laurs-journal
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Hi here is where I dump my depression read at own risk23she/her
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I know my mom loves me.
Just like how I know she doesn’t like me.
When I come home to visit she’s excited and happy. (Until my newness wears off)
But, when that happens, of course it’s my fault . I’m bitchy, I’m mean, if I cry or yell back, it’s my fault, I’m emotional.
Emotional, I’ve been called that my whole life, tears have always come as second nature to me after all.
She doesn’t even have to yell, when she talks to me like that I immediately tense,, get defensive. I’m afraid she will grab me by the hair like she did when I was little, I’m afraid she’ll hit me.
She never left marks, and only did it if I lied or fought with my little brother too much.
I feel like I I don’t deserve to be hurt, be mad, but I am. I’m tired. I want here to love me all the time. Especially when I fuck up… I hate her
But more than that I hate myself cause I can’t hate her.
#tw child abuse#trauma dump#why am i like this#mommy issues#parent issues#maybe?#idk anymore#it’s me#my shit#screaming into the abyss#rambling
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suzanne collins killing prim after everything katniss did to save her.......... THATS how you write a story about the brutality and futility of war ma'am thats what we call a compelling and fucked up narrative yessums thats storytelling babes!!!!
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30 possible Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood character results because I have no self control when it comes to quizzes!
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you may notice i use the phrase "my beloved" frequently. this is because i am in love with the world and everything in it. hope this clears things up <3
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The FMAB brain rot is so bad rn😭
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I closed my eyes too long and now the room’s spinning- me
It’s so pretty it reminds me of bob ross - my roommate
#i’m really high#right now#I’ve never smoked alone#thank god for autocorrect#my rambles#rambling#my ramblings#I can’t spell
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Like it 2023 and I’m 22 how have I never had an internet friend
Literally how do people make friends online like
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When I put a utensil in my non dominant hand and loosss all coordination
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I shout, I scream, I whisper
I make jokes about wanting to die, but they're just jokes right?
It's only that I don't want to exist.
I make jokes that my mother loves my brother more.
The response I get is "well you know what you're like to live with."
My brother jokes that both our parents love him more.
Some days I can convince myself that he's wrong.
I know I need help,
But I feel like a fraud as soon as I ask.
I am perfect
I am cruel
I am kind
I am flawed
I just want to stop feeling this way.
I want to feel happy and not wonder how long it'll last.
I want to feel like I have a purpose.
I want to feel loved.
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I made this tarot cheat sheet after being inspired on tiktok <3 I hope this can help anyone who needs it!
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I have been at this over an hour now and I just realized that one of the fics I downloaded is over eight years old and I was reading it before it was completed
Not me panicking at 11pm and going to ff.net (which I have not longed into in a hot minute) to search for fics from when I was 14 cause I’m emotionally attached to them now and I’m scared of losing them✌️
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Not me panicking at 11pm and going to ff.net (which I have not longed into in a hot minute) to search for fics from when I was 14 cause I’m emotionally attached to them now and I’m scared of losing them✌️
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