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I left this baby size chart in a Babies R Us.

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#fetus

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You have to eat what's on your plate

A different normal

Two years ago I finished active treatment. People often assume that end of active treatment means all better, move on and get back to normal. That’s not the case. Treatment fucks you up and with cancers receptive to hormones, hormone therapy causes its own issues. For me the combination of it all has left me with serious chronic pain and fatigue.

The hardest part of my journey since finishing active treatment, has been accepting my new normal as being very different from what I believed it was going be.

Due to pain and fatigue I had to give up on working and studying as a public health nurse. Studying was such a large part of my life pre cancer and a large part of my identity; giving it up was crushing. I felt defeated by cancer because it had taken away so much of what defined me as me.

I was very low and grieving this loss. In January I realised how low I was and the impact it had all had, when I woke up from a nap screaming out loud “I want my life back.” This was a defining moment for me. I could not go back, I could only move forward.

I decided to give my mood a few weeks to start to improve and if it didn’t I would have a chat to my GP. My mood did improve. Slowly. Recovery is never a straight line and I still have dips where I struggle with my physical limitations.

However good things have happened and are happening as well. I started seeing some one new, Cassie. I had, when we started seeing each other, two other relationships. I’m poly and this work well for me. It makes me happy.

It was clear from the start that, despite the 13 year age gap, that we had a lot in common. Our values are the same,we have a similar sense of humour, a love of music and more besides.

Prior to meeting Cassie I was adamant that I would never live with anyone ever again. However Cassie is different. To be honest we are both pretty ‘different’ and perhaps its this which has bought us closer together. Cassie makes me ridiculously happy, brings out the best in me, accepts me, my faults and querks. I cant believe how lucky I am.

Life goes on and as such I planned to return to nursing. My body however isn’t up for this and I’m ok with that now. I have new plans, new dreams and hopes for the future, that I’m working on bringing to fruition. The Dutch have a saying ‘you have to eat what’s on your plate’. I think it means you need to make the most of what you have. It’s been a long process but I with celebrating being two years NED, I’m also celebrating all the positive things in my life and the ability to make the most of them.

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For a number of years, investigators have reported  stress or trauma-related symptoms such as avoidant behaviors, intrusive thoughts, and heightened arousal in survivors of cancer.[1-4]  These symptoms resemble those seen in persons who have experienced traumatic events   such as military combat, violent personal assault (e.g., rape), natural disasters,  or other threats to life and are referred to collectively as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).[5-10] Acute stress disorder (ASD) is a Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) condition with a profile similar to that of PTSD but a shorter time to onset, within 4 weeks of a traumatic event.  

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#traumatic events #breast cancer #ptsd

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#breast cancer #ptsd

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Yeah, but he was actually Castiel's responsibility because Cas brought him and knew there was something wrong with him.

soulless sam: [lets dean get physically assaulted and gets dean turned into a vampire on purpose without knowing whether or not a cure will actually work] dean: i really don’t wanna hang out with the guy. bobby: don’t be a fucking baby he’s your responsibility soulless sam: [tries to kill bobby] bobby: i’d rather not hang out with the guy

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If you’re struggling, you deserve to make self-care a priority. Whether that means lying in bed all day, eating comfort food, putting off homework, crying, sleeping, rescheduling plans, finding an escape through a good book, watching your favorite tv show, or doing nothing at all — give yourself permission to put your healing first. Quiet the voice telling you to do more and be more, and today, whatever you do, let it be enough. Feel your feelings, breathe, and be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can to cope and survive. And trust that during this time of struggle, it’s enough.

Daniell Koepke (via wordsnquotes)

#breastcancer #self care

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Hey, I was drawn to your blog by your profile picture, It looks just like me right now as I'm currently in the testing phase for breast cancer and the biopsy has left me with an awful bruise. I'm 17 years old and working towards getting into university, the likelihood of me having breast cancer is very strong and I'm awaiting my results any day now. I was wondering how you managed to get through all this and if there's any tips you could pass on to me or anyone else in my position, thanks :)

Honey, I’m sorry. That is such a tough place to be. Waiting on tests is rough. I hope your biopsy comes back negative, but if it doesn’t ... just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I never once thought cancer would kill me, but surviving it is hard work. It’s overwhelming at first. Just do whatever has to be done that day. 

There are different kinds of cancer, and the treatments are different. I have a friend who had surgery, but she didn’t have to have chemo or radiation. My cousin had another, which required different chemo from what I got. 

Take care of yourself and let others care for you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. People will want to help but they won’t know how so let them know. I wanted to sit on the porch and read so I put a post on facebook that I wanted a lounge chair and within two hours a former co-worker had dropped on off for me. That may not seem like much, but trust me every little kindness matters. Do what you can for yourself, but accept help.

Eat well. Make every calorie count. If you have to have chemo -- and you may not -- your appetite will likely be affected. I didn’t get nauseous but I did get acid reflux. I ate small amounts often -- Greek yogurt even baby food. Smoothies are good -- gets some veggies in there. Beets make them an appetizing fuchsia color ;) But remember, if you’re getting chemo, your immune system is compromised so be very careful with raw fruits and vegetables that they are cleaned thoroughly.

Drink lots of water, if you get chemo. Flush that out of your system. A friend who had been through this before me advised me to get IV fluids the day after and it did help. Get a lot of rest. 

Coconut oil is your friend. Chemo can dry you out, and coconut oil is a great moisturizer for lips, nails, skin ... anywhere really.

Most important, remember that everyone is different. How your body reacts will be different from mine or others, and different people handle the journey differently. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. Feel free to message me anytime. 

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I got my last Herceptin treatment today. This is it -- the end of treatment, after chemo and surgery and radiation and Herceptin. Seventeen months. Wrap it up and put a bow on it. Just felt like I should mention it. There. Going to bed now. 

#HER-2 #herceptin #breast cancer #I'm knackered

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And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.

Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore (via thequotejournals)

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so I had my second to last Herceptin treatment yesterday, and I can’t seem to get warm today, my fingers do’t want to work right, I’m getting achey, words hide in my head

so glad there’s just one more in threee weeks, maybe I can start to really heal then

a little scary too though finishing up this very intensive 18 months of treatment and facing the future

#breast cancer #herceptin #recovery #survival

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We got into selling the pain creams first. Those are mass produced, but Lee tried it and it worked so well on his back injury that he's no longer taking prescription meds. I use the hand foot cream for neuropathy from the chemo. People who have tried this stuff, love it. It's great for joint and muscle aches, arthritis, bursitis, sprains, and cramps. The lotions came about when I was getting radiation treatments and one of my oncologists suggested putting coconut oil on the injured skin. Lee and I came up with a lotion that included essential oils, vitamins, aloe, colloidal silver and chamomile that worked so well we decided to package and sell it. We've gotten great feedback from those who tried it. My friend, Lyn, makes the LynMade soaps. I always use the laundry soap. The jars don't look very big, but it just takes a rounded teaspoon per load. It's very gentle on clothes and doesn't leave residue behind that irritates skin. I have a dear friend, Jennifer, who has been making Sunflower Sundries soaps for 20 years. They are wonderful! We use them ourselves in part because Lee has really sensitive skin, and her soaps are incredibly gentle as well as smelling great. The bars are so big, I cut them in half with a kitchen knife. They come in lots of wonderful scents. So that's my spiel...

Hey y’all! I make these really luxurious lotions with organic coconut and olive oils, aloe vera, green tea and essentials oils. I have friends who make the natural bath and laundry soaps. For those of you who have muscle or joint aches, arthritis or other body aches, there’s a great line of pain relief lotions.

And I’ve got a big sale going on through the 4th of July!

Shop YourBest Self Care

#breast cancer #organic lotion #pain cream #radiation treatment #chemo #neuropathy #YourBest Self Care #Sunflower Sundries #LynMade #RealTime Pain Relief #just tryin' to get by #help a survivor out

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Hey y’all! I make these really luxurious lotions with organic coconut and olive oils, aloe vera, green tea and essentials oils. I have friends who make the natural bath and laundry soaps. For those of you who have muscle or joint aches, arthritis or other body aches, there’s a great line of pain relief lotions.

And I’ve got a big sale going on through the 4th of July!

Shop YourBest Self Care

#pain relief #organic lotion #skin care #handmade #YourBest Self Care #LynMade #Sunflower Sundries #RealTime Pain Relief #natural soap #help a cancer survivor out ppl

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I have another herceptin treatment today. It seems silly after everything -- chemo and mastectomy and radiation -- to whine about it. It just gets old. I want my life back. I want to be able to move on. Every time I get a treatment, it's a setback. Two steps forward, one step back. I feel like I'm treading water, and I'm tired.

#cancer #breast cancer #herceptin

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I’m so fucking tired. I want to just go back to bed, but I have to go to work and go through the motions again. Three more days of radiation, but how long will it take to get any energy back? I slept through most of the weekend and it did nothing to make me feel more rested. Likely to get worse before it gets better.

#cancer #breast cancer #HER2 #radiation therapy #wah wah wah

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Thank you for you continued support, my friend

Sorry for the terrible quality of this pic, but it gives you an idea of day 24 of radiation treatment. This is the worst of the burns so far, but the area extends from the middle of my chest back over my shoulder because it burns straight through. I’ll likely have lung damage.

The positive on this is that I have a relatively large area that has no feeling from the mastectomy surgery so most of the pain is at the back of this burn and up over my collar bone.

I have six more days. I’m just exhausted. It’s kicking my ass. Last night, I went to bed before 8 p.m., so I could get up and go to work today. I have three days of sick time built up again, but I don’t want to use them unless I absolutely have to.

I also had a herceptin treatment yesterday. That’s an IV drug that targets the type of cancer I had and should prevent it from returning. I take that once every three weeks for a year, I started that in November.

Much as I’d like to go back to bed. I’m going to go get ready for work.

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Sorry for the terrible quality of this pic, but it gives you an idea of day 24 of radiation treatment. This is the worst of the burns so far, but the area extends from the middle of my chest back over my shoulder because it burns straight through. I’ll likely have lung damage.

The positive on this is that I have a relatively large area that has no feeling from the mastectomy surgery so most of the pain is at the back of this burn and up over my collar bone.

I have six more days. I’m just exhausted. It’s kicking my ass. Last night, I went to bed before 8 p.m., so I could get up and go to work today. I have three days of sick time built up again, but I don’t want to use them unless I absolutely have to.

I also had a herceptin treatment yesterday. That’s an IV drug that targets the type of cancer I had and should prevent it from returning. I take that once every three weeks for a year, I started that in November.

Much as I’d like to go back to bed. I’m going to go get ready for work.

#radiation treatment #cancer #herceptin #HER2 #fuck this shit #if the treatment doesn't kill you