lechungie

[lechungie]

ISS BEEN AWHILE

Some updates 

This page is likely gonna have mythology from all over the world instead of just Greece 

It’ll likely even involve some fictional mythologies 

Anyway 

I does is returnethd

[lechungie]

Last part of the Greeky chronology thing, after this i’ll just write about all things Greeky until I run out of Greeky things

The 3 brothers draw lots: After the whole Titanomachy debacle, Zeus and his brothers Poseidon and Hades were debating on who gets what for their newly won domain, one of ‘em suggested they draw lots to see who gets what, and here be the results 

Zeus, either by luck of the draw or rigging the lots, drew the longest lot, earning him dominion of the sky (because of course, the guy is an ego driven sex crazed maniac) 

Poseidon drew the second longest lot, earning him dominion of the sea (where he totally wouldn’t ever do anything scummy like his brother Zeus, I say with enough sarcasm to cover Russia) 

Hades drew the shortest lot, earning him dominion of the Underworld, aaaand pretty much everything underground, including precious metals like gold and silver….pretty much making him the richest god of the 3….dass right, you probably thought Hades got the shaft by getting the Underworld, but nah, HE DOWN THERE LIVIN HIS BEST LIFE!!

#mythology #greek mythology #greek gods

[lechungie]

W A R!!!!!!

The Titanomachy: This basically was a decade long battle with the 6 Olympians fighting their relatives, the Olympians got their uncle cyclopes outta Gaia’s hole, and when the battle became a slog...all they had to do was bring in the muddafukkin Hecatonchires and it was all over, because WHY WOULD YOU NOT USE GIANT MOTHERFUCKERS WITH 100 HANDS AND 50 FUCKING HEADS GOD DAMMIT ZEUS YOU SEX CRAZED MORON….anyways, the Olympians won, the Titans got imprisoned in Tartarus (or depending on your interpretation, they got imprisoned and eventually Zeus let Kronos go so he could rule Elysium for some reason)...oh, and they screwed over the Hecatonchires and the Cyclopes, causing Gaia to issue the same curse at Zeus that Ouranos issued at Kronos, resulting not in child eating but more “Imma try everything I can to not have a child while having as many children as possible because my dick be throbbin”

#greek gods #mythology #greek mythology

[lechungie]

I got a bit tipsy around this part here, I’m sorry in advance

Kronos invents the first contraceptive: Ok so next up, Kronos hooked up with his sister Rhea, and they had the sex, and then they had the baby, a lil baby asexual by the name of Hestia. Kronos, remembering what Sky daddy said to him, decided to do the sensible, totally-not-power-hungry thing, and eat Hestia...he did that with his next 5 kids until he got to kid number 6, future serial sex freak Zeus. Rhea, realizing this situation was absolutely fucked, gave Zeus up to Gaia who gave Zeus to the Nymphs (I’m willing to bet that’s why he’s maymay big horny) in Zeus��� place, Rhea gave Kronos a god damn rock...I’m guessing Kronos was baby fasting that day because as soon as he got the rock, he just chowed down on it like Fat Albert at Golden Corral.

Anyways, the little sex offender grew up with the nymphs, learned of his heritage and decided to play hero, he visited Kronos as a cupbearer and was like “ayo fam try this, this is the good shit” Kronos accepted….and then he spewed out the kids he swallowed..AND SO BEGAN!!!!

#Mythology

[lechungie]

Part 3

The Sky Is Falling?: Kronos’ plan was, to crawl up inside Gaia (yes really) and wait for Ouranos to stop by for a bang sesh, Ouranos got REAL horny and did exactly that...right before he did the in out in out thing, Kronos reached out of Gaia’s vageen, sickle in hand, and cut his dad’s testicles off….yes...you read that correctly...he castrated the sky..after that, Ouranos was all like “Kronos you little shit, your kid’s gonna overthrow you” Kronos was unaffected until he was affected

ELSEWHERE, the severed ballsack fell into the ocean, started to foam, and out rose a nekkid love goddess by the name of Aphrodite

#mythology

[lechungie]

Part Deux

Children of the Earth and Sky: The products of Gaia and Ouranos go as follows, The 12 Titans, a buncha giant divine nudists, The Cyclopes, a buncha one eyed big bois (who were ugly), and The Hecantonchires, a buncha hundred handed fifty headed bigbois (who were also, reaaaal ugly), Ouranos got pissy because...well..y’know..Gaia, the mother of all things beautiful, gave birth to some fuglies….so he did what all fathers who don’t want children do and he shoved the Cyclopes and the Hecatonchires right back into Gaia’s womb…...safe to say Gaia did not like that, not one bit. She forged an adamant sickle and got the Titans together and told them “Y’all gotta teach your father a lesson..anyone got any ideas?” And Kronos, the youngest of the 12 titans, said “.....................mmkay I have an idea, gimme the sickle”

#mythology

[lechungie]

Greek Mythology stories described in ma own way

Creation: In the beginning, as per literally every creation myth ever, there was nothin….however, technically there was something in the form of Chaos (or Primordial Chaos), after a whole lot of nothin, Chaos spooted out Gaia, the personification of Earth and the mother of all things beautiful, Tartarus, who was literally the personification of what was basically Greek Super Hell, and finally Eros, who was the personification of LERVE (better known by his Roman bootleg name, Cupid). After those three came Erebus, the embodiment of darkness and shadows, and Nyx, the embodiment of the night, Nyx and Erebus bonked and made babies (notable ones being Thanatos and Hypnos). 

Gaia eventually decided to reproduce Lizard Style and she spooted out the personifcations of the mountains and the sea, but the only important one spooted out here is Ouranos, the personification of the sky. After probably the last asexual reproduction of Greek mythology, Ouranos and Gaia decided to go to bone zone, AND SO IT BEGINS.

#mythology