hikikomori-diary

[hikikomori-diary]

By the power vested in anxiety, I picked apart my language and my very existence from the inside out.

#anxiety #depression #schizoid #hikikomori

[hikikomori-diary]

I felt, suddenly, the negative pressure of completion—the vacuum’s strain, the sense of deprivation. Work can be addictive—one more self-enchantment of the cortex—another of the infinite autohypnoses. And when the addict’s done with it, what comfort is there for his unemployment?

Opus 21, Philip Wylie

[hikikomori-diary]

Staring wide-eyed into the sun

It passes through me

#depression #anxiety #debt #schizoid

[hikikomori-diary]

every real life costco is a fantasy costco if ur dissociating hard enough

[hikikomori-diary]

[hikikomori-diary]

It feels like a word repeated over and over

Until it loses its meaning

#hikikomori #depression #anxiety

[hikikomori-diary]

Like a fading color Gradually, each day A little less vivid

#depression #schizoid #hikikomori

[hikikomori-diary]

It was a narrow world, a world that was standing still. But the narrower it became, and the more it betook of stillness, the more this world that enveloped me seemed to overflow with things and people that could only be called strange. They had been there all the while, it seemed, waiting in the shadows for me to stop moving. And every time the wind-up bird came to my yard to wind its spring, the world descended more deeply into chaos. … I can’t find the image, I said to myself. I’m thirty, I’m standing still, and I can’t find the image.

Haruki Murakami, The Wind-up Bird Chronicle (via samishiku-naru-ne)

[hikikomori-diary]

I wanted to get outside myself: the me that had existed until then.

Haruki Murakami, The Wind-up Bird Chronicle (via samishiku-naru-ne)

[hikikomori-diary]

Sometimes I feel that I may never find my way back to that world, that I may never again be able to feel the peace of being enveloped in the light, that I may never again be able to hold the cat’s soft body in my arms. And then I feel a dull ache in the chest, as if something inside there is being squeezed to death.

Haruki Murakami, The Wind-up Bird Chronicle (via samishiku-naru-ne)

[hikikomori-diary]

Sensing that I had overstayed my welcome, My craving for non-existence intensified.

(via samishiku-naru-ne)

[hikikomori-diary]

I’m exactly the person I thought I’d never be, and that’s terrifying.

(via samishiku-naru-ne)

[hikikomori-diary]

Den eneste i verden som skal leve mitt liv er meg.

Erland Loe, Tatt av Kvinnen (via samishiku-naru-ne)

[hikikomori-diary]

“‘Where there’s a will there’s a way’ just doesn’t apply to baldness.”

Haruki Murakami, The Wind-up Bird Chronicle (via samishiku-naru-ne)

[hikikomori-diary]

In the better world, a person who had enjoyed the long conscious control of his life would feel somewhat responsible for controlling his death. When he got useless, he would give up. He would regard it as rational—and as part of that 'greater love' that almost no man, these days, hath a sign of.

Philip Wylie, Opus 21

#Philip Wylie #opus21 #great grandpa's library

[hikikomori-diary]

If you're going to get yourself free—you've got a lot of illusion to hack through first.

Philip Wylie, Opus 21

#Philip Wylie #opus21 #great grandpa's library

[hikikomori-diary]

The radio reminds me of my home far away

#john denver #country roads #nostalgia