honorary-noisemaker

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i've figured out why enemies to lovers fucks so hard

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executive dysfunction be like *wants to do something* *doesnt do it* *feels bad* *wants to do something* *doesnt do it* *feels bad* *wants to do something* *doesnt do it* *feels ba

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like leshwi i am obsessed with kaladin. like kaladin i am always hoping to find leshwi. like venli and sigzil my mutuals watch my excessive kaleshwiposting in stunned confusion

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Lirin: *exposes his children to gore and dead bodies as soon as they learn to walk*

Lirin: why is my son so fucking weird

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The switch between bridgeboy (derogatory) to bridgeboy (affectionate) is something that can actually be so personal

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(x)

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The golden trio✨

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Hey Tumblr here’s my first Actual Post hope ya like it:

Do you have ADHD and/or autism? Do you have a problem with noticing people messaged you, thinking, “I like that person, I should reply! But I don’t have the energy right now. I’ll remember to get back to them later,” and then never speaking to them again?

Well boy, do I have a thing-some-people-people-might-call-a-hack-and-might-help-you-but-it-also-might-not-solve-a-single-fucking-thing for YOU! That wasn’t a hyperlink, but I applaud your instincts.

Ready? I know, you skipped down here as soon as you saw the red text anyway. Don’t open it.

Don’t!

Dooooon’t!

DON’T DO IT

That red notification thing? That little berry your lil hunter-gatherer brain wants you to pluck RIGHT NOW or you’ll never eat again and you’ll die?

Don’t you dare pick it, you little shit. THAT berry. That specific one. You saw the name. That’s all you needed. Think about it. I mean consciously sit there and think about that berry for a second.

That’s now a special berry. You do not touch that berry until you want another goddamn berry and you’re ready to go foragin’.

“But they might think I’m rude if I don’t at least give them a read receipt!”

No the fuck they won’t. They’re gonna think you’re rude when you send em a signal that you never wanna talk to them again.

No read receipt, no perceived rejection on their end. They’ll just think you were at work, or were driving, or in the middle of the hottest sex they can imagine. (Those three options specifically.)

But you know better. You know you have that special berry that you’ve made a very incredibly specific plan to pick later.

Here’s an entirely unrelated meme to break up the post into more digestible chunks for you.

Accidentally open that notification up because you were scrolling through the Discord and monkey brain got too powerful to resist for a minute?

You now have permission to be weird. Don’t worry, everybody knows you’re weird anyway. Act the part. Do one of these little jams:

Honey you just miraculously put that berry back on the bush. You’re an affront to nature and you will soon dethrone G-d for daring think berries can not go back on bushes.

*sigh*

I know, you probably already have thousands of berries built up from weeks, months, even years of avoiding all contact.

Do the following now, honey. Right now. You operate best on now.

Go through and tap and clear everything. Do it fast. Don’t think too much. Just gobble up all the berries you can. Try to keep an eye out for berries you wanna eat later and drop one of the Little Jams worded in whatever way feels most appropriate for the time it’s been since that last message arrived. Again, don’t overthink it. Keep it short if you have to. It’s better than what you’ve been doing.

Conclusion paragraph. That was all I had to say. Now read it again, you didn’t actually register half of what I said. If you didn’t do the purge thing when I said so, reblog this so that when somebody interacts you’ll get another berry that tells you to go clear your berries.

#been doing this for a while and it fucking works

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Best type of character causes at least 50% of their own problems and then cries about it

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A few months ago I realized something I couldn't un-realize about Minecraft and that is that villagers being killed by mobs is a direct result of the player's existence. Hostile mobs only spawn within a certain radius of the player. Villages are so unprotected because they straight up don't ever have to deal with monsters before I get there. They live, they work, undiscovered, and then I bring them apocalypse by walking slightly too close at night.

Knowing that, the least I can do is help villages I find to survive it, so I build them a wall and new homes and traps for the creatures of the night - but all that time, they're creatures I created. To the villagers it must seem like the world started ending, hoards of the undead pouring out of the earth, and then this hero emerged to save them from it all, but the danger and the rescue are one and the same and they will never really understand that, and THAT makes me go completely feral. The player is a thing of infinite life which death follows like a shock wave in the fabric of the Universe. We are a self fulfilling prophesy. How is this a thing we've all just gotten used to in the funky cube game

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Its funny how being sent to a good hospital is a bad sign

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I JUST HAD A REVELATION!!

All Star Wars since the original trilogy feels like fanfiction. The Prequels were Crackfics written for fun, all the spinoff shows were expert fanfic writers expanding on their favorite characters and making ocs and the Animated series were people writing for fun and accidentally making greatness.

The sequels though. They were written by newbie fanfic writers who thought all they needed were camios, big vocabulary, and the ability to pull new lore out of their ass. You cannot tell me that the word "orbs" wasn't used excessively and that the author took themselves way too seriously after making the accidentally decent "The Force Awakens".

#star wars #sequel trilogy #prequel trilogy #original trilogy #my opinions #fanfic #AM I WRONG THO??

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Rewatched 6 Underground recently, and now all I want is whumpy 4 fanfic, but I think I’ve already read it all

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Homework is a state of mind I refuse to subscribe to

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At first, shock overtook you. You would never be able to eat another grape again, and neither would anyone else. Good riddance. Grapes, in your opinion, were gross. You couldn't test this newfound ability on just any old food now could you?

A sly smile spread across your face. This was going to be fun.

Your cousin has an extreme peanut allergy, and she has always been jealous of the fact everyone else could eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups while she could only hear about how great they were. After very little deliberation, you buy a bag of peanuts, a sharpie and a bag of Reese's Pices before going to her apartment.

Holding a single offending peanut in the air in front of you, you study it. This peanut looks exactly like every other peanut in existence. You plan to change that.

After shelling the peanut and one of it's siblings by cracking them between your teeth, you place one one of the edible bits on your center console untouched, the second one you draw an X on and set beside the first, on the third and fourth ones you draw circles and leave in your hand.

With trembling fingers you pop the third peanut into your mouth and dry swallow.

The fourth peanut disappears but the first two remain on the center console of your car. With a victory pump in the air you grab the shelled peanuts and eat them. The rest of the bag in your lap growing lighter, only the shells remain but completely untouched.

You ditch the peanut shells in a trash receptacle on your way up the stairs to your cousin's apartment. With a quick delay for a knock and a stupidly short conversation she eats a Reese's Pieces (EpiPen in hand of course). Hives break out over her instantly and one EpiPen shot later you are banned from her apartment for forever. It seems that your scientific experiments were not appropriate in this situation. You savor the 50 Reese's Pieces you shoved into your mouth, already melting.

-

It takes a bit, but you mark every piece of food you eat directly before you eat it. You dont die of starvation and the world has only lost grapes, peanuts, and Reese's Pieces. You don't intend for that to change anytime soon.

-

Three years later you slam your book shut, eyes wide with understanding. The other people in the coffee shop jumped with worry. Whatever you eat will cease to exist in the world. Your eyes turn to the garbage where you can see a used plastic straw stick out of an empty plastic cup.

It's time to save the turtles bitches.

Five minutes later every plastic straw in the trash vanishes. So does every plastic straw in the ocean.

An evil smile spreads across your face, mosquitoes are going down.

You eat every nonbiodegrable trash object you find, you even eat AK-47 ammo, snakes, eels, clown noses, anything. You are never discovered, but you made the world a better place.

As time went on, you decided it was time to die in the most metal way possible. You were going to eat a nuke.

All your efforts went to this goal, if you could eat a nuke, well good stuff then right. But it will definitely kill you.

You made a deal with a man who could get you to see a nuke. Unfortunately a nuke is not something that can fit in your mouth or stomach, so this plan sucked.

Instead you decide to do something very rational. Cannibalism. Well not cannibalism because you are not a corrupt politician.

You picture assassination and gorging yourself on human flesh with blood covering your chest. Instead you break into a morgue and eat very very raw, meat, human meat.

The next day on the news, almost every politician has vanished, and every time a new one came into office, they immediately vanished, you sit back and admire your life's work and think. "What the absolute fuck have I just done?"

A witch curses you as she dies. Henceforth, every time you eat something, all items of that type vanish from the world forever. You didn’t believe her until you ate a grape in the produce aisle and the whole display vanished. It’s been two week since…

#I have no memory of writing this #going through drafts #wtf

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The parallel between Moash killing Elhokar just before he finished saying the words, and Navani finishing them with “you bastard”, while being stabbed by Moash

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I dyed my hair black and I don’t think anyone in my family actually noticed