imextremelysilly

[imextremelysilly]

i beg yahweh for an explanation on why I was chosen for such terrible luck i am a filthy agonizing rat and i infect everyone around me because I am not normal I don't know what exactly but something is definitely wrong and it's embarrassing

im scared he's gonna leave me

by ghosting me or sending me a message ending the friendship

please don't happen i will pray i will do anything i will give up the comfort of my skin to make sure we end up okay i care about him so much I'm so sorry

[imextremelysilly]

I have reached a point where i genuinely do not see a reason to keep going

because the poor victim of my obsession wants space from me and he still wanted to talk and say hi when passing by but no hanging out and I understand why but I'm so miserable over him and today it felt really awkward we barely acknowledged each other when passing by I think he's avoiding me and he's talking like we used to with other people and I can't handle it I can't handle this I don't know when he'll return this is so pathetic because this isn't his fault he doesn't deserve to have someone crying nearly every day because of him I hate obsession

[imextremelysilly]

what you don’t realize is that if i get “embarrassed,” my first thought is “kill yourself.” i’m not like.. “oh haha silly me my mistake..” NOPE.. my initial reaction is “i deserve to rot in hell.”

[imextremelysilly]

ohh I take it all back he does not like me he has stopped caring about me and what's awful is I *knew* he would stop caring at some point in the year, not because of anything that would specifically happen but because that's how he is, his will to pay attention to people can fluctuate and I knew as he was being so sweet and patient with me that it would go away at some point and to enjoy it while it lasts and it's gone he's back to his silence and lack of acknowledgement shown towards me I do not know how to talk to him I wish we would laugh and hug again

and I knew it was coming but it still fucking hurts so much, I'm so pathetically obsessed and its with the one person I can't communicate with properly to save my life

everyone else can speak normal conversations and don't give boring responses like I do so he talks to everyone but me because I cannot talk and I am a terrible person because I begin to loathe the thought of him but I love him (platonically) and I always cry because I realize who I'm thinking about this of, i do not hate you you matter most to me but this sudden change in demeanor around me pains me so bad I want it all to end

I hate obsession

my friendships are falling apart

[imextremelysilly]

When my FP does something slightly different than before, it shouldn’t be such a big deal. But it is.

I notice EVERY SINGLE TIME.

[imextremelysilly]

God I don't want to traumatize the kindest person in my life but sometimes people just can't be fixed and nothing is working and I don't know how I could ever feel better. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. And if I relapse by cutting I'll be letting her down and going to hospital would have been for nothing but I don't know any other way to survive feeling like this

[imextremelysilly]

he is so nice to me and patient and I know it's not for super genuine reasons but he's there for me and he is amazing and I want to hug him forever and I'm such a nasty person because when he's slightly off this day not talking to me I take it as an attack as a way of him saying he despises me and what I've done and how I am and I was so upset and everything i wanted it to fucking destroy and the moment we actually start talking like normal all the guilt smacks me because wow I am such a sensitive fucking loser

I will never see how people manage to be kind to me, I have never known someone more pathetic than I am

this is stupid

[imextremelysilly]

im losing my mind i feel like everything is drifting away from me and i want the causers of my agony to burn and sob and i hate myself for wishing this upon those people

i dont know why i do this im an awful person

[imextremelysilly]

having a “favorite person” is so glorified and sounds lovely until you uncover the horrendous attachment issues and instability

i wish people could understand how painful of a curse it is

[imextremelysilly]

I want you to feel the pain I feel because of you, I want you to hurt the way you're making me hurt.

[imextremelysilly]

i’ve been feeing so ashamed of my mental health recently. like i’m embarrassed about it.

[imextremelysilly]

i can't go on like this anymore

i can't do this

i need help

maybe then I'll be forgiven for being such a bummer to be around

[imextremelysilly]

im about to sob for the 3rd god damn time this day i cant do this anymore i hate it i hate myself i hate being ignored i hate feeling invisible i hate when you don't communicate with me i hate life i want this to be done this is the cruelest fucking nightmare and i JUST

WANT IT TO BE OVER

MY GOD

please stop ignoring me

please see me tomorrow and tell me everything just communicate with me i want to hug you forever i want to know our friendship is going to be okay

[imextremelysilly]

don't you dare ignore me

stop fucking do that stop ignoring my questions or my apologies stop it stop it

im gonna fuckingend everything tonight i ruin everything and he hates me now he wants nothing to do with me why do i do this to myself

[imextremelysilly]

one of the reasons i’m still alive is because i love my cats

[imextremelysilly]

hii I'm Jenny, i go by they/them

this account is for when i feel like ass, in just putting an intro so people dont think im a bot since I'll mostly just be liking stuff