lazulisong

[lazulisong]

Every time I put on a tank top now a voice in my head yells SUCK MY ENTIRE FAT IRISH ASS AMY JEAN and I believe in my heart that somewhere Amy is screaming back FUCK YOU STOP GLOATING

#meg what is your problem #top surgery adventures #you see asshole #you fucked around and you found out #dead twin society

[lazulisong]

Ended up getting mad at my mom and sister, both high key Christian types, for saying that it was a tragedy that free will meant innocents suffered but god was in control

Meg: you realize. You realize that that makes god worse????

and I'm still mad because they pulled the "it's okay to question! God loves you and so do we!!" thing at me and like I guess it really would kill them to engage with the actual thesis I laid out

#meg what is your problem #'I know you're very angry and think --' 'right now I think you're real lucky you're across the fucking continent' #come out god I just wanna talk

[lazulisong]

NEW RULE: if your brain starts up with the "we haven't done anything why are we tired" song make a list of everything you've done today, including grooming and eating tasks.

#meg what is your problem #After about the fifteenth line item I was like .... I GUESS #chronic fatigue #chronic illness

[lazulisong]

Apparently despite taking Monday off to lie in a heap I'm at 35k steps this week that my phone has counted and also my idea of "oh well I don't really do that much" is skewed enough that I'm getting Squinted at.

Also I don't recommend arguing that you weren't REALLY sick on Monday you just chickened out because you had a visual migraine. It seems that's a valid reason to rest for a day??? Sounds fake.

#meg what is your problem #oh is THIS why my heart is doing better than jies #look compared to what i used to do

[lazulisong]

i resent how much better remembering to eat breakfast and take my pills in the morning makes me feel

#meg what is your problem #this is?? bullshit????? #take your meds

[lazulisong]

Apparently my version of tithing is willingly throwing money at artist friends -- but this quote was really important to me during the whole process of top surgery and I want to make an embroidery of it. Unfortunately I suck at lettering and design -- I can see it but I can't do it, so I thought I'd better wait for a bit and see what came up.

I got a lot more money in my tax return than I thought I would, so I hollered at my top surgery buddy who is a professional designer and they're going to do an embroidery pattern for me! I told them to go nuts for 200$ worth of their time and not to give me a discount, so I'm really excited to see what they come up with.

They were very happy I hadn't tried to do AI but I've always thought that by the time I corrected something from AI I would probably be in enough hours that I might as well take a class or hire it out so I could do the parts that I enjoy making me mad lmao.

Also it's definitely more meaningful to have R do it since we were so close together and had the same surgeon and by god im going to do this up RIGHT.

#meg what is your problem #handcrafts #embroidery #top surgery adventures

[lazulisong]

#it looks like a heap of fried eggs and I love it

I mean .... yeah but not from close up haha

Eventually it will also have a dark purple border so it should look less eggy???

The backing will mostly be this honeycomb and probably the bee floral depending on the actual size, which is very much turning out to be "bigger than I expected or wished 😭🤡😭"

I mathed it out and I am pretty sure I'm looking somewhere in the neighborhood of 1600+ tiny seams AND quilting. Send snack money.

Lard jaysus save me

I took a break yesterday because I realized I had done something that required surgery (this is post fix) and I am glad I did but this thing is going to end with me getting my stomach pumped I swear to god

#meg what is your problem #quilting #handcrafts

[lazulisong]

Lard jaysus save me

I took a break yesterday because I realized I had done something that required surgery (this is post fix) and I am glad I did but this thing is going to end with me getting my stomach pumped I swear to god

#meg what is your problem #quilting #handcrafts

[lazulisong]

1. Smoking killed my twin at the age of 40, don't fucking do it.

2. Almost 20 years after I quit I still have dreams where I'm smoking again. And they're always like "FUCK I GOTTA POST ABOUT THIS" because

3. The most useful thing I did (I did a couple of things, including smoking the fuck cheap nastiest rolling tobacco I could find to break myself of the idea that "smoking was pleasant" * and tapering down over I think two months? It was 2005 guys I don't remember the details) was telling the internet the day I quit and publicly promising to confess to starting again. Then I whooped and hollered and demanded praise for all my milepost goals -- and still do to this day, except now Oct 29 is kind ...urgh... because it was the one day Amy put up with me nagging about them quitting and obviously. That did not happen.

It's the same principle as the keychains or coins the Anon groups use tho -- something tangible to prove to yourself that you've made it so far.

4. I did in fact get interrogated about if I smoked several times during the whole process of boob removal, and I did in fact stand over Amy's grave and cast that up to them. At minimum I would have been expected to be clean of nicotine for a month before and after and I saw some sources saying 6 weeks was the absolute least amount of time their surgeons would accept.

*believe me, smoking what's swept off the processing room floor for a month makes you very clear about if you enjoy smoking or if you are addicted to nicotine

For the most part, my approach to prescribing hormones is “sure,” but I will note that the one thing I lean HARD on patients about is smoking. If you’re transgender, and you’re on hormones, the number one thing we want to protect is your cardiovascular health. That’s frankly the number one thing I want to protect in all my patients, but anyone taking exogenous hormones is at higher baseline risk. And the best thing you can do for your heart is DON’T SMOKE. It’s a bitch to quit, and I didn’t even smoke much or long before I quit in my late teens, and I STILL didn’t enjoy quitting and had smoking dreams for years. It’s harder to quit than just about anything else up to and including crack and heroin, and that’s coming from a patient of mine who recently passed in her early 60s who’d done all of those things—for years and years—but eventually was able to quit everything except smoking. And that killed her. She developed severe COPD and eventually called to say her blood oxygen saturation was dipping into the 70s, which is incompatible with life. She was lucid enough to decline medical care, including refusing to call 911 or go to the ER. A week later, after both I and one of our outreach nurses had contacted her to ask her to please go to the ER, I got a notification that she’d been found dead. She had been so frustrated that she wasn’t a candidate for a lung transplant.

One of my oldest trans patients is in her late 50s. She’s had blood clots that went to the lungs. Repeatedly. Smoking raises that risk. Estrogen raises that risk. She’s a veteran with PTSD; of course she smoked.

These aren’t theoretical. These are humans I’ve cared for over years of their lives. I have been rooting for them—my beloved former addict, who spoke without shame about her years of homelessness and drug use in the city; my queer elders, who are slowly trading in their motorcycles for power scooters. I want everyone to live their fullest, best life.

Smoking doesn’t fit into that. Please don’t smoke. I don’t want you to die like that—not now and not later. I want you to have the future that you may not be able to see yet, but exists.

Since I moved home as an out queer, word got out, and there’s a whole apartment complex of lesbians in their 60s to their 80s who come see me—sitting next to their wives in the office, nagging about blood pressure meds, tattling about not having gotten the shingles shot they said they would. To be clear, when I was growing up in town, I knew no lesbians. Not one. I knew one gay kid in my class, which eventually turned into two. We were it. To see these women living decades with their wives and being able to squabble like any couple in my office over who was supposed to bring their home blood pressure cuff in for us to check it… it means the world to me.

#meg what is your problem #smoking #dead twin society

[lazulisong]

Also comes with a pamphlet about the law of attraction in case you, a person suffering from a neurotransmitter disorder, don't already believe that every thing bad that happens is because of your innate rancid vibe.

(I was looking for habit trackers 🤡)

#meg what is your problem #I hate people #adhd #allied neurotransmitter disorders #fuck these people

[lazulisong]

Meg: why did I think this was a good idea

Amelia: you live bad and are filled with fiber hubris

#meg what is your problem #quilting #handcrafts #ITS FULL OF BEES

[lazulisong]

there's a crow out here alternating between sad baby noises and adult cawing, like "🥺Muh. Muh🥺. CAWCAWCAW"

homie what the fuck

Sorry for the blurry zoom but as u can see this motherfucker is a whole ass adult

#meg what is your problem #crows #corvids

[lazulisong]

I've decided I'm going to write a big shiny book about Commute Crafting and the text inside will be "forced productivity is the cancer of late state capitalism" over and over again.

Also I was trying to do trefoils at the local and Drunk Tim told me very solemnly like three fucking times that Quilting was a Lost Art -- and I hope the recording angel wrote down that I remembered that I only had my good fabric scissors with me before I stabbed him.

#meg what is your problem #quilting #handcrafts #I cannot lie #if I had had my paper scissors things might have gone much differently

[lazulisong]

Parents: let's do a fun photo about stepdad not having to wear braces any more

The dog: excuse me mother why is that thing not pointed at Me while someone talks about how cute I am

#what are you doing buster brown

[lazulisong]

TITLESSNESS...,SO NICE,,,,,

#meg what is your problem #top surgery adventures #life without mammaries

[lazulisong]

Fortunately I'm too broke to drink myself to death until Friday but even after spending an hour cutting hexies I'm dying

And I think I'm at 30 of 85 trefoils.

Meg, didn't you say you wanted this as a Mother's Day present

YES WHY DO YOU THINK I WANT TO DRINK MYSELF TO DEATH RIGHT NOW

#meg what is your problem #for every kofi bought I will stop crying for three seconds #handcrafts #quilting #honestly I might make it? #there is a good chance I'll be tying it at three am the Wednesday before #or possibly just texting Juli like WANNA COME PICK ME UP on Friday night

[lazulisong]

Moms Damn Quilt update: I can connect more than one trefoil at a time without having to rip twice so that's you know exciting for me

🫠

#meg what is your problem #quilting #handcrafts