ending, where they elope and pledge to be with each other forever.

Something fell from Wen Yuan’s pocket. He called out, “Butter… Butterfly!” With him in his arm, Wei WuXian had already rushed outside the restaurant. Soon, a white shadow swept by him. Lan WangJi seemed to have followed them out as well, walking beside them. Wei WuXian, “Lan Zhan? Why are you following us?” Lan WangJi put into Wen Yuan’s palm the butterfly that he dropped.

Personally, I don't think the above scene is just a means for LWJ to follow them, because he would have either way! It's also symbolic. The two butterflies are suddenly separated, much like WWX and LWJ are later, for some 13 years. Eventually (or two seconds later in the above scene!) they are reunited, just like the butterflies above. It also represents A-Yuan's loss. He loses one of his butterflies, just like he will soon lose WWX - only to have them both reunited, together with him, eventually. It broke my heart when I noticed this tiny moment.

Just like the two frisky male bunnies used as a metaphor for WWX and LWJs true feelings earlier in the novel. The butterflies are used to foreshadow the path their entwined fate will eventually take as well. MXTX's writing style is just absolute poetry and I can't get enough of it.

🦋❤️🦋

#!!!!!!!!!!! #wow oh my god this is so galaxy brained #I really need to properly reread MDZS it seems I missed so much subtext! #mdzs #mdzs meta #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #a yuan

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

personally I love how we first meet Xie Lian who’s like ‘yeah I have the thickest face ever :) practically nothing fazes me’

and then he meets Hua Cheng and proceeds to experience the most soul-shrivelling embarrassment throughout the rest of the series.

#he is an icon he is a legend and he is the moment #tgcf #xie lian #hua cheng #hualian #but I think it's sweet he cares about how hc perceives him #and also that hc is the only one that can cause him to experience more embarrassment in 5 minutes than he ever did in all 800 years prior

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

I don't know if I'm reaching with that one, but it is established rather quickly that Lan WangJi is determined to mirror Wei WuXian's actions in his first life back at him when he has the means (for instance, the carrying on his back thing, or teasing him with "I do not know" as a call back to the "whatever" moment).

And just as it was a mystery to me why Wei WuXian, during the Yiling date, would entice A-Yuan with toys only to not buy him any, setting him up for disappointment, but I came to understand that it was actually a setup for Lan WangJi to buy it so that A-Yuan would like him (!!!), there is a kinda similar situation that crops up in the present, that was puzzling me but became clear to me on this re-read.

When they come out of Yi City, Wei WuXian is quite depressed and despondent. He has just witnessed Xiao XingChen's sad unlucky fate, and it reminded him very strongly of his own. And the juniors are all sad too, and want to burn paper money, and, sure, HanGuang-Jun is lenient and will let them express their emotions, but he's not that lenient, to let them do something improper/impolite like doing this in front of someone's house, when it is considered unlucky.

Yet, he does nothing, until Wei WuXian snaps out of his state and asks him if he's not going to do anything about it, to which Lan WangJi responds why don't you do it yourself.

And I think it was purposeful. Normally he would probably have told them - look at Lan SiZhui, that boy wasn't left to this own devices, someone taught him was what socially acceptable and didn't let him blunder through needlessly offending people until he figured it out himself.

But he saw the state Wei WuXian was in, and sought to distract him from it, by letting him notice and then handle the juniors' actions.

Clever HanGuang-Jun! He learned all of Wei WuXian's subtle tricks and is using them too!

#op your brain is huge #oh my god??? oh my god!!!! #mdzs #lan wangji #wei wuxian #wangxian

[musings-on-aching-flowers]

Another YOI opinion inbound, this time on the ending scene of episode 11/first scene of Episode 12!! (I’m sure this has been done a bunch already but I found this in my notes so I thought I’d just throw it out there)

I don’t think the ‘ending’ that Yuuri OR Victor was referring to was ending the romantic interpersonal relationship that they had. To me, after that episode 9 scene where we get to see Yuuri running into Victor’s arms, it’s just a given that they would stay connected in whatever capacity they could, because they can’t stand to let the other go.

No, to me, the ‘ending’ he is referring to is the ending of Yuuri and Victor’s relationship as skater and coach, and the ending of Yuuri’s career as a professional ice skater. We can see from how the comments the other skaters make about Victor’s career, and the emotional impact this has on Yuuri when he overhears them that Yuuri is upset at the idea that he could potentially be ending Victor’s career, Victor’s raison d’être as it were, and in doing so taking away his whole passion away from him. 

Also, interestingly, I’ve seen a lot of people/fanfic writers take Victor’s accusation of Yuuri’s ‘selfishness’ at face value, but what Yuuri is doing here seems objectively selfless. To Yuuri, he is making the altruistic choice of relieving Victor from being his coach, as the entire skating world thinks that to keep him on would be selfish. However, it just doesn’t take into consideration Victor’s own feelings regarding returning to skating or staying by Yuuri’s side as his coach, which is why Victor calls him ‘selfish’. It especially doesn’t take into account Victor’s feelings on Yuuri leaving the skating world, which has long since become Victor’s raison d’être, instead. In my opinion, this is why Victor is so upset - he desperately doesn’t want Yuuri to retire. 

So yes - Yuuri is not necessarily being selfish, even though that’s what Victor says, (and what Yuuri agrees with) because this decision goes against his own personal feelings about keeping Victor on as his coach. Although he does want to see Victor skating professionally again, he also really wants Victor to stay, so this decision actually went against his own personal interests. 

#yuri!!! on ice #victor nikiforov #katsuki yuuri #victuuri #yoi meta #my meta