manimstarvin

[manimstarvin]

I've gained so much weight, I need to lose it back and be thin. I miss being so small, the way I was cold and shaked always. I miss being weak

[manimstarvin]

[manimstarvin]

We've been fighting a lot recently. I almost caused him to khs. He cut really deep because of me and I feel horrid. We fought all night and I got very angry because everything I said would hit him wrong. I say the wrong things when I'm angry and to stop myself from snapping on him I relapsed after 5 months of being clean. I think I'm falling back into my ED, I'm getting addicted to the hunger again.

[manimstarvin]

He's so beautiful, I love him so much

[manimstarvin]

my boyfriend kinda gay idk

[manimstarvin]

What does he see in me? He thinks I'm a girl which makes it even weirder. Because for a guy I'm okay but for a girl I'm atrocious.

I'm hairy, I'm fat, I'm short, my face is not the most fortunate, the only decent thing is my hair and my taste in music. I wear only binders so I'm flat as shit.

He's pretty, his hair's long, his body's not bad, his face is nice and he looks okay with a bit of facial hair. He's talented and mature... why did he settle for me?

I don't get what he sees for one of the most unfeminine people (obv cuz i'm trans)

I tried telling all of them from the first day but my teacher kept deadnaming me and so I just fucking gave up and figured I'd see what being a girl my age was like... guess what, same exact fucking shit except now I can pull metalhead dudes

[manimstarvin]

I like actually want to kms right now ://. I fucking broke up with my girlfriend after a bit of not wanting to be in that relationship, I somehow liked someone who has a boyfriend (even though I barely ever get crushes :/) and I hate my mom. My room is a mess. My mom isn’t a parent. She’s just someone I happen to live with. My Ed is so badly triggered atm and I’m so deep into a relapse. I just feel UGLY all the time. I’m either too thin or too fat. I can’t just be PRETTY. I feel like I don’t deserve shit. What’s the point of working on all these things and spending all this time and money and effort on vocal lessons dance lessons acting lessons if I’m not going to make a career out of preforming? I’m fucking talentless. I’m not gifted. I can’t make friends. And the one time I truly want to be friends with someone I pussy out. bro 10 months for what? I didn’t trust them. Still don’t. I feel like shit. Absolute shit. If I didn’t know better I’d actually kms. I won’t though. bye.

[manimstarvin]

I HAVE TO BE THE BEST. ALL FUCKING A’S. GET THE LEAD ROLE BE THE BEST. BE THE FUCKING BEST. IF SHE DOES BETTER THAN ME THEN WHAT AM I ? A FRAUD? I TOOK THE CLASS. SHE DIDNT. SO ALL FUCKING A’S THIS YEAR. DO BETTER. be better. Don’t be a failure.

[manimstarvin]

you've been salmonsharked reblog to salmonshark someone else

[manimstarvin]

I want weight rewards, help meeeeee

#self h@rm #ed not ed sheeran #ed vent #ed #tw ed diet

[manimstarvin]

I love smoking <3

#self h@rm #ed not ed sheeran #ed vent

[manimstarvin]

Have you ever wished you could tell someone the whole story of why you are the way you are?

[manimstarvin]

I've barely been starving and I'm at my lw, this gonna keep me going

Wanna get to at least 57

#tw ana diet #self h@rm #ed not ed sheeran #sh

[manimstarvin]

i want to cut and be pretty and bleed and take pills and vomit and burn and cry and die and just feel something

[manimstarvin]

I've stopped eating so much recently and I've lost a kg again

I've noticed that every few months i lose about 5kg and then plateau, I'll just relapse every like 3 months and I'll be skinny once and for all

#self h@rm #ed not ed sheeran #ed

[manimstarvin]

Why can't he like me :/

Do I have to be skinnier, do i have to look sick? IT SEEMS THAT WHEN IT'S OBVIOUS I'M NOT OKAY PEOPLE CARE

[manimstarvin]

Guys, please spend as much time with your friends because you never know when they'll be gone, any goodbye could be your last. Cherish your moments with them, live your life.

Last week, a friend of mine and a friend he was with were brutally stabbed midday in public, he survived but is in the hospital and she died there. It hurt so much to go to her funeral. When you hear of a funeral you expect an old person that you didn't know well, definitely not someone your age. Her mom's cries, her dad's expression, her sister's broken voice and all of our friends' tears that were shed that day broke me down, I barely cry, but seeing her destroyed me. She had her whole life before her before she got murdered.

Please, appreciate your friends and always make your days count because one day you're here and another you're gone