jamilaisbeautiful

[jamilaisbeautiful]

#levelupchallenge #gainexperience #blessed #thankgodforeverything #birthdayconcert #embraceyourself so this Year decided to try and go with the flow. I participated in the World Music Day as a birthday gift to myself( and due to my beloved friends and family’s encouragement). Maybe showcase a little bit of what I am blessed with. God’s gift to my thru music. Still in awe in being chosen to present today despite the many who also sent in their presentations. Thank God for the love of my family and friends (friends turned family, colleagues and many others!!its overwhelming) who continously support me in what I can do. It truly is a Happy, birthday for me. Ticking one off my #bucketlist and leaning towards living a #happylife #37yearsyoung https://www.instagram.com/p/CQZPI8YnrHUNw8GjB6XS6dB_lcqNxE0eT1ExOs0/?utm_medium=tumblr

#levelupchallenge #gainexperience #blessed #thankgodforeverything #birthdayconcert #embraceyourself #bucketlist #happylife #37yearsyoung

[jamilaisbeautiful]

Amazing how God sends His love and grace thru people, truly I am blessed to be #spoiled by these celeb-fab friends of mine!We celebrated our birthdays today coz we never know what 2020 is gonna bring... ahaha this is what #covid19 did for us! 😂🤣🙏 i enjoyed the 🌜evening and the food🥢🥂🍷🎂🍱🍣🍤🥣 🥰🥰😍 until the next one!!❤️❤️❤️❤️ #titasofRiyadh #goodtimes #treasuredmoments #TPTfamilymoments (ahahah maipilit lng na family din ako love yah!) #JapaneseCuisine #asianfoodie #coffeemoments (at Irori.Sa) https://www.instagram.com/p/CCyz-GbnekFMqA7I6a-iJiX0xUtpkszFFuV44w0/?igshid=1vyeskllx1d7u

#spoiled #covid19 #titasofriyadh #goodtimes #treasuredmoments #tptfamilymoments #japanesecuisine #asianfoodie #coffeemoments

[jamilaisbeautiful]

#LSS so real. All my Friends by Aj Mitchell cover. https://www.instagram.com/p/B1mbuMLHTnAH9_y_vbBBodQLrBrojBuzl0hFsE0/?igshid=153phy668fibs

#lss

[jamilaisbeautiful]

Reminds me of His promise to me. #trust #Gospelfortoday “Jesus turned around and saw her, and said, "Courage, daughter! Your faith has saved you." And from that hour the woman was cured.”Matthew9,18-26 https://www.instagram.com/p/BzpJzCwn6_1cecEMWveCvCciCQPXwt0fisk-gE0/?igshid=2b3gez69w75u

#trust #gospelfortoday

[jamilaisbeautiful]

Hidden Pains

One of the things I have learned in 2018, is that the Physical pains I have is not obvious to the naked eyes. Most of my pain is only felt. Very much like my love for certain people. It is not seen but felt only by those who go thru the same thing I do.

[jamilaisbeautiful]

I love how the weekend can be so peaceful. Despite me being sick physically, I can feel His presence in my life. It is just my sad excuse of feeling unworthy that keeps on getting in the way of me hearing Him.

[jamilaisbeautiful]

19 October.

A date I may never forget.

Two special people left a big gap in my heart. The news came unexpectedly. I couldn't stop the tears, my heart is in so much pain. I didn't know that the a heartache could be manifested physically. I saw my post last year for my Aunt's death. Now Lalang. Shella, girl, I hoped I made you feel loved and told you how grateful I am to have met you. You were an inspiration to me to follow my dreams, you're positive attitude and contagious laugh makes me believe in love and life. Your generous and giving heart is one of the things you freely give. Too much emotions.

#barelycoping

[jamilaisbeautiful]

Today would've been your birthday. As I try my hardest to hold back the tears, I just cant help but remember all the good things you did for us, and how you were such a beautiful example of being a missionary. I still miss you Anty Gloria. WE ALL MISS YOU SO MUCH. 🎂Happy Birthday to you there in heaven. 😢#auntieangel #sorry #missyou

#auntieangel #missyou #sorry

[jamilaisbeautiful]

7 December 2017 sky Cloud - Sky, Blurred Motion, Outdoors, Sky, Be. Ready., Phone Photography, Nofilters Naturebeautiful Amazing [ by jamila f. on EyeEm

#Cloud-Sky #BlurredMotion #Outdoors #Sky #Be.Ready. #PhonePhotography #NofiltersNaturebeautifulAmazing[

[jamilaisbeautiful]

Heart crushed 3 December 2017

Heart crushed 3 DECEMBER2017

So it was that time of the year where in, hearts are out in my sleeves, and there he is, once again, ignoring, and jokingly rejecting my request.

I knew this day would come, I think I was too naïve to believe, that his eyes. His eyes and body language speaks to my soul, but there are no words.  Our eyes locked, it compares to the moment I felt love.  It feels so real, it touches the heart, moves my soul, and brings joy to my heart that hid from darkness.  That happiness replaced with the crushing sound of my heart underneath the soles of his shoes, with back turned, and eyes looking away.  His words, his actions says otherwise from the times, happiness and possibly love rocked my world.  Tears wont come down, until you see, with your own eyes, a simple post of him and the once love he totally said he had nothing on, no feelings.   There it is forever posted, for everyone to see.  No one knows but me.  He talks to me in secret about, his life, his aspirations, his problems, and yet when together, we ignore each other. Or Rather, sad but true he ignores me, and does not acknowledge my very existence.  How is it so true, and painful I have to add, that the person you thought gave you strength, would be the one to break your heart.  How is it possible, that every effort, you put through for that person, seems to be wasted on, and yet I continue to think it is still love.  He comes to me in times of need, asks me to be with him, and yet when I ask him to be there for me, I am left alone in the shadows of my own fears and doubts,, left alone to rise from pain by myself.  He attempts to help, but then can’t, or rather won’t come to my aid, for reasons I do not understand.  Is it possible, that I have no heart?  Is it possible he sees I am too strong that I do not need any help.  I just wonder,  how can he not see the longing in my eyes when I see him?  How can he not see that the mere touch, the mere presence he has in my life, at that very moment, is special.  He is special.  Aren’t my actions enough? Aren’t my words enough? Does my smile not even reveal that love I have for him? Does my eyes not show, that I wait for him? That I am slowly drowning in my own tears?  Isn’t my support enough that even after all, I have given, I am still. Neglected by the very person I have given everything to?

I never wanted his attention in the first place, I knew I loved, yes loved, and not even like this person.  The look I got from his eyes reveals love beyond words.  When I close my eyes, I can still see his eyes piercing through my soul, even making me smile even with all this going on in real life. My heart, though it pumps ever so fast because of my condition, it slows down when I think of him. My soul breaks into tiny pieces, and all I have left is to give them to God.  He is the only thing I can cling to that is real and won’t let me go, He is faithful.  It is with so much emotion, sadness really, that the look, and smile that once made my heart glad, now makes my heart, crushed. Now when I see him, I don’t know if I can hide the sadness, nor hold my tears that may fall when I lock eyes with him again. Nobody knew about what we had, because he made sure it would be kept that way.  The only thing I can do now, is hope and pray that someday, I would find that love again.  Hopefully better than the last time, and hopefully the last because it would be perfect from Him. But now, my heart is crushed, and I am expected to move forward.  So forward I shall go, taking my pieces, and showing my scars, hoping that the next love I would find is eventually the last.

the only thing left to do. Is look up.

[jamilaisbeautiful]

2December2017They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much as I'm missing you right now Edna St. Vincent Millay longing, love, missing, sadness Night, Blurred Motion, Sky, Outdoors, Cloud - Sky by jamila f. on EyeEm

#Night #BlurredMotion #Sky #Outdoors #Cloud-Sky

[jamilaisbeautiful]

jamilaganda "From early morning to late at night, it's such an interesting life, and I'm healthy and free, and that's not so easy with a family. Olav Thon" This morning to this evening. hay #skylove #phonephotography #clouds #sun #moon #love dearCrush. by jamila f. on EyeEm

[jamilaisbeautiful]

Be. Ready., night skylove Outdoors, Cloud - Sky, Nature, Night by jamila f. on EyeEm

#Be.Ready. #Outdoors #Cloud-Sky #Nature #Night

[jamilaisbeautiful]

look up. Marriot Hotel interior Atrium Cafe Indoors , Phone Photography, Coffee ☕, Friendship, Photojournalism, Seeyousoonnotgoodbye, Architecture by jamila f. on EyeEm

#Indoors #PhonePhotography #Coffee☕ #Friendship #Photojournalism #Seeyousoonnotgoodbye #Architecture

[jamilaisbeautiful]

His Divine Will Introduced to Me 25 November 2017

WE all have our days, where we feel like the things we do best are the things we offer God.  The only thing we can offer is ourselves and the time we “think”and “approve” of is what God wants for us. 

God also His time where in He reveals His message in the most profound and strangest times in our lives.  It is at times we are so caught up in the hype of the world where we forget, that the things we think we do for the Lord has already loss its purpose.  Last Saturday, I was reminded of that by the words of one of people who influenced me the most, and that is Tito C. Mina.  Sometime ago, I rmember asking God to reveal His message, and through time, I developed everything I can for the Lord, responded to His request, and yet, there was something still bothering me.  Last night I am privileged to have heard those words straight from God thru Him.  I feel blessed that despite what other people thought of that message being irrelevant, untimely, it is in fact God’s time.  We have given up so much time we have for God. Always following His will but in our conditions, and that time, was the best time, everyone was caught off-guard, and yet His message has remained resounding so loud in my heart that I am overwhelmed so much longingness and love from our God.

I know we all have our opinions on what kind of sinners we are, and that we are often forgiven, but I am always reminded, that because of us being alert and aware of what we do and the responsibilities He has given us and anointed us is also something we have to be careful about.  Our actions, our words are the character we have built for ourselves.  It is our response to His call that remains.  The way our flock responses is also an expression of what kind of leadership you have.  We say we don’t want to be like sheep just merely following the leader, and yet here we are so good in manipulating everyone around us to do our will, but we always say for God.  We have to be vigilant in choosing the words we say, I know and I always say I am not perfect, because I know that I am not, but everyday is a blissful struggle to please Him.  Most of the things I know and love to do is something that I know the Lord has instilled in me.  Mistakes, failures, pain are all part of an elaborate plan to humble me, to teach me WHAT NOT TO DO.  Most of the time, we think we all do everything for Him, but really how do you know how deep your love is for God? No one else can tell you, but Him.  All these are felt through the Holy Spirit, everything is at Peace.  For God is a God of order, our emotions, desires (especially for the worldy lures) always results in temporary happiness and emptiness, the ultimate ingredients to CHAOS.  Our God has given us these leaders because He knows they are the most passionate, committed and the most sinful.  When Jesus assigned His disciples, He made sure that those disciples are those who have been mooulded strong enough to withstand all of those hateful, painful words the world will continue to offer.  The leader’s conviction, commitment, and desire to become better is the reason we are all obeying His will. When manipulation is present and encountered, the only thing we can really do, since it’s the right thing, is to pray.  Pray our hardest for those who have intentionally, shut their ears into listening to His word.  It may not be this time, but someday, they will get the message, but in the most difficult time of their lives.  God is a forgiving God, but he does have some rage that is and will be shown in the most silent way possible, but it will rock our worlds.

At the moment I only desire to follow what I hear Him say.  I have heard Him call my name so loud that it scares me, it scares me, how I tried to deny Him, and how hard I hide from Him.  But He brought the message to me, as broad as daylight.  The only thing clear to me now, is for me to pray.  Pray for those people who have hurt me the most, for those who deliberately destroy what He has worked on so hard, only to crush them by manipulation for His name.  It is sad, how His name is being used in vain. But the Lord is a God of order.  Someday, when it will be revealed to Him, I pray that the people that was influenced, the thing I am thankful for however, is that these kinds of people help me get back on track, and care more and love more.  But for now, Lord God, Creator of Heaven and Earth and Lord Jesus, Mama Mary, and St. Loiusa, please pray for our salvation. Pray for us to see, hear, Speak God’s will in our lives.

[jamilaisbeautiful]

Be. Ready., see things from a different perspective. by jamila f. on EyeEm

#Be.Ready.

[jamilaisbeautiful]

The Madonna and Child at the Manila Spirituality, Architecture, Familyvacationphotos, Place Of Worship, Religious , Intramuros,manila, Cathedral, History by jamila f. on EyeEm

#Spirituality #Architecture #Familyvacationphotos #PlaceOfWorship #Religious #Intramuros #manila #Cathedral #History