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ikigai-eris · 3 years

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What I learned during one year of online school, and what another year may look like

Just some raw facts

first and foremost, pay attention in class, or at least try to. I spent the majority of my classes browsing through meaningless memes on Pinterest or chatting with my friends, and I regretted it as soon as exams came around.

try doing something physical doing your class, as this reduces the chances of you drifting off and/or losing focus (I personally chose to doodle mindlessly, nothing that involved too much brain power and focus)

all your organization systems fail you

and finding a planning system takes months, but once you find it, STICK TO IT. mine was a hybrid weekly and daily planner with absolutely no other spreads (except a separate calendar). efficient and less time-consuming to make.

you feel motivated in random bursts and will plan out the entirety of your remaining year and then forget about that plan the next day

routines seem appealing as you try to get your life together from the ever-increasing slumps but then your realize they just make everything even more monotonous that they already are

sticky notes are the shit. like seriously. I had sticky notes in my textbooks, past papers, study notes, and even other sticky notes. they’re versatile and a great way to jot down information quickly and right on top of where you want it (a paragraph on your textbook, for examples)

do not rely on just your textbooks, especially since it’s 10 times harder to ask for help (and by the time you get around to meeting your teacher, you might actually forget about it). ask anyone around you for help – friends, family – and use all the resources you have.

online learning resources are astronomically underrated. while I was struggling in multiple subjects all by myself, I decided to expand the resources I used for studying. My favourites through my senior year were:

OpenStax (FREE textbooks on a variety of subjects groups, by Rice University)

Khan Academy (need I say more?)

Crash Course on youtube, especially for AP Exams (I’m not a part of the US education system btw, and the resources I’m mentioning are applicable to everything)

online pdf versions of textbooks

tons of youtube channels (too many to list here,)

use your phone/computer’s night light. trust me it works wonders. plus, it’s cheaper than blue light glasses if you already own a phone/computer (most have it built in). also known as a blue light filter/yellow light.

a little bit of gratitude each week will help you keep your sanity (coming from a former skeptic)

sleepless nights will be common, especially with all the screen time, but you’ll learn to live with that.

and mental health will just go down the drain

but it will all be okay

you get both your grades and confidence high

i speak from experience

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ikigai-eris · 3 years

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my masterpost | my studygram | ask me anything

[click images for high quality]

[transcript under the cut]

Other advice posts that may be of interest:

How To Study When You Really Don’t Want To

Active Revision Techniques

How To Do Uni Readings

How to Revise BIG Subjects

Keep reading

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ikigai-eris · 3 years

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nobody. pt 1

summary: you just broke up with Johnny, and he seems to be everywhere.

words: less than 900

inspired by “nobody” by mitsky, but not that much.

tags: pure angst to be honest. i’m sorry

READ PART TWO HERE

Your alarm went off at the usual time, very early in the morning. You found yourself hugging your pillow and feeling cold, sighing out loud you got out of bed and went straight to the bathroom, not without first grabbing your toothbrush so you could get some extra minutes brushing your teeth in the shower. When you opened your drawer to grab it, his toothbrush was still there. Of course you forgot to dump it but whatever, closing it with more force than need it you started to shower. His shampoo was there too, so you turned around, trying to ignore the pain in your chest.

Once you were woke enough you decided it was time to get out the shower and start getting ready to go to work. You had an outfit in mind for today, mostly black, so you started to go through your clothes hanger by hanger. How many of his shirts you had? As soon you arrive home you were going to throw everything but now you were in a hurry, and while doing your make up you looked yourself in the eyes. They were red, and you had some serious eye bags. The break up was very recent, but there was nothing to do about it, time and work were too harsh on your love, and fighting for it didn’t seem worth it at that time, neither it does now but it made you think. Would you ever be loved again? With all your flaws? He never seemed to mind any of it, in fact he always told you he loved you with all your flaws because they made you real, and you were his, and there wasn’t anything more perfect than you. You will never find another Johnny and you had to live with it. Maybe in another time, another life, who knows how destiny works.

When you finished you rushed to the kitchen to have breakfast but the time was against you, so you decided to have breakfast in the way, maybe buy a coffee and something sweet. Mindlessly grabbing your keys you noticed they were a little heavier so you looked at them, of course, you grabbed his, when he left he left everything and of course he wasn’t going to keep the extra keys you gave him in case of an emergency, or a surprise party or whatever. The reason of why they weighted so much was the key chain, a little heart locket with a picture of you two, that you had too, but it was in the first drawer you found after one of your mental breakdowns, when you decided you never wanted to see a picture of you two together again.

Grabbing your actual keys you left, on the way out you came across the newlyweds from the first floor, you said good morning and rushed down the stairs even faster and almost ran outside. It was like life was joking with you today. Everyday you brushed your teeth and his toothbrush wasn’t that obvious, everyday you opened your closet and never noticed his shirts until today, everyday for almost a month you tried to avoid his existence but today, today he was in your house more than ever.

When you arrived at the cafeteria it was collapsed, and looking at the clock you blurted, more loud than what you intended “fuck me”, making a mother with her child turn their heads looking at you disgusted. Saying sorry and pulling out google maps to see where the closest cafeteria was you found one two blocks away and started to speed walk. You had less than thirty minutes if you wanted to be on time. The cafeteria was mostly empty and it was huge, it had two doors, one in the main street, and the other one in the less traveled street that you were walking on, and also two counters, one in each side. You went straight to the closest counter and asked for your usual take out breakfast , but when you were about to paid you dropped your wallet, you were so nervous that your hands were mild shaking, besides the empty stomach.

In less than two minutes you got your coffee and your cinnamon roll, and you decided that it was more convenient for you to take the main street. After saying bye and thanks to the employee you headed to the second door, and then you saw him.

Almost in front of you was Johnny, almost as disheveled as you, and when you made eye contact all the memories you were repressing started to come back. The kisses, the laughs, the sex, the movie nights, the long and warm hugs after a long day, waking up next to him, the infinite love confessions, but also the fights, you both ignoring each other, the bickering all the time for dumb shit, the tears, the pain, the loneliness and the cold you both felt within each other over the last few months. But you both made your choice, and you both exited through different doors, accidentally brushing each other shoulders.

Once outside, just before crossing the street, holding the tears you turned around, and saw him walk away, he didn’t looked back at you, and you watched him leave for the last time.

“I will love you until the chances of us running into one another slip from slim to zero, and until your face is fogged by distant memory, and your memory faced by distant fog, and your fog memorized by a distant face, and your distance distanced by the memorized memory of a foggy fog.” -Lemony Snicket.

hey heyyyy!! im back. i got inspired while listening to mitsky and i decided to write this at like 5am so please forgive me for any mistakes. you know that part of the song when the second chorus hits?? well, in my head, thats the moment when they make eye contact lol, well anyways thank you for reading me, stay healthy, byebye<3

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ikigai-eris · 3 years

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nobody. pt 2

Summary: Johnny and you just broke up, and you seem to be everywhere.

words: less than 900

inspired by “nobody” by mistky, but not that much

tags: angst and johnny being emo

READ PART ONE HERE

Another sleepless night of many, he couldn’t even remember when was the last time he got a nice night of sleep. His mind, his heart, everything was full of her, he changed the sheets a thousand times and they still smelled like her, half of his closet was empty because he didn’t even picked up his stuff the night he left, and the toothbrush in her house was softer than the one sitting in his bathroom. Everything was wrong, everything he did felt ten times more lonely.

He got out of bed and went straight to the shower. Days weren’t always like this, most of the time he was busy working or with friends, but at nights, and times when he was completely alone, he missed her more than anything. When he finished showering he started to get dressed, and looking in the mirror he realized his white t-shirt had some long brown hairs stick to it. And smiling he pulled them out. He never knew why his girlfriend, well, ex girlfriend now, lost so much hair all the time, it was like a golden retriever.

For him, coffee was a synonym of comfort, but with all the fuss he forgot to order his favorite type and only a few cafeterias in the city sold it, and if he wanted some he had to hurry. In the elevator he held the door open for the elderly couple that lived a few floors below him, they chatted for a little bit and told him they just had another grandchild. He politely congratulated them but a lot of “what if?” filled his head. What if she was the one, the one that to marry with, the one to had kids with, the one to grow old with. What if he let her go? What if he never finds anyone to love or be loved by?. He couldn’t help but get a bit sad again. He knew that breaking up was a mutual decision but, what if they were wrong? What if destiny was proving them? He wasn’t an expert but as far as he knew every couple has up and downs.

Brushing those thoughts away he headed for the closest cafeteria, lucky for him it was almost empty, both of the counters were free so he headed to the closest one and he ordered without even looking at the menu. He decided to pay in cash since it wasn’t that expensive, and opening his wallet he came across a little picture of them in one of they anniversary trips. Since they broke up everything he needed he ordered online, so he didn’t opened his wallet once. He forgot about that little picture they took a few years ago in New York, their first vacay together. Everything seemed to easy back then. So many dreams, so many plans for the future. He forced himself to stop looking at it and he payed, handing the money to the employee who looked slightly annoyed by Johnny’s slow behavior, He waited for his coffee while looking at the phone, trying to answer as many old messages as he could.

Once he got his coffee he decided it was more convenient to take the less crowded street to take a shortcut, standing in front of him, was her. Beautiful as always but with a sad and confused expression on her face, when they made eye contact all the memories hit him like a huge wave. All the love, the comfort, the peace, the kisses, the passionate sex, the promise ring he never gave her, that he will never give anyone else. But also all the sadness, the pain and all the nights wasted fighting came to his mind. With his heart broken but his mind made up he walked right next to her, accidentally, or maybe not, brushing shoulders.

Once out he looked back, and saw her cross the street. Forcing himself to look ahead he left, she didn’t wanted him back, that was for sure. And just like that, the red thread tying them together was cut by distance, and fate.

“I will love you as we grow older, which has just happened, and has happened again, and happened several days ago, continuously, and then several years before that. I will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where once we were so close that we could slip the curved straw, and the long, slender spoon, between our lips and fingers respectively.” -Lemony Snicket.

im sorry this is so sad!! if you were expecting a happy ending PLEASE forgive me. Don’t forget to read part 1!!

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ikigai-eris · 4 years

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♡ - fluff ☾ - angst ☆ - smut

references:

•s c e n a r i o s•

JOHNNY

> don´t let us go - (+1,5k; ♡ , ☾ )

> the beginning - (+1,9k; ♡ )

> the scare - (+1,5k; ♡, ☆ kinda)

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ikigai-eris · 4 years

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the beginning

summary: on your anniversary, you remember how you met Johnny.

words: +1,9k

tags: fluffy

It all started a few years ago, in 2017, when you were doing a part-time job in the SBS radio as the script writer and semi-producer for a new show that was going to take place in march. The only thing that they told you about it was that it was going to be host by two newly debuted idols from a very famous company, a new that made you very excited. A few weeks later a meeting with both of them took place but you had a final exam at uni and you couldn´t attend, which made you a lot more nervous since you still didn’t knew who the idols were, because that information was confidential. The first show came sooner than expected, and as a part of the team you were finally going to met the idols. While you were waiting for them to arrive one of your girl coworkers came to you.

“y/n you can’t imagine how handsome they are” she said, almost screaming “you’re going to die when you see them” you laughed but since you were a little picky you choosed to not take her words too serious. But, oh lord, how wrong you were.

Two tall men came through the door, a blond and a brunette one. You weren’t stupid and you didn’t lived under a rock, but you were distracted enough to not notice the name of the show, which gave away completely the name of the group. A very young Jaehyun and Johnny stood in front of you and introduced themselves to the team. Jaehyun was pretty, he was a very beautiful man, his kind eyes and his dimples were to die for, but Johnny, he was a different story. He wasn’t just pretty, his particular features left you breathless at first sight, and his aura was captivating and it made your knees weak. You felt embarrassed, he was an idol yes, but first of all he was your new coworker, and you weren’t a teenager anymore.

After all of the formalities the tallest, Johnny, came to you and started to ask a lot of technical stuff and you did your best to explain but damn, you were blown away. His eyes were a beautiful shade of honey and he never cut the visual contact which made you a lot more nervous and flustered. His voice was deep and assertive, it really looked like he knew what he was talking about, it even seemed like he knew more than you. He called his friend and you explained both some things about the script and when the time came they started the show. You were surprise this was their first time, they looked nervous but at the same time they were eloquent and funny. You tried your best to pay attention to your work, because that’s what they were paying you for, not to look at Johnny. But damn, it was hard.

A week passed and the only thing that you did was waiting for the night to see him. You were going mad. He was just a man. An idol, a very handsome and cute, and funny, and kind man, but at the end he was just a man. You realized you were completely fucked up when you started to watch his fancams. I mean, he was famous, talented, successful, and you were a very average looking exchange student who every month struggled with paying the bills. You mentalized yourself, that night you were going to do your work and nothing else, but he made it difficult though, every night before starting he used to talk to you about whatever was on his mind. But this time you were going to stay strong and tell him you had to be focused on your work.

Everything was going fine at first, but Johnny wasn’t going to let you live in peace. Actually, he was going to change your whole life with a single question.

“y/n would you like to take a coffee with me after tonight’s show?” your whole brain shut down. The only thing you could do was to blurt “yes, yes, sure, I would like that a lot” Great, you sounded like a fucking asshole, and a very, very desperate one, congratulations.

You were nervous like you’ve never been in your life. And confused, was this a date? A simple coffee? What did he wanted to talk about? About the radio? Jesus, you haven’t had a date in years. Time passed surprisingly fast for your liking and soon you found yourself on the cafeteria of the building having a decaffeinated cappuccino and listening to him talk about NCT 127 promotions. You weren’t sure if it you passed out from the stress and it was all a dream or if you actually had Johnny Suh talking to you about his day and laughing at your dad jokes.

Soon it became a routine, every night after the show you both went to the cafeteria and talked until late about your childhood, your dreams, your fears, until you had to leave to go to sleep so you didn’t die at uni next morning. Talking to him was effortless, it was like you knew him all your life, he was even better than what you thought, so full of love to give, smart, thoughtful, trustable, caring, so you weren’t surprised when you realized you were in love. It happened after a little hiatus the program took for a show they had overseas, and when you saw him again for the first time it hit you. He came almost running to you and hugged you tight in front of all the team “I missed you a lot” he said, muffled by your hair. You found yourself breathless once again and mumbled a tiny “me too”. And just like that the realization came: you were deeply and madly in love with Johnny Suh and you wanted him to hold you like that for the rest of your life. You both let go the hug and everybody went back to work, except for you two. “a little bird told me your birthday is in a few days so, I was wondering if instead of a coffee you would like to have dinner with me” you were shooked, if the coffee dates weren’t actually a date, this was. And for your birthday! You were exploding with happiness.

That night also was when the first kiss happened. While the program was going on and Jaehyun was reading some twits from the fans, you and Johnny locked eyes. And it felt different, it wasn’t a simple visual contact, it was filled with a tension of some kind, you could feel it from across the glass and you were sure he was feeling the same too. He went on with the script but he never stopped looking at you and it was getting very intense and it only stopped when it was time for the commercials. Eventually the show ended and like every night you both headed to the elevator to go to the cafeteria floor. Normally being on the elevator with him felt overwhelming but to a normal amount. That time he didn’t even gave you time to feel nervous, as soon as the door closed he roughly leaned his whole body against yours until your back touched the wall, looking at you in the eyes, like if he was asking for your permission, you pushed him down by the nape and connected your lips to his. It was the most intense kiss you ever had, it conveyed so much passion, weeks of holding back now were being unleashed in a single kiss. His lips were heaven and hell, so dangerous but so necessary, like a drug. His hands were all over you and yours were tugging at his perfectly styled hair, now messy. You were forced to stop when the elevator reached its destiny and the door opened but your legs weren’t responding and him didn’t moved either, so you stayed for a few seconds looking at each other, breathing heavily, until you both started laughing and finally came out.

The new routine was making out in every corner of the building everytime you were alone and then go to drink coffee and chat like nothing happened. Like if you weren’t a mess, and like if he hadn’t had to hide a boner everytime. It was surreal.

Since the radio program ended after twelve o’clock you celebrated your birthday along with your coworkers, and when the show ended you went to change your clothes while Johnny waited for you in the hall, downstairs. You wore a red dress and only a red lipstick since you wanted to look good quickly, and let your hair down. When you finally met you noticed he changed his outfit for a more elegant one: black shirt and black pants. You both flustered when you saw each other “you look amazing birthday girl” he flirted with you. “you don’t look that bad yourself JonhD” you said back. “JonhD?”, he asked confused “yes, you know…your name is John and you are a dj” he laughed out loud at your explanation while he helped you to get on the company van. Soon you arrived to a private restaurant, that giving the hour it was supposed to be closed but SM has its ways.

In the middle of it was a table settled for two and Johnny helped pulling your chair like a gentleman. The conversation went very fluid during all the dinner until the champagne arrived. He stopped talking and stared at your eyes, and you realized they got teary so yours did too. He swallowed and spoke “y/n this might sound a little rushed, giving the fact that we only knew eachother two months ago and all that but” he made a pause to breath and you did too “I think I’m in love with you and, I’ll really love to be your boyfriend” a tear fell from his eye. “i know it might be hard because of my work and the fans but I really want you to be my girl” he started to get nervous since you weren’t answering “I fully understand if you don’t want to though”. You couldn’t bring yourself to believe it, but it was real. He was in front of you, looking at your eyes and saying that he loved you. You were paralyzed and the lump in your throat wouldn’t let you speak, but you ignored it and answered.

“John Suh, nothing in this world could make me more happy right now than call you my boyfriend” you grabbed him by his hands and smiled at him “I love you, I truly do”. He left out all the air he was holding and smiled too “thanks god, I though I was going to have to return your gift” he took out of his blazers pocket a medium sized velvet box and handed it to you. “oh Johnny, you shouldn’t have brought me anything” he shushed you and looked at you expectantly. Without wasting any more time you opened it and inside of it was a beautiful and delicate heart necklace with both initials and your birthday date, which now was also your anniversary. Needless to say you were speechless.

Even after a year and with him taking a nap in your lap it all still felt like a dream, Johnny declaring himself to you, and now he being your first love and first boyfriend. You gently stroked his hair with one hand at the same time you were playing with your necklace, after a few minutes he slowly woke up and looked at you “nice double chin, baby” he murmured. “I can’t believe that the first thing you do after waking up is making fun of me” he laughed and you lowered your head to kiss him “happy first anniversary headass”.

Hii!! this is my second scenario ever and since the first one got a lot of notes i decided to write another. its not as good as the first one in my opinion but i had this idea on my mind for a while and i wanted to share it! please if you notice any grammatical error let me know! it means a lot for me if you could like and share<3

Thank you for reading me and STAY HEALTHY.

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ikigai-eris · 4 years

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the scare

summary: you and Johnny go through a pregnancy scare. were you pregnant?

words: +1,5k

tags: fluffy, sexual themes.

“Being a month late isn’t that big of a deal right?” you asked your friend out of the blue while playing with your cup. The coffee shop wasn’t very crowded so you felt free to talk with her about the matter. “It depends y/n” you looked at her expectantly. “It could be a lot of things like, you know, stress, changing food habits, an UTI” she made a pause and lowed her tone “…pregnancy”. It took you by surprise and you almost chocked. “Its impossible girl, forget it, its not that” you denied. All but that. You were on the pill. “I know you’re on birth control but it can fail, besides you told me you and Johnny are like a fifty percent of the time at it” you started to fidget with your hands while considering it. There isn’t a big error range for the pill and you never forgot to take them but, at the same time, you thought about all those babies who were a product of that 1%. “I can’t have a child now, it can ruin Johnny’s career” you started to get nervous and your eyes started to water. You discussed the babies thing with Johnny and both agreed to wait a few more years, his idol career was just starting to take off and you got your degree only a year ago. Besides you two wanted to have the typical childless couple life; sex whenever, vacations, working without having to call a babysitter, a little bit of partying and just live life without worries. And having to hide the relationship was already stressful enough. “hey, y/n” you friend tried to caught your attention after seeing you space out, knowing you were probably thinking about all the pros and cons “its probably just a scare, don’t worry” You considered it, you had many scares but never one this long. “should I do a test?” your friend agreed with you and you both headed to the closest store to buy two or three, knowing that someone seeing you could be a risk she bought them for you and drove you home after. “I can’t stay y/n, I have work” you assured her it wasn’t a problem, said thanks, goodbye and went inside.

You couldn’t bring yourself to do them. What if it was a positive? It could change you whole life, his, the relationship, everything. The apartment was small so you probably would have to move. Was the puppy ready to have a little brother? Were his group mates ready to be uncles? Were your parents ready to have a grandchild? All those people would love if you and him had a baby, and honestly, you too. You wanted two, a boy and a girl, you want them to have Johnny’s nose and lips, you wanted to see a little John playing with your puppy, and read books to a little y/n, and when they grew up have one more. You wanted to have a big and happy family. You would love to have his kids, more than anything else but were you two ready to be parents? Suddenly you heard keys and your dog started to bark and wag his tail, so you quickly hid the bag under the couch cushions. “Hey angel” Johnny came thru the door and plopped on the couch beside you and started to kiss you. You interrupted the kissing and while petting your dog asked him why he was home that early, you were supposed to know the answer of the test before he came home “we got the choreo pretty fast so they let us go home early, the boys wanted to have dinner together but I missed you” he continued to kiss you and started to get handsy. “we haven’t had some y/n and Johnny time lately” you broke up into a nervous laugh “lately? We have been fucking all weekend horny ass, what are you talking about?” you didn’t wait for an answer and searched for his lips, hovering over him, laying on the couch. Johnny hissed when he lay his head and you looked at him confused “what’s under here?” he questioned you, the moment you realized panic invaded your body and he, nonchalantly, took from under the cushion a bag with a few pink boxes. He took one and read it, and then he looked at you, waiting for your answer. You couldn’t react, there was no air inside of your lungs no more, of course if there was a baby you were going to tell him but not like this, not now, no when you didn’t even do the test.

“y/n are you pregnant?” he never called you by your first name. You couldn’t open your mouth and with you on top of him he started to sit down, which made you be face to face. “are you pregnant?” he looked impatient and grabbed your face. You took a long, deep breath “I don’t know, I haven’t done it yet” He raised his eyebrows “why not?” “I don’t want to know the answer” you started to cry and looked down “I’m not sure you’ll like it” he moved his hands from your face to your waist and hugged you “how do you know if I’m going to like it or not baby?” you tried to talk in between your sobs “because you said you didn’t wanted a kid yet” your voice was muffled by his shoulder, getting his shirt wet with your tears. He asked you why you bought on the first place and you told him you were a month late. “I’m not a gynecologist babe but there can be a lot of reasons, right?” you didn’t knew how the fuck he was so calm about it while you were a nervous wreck. “you are on the pill, you have been very nervous about your new work, you haven’t been eating well” he said while stroking your back. “why don’t we do it now so you can be sure and stop crying?” You sniffled and looked at him again “but what if its positive John, what if it ruins your career and we have to move and turn the dog into a nanny?” he giggled and wept your tears away “if it’s positive I’m going to be the happiest men in the world because it will mean I’m having a child with you dumbass, its not going to ruin anything because we don’t need to tell the world yet, we can live here for a while until we find a beautiful house to turn into our home, that I don’t know how I’m going to afford it yet but you’re going to have it, and our puppy is very smart, so I’m sure he’s going to be an awesome nanny, ok?” the dog looked at you two, licked your hand and went to sit on his bed. “babe, please, stop overthinking and let’s do it” You stood up and went to the bathroom, followed by him. He took the boxes from inside of the bag and handed them to you. “I’ll be waiting outside” he kissed your temple and closed the door. He didn’t lie, he would be extremely happy but he was nervous as fuck, he wasn’t even thirty yet, and its fun saying you want kids and fantasize about it but now that the probabilities where high, he was shitting his pants. You two worked his ass off to buy this tiny apartment and moving was going to be a financial death, he was a very well paid idol but a house is expensive for everyone. And diapers, and the baby formula, and a crib, jesus christ. His thoughts were interrupted when you opened the door with the tests in your hand. One line negative, two lines positive. This were going to be the longest five minutes in his life.

You weren’t calm either, you were shaking. You knew that looking at them wasn’t going to make them work faster but you couldn’t stop. Sooner than expected, one by one, the three test showed a single line. You weren’t pregnant. But why were you sad? This was the best outcome possible. Johnny hugged you from behind and kissed your head while smiling, but he got surprise when he heard you sob again “why again?!” he asked in distress making you laugh “I don’t know, I guess I got my hopes up” you dried you tears and you two hugged. “me too babe, but we have many years to be parents” he started to kiss you all over your face “but for now” he looked at your eyes and his were a lot darker than before “the only one we are going to traumatize fucking in the middle of the living room at six pm is our dog” he didn’t even gave you time to laugh when he pushed you up by your ass an sat you on the table, without stopping kissing you.

hello there again! the last line is sooo raunchy IM SORRY but i thought it was funny. please if you liked this scenario leave a like and comment if you want! i would love to hear some feedbacks from you guys :) im sorry im only writing for johnny but he inspires me a lot.

love u all, take care ♥

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ikigai-eris · 4 years

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masterlist

references:

♡ - fluff ☾ - angst ☆ - smut

f i c s

JOHNNY

> don´t let us go - (+1,5k; ♡ , ☾ )

59 notes · View notes

ikigai-eris · 4 years

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happy birthday to our chicago bean, our coffee addict, our one and only johnny suh 💓

4K notes · View notes

ikigai-eris · 4 years

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don’t let us go

summary: you and johnny are going through a crisis, to save the relationship you both write a letter saying everything that you love about each other.

inspired on “a marriage story” but not that much

words: +1,5k

tags: lil angst, very fluffy

The rutine, him leaving for long periods of time, you studying full time and stress were slowly killing your relationship with johnny, and you didn’t liked that. Almost four years together shouldn’t just vanish like that and the idea of breaking up was in both heads, but the love was there too. In dispair, you called your friend, a therapist, and asked for an advice.

“i’m so frustrated, i can’t let this go” you cried on the phone. “he’s the love of my life and i don’t even know if he’s happy being with me anymore” you tried to hold your whimpers, your boyfriend was sleeping on the room next door and you didn’t wanted him to find you crying in the bathroom.

“y/n you know i’m not a couple therapist” you could hear her brain working from the other side of the phone “but you should try writing a letter with all the things you love about him, maybe that could help you both to remember why you two are still together” suddenly, the sky was a little clearer “Johnny should do that too, and then, you know, read it out loud” you went silent and started to consider it. You didn’t have anything to lose, and it could really help, it could be your last chance.

After saying goodbye to your friend and wipping your face, you went back to bed. But your mind was restless so you decided to do the only thing that would make you fall sleep at an instant, so you buried yourself in your boyfriends chest only to be hugged by his sleepy self.

Days went by and everything was still tense, no cuddles, only goodbye kisses, and sharing dinner out of habit. It was getting on your nerves how calm he was about the whole situation so, one friday night, while you were watching tv together on the couch, with the dog in the middle, you decided to speak.

“Johnny, can we talk?” he nodded, turned off the tv and changed his position to face you. “Sure baby, whats on you mind?” you couldn’t look at his eyes, if you do all the tears you were holding will come out.

“Don’t you feel something is wrong...with us?” he looked down, and suddenly grabbed you by your hands and make you look at him in the eyes. “breaking up it’s the last thing on my mind y/n, so if you’re trying to get rid of me i’m not going to let you” he blurted and you both giggled. “you’re not getting rid of me neither, i love you”. With a different attitude and a lot more calmed you told him your friend’s idea.

“I don’t know, it could work but” he paused “it would change something?” you looked at his eyes, those honey orbs, who where flowing with love for you and you smiled. “we’ll have to try”.

You wrote your letter on the living room and he wrote his on your shared bedroom. Two years ago you bought this apartment together and you felt at home at the very first instant, every corner of it has pictures of you and him, and of course of your little puppy, who Johnny brought home not even a year ago, when he went on tour, to keep you company. When you finished you went to check on your boyfriend.

“I just finished babe, are you ready?” he turned around, his eyes red “just a few more minutes”. You stood in the door for a second, with a knot in your throat. He looked so devastated, Johnny was a very emotional person but you never saw him cry out of genuine sadness, it broke your heart. You closed the door and went to sat on the couch, immediately your dog jumped in your lap and looked at your face, and just like that you shed a few tears. A little bit more of ten minutes passed when he came out of the room to sit in front of you, two paper sheets on his trembling hand.

“rock, paper, scissors to see who starts?” you nodded. You rock, he paper. You took a breath and started.

“Johnny Suh, if i went to write about everything i love about you i could go on for days so i’m going to make it as short as i can. I love your eyes, i love how you look at me, i love how i can feel your love through them. I love the look you give me when you first wake up and the one you give me after going to sleep. I love you lips, i love how you kiss me, even when you breath smells like coffee, and i love how they smile to me even when i do the stupidest things. I love you laugh, how your whole face laughs, i love how it sounds and how you can’t disimule it. I love your hands and how they hold me, how they caress me, how they touch me, how they tickle me. I love everything you do with them. I love your double chin too. I love how you cook for me when i’m tired, and i love how you wash the dishes without me asking for it because you know i hate it. I love how you love things, i love how much you love coffee, photography, star wars, our dog, music, your work, nct and you fans. I love how you read their letters and keep their gifts. I love how you never gave up, how much you fought, and i love how proud you make everyone feel around you. I love your voice, i love how you talk to me and how you sing for me to sleep. I love how you make me want to form a family, have kids, and a typical house with an ugly mom car. I love you and all your little habits, like bitting your lips too hard or singing in the shower. I love how you made me fell in love, fast, hard and deep, i know it sounds bad but it felt like that. The love i feel for you goes beyond everything, i feel for you two seconds after i saw you, and i’m going to be in love for the rest of my life, even when it doesn’t make sense anymore.”

The scene was pretty bizarre, two adult people crying their hearts out and a dog in the middle trying to comfort both owners. After a few minutes the tears were still there but flowing gentler. “I guess it’s my turn”

“Y/n what do i don’t love about you? Everything that you do makes my heart flutter and my stomach fills with butterflies. Your face it’s one of the most beautiful things i’ve seen in my life, because your smile it’s on the list too. Your laugh feels like being in heaven and how your eyes smile too makes me feel dizzy. I love how much you care for your loved ones, how you want to make sure they’re healthy and happy. You always want to make sure i’m the happiest man on earth and you archive that just by being in my life. I told you many times i wanted to marry you and you always thought i was joking, but i really mean it. I want to spend the rest of my life at your side, i want to have your children and i want them to give us grandkids. I don’t want to live a second on this life without you, because i love you more than i could ever love someone. You showed me i was worth of all the love i receive everyday and i want to make you feel worthy of all the love i give you too. I love how you think, and you soul, and how you want me to be included in everything you do. How you always tell me random facts about the books you read and how you never shut up about a movie you like. It’s funny how you get so addicted to a song until you start hating it but you never got tired of a nct song, and i love how you know my lines, and that you watch every fancam of me and how you hype me. And it’s also funny how i knew i was going to be entirely yours since the first moment i saw you. I want to make you proud and happy, because you’re my number one priority and the love of my life, and you’re always going to be.”

All the doubts went away, actually there wasn’t any. You don’t even remember what was wrong in the first place. The little apartment was oozing with love and adoration from each other and desire to fight for your love. Happiness tears were staining both cheeks and the first thing you did was jumping on his arms and kiss him, trying to express how happy you were, he held you in his arms and just looked at you in the eyes, no words needed. Everything was fine.

hi there!! this is my first fic and i’m pretty sure there’s a lot of mistakes bc english it’s not my first language so feel free to let me know! i really hope you liked it and please leave a heart ♥️thank you for reading me♥️

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ikigai-eris · 5 years

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I’m back!!

after i don’t know how many months.

I’m sorry for being super inactive, i’ve dealing with a lot of insecurities regarding my career and the path i choosed as always, and i’m not having the grades i hope i would have, so i thought that maybe coming back would help me to get on the line again!

this year i meet a lot of awesome people who had been helping me study and cheering me up when i most needed it, and actually, they’re the only thing that’s making me stay in the uni and not give up.

this year subjects are a lot more difficult and i have to take three finals from last year so i hope this blog and you guys can help me motivate. I’m going to post a lot more and, i hope, have better grades!

take care and see you soon! 🥰💗

#psychology #studyblr #study #study journal #studyinspo #stadistics #study motivation #calligraphy #college #university

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ikigai-eris · 5 years

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ikigai-eris · 5 years

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HANDLING DISAPPOINTMENT IN ACADEMIA (PART 1: GRADES)

Before I start, it’s important to note that grades are all relative and everyone holds themselves to different expectations, so by “disappointing grades” I don’t have any set marks in mind, I am simply referring to receiving a lower grade than you were aiming for.

“Good” grades don’t come naturally to everyone. Despite working incredibly hard throughout school, I didn’t get the grades I needed to get into my university of choice. I ended up going to an open day where I was told by a tutor that I probably wouldn’t be accepted, before another tutor recommended me applying for a four year course which included a foundation year. Due to making a lot of effort to keep emailing this professor (who was also the admissions tutor) he ended up giving me a chance and offered me the final place on the actual BA English course a month before it started. Long story short, persistence and being keen does pay off!

I began university determined to finish with a 1st, but no matter how much time and effort I put in I never got the grades I aimed for. When I got to the third year of my degree I gave up trying for a 1st, as, at this point, it felt pretty much out of reach, and I instead focused on learning as much as a could and writing about things I enjoyed. I ended up finishing that year with high 1sts in every module, including my dissertation, and managed to keep those grades up throughout my master’s degree. Hard work does pay off, but it can be a frustratingly slow process. Here’s what I’ve learnt:

Be patient, if you’re truly passionate about something and work hard enough you’ll get there eventually. If it’s not happening, go back to basics, pay attention to everything, read as much as you can, make use of feedback, and try and follow what you’re interested in. When I stopped obsessing over grades, and instead started having fun with my degree, that’s when it started showing in my work.

A lot can be gained from not always doing your best. Without wanting to always achieve more I would never have worked as hard as I did. I also wouldn’t have gone to see my professors as much, and without that I wouldn’t have the kind of relationship I have with them now. These are the people who have written me references, recommended PhD supervisors, encouraged me to present at conferences and attend summer schools, and on the whole just been incredibly supportive and a huge help throughout my time in academia.

Don’t buy into the whole “I’m not naturally good at this, therefore I’ll never be good at it”. This just isn’t true, being good at something just takes time, effort and persistence, and if one way doesn’t work for you, try approaching it differently. Academic improvement takes time, so don’t feel put off if you don’t seen an immediate change. It’s helpful to view the situation as an opportunity to learn, you’re only gaining from putting the hours in, whether that’s reflected in your grades or not.

It’s easier to help others if you’ve been through it. If you want to become an academic or a teacher, learning to cope with disappointing grades will be incredibly useful. I now use a lot of what I’ve learnt to help others improve, and because I too have been in their position, it’s so much easier to reassure them and know how they’re feeling.

Finally, It’s OK to be disappointed, even if your grades are considered “good”. If it’s not what you were aiming for, then you are allowed to not be happy with it, just be mindful that what you consider to be disappointing might be what someone else is aiming for.

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