gypsyjamtani

[gypsyjamtani]

6

The next morning was a Saturday morning. Not knowing what to do that day, I laid in bed till noon. I thought about these past two days; my encounter with the hobo, who by the way, I did not know his name yet. The conversations we had, the box of candies he had.

Yes, the candies, I remembered the taste of the cantaloupe, the taste of the fresh strawberries, it made me smile. The smile, started on face radiated to my whole body and soul. I felt excited. I remembered the colors of those candies in the box, and wondered what other tasted like.

I shall try the brown one today, I heard myself thinking. It must be of a chocolate taste. My smile grew wider as I thought of the chocolate taste, and my excitement grew as curiosity filled me. I wonder if my guess was true.

He was already sitting on the bench when I reached there. I could hear a soft snore; he must have dozed off waiting for me, I thought. Not wanting to wake him up, I sat as quietly as possible next to him. 

I hadn't waited for more than 5 minutes when he opened his eyes. He did some stretching; twisted his body in a very odd way, yawning as he did so. As soon as he realized he wasn't alone, he looked at me and laughed his crispy laugh that has now been recorded to my brain.

"Did you wait long, bella?" He asked, addressing me as ‘bella’, which means beautiful girl in Italian.

I shook my head in response.

"It's such a beautiful day out here today, so comforting. The sun is pleasant and I can't help but let myself swim into the world of dreams." He said.

I commented nothing.

"What did you do today?" He asked me, looking into my eyes with curiosity. 

"Any adventures?" He asked again before I could even answer the first one. 

"Nah, just lay in bed. Didn't know what to do."

"What a waste..." he shook his head. "So many adventures to conquer, so many people to meet, so many stories to tell; and you just lay in bed?" His tone wasn't judgmental; it was more like sad and trying to understand why I chose to stay in bed that day.

"I didn't know what to do that I haven't done before. The routine is starting to get boring." I paused. "I'm not used to routines, my life has always been jumping from one place to another. One adventure to another, I have never stopped for this long before." I said.

"So sticking to a routine is something new to you?"

"I guess so... Yeah..."

"It's an experience then, isn't it?"

"Hmmm...." I didn't know what to say, how is sticking to a routine an experience?

"Every new thing you do that you have never done before would be considered an experience, agree?" He asked, trying to explain.

I thought for a while then I nodded. Let's see where is he going with this, I thought.

"And every new experience is an adventure of life." He concluded. "So there, an adventure right there all along, you just didn't bother to notice it."

I looked at him as if he was a mad man, but my brain was processing what he said and funny that it made sense. I smiled at him. The smile grew wider when he smiled back, and without knowing we both busted into fits of laughter.

When the laughter ceased, he took out his box of candies. At the sight of the wooden box, I could feel my heart thumping in my ears. 'Brown one! The brown one!!!' I hear my brain whispered, reminding me of what I had thought about earlier.

My hands started to trembled. The excitement kicked in; this time it was curiosity that filled my veins. I wanted to know, to make sure if my guess was right: brown equals to chocolate.

He laughed as he saw how excited I was. I felt a little bit embarrassed.

"I wanted to know if I could guess the taste from the color." I explained in hope he would understand.

He didn't stop laughing but he nodded and opened the wooden case.

I looked at the colors; so many of them and looked for the brown one. There were two of them, light brown and a darker one. I chose the lighter one.

As the candy touched my tongue I expected a sweet bitter taste of milk chocolate, but instead it was mocha, Coffee with chocolate. My eyes widened and I turned and looked at the hobo with surprise.

He chuckled, "Not as u expected huh?" 

I shook my head. 

"You know, they say don't judge a book by its cover, don't judge the taste by its color." he said and I raised my eyebrow.

"Every time you make a judgment about something, you create a picture and unreliable fact in your brain, and that image stays. So when it turned out to be not as you expected, you can’t enjoy it as you should. Instead you are filled with disappointment." He paused. "Well sometimes with good surprises. But still, it would be hard for you to accept it as it is because you already have an image of it which is hard to change or erase."

"What most people forget is that the world keeps on turning and nothing stays the same. So don't train your brain to create a picture of something or to judge or to think two steps ahead. Nothing is ever as what you think it is.

"Just relax, enjoy the flow and all you will experience is the excitement you seek."

I frowned. 

"Bella, the world is a wonderland only if you want it to be that way. Stop trying to analyze everything. Stop trying so hard to figure things out. Sometimes you are not meant to know what you don't know." he continued.

His words were wise, I knew, but I just had to challenge what he said.

"If you do not at least try to know what's waiting for you, how are you going to be prepared?" I asked.

"It's like going for an exam; you don't know what questions are going to be given, so you study everything. You prepare for the worse and you are ready for anything. Just like that, you should always be prepared for anything that comes. Surprises are always around the corner."

"I was kicked out of school in my freshmen year, I can’t recall having an examination, let alone remember how I felt or what I did f or it." I said coldly.

"Do you surf?" He asked. 

"Yea..."

"Well, it’s just like surfing, or playing in the sea, you never know when the tides are gonna hit you. You never know if the next wave is the one you wanna catch to surf or not. And so you are always prepared. You don't let your guard down, you never know when the huge tide is gonna hit you. That my dear is an analogy of life."

I didn't say anything to that. We sat silently to his words; I let it the taste of mocha seeps through my taste buds while his words were trying to make sense in my brain. He didn't say nothing neither, he just stared ahead; as if giving me my time to process.

After a while we started talking again. Although, none of any philosophical importance. I asked him his name; at last, it was David. When I asked him where he was from, he said he traveled so much, even when he was still a baby (Traveling hippie parents), that he didn't remember his origin. He was proud to be a man of all origins. Not to my surprise he could talk in almost all of the languages I could think of. 

He asked me where I came from and about my family. He smiled widened when I started talking about Ramon. He said I was more alive than he ever saw me when I was bragging about my brother. He knew from the way I spoke about Ramon that he was the important person in my life.

#aboxofreasons #short story #short novel #gypsyjamtani

[gypsyjamtani]

A Box of Reasons

5. The next day, as I walked home from school, I stopped at my favorite park. I stood a while before entering; he is going to be there, waiting for me with a box of candy that I'm eager to try one from. I walked into the park, straight to where my favorite bench was. It was empty. I took a seat and thought he might be running late, I should wait. So I waited. As I waited, I looked around and saw children playing, couples holding hands, old people just sitting enjoying the smooth breeze of the evening. It was a picture I come across everyday, but only today did I notice it. I waited for the old hobo for ten minutes, half an hour, an hour… until I decided he wasn’t going to show. What was I expecting anyways, he was a homeless hobo, he could be a liar too. The sun was almost setting when I finally stood up and was about to leave when his voice stopped me. “You waited!” The old guy said. “I’m sorry, I got caught up with work.” Work? He has work? It didn’t seem to add up, but I commented nothing. “I was afraid you would have left, but you were patient.” He continued. “I have nothing to do anyways.” I said simply. He took a seat next to me. “What did you do while waiting?” He asked “Nothing in particular, just here, noticing things.” “What things?” “The usual: children playing, couples being romantic and all that…” “And the colors?” “Colors? What colors?” I wondered if he was referring to the color of the sky, the trees, and the flowers. But somehow I felt he meant something else. “The colors of their auras.” He said. I looked at him confused. “You see, life is filled with colors, so are we and our souls. Every emotion we have has its own color. Every thing we endure, every moment we have, puts another color in our soul that projects to our aura.” He explained. “So did you noticed the colors?” he asked again. “No, I don’t think so…” “How did you feel when you were noticing them?” “Feel? Nothing I guess…” I paused. “Although, I realized that although every day I come here and come across the same scenes, today it was different. I guess I didn’t leave earlier because it made me feel warm.” The hobo laughed. “Every day you come here, you were always occupied with thoughts of you; everything becomes blur, it’s like you are swimming but you don’t realize that you are soaked wet. Today, it wasn’t thoughts of you that made you sit here; you were waiting for me. Thus, for once you actually took in this picture that you see everyday. Today, you saw the colors.” He said. I just kept quiet, although me ego did not want to admit it, what he said made sense. As if he knew what was in my head he laughed, “You are just a child, still so much to learn, so much to see.” He said. Then he took out the box of candy he had, opened the lid and offered it to me. “Here, chose one.” I took the pink colored one. I felt my self got excited. I wanted to know what the candy would taste like. I felt my blood rushing to my head and my heart was thumping a little harder. It was a feeling I have long lost. Before I could stop it, I felt a smile curled up on my face. It was strawberry; the candy, as it melted in my mouth, I tasted fresh strawberries. Like those freshly picked. For a moment I closed my eyes just to let the taste stay in my mouth and fills my soul. “Strawberries; a little sour, a little sweet, just like life, don’t you think?” I said nothing, but I just smiled. “You have a beautiful smile, young lady” he said. “Do you realize that this is the first time you smiled at me?” I realized something else, I realized it was the first time in a long time did I smile whole-heartedly. And I realized I missed that feeling, and I realized I liked it. “Thank you.” I said. “Oh don’t thank me yet, just keep smiling and you will see wonders.” He smiled and I noticed his eyes shone. “So I meet you here tomorrow, same time? I promise I won’t be late.” I smiled and nodded.

[gypsyjamtani]

A Box of Reason

4. Suddenly I heard a laugh, a soft sarcastic laugh. I knew it was meant for me. I looked to my right; an old guy was sitting there. He looked like a hippie, dressed like a hippie and seemed like he had not showered in days. He wasn’t Thai; he looked more like a black African man. "What are you laughing about?" I challenged him. "I'm laughing at you, don't you know." He laughed. I could see his rotten black teeth inside his mouth. I didn't say a thing; I just stood up. Since I was a kid, when what I had planned went wrong, I would just take off. So that was what I did. “Oh, don't be so sensitive. Come sit down here." he said and patted the bench just near him. I stopped and hesitated. "Come child, tell me what bothers you, I promise to listen..." he said. "Nothing bothers me!!!" I snapped "Then, why do you wanna end your life and lose all this beauty?" He asked while gesturing to the nature around. "The beauty doesn't excite me anymore." "I know people like you." He stood up and stood next to me. I guessed he thought if I wasn't going to sit, he might as well stand. "You conquered all your dreams and nothing is left now." That sentence made me look at him. He was smiling. His face and cloths and everything about him were dirty. Smell of whisky reeked from his every pore. He was a homeless hippie, yet there was something about his smile that made me relax. Something about him seemed bright. "Here, have a candy." he shoved a box of candies towards me. The candies in that box were colorful. I looked at it and noticed there were no two candies with the same color. There must be more than a dozen candies in that box and none of them were of the same color. I was impressed. There were colors that I had never seen before. There were so many colors. "The colors ei..." the man commented when after a few seconds I still hadn't taken one. "They make you wonder what else out there you haven't seen, or you haven't known of." He laughed his dry laugh until he coughed. "Yea..." I answered weakly. What he said was true; I wondered if I had seen the entire world, how did I miss these colors? "Take one, eat it!" he ordered. I took the light green colored one and put it in my mouth. The moment the candy entered my mouth I smelled and tasted cantaloupe. The flavored not only watered my mouth but I felt it rush through my veins to all corners of my blood stream. I looked at the old man and his smile was bigger. "You like it?" he asked. I nodded. "Cantaloupes have flavor that never fails to cheer you up and makes you wanna dance. Am I right?" I nodded once again. "Take another one..." he said when I finished what was in my mouth. I looked at him confused, uncertain what he was up to. "Just take another one" he insisted. I took the yellow one. It tasted of bananas; I threw it out immediately; I dislike bananas. The old man laughed so hard, I thought he was going to die laughing. "I dislike bananas..." I said. He nodded... then sat down. "Sit down..." he ordered. I sat next to him. I looked at the box of candies, I wanted to take another one; not because I wanted a candy, but I wanted to know what the red colored tasted like. "You wanna tell me now what bothers you?" I kept silence. "You wanna have another candy?" He offered. "Yes, may I?" "No!" He snapped then laughed. "I will give you another one if you come to meet me again tomorrow, here at this time." He said then stood up and left. I looked at him confused.

[gypsyjamtani]

A Box of Reasons

3. I worked as a waitress in England, until I got enough money to continue my travels. I traveled around Europe, went to the big USA, South America, South Africa, Africa then all the way back to Asia. I only stopped more than 2 weeks in one place when I had to work to get enough money to continue. Now at the age of 21, I would say, I have traveled all around the globe. I had done all I wanted and my dreams all came true. And now at age 21, stopping in a small town in Thailand, I ask myself: "Now What?" "Now What? Now What? Where should I go, what should I do?" I often ask myself all the time. I felt there was nothing else to conquer, no desire to satisfy, no dream to make it come true, no1 to live for or to die for, and just like that life seems empty. All the excitement, the adrenalin, the rush I had loved so much, and the rush I craved for every-time I stepped on a new place, or when I did a new stunt, a new adventure, all of that just vanished. All the colors I enjoyed so much just seems blur. All that what had mattered and kept me going is now just an ordinary feeling. ‘Done there, did that’ is a phrase I use a lot lately, and that made me realize, perhaps there is nothing more in this world to see, nothing more to life. I was working as an elementary school teacher here in Thailand. I teach English and Geography, least to my surprise. Everyday I meet those kids, full of life, full of excitement, and full of expectations for tomorrow. Their gratitude towards something they just learned and their eagerness for the next chapter made me envious. I stopped feeling that, and I envy those kids to still have that light in their eyes. After two months and two weeks I worked there, meeting them everyday and feeling what I feel everyday, I decided that life is not worth living anymore. There is no reason to continue my life; no reasons to wake up in the morning, no drive to still keep going. So everyday after school, I would stop at my favorite park and sit on my favorite bench and think of ways to end my life. At first I thought; it should be quick, painless, and no embarrassment. Then I thought, I've been through a lot, a little pain wouldn't matter. After a good consideration and re-consideration I decided I want to see some blood. I decided I would slit my wrist in that park I love spending time with. So that day I walk home from school, I stop at that favorite park of mine, with a determination to end my life. I took a seat on my favorite bench. It’s under a huge tree, at a corner, hidden from the entire crowd and laughter in the park. I look around and took a deep breath. I want to enjoy the beauty of the place one more time, smell the scent of living one more time. Then I took out a surgical knife which I had bought from a near by medical supplier store. Ramon once told me there was no other blade sharper than a surgical blade. I stuck the blade to my wrist, deciding how to slit it. The cold from the metal rushed to my skin and sent a chill down my back.

[gypsyjamtani]

2

The next morning mom told me the bank was holding off the diner. I knew it was Rico's doing. I had enough money to buy back the diner by that time, but I knew it wouldn't work. The bank was a puppet to Rico. I went to Rico and losing all humanity and dignity I had, I told him I would do anything for him if he let my mom have her diner. He smiled, made a phone call and took away my virginity. I thought losing my virginity would have meant something. People made big deals about the first time, but it wasn't for me. I didn't feel like I'd lost something. For me, sleeping with Rico that night was just another experience, another adventure. Since then, my work for Rico was no more just dealing; he sent me to spy on his rivals, sleeping with them in order to get their secrets. I was his 'sales promotion girl'; he sent me with his clients to make them 'happy'. He sent me as a bargain to the police chief. Not that it bothered me to have sex with strangers, but having to please a 50 years old donut munching bastard, was sick to the stomach. The money I got of my job made mom and Ramon lived in comfort. Naive as they were, they believed I was working in a big company. And as far as that went, I had no intention of leaving my job. Everyday was a new adventure there. A year after I started working with Rico, I met Daniel. He was traveling and stopped at our town for a month or two. He always had breakfast at mom's diner, that's how I knew him. One night after a gang fight, I sneaked in to mom's diner to clean myself before I got home. Daniel saw me. He saw me with bruises and blood over my t-shirt. When he asked me what happened, I lied, just like I would have lied to mom and Ramon. I said I fell of the motorbike on the way home. He just laughed and helped me clean my wounds. Just as I was about to leave he said to me "A girl like you is worth fighting for not fighting." At any other day I would have found that sentence degrading and I would have hated him. But perhaps it was his voice, his tone; it made me blushed. Not long after Daniel came to town, Rico's empire fell. His people betrayed him and the law got its hands on him. The town was free from his shadow and I was out of job. Daniel asked me to come with him on his travels and I agreed. Taking just as much as I needed to have a head start, I eloped with Daniel. I thought life was sweet and I had my fairy tale and my prince. Being with Daniel, I felt safe, protected and loved. But that did not last long. My marriage with him was a joke to him, a time pass. As it appeared he had a fiancé waiting for him in England. He said sorry to me and claimed he thought he could leave her for me, but he realized when he met her again that he loved her and she was his soul mate. I had a choice, to go back to my hometown, back to mom and Ramon, or to travel, conquer the world. I decided on the later.

[gypsyjamtani]

A Box Of Reason

1. Introduction As I walked home from work, I stopped at my favorite park. It has been 3 months since I first arrived at this small town, and that’s the longest I’ve been at any place in my travels.

They call me Emma, that’s how I introduce myself all the time, however my birth name is Fiona. My mother gave it to me; she said it was my father’s mother’s name. I never met my father, neither anyone from his family. Mom had always told me he was left estranged by his family when he married her.

Dad died few days after I was born. Mom always told us (that is myself and my elder brother) that he died of an accident. But as I grew up I heard rumors about him. How he was a drug dealer and his accident wasn’t really an accident. When I confronted mom, she didn’t deny it, neither did she agreed. She just said, “No matter what he did for living, you only have to know that he was a good man at heart and he loved us very dearly.”

Ramon, my brother, was seven when dad died. He knew very little about dad’s job or the truth about the accident. But it never bothered him. He never craved for answers; he just let it be.

Ramon studied medicine. He is a surgeon now. He has always been the smart one. Me on the other hand; I hated school. All I wanted was to earn money, to have enough money to travel. I wanted to see the world, to live at the moment. Not to be chained by duties and circumstances.

At the age of 14, I was in my freshmen year; I was selling drugs I sneaked from Ramon to my fellow classmates and my seniors. Ramon was in his third year of medical school. As a proud elder brother, he sometimes let me come and see him in the university or hospital. After a couple of tours to that place, it was easy for me to get the drugs unnoticed. Of course, to know which drugs sold more, I had to read Ramon’s pharmacy book, and it was worth it. I did not only sell them drugs, I told them which drugs gave which effects, what happens when you mix them and what drugs counteracts the other. They came to me not only for the drugs but also for detoxification.

A year later, I was kicked out of school after getting caught selling drugs. I even went to juvenile center for 6 months. My principal told my mother and me that if I wanted, if I had studied and been like the other students, I could had been the valedictorian. He claimed he was sad to lose a brain like me. But I thought he was just being an ass.

Mom did not take the news well. First she was mad that she threw me out of the house. But when she learnt that I was being sent to juvie, she became hysterical and did everything in her power to get me out. She spent all her savings on my lawyer; that’s how I just got 6 months.

Coming out of juvie, I worked with mom at her diner. It was the only thing she had left and she was about to lose it for the money she loaned for me. I felt guilty towards mom, after all she did for Ramon and me, I gave her pain. I wanted to make her happy. And for that I needed money.

At the age 16, I worked for a mafia named Rico. People had always complimented me as a beautiful girl, and as much as I thought it was degrading, I used my attraction to get Rico’s attention. At that time, Rico was 31 years old who had the whole town in his palm. He ran the nightlife in our town. He was married to two women, both of whom had influential fathers. He was feared. And he was RICH.

I went to meet him that day to work for him. I knew working with Rico would be dangerous, not to mention illegal, but I knew the money was good. I needed money; I needed em much, I needed em fast!

My profile preceded me to Rico. He knew me, he knew about my drug scandal at school and he instantly liked me. “You are the girl I need! Beautiful and dangerous, I need your guts.” He said. He trained me with guns and battles then he sent me out to deal.

One day he called me in and spoke about my mother and her diner. He knew how the diner was hanging by a thread and he knew I had come to work for him in favor to save it. With his evil smile he said he had a proposal to save the diner.

I knew it; I knew that instant it was his dick talking. He came close to me and breathed on my neck, and said he wanted to sleep with me. I moved back with disgust and left the room.

#story #life lessons #first chapter

[gypsyjamtani]

A Box of Reason

1. An Introduction As I walked home from work, I stopped at my favorite park. It has been 3 months since I first arrived at this small town, and that's the longest I've been at any place in my travels. They call me Emma, that's how I introduce myself all the time, however my birth name is Fiona. My mother gave it to me; she said it was my father's mother's name. I never met my father, neither anyone from his family. Mom had always told me he was left estranged by his family when he married her. Dad died few days after I was born. Mom always told us (that is myself and my elder brother) that he died of an accident. But as I grew up I heard rumors about him. How he was a drug dealer and his accident wasn't really an accident. When I confronted mom, she didn't deny it, neither did she agreed. She just said, "No matter what he did for living, you only have to know that he was a good man at heart and he loved us very dearly." Ramon, my brother, was seven when dad died. He knew very little about dad's job or the truth about the accident. But it never bothered him. He never craved for answers; he just let it be. Ramon studied medicine. He is a surgeon now. He has always been the smart one. Me on the other hand; I hated school. All I wanted was to earn money, to have enough money to travel. I wanted to see the world, to live at the moment. Not to be chained by duties and circumstances. At the age of 14, I was in my freshmen year; I was selling drugs I sneaked from Ramon to my fellow classmates and my seniors. Ramon was in his third year of medical school. As a proud elder brother, he sometimes let me come and see him in the university or hospital. After a couple of tours to that place, it was easy for me to get the drugs unnoticed. Of course, to know which drugs sold more, I had to read Ramon's pharmacy book, and it was worth it. I did not only sell them drugs, I told them which drugs gave which effects, what happens when you mix them and what drugs counteracts the other. They came to me not only for the drugs but also for detoxification. A year later, I was kicked out of school after getting caught selling drugs. I even went to juvenile center for 6 months. My principal told my mother and me that if I wanted, if I had studied and been like the other students, I could had been the valedictorian. He claimed he was sad to lose a brain like me. But I thought he was just being an ass. Mom did not take the news well. First she was mad that she threw me out of the house. But when she learnt that I was being sent to juvie, she became hysterical and did everything in her power to get me out. She spent all her savings on my lawyer; that's how I just got 6 months. Coming out of juvie, I worked with mom at her diner. It was the only thing she had left and she was about to lose it for the money she loaned for me. I felt guilty towards mom, after all she did for Ramon and me, I gave her pain. I wanted to make her happy. And for that I needed money. At the age 16, I worked for a mafia named Rico. People had always complimented me as a beautiful girl, and as much as I thought it was degrading, I used my attraction to get Rico's attention. At that time, Rico was 31 years old who had the whole town in his palm. He ran the nightlife in our town. He was married to two women, both of whom had influential fathers. He was feared. And he was RICH. I went to meet him that day to work for him. I knew working with Rico would be dangerous, not to mention illegal, but I knew the money was good. I needed money; I needed em much, I needed em fast! My profile preceded me to Rico. He knew me, he knew about my drug scandal at school and he instantly liked me. "You are the girl I need! Beautiful and dangerous, I need your guts." He said. He trained me with guns and battles then he sent me out to deal. One day he called me in and spoke about my mother and her diner. He knew how the diner was hanging by a thread and he knew I had come to work for him in favor to save it. With his evil smile he said he had a proposal to save the diner. I knew it; I knew that instant it was his dick talking. He came close to me and breathed on my neck, and said he wanted to sleep with me. I moved back with disgust and left the room.