gonnagocrynow

[gonnagocrynow]

playing my sad playlist with my listening activity turned on is just a cry for help atp

#spotify #sad playlist #posting this is also one lmao #sad songs #lol i feel like an #attention seeker

[gonnagocrynow]

why does my mind think of incredible ideas that im incapable of actually performing

#the 100s of stories in my head #that will never get the chance to be written down #just thought of some awesome art ideas #but cant draw that shit #why is my mind so unlimited while im so limited

[gonnagocrynow]

was being dramatic, my phy marks weren't even that bad

im facing the consequences of my own actions and have never been more offended and scandalized

[gonnagocrynow]

man I just, I wanna do everything. I want to study philosophy and ethics and poetry and history and science of all kinds. I want to create art and destroy it (like literally burn shit up, that sounds fun). And I want to learn singing and dancing and doing those things even if I can't learn them. I want to be everything and see everything. I want to understand all laws of physics and be able to design building and clothes and jewellery. I want to sew and crochet. And I want to learn all languages and talk to all people and celebrate all festivals. And I want to dress up in all sorts of clothes and go to all sorts of parties. And I just aaaa I just want to do everything.

#is it too much to ask #im having an #whats the opposite of #existential crisis #like ok ig im also having a part of an existential crisis #but like mainly this is me trying to #idk find a meaning #i just want to #live like actually LIVE

[gonnagocrynow]

im facing the consequences of my own actions and have never been more offended and scandalized

#basically im failing phy #it was an easy exam #i just didnt study idek why #i couldve easily gotten an avg grade #but i wrote the shittiest answers #my brain was blank #everything i thought i knew #i didn't #anyways #it is what it is #ill focus on the next exam ig #still disappointing tho

[gonnagocrynow]

faith in the future is my faith now

#louis+tomlinson+aotm #louis tomlinson #faith in the future #fitf #louis william tomlinson #literally love face the music #mans a masterpiece #and makes masterpieces

[gonnagocrynow]

kinda wanna go off in a long ass rant about everything that's wrong in my life rn but that will just make me sad so here's a long ass rant about everything that's right in my life rn

I started drawing/painting again and some of it is finally positive. I made something for my friend and I'm excited to see her reaction. I've planned something else for another one of my friends and am excited to make it and see her reaction. I bunked a class and got caught but not scolded (by the teacher or my parents). Infact my mom told me "It's ok kids bunk sometimes, its that age, just don't do it too often". I got an appreciation award thingy for work I did that I thought was being taken for granted. A teacher who literally doesn't even remember my name half the time and gives me a lot of work finally praised me and called me the backbone of the club. I wrote a sexy af answer for an english question (which unfortunately my teacher didn't read but the satisfaction stays). My friend read the answer and specifically praised one certain line that I was really proud of. I saw Enola Holmes 2 which I loved. I made 2 random posts about it on tumblr and got like 300 notes on each of them overnight (now they're 500 and 600 notes). Finally actually talked in a group that I was part of but rarely texted in. My mom who isn't very supportive of me doing clubwork or being part of clubs put up the appreciation award I got right in front of the door so anyone who walks in will be able to see it. I listened to my cry song without crying or feeling sad for the 1st time ever. I sat in the park for an hour during which I just listened to music and did the sudoku instead of staring at my phone or something. A cat was running away from me when I pspssed it but when I stopped, it came back to me. I got invited to a new friend's bday party. I did questions from a chapter that I thought was pretty tough. I missed 2 classes but still managed to catch up (mentally, the notes though...). I started working on something that I'm gonna give to all my old, new and current friends when school ends. I talked to my sister after ages, like just talked about random shit instead of calling to ask each other for help. (tw??) I haven't stood in front of a mirror checking if my belly looks good or not for like a week now. My outfit looked good for like 3 continuous days. A smart kid asked for my help with a question. My smart friend who I always check my answers with, checked his answers with me. And I was right. He still wears a bracelet thingy I got for him like a month ago. One of my friends told me I'm an excellent story teller. She also almost cried cuz she was laughing so hard at what I was telling her. One of my friends gave me one of her rings to keep. Her bf is being petty about it (in a friendly way). One of my friends said my posts are always a vibe. I made a reel for my friend's bday and everyone commented saying it's very creative and I made sexy edits.

ok that's enough for now ig, im sleepy and this is TMI, if someone who knows me irl comes across this they would immediately realize it's me so bye

I feel better now

[gonnagocrynow]

Enolas mum was like "honey you need other people"

So she went out and got herself a boyfriend.

Then saw how lonely her brother was and got him one too.

Good for her.

#meanwhile my sister calls me into her room just to say get out #step up your game di

[gonnagocrynow]

no you don't understand

enola and sherlock solving one case together IS SIMPLY NOT ENOUGH

I NEED MORE

#holmes siblings>>> #mycroft who #ok i get that enola doesnt want to live in his shadow but THEY'RE TOO FUCKING COOL WHEN THEY SOLVE CASES TOGETHER #enola holmes 2 #enola holmes #sherlock holmes #millie bobby brown #henry cavill

[gonnagocrynow]

enola holmes desperately needs to be a series

#enola holmes 2 #enola holmes #millie bobby brown #henry cavill #louis partridge #sherlock holmes #tewkesbury

[gonnagocrynow]

man wtf am I doing

[gonnagocrynow]

all I want is to be the overachiever all my cousins are compared to

#but im failing phy #and probably chem #already failed maths n phy earlier ai r #aint this fun

[gonnagocrynow]

who tf invented physics? I just wanna talk I swear

#physics #why just why #what was the need #ignorance is bliss #why must we understand everything #the holy books never mentioned phy

[gonnagocrynow]

I wash my hair and suddenly I'm 10X prettier

[gonnagocrynow]

physically I am deleting a post with zero notes, mentally I am a medival king executing the jester that failed to entertain my court

[gonnagocrynow]

little miss fascinated by everything

#little miss

[gonnagocrynow]

she's a 10 but treats social media like her personal diary

#shes a 10 but