mplaylistdiaries

[mplaylistdiaries]

January 2019

Summary: I had just started my final spring semester of college and I was barely hanging on going to my internship, classes, prepping for my last shows for the semester, going to my job, cutting out a very toxic friend out of my life, grappling with the unraveling of coming out not of my own accord to my parents, and so many other things that I didn’t even want to even start thinking about. 

At the time I felt so small and scared about everything going on around me because I felt so ill prepared for the future. I had no idea what I should be doing and how I was going to even accomplish any of the things I wanted to do. Heck. I didn’t even know if I was going to even be able to achieve any of it. 

It just all seemed so impossible and everyone else seemed to have some kind of plan for the future on what they were going to do next and excited about us all leaving. It felt like no one noticed how upset or sad I was about how our journey was coming to an end and we were all going to have to live out separate lives. Even though, that wasn’t true at all. It was still how I felt at the time and this playlist reflects all of my feelings at the time. 

PLAYLIST LINK

Prologue by Into the Woods Company

The Bells of Notre Dame by David Ogden Stiers, Tony Jay, Paul Kandel, and Chorus

Newsies by Jermey Jordan & Newsies Company

Be Prepared by Jeremey Irons, Whoopi Goldberg, Cheech Marin, and Jim Cummings

Ignite by Casey Lee Williams & Lamar Hall

I Just Can’t Wait To be King by Jason Weaver, Rowan Atkinson, and Laura Williams

Last Surprise by Lyn

I’ll Make A Man Out Of You by Donny Osmond & Chorus

Life Will Change by Lyn

Smile by Casey Lee Williams & Jeff Williams

Seasons of Warfare by Buttercup

He Lives In You by Lebo M.

Seasons of Love by RENT Company

Simple & Clean by Hikaru Utada

Evermore by Dan Stevens

It’s My Turn by Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee Williams 

Watch What Happens by Kara Lindsay

Go The Distance by Roger Bart

Breathe by Mandy & In the Heights Company

Rivers in the Desert by Lyn

Defying Gravity by Idina Menzel & Kristin Chenoweth

This Time by Jeff Williams & Casey Lee Williams

Through Heaven’s Eyes by Brian Stokes Mitchell

The Heirtors of Arcadia by Silque

We Are One by Cam Clarke, Charity Sanoy, Ladysmith Black Mambazo

This Is My Idea by Swan Princess Cast

Honor to Us All by Lea Salonga, Beth Fowler, Marni Nixon, and Chorus

This Life is Mine by Casey Lee Williams

Good Little Girl/Bad Little Boy by Adventure Time, Donald Glover, Madeline Martin, Roz Ryan

Bad Reputation by Shawn Mendes

At The Beginning by Richard Marx & Donna Lewis

I Need To Know by Melissa Lyons & Alessandro Juliani

I See The Light by Mandy Moore & Zachary Levi

A Million Dreams by Zif Zaifman, Hugh Jackman, and Michelle Williams

What Am I To You by Adventure Time, Jeremy Shada, Olivia Olson, and Hynden Watch

Call It What You Want by Taylor Swift

You Can’t Stop the Beat by Elijah Kelley, John Travolta, Queen Latifah, Nikki Blonsky, Zac Efron, Amanda Bynes

How Does A Moment Last Forever by Celine Dion

Drift Away by Cristina See

Why by Ayaka

Beneath the Mask by Lyn

Reflection by Lea Salonga

The Path to Isolation by Jeff Williams & Casey Lee Williams 

Never Enough by Loren Allred

Lost in Thoughts All Alone by AmaLee

I Won’t Say I’m in Love by Susan Egan, Cheryl Freeman, LaChanze, Vaneese Thomas, Lillias White

All Gummed Up Inside by Adventure Time, Jeremy Shada, John DiMaggio

Like To Be You by Shawn Mendes ft. Julia Micheals

You Will Be Found by Ben Platt, Kristolyn Lloyd, Will Roland, Laura Dreyfuss, and Dear Evan Hansen Cast

Show Yourself by Idina Menzel & Evan Rachel Wood

Wake up, Get up, Get out by Lyn

Days in the Sun by Beauty and the Beast Cast

All That Matters by Jeff Williams & Casey Lee Williams

Slow Dance With You by Babeo Baggins

Tightrope by Michelle Williams

The Triumph by Jeff Williams & Casey Lee Williams

#playlist #diaries #music #therapy

[mplaylistdiaries]

September 2018 PLAYLIST

PLAYLIST LINK

Explaining My Depression To My Mother by Sabrina Benaim

Arabian Nights by Will Smith

All My Friends Are Fake by Tate McRae

Superficial Love by Ruth B.

Bad Girl Online by Oktavia

Don’t you get it? I’m nothing by noiravoir

Narcissist by Avery Anna

Mother Knows Best by Donna Murphy

The Willow Maid by Erutan

Attention by Charlie Puth

Gaston by Josh Gad, Luke Evans, and Ensemble

You’re Exhausting by Beth Crowley

Life is pain, I’m in pain by _broken_smile_21

Silent Scream by Anna Blue

Gasoline by Halsey

Monster by Beth Crowley

I Can’t Carry This Anymore by Anson Seabra

Broken by Noelle Johnson

She’s An Actor by Austin Giorgio

Robin Hood by Anson Seabra

You Don’t Know by Katelyn Tarver

I Am Not Nothing by Beth Crowley

Colors of the Wind by Tori Kelly

Part of Your World by Kerry Butler

Crossing the Line by Many Moore & Eden Espinosa

Rude by Magic!

The Lamb and the Wolf by Just Another Nobody

Closer by The Chainsmokers

Amnesia by 5 Seconds of Summer

Dear God by Hunter Hayes

Impossible by James Arthur

Tears of Gold by Faouzia

Dancing In The Sky by Dannii & Liz

No Scrubs by TLC

Amorfoda by Bad Bunny

hey I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from… by jmh music

Supermarket Flowers by Ed Sheeran

How Does A Moment Last Forever by Celine Dion

She Used To Be Mine by Sara Bareilles 

I Wanna Be Like You by Fall Out Boy

Be Yourself by Spoken Word Poetry

This is how I learn to Say No by EMELINE

Dear Me by Nichole Nordeman

Journey to the Past by Liz Callaway

If I Were A Man by Abigail Barlow and Emily Bear

Trust Fund by Why Don’t We 

You Can Be King Again by Lauren Aquilina

Like My Father by Jax

All I Want by Emma Bale

The Bear Necessities by Bowling For Soup

#drowning #depression #mental health #playlist #diaries #music therapy

[mplaylistdiaries]

September 2018

Summary: I feel like I say this about almost every playlist I show you guys. But, I’m really proud of this one because because I feel the mixture of music, poetry, and AMVs that are in this playlist just showcases everything I was thinking and feeling in this moment when my life was going up in flames and I didn’t know where the ground was anymore. And, I hope that you guys enjoy this playlist. 

PLAYLIST LINK

Explaining My Depression To My Mother by Sabrina Benaim

Arabian Nights by Will Smith

All My Friends Are Fake by Tate McRae

Superficial Love by Ruth B.

Bad Girl Online by Oktavia

Don’t you get it? I’m nothing by noiravoir

Narcissist by Avery Anna

Mother Knows Best by Donna Murphy

The Willow Maid by Erutan

Attention by Charlie Puth

Gaston by Josh Gad, Luke Evans, and Ensemble

You’re Exhausting by Beth Crowley

Life is pain, I’m in pain by _broken_smile_21

Silent Scream by Anna Blue

Gasoline by Halsey

Monster by Beth Crowley

I Can’t Carry This Anymore by Anson Seabra

Broken by Noelle Johnson

She’s An Actor by Austin Giorgio

Robin Hood by Anson Seabra

You Don’t Know by Katelyn Tarver

I Am Not Nothing by Beth Crowley

Colors of the Wind by Tori Kelly

Part of Your World by Kerry Butler

Crossing the Line by Many Moore & Eden Espinosa

Rude by Magic!

The Lamb and the Wolf by Just Another Nobody

Closer by The Chainsmokers

Amnesia by 5 Seconds of Summer

Dear God by Hunter Hayes

Impossible by James Arthur

Tears of Gold by Faouzia

Dancing In The Sky by Dannii & Liz

No Scrubs by TLC

Amorfoda by Bad Bunny

hey I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from… by jmh music

Supermarket Flowers by Ed Sheeran

How Does A Moment Last Forever by Celine Dion

She Used To Be Mine by Sara Bareilles 

I Wanna Be Like You by Fall Out Boy

Be Yourself by Spoken Word Poetry

This is how I learn to Say No by EMELINE

Dear Me by Nichole Nordeman

Journey to the Past by Liz Callaway

If I Were A Man by Abigail Barlow and Emily Bear

Trust Fund by Why Don’t We 

You Can Be King Again by Lauren Aquilina

Like My Father by Jax

All I Want by Emma Bale

The Bear Necessities by Bowling For Soup

#playlist #mental health #depression

[mplaylistdiaries]

August 2018

Summary: My Senior Year. Man was I a mess. I was doing my stage management internship while writing my twenty four page research paper. Which, I had no plan for at all that year. So, I decided last minute to just do it on my favorite fairytale and just run with it. My professor had me rewrite the first half of my paper at least ten times that semester before I even got it right. And, by that point I was stressing on whether or not I was going to even be able to finish my paper. 

PLAYLIST LINK

A Thousand Years (Instrumental Cover) by The Piano Guys

There is a Reason by Konomi Suzuki

His Daughter by Molly Kate Kestner

Whiskey Lullaby by Alison Krauss & Brad Paisley

The Wisp Sings by Winter Aid

Lonely Heart by 5 Seconds of Summer

Unsteady by X Ambassadors

Demons by Imagine Dragons

Willow by Jasmine Thompson

You Say by Lauren Daigle

Youth by Daughter

God Help The Outcasts by Heidi Mollenhauer & Chorus of The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Myth by Beach House

I Found by Amber Run

Not About Angels by Birdy

Heal by Tom Odell

I’m Still Here by John Rzeznik

Believer by Lea Michele

They’re Only Human by Frank Wildhorn, Jack Murphy, and Ivan Menchell

Get Off My Back by Bryan Adams

Cello Wars by The Piano Guys

You Can’t Take Me by Bryan Adams

Meet Me On The Battlefield by SVRCINA

Piece by Piece by Kelly Clarkson

Hold On by Extreme Music

Say When by The Fray

Shine by Caroline

Whatever It Takes by Imagine Dragons

Ready As I’ll Ever Be by Varian & Cast of Tangled

Gone by Beth Crowley

Unstoppable by Sia

Nothing Left To Lose by Jeremy Jordan & Eden Espinosa

I Didn’t Ask For This by Beth Crowley

Something Wild by Lindsey Stirling 

Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson

Why Should I Worry by C.T & Becky Townsend

Lone Digger by Caravan Place 

This Day Aria by Princess Cadence and Queen Chrysalis

One Shot by Hunter Hayes

Lake Effect Kid by Fall Out Boy

Birds by Imagine Dragons

This is My Idea by Lex de Azevedo

Can’t Blame A Girl For Trying by Sabrina Carpenter

Close ft. Tove Lo by Nick Jonas

Need You Now by Lady Antebellum

Too Young by Sabrina Carpenter

Perfect by Ed Sheeran

Turning Out by AJR

Shallow by Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper

Jealous ft. Tinashe by Nick Jonas

Congratulations by Dessa

Stay by 5 Seconds of Summer

Say Something by A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera

Shatter Me ft. Lizzy Hale by Lindsey Stirling

What Is Love by V Bozeman

Watercolor eyes by Lana Del Rey

Leave a Light On by Tom Walker 

Rally Go Round by LiSA

What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts

You Are The Reason by Calum Scott

Dandelions by Ruth B.

Symphony ft. Zara Larsson by Clean Bandit

Maps by Maroon 5

When She Loved Me by Sarah McLachlan

Always Remember Us This Way by Lady Gaga

Let Her Go by Passenger

Sleeping by Secret Garden

The Night We Met by Lord Huron

Beggin’ by Maneskin

Brothers Under The Sun by Bryan Adams

Syndicate by The Fray 

Photograph by Ed Sheeran

The Call by Regina Spector

Light by Sleeping at Last

I Want Crazy by Hunter Hayes

A Thousand Years by Christina Perri

I Wouldn’t Mind by He Is We

Saturn by Sleeping at Last

Again by Yui

Enchanted by Taylor Swift

Have We Met Before by Sarah Barrios & Eric Nam

If You Love Me for Me by Julie Stevens & Mark Luna

The Gospel Truth I/II/III

Issues by Julia Michaels

Love Me Harder ft. The Weeknd by Ariana Grande

Starlight by Starset

Eastside by Benny Blanco, Halsey, and Khalid

Better Than One by The Score

Noble Maiden Fair by Peigi Barker & Emma Thompson

Man in the Mirror by Keke Palmer 

Bless The Broken Road by Rascal Flatts

I Will Always Return by Bryan Adams

Master of Tides by Lindsey Stirling

My Jolly Sailor Bold by Ashley Serena

Raising Hope by LiSA

When Will My Life Begin by Mandy Moore

I Need To Know by Cassidy Ladden

Catch The Moment by LiSA

Colorful World by Shayna Rose

No Roots by Alice Merton

#senior year #playlist #music therapy #therapy #diaries #mental health

[mplaylistdiaries]

This is my favorite panel of Yor.

[mplaylistdiaries]

[mplaylistdiaries]

Damianya's possible future development

As chapter 64 developed Anya's motivations for getting Stellas and becoming an Imperial Scholar, a goal she needed to actually see her mission as more than a mission and do it for herself. Until now, the thing she wanted the most was to have a loving family, which she already has. Plan B is essentially Loid's plan which she had by reading his mind, she didn't have a goal of her own.

This might connect with Chapter 61 (the handkerchief chapter) which made another interesting move, here Damian is the one who approaches Anya first instead of her always approaching him and recalls Anya's habits of nodding off during classes and arriving late.

There's a chance he's getting more used to his feelings (in his own way, not openly showing them because that will take some time and his love language is mostly acts of service). He's not the best at expressing them in both oral and written language but still, he's good at reading her.

If Anya gets more motivated and actually gets better grades (even if it's in baby steps), Damian will notice her change and will likely approach her first.

[mplaylistdiaries]

Everyone got their own ghosts~

[mplaylistdiaries]

A drawing about anxiety and loneliness~

[mplaylistdiaries]

July 2018

Summary: This is the month I usually go to an anime convention center with my friends, and I think this was when my friends noticed something was majorly wrong with me because I just wasn’t me around them anymore. Which, was true. I wasn’t being me around them anymore. I was still so worried about my friend who thought I was lying and questioning if it was my fault everything went wrong. Which, even though I knew logically I wasn’t. I still felt like shit about it. Plus, I was worrying about so many other things before my graduation that I didn’t even know left from right or where up from down was. So, this is really just a compilation of all of that. 

PLAYLIST LINK

Daddy Issues by The Neighborhood

Real Men by Mitski

Control by Halsey

Think Before I Talk by Astrid S

Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High? by Arctic Monkeys

Faking It by Sasha Sloan

DNA by Lia Marie Johnson

A Little Bit Stronger by Sara Evans

I Don’t Want You Back by AJ Mitchell

Air ft. Astrid by Shawn Mendes 

Fingers Crossed by Lauren Spencer Smith

Brave as a Noun by Andrew Jackson & Jihad

You Don’t Know Me by Elizabeth Gillies

Impossible by James Arthur

Art is Dead by Bo Burnham

No children by The Mountain Goats

Girl Anachronism by Dresden Dolls

God Must Hate Me by Catie Turner

Evelyn, Evelyn by Evelyn, Evelyn

Nobody by Mitski

In My Blood by Shawn Mendes

The Climb by Miley Cyrus

Stressed Out by twenty one pilots

Gasoline by Halsey

In the First Place by Chase Bryant

Wolves by Selena Gomez & Marshmello

Mercy by Shawn Mendes

Wannabe by Spice Girls

We Will Rock You by Queen

I’m Not Her by Clara Mae

Heart Attack by Demi Lovato

Lonely Eyes by Chris Young

Nervous by Shawn Mendes

Video Games by Lan Del Rey

Just My Type by Taylor Bickett

Like To Be You ft. Julia Michaels by Shawn Mendes

Hero by Sterling Knight

Breathe by Bravo

Therapy ft. Vanessa Hudgens by Andrew Garfield

Brother by Kodaline

When You’re Ready by Shawn Mendes

This Town by Niall Horan

Like I’m Gonna Lose You ft. John Legend by Meghan Trainor

Someone Like You by Adele 

Stone Cold by Demi Lovato

On My Own by Ross Lynch

Jealous by Labrinth

Ghost of You by 5 Seconds of Summer

House of Memories by Panic! At the Disco

Sorry For Writing All The Songs About You by Clara Mae

#playlist #diaries #music #anime playlist #friends #mental health

[mplaylistdiaries]

June 2018

Summary: This playlist reflects a lot of my really terrible negative thoughts and emotions during this period in time after cutting out my toxic friend from my life and involuntarily coming out to my family. Which, neither was going really well because my friend was still constantly messaging me some unsavory and colorful words because he was upset that I had ruined his chances with my best friend after she had rejected him several times and that I wasn’t responding to his messages. This was all going on while my parents were basically ignoring the fact that I had just come out to my parents. So, nothing was going particularly great at that point and all I really wanted to do was just be able to be me and figure out who that is and stop hiding things from myself and the people I cared about, but it didn’t seem like any of that was happening anytime soon.

PLAYLIST LINK

Never Coming Back by Evan Call 

Life’s Too Short by Kristen Anderson-Lopez

You’re Nothing Without Me by Gregg Edelman & James Naughton

Poor Unfortunate Souls (Cover) by annapatsu

She Used To Be Mine by Jessie Mueller

daze by MARiA

CLAY by Grace Vanderwall

Nevermore (ft. Casey Lee Williams & Adrienne Cowan) by Jeff Williams

The Voice in My Heart by Evan Call

Kokoronashi by Shang Sheng

Therru’s Song by Aoi Tejima

Bad Luck Charm by Jeff Williams

Iro Kousui by You Kamiyama (Horimya) 

The Heart’s Egg by Buono!

HISTORY HATES LOVERS by Oublaire

I Burn by Jeff Williams & Casey Lee Williams

Rust by Evan Call

Song of the Beginning by Yukari Tamura & Konomi Suzuki

Like Morning Follows Night (ft. Casey Lee Williams and Lamar Hall) by Jeff Williams

Beautiful Rain (Cover) by AirahTea 

I Can’t Lose You by Sierra Nelson

Believe In by Aira Yuki

Clearly by Grace VanderWaal

The Pale Full Moon (Cover) by AmaLee 

Armed & Ready (ft. Casey Lee Williams) by Jeff Williams

The Love That Binds Us by Evan Call

Bonds of Promise by Risa Taneda, Minori Chihara, and Yuri Yamaoka

Treasure Island by Akito Matsuda (From Sound! Euphonium, the Movie-May the Melody Reach You!)

Dango Daikazoku by Chata (From CLANNAD) 

It’s Ladybug by Lou & Lenni-Kim (Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir) 

Secret Base by Kayano Ai, Tomatsu Haruka, and Hayami Saori (From Anohana)

In Remembrance by Evan Call

Sincerely by TRUE

Dead Mom by Sophia Anne Caruso & OBC Beetlejuice Musical

Sparkle by RADWIMPS

Letter by TRUE

Friends of the Sand by Kasumi Ai

Orange by 7!! (From Your Lie in April)

Nanairo no Compass by Miyano Mamoru (From Uta no Prince-sama) 

Tabidachi no Uta by Class 3-E (From Assassination Classroom) 

Chiisana Koi no Uta by Mongol800

Ichiban no Takaramono by LiSA

Isabella’s Lullaby (Cover) by AmaLee (From Promised Neverland)

A Doll’s Beginning by Evan Call

You Will Be Okay (Cover) by Anna (From Helluva Boss) 

Fright Song by Windy Wagner

Michishirube by Minori Chihara

Violet Snow by Aira Yuuki

Resonance by Hijirikawa Mast

Wherever You Are, Wherever You May Be by Evan Call

#mental health #playlist #reflection #rejection #coming out #lgbtq

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“People like mental illness narratives, these days. But they only want to take the mentally ill in two forms: in the full, florid madnesses of their imaginations, cinematic and satisfying, or in a state of wise and frictionless “recovery,” looking back at it all with the equanimity and grace of those who have suffered and know they will never suffer again. The grubby, boring, recursive reality of chronic mental illness, the uphill scrambling for temporary and uncertain gain, does not provide the necessary dramatic satisfaction of legibility.”

— Freddie deBoer, Psychosis is Not the Absence of Consciousness