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my mom, dead in the middle of a conversation, slams on the breaks in the middle of a country road so she can pull over and take a picture of all these cows running for cover from the rain and adsfkjlfkdjg and thi dskfjfgj

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Astarion: Why are threesomes only for sex? Why can’t I join a couple’s argument if I want to?

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I’m going to be real right now lol

My boyfriend and I haven’t had sex yet we’re taking things slow and last night I gave him a blow job. His penis is monstrous big, like fucking huge.

How is gods name am I going to take it 😂

Also how do dudes with massive penis not walk around like they have a huge dick? He’s a golden retriever of a man but have a literal anaconda in his pants.

Like?

#penis #lol #boyfriend #I don’t know what tags to use

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But his kids are pretty rad!

Pretty sure my work best friend’s wife hates me ☹️ I’m sad! I was kinda excited to meet her.

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A Small Girl with Cat. 1889. Source.

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Various patterns and colors of Trout skin

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Pretty sure my work best friend’s wife hates me ☹️ I’m sad! I was kinda excited to meet her.

#personal bullshit #work

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Thursday the 20th.

You better believe.

We hope you've ironed your black t-shirt, found your favorite beanie, polished your golden chain. Every day for the last god knows how long, your alarm has blared you awake, you've prised your sticky eyes open, rolled out of bed, sat there staring into space for around 15 minutes, drawn back the curtains, and checked your Antonio Banderas calendar. And it was always a crushing disappointment, to compound the ordeal of waking up—sometimes, it was the 20th. Sometimes it was Thursday. From time to time it was Wednesday the 19th, or Friday the 21st, but it was never quite the money shot. Only today things are a little different—you will have completed the aforementioned morning routine and checked your calender—only today, It's Business Time. It's #thursday the 20th. Praise be! 

What makes today all the more remarkable is that its coming was foretold in an episode of The Simpsons, no less, that show with the uncanny ability to predict world events long before they actually happen. Smartwatches? The horse meat scandal? The three-eyed fish? The censoring of Michelangelo's David? Lady Gaga's Superbowl Performance? Facetime? Trump's election? The pandemic itself??

Admittedly, some of these are a little easier to vouch for than others, but it is indisputable that today's materialization of Thursday the 20th is more than a little spooky. Don't believe us? See for yourself. Sometimes, all that can be said is that the universe works in mysterious ways.

However you're spending your big day, make it count. It's only #thursday the 20th once in a blue moon, after all, but it always goes down smooth. And for some reason, unbeknownst to us, like a whisper in the breeze, today has got us thinking of another Simpsons coincidence. But perhaps some mysteries are best left unsolved.

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If u vote pls reblog :)

#6 pillows #I won’t stop buying more 😂

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