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*taps sign again* for May 15.

Fwiw, if the announcement doesn’t come by next week (around May 23), then I don’t think we’re getting anything until July 16ish. See below screenshot for why (the last book was announced near a trading update). And if the announcement doesn’t happen in July, then I don’t think we’re getting a book in the first six months of 2025.

Happy to be wrong but I have zero expectations at this point.

I’m keeping expectations low: I don’t think we’re getting an ACOTAR6 announcement on Wednesday, May 1. Someone on Instagram pointed out that both CC2 and CC3 preorder links were on Amazon for a week before SJM officially announced the books. Which makes sense — Bloomsbury needs the preorder links to be live everywhere so SJM’s Instagram followers can one-click asap. Retailers are finicky and it can take time to get the link working for every store.

I’m praying the universe proves me wrong because I don’t know how much longer I can wait. 😵‍💫

#gwynriel #elucien

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“Wow Sophie! Your hair looks just like starlight!”

“Gwyn’s hair seemed to glow brighter with her song, skin radiating a beckoning light.”

🎨: hopsynth on instagram.

#art

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Today we have this gorgeous comic based on Gwynriel and I love this so much ♥️

Artist L. Foxwood is such a talented artist ... I hope all of you take a minute to check her insta page and give it some love 🤗

Repost only allowed with the permission of the artist

Characters belong to Sarah J Maas

#art

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Headcanon that once Gwynriel are happily mated, Emerie jokes that it’s unfair that both training instructors are making eyes at their mates. How are the Valkyries supposed to learn anything at this rate? Gwyn flushes bright red and Nesta rolls her eyes, but Cassian purses his lips thoughtfully.

The next day, there’s a new visitor during training. A certain blonde with a penchant for red. Only now she’s wearing Illyrian leathers and twirling a knife. Emerie stops dead, mouth agape as she stares at the new arrival. Cassian claps Emerie’s shoulder from behind, booming that Mor has temporarily agreed to give lessons to the three women while Az and Cass focus on the other trainees. This configuration, Cassian continues, will mean that Nesta and Gwyn can’t possibly be distracted by their mates anymore. Their lessons will be productive, fixing Emerie’s complaint.

Emerie is nodding blankly in agreement, her eyes a little glassy as she coughs into her hand. Oh no.

#Emerie is so fucked #she trips more that day then the last year combined #Nesta and Gwyn are oblivious at first but the teasing becomes RELENTLESS once they catch on #the Valkyries are destined to lust over their teachers #emorie #my acotar headcanons #emerie of illyria #emerie #morrigan #mor #nesta archeron #cassian #nessian #gwyneth berdara #azriel #gwynriel #the valkyries #valkyries

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I know people are feeling The Little Mermaid vibes with Gwynriel but I’m also hoping for a sprinkle of 101 Dalmatians. 😂 I’ll be disappointed if the shadows aren’t matchmaking at Pongo’s level! An accidental fall during midnight training shouldn’t be too hard to orchestrate. 😏

#my acotar thoughts #gwynriel #gwyneth berdara #acotar #azriel #gwyn x azriel #pro gwyneth berdara #pro gwynriel #pro gwyn #azriel shadowsinger

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YES I AM THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I’m obsessed with it and wanted to reread 😂💙

I’m searching for an ACOTAR fanfic that I stupidly didn’t bookmark. Help!

- Feysand WIP

- Archeron sisters are born Fae and live in Velaris

- parents are dead and they’re very poor, living in a sketchy tavern

- Feyre can read minds and is scamming people in card games. Her arm is full of tattoos because of these bargains.

- she runs into Rhys, who kills someone in front of her?? Then he asks to play the game but wins. The bargain is that Feyre spends the night with him.

[glossamerfaerie]

I’m searching for an ACOTAR fanfic that I stupidly didn’t bookmark. Help!

- Feysand WIP

- Archeron sisters are born Fae and live in Velaris

- parents are dead and they’re very poor, living in a sketchy tavern

- Feyre can read minds and is scamming people in card games. Her arm is full of tattoos because of these bargains.

- she runs into Rhys, who kills someone in front of her?? Then he asks to play the game but wins. The bargain is that Feyre spends the night with him.

#feysand #feyre archeron #rhysand #feyre cursebreaker #feyre x rhysand

[glossamerfaerie]

I think this remains true for May 8 as well, unfortunately.

I’m keeping expectations low: I don’t think we’re getting an ACOTAR6 announcement on Wednesday, May 1. Someone on Instagram pointed out that both CC2 and CC3 preorder links were on Amazon for a week before SJM officially announced the books. Which makes sense — Bloomsbury needs the preorder links to be live everywhere so SJM’s Instagram followers can one-click asap. Retailers are finicky and it can take time to get the link working for every store.

I’m praying the universe proves me wrong because I don’t know how much longer I can wait. 😵‍💫

#my acotar thoughts #gwynriel #elucien

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acotar ships and their dynamics

Feysand:

Nessian:

Gwynriel:

Elucien:

#acotar misc #obsessed with nessian and gwynriel

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I made the tragic mistake of agreeing to a re-read of the ACOTAR series with a friend and the brainrot is back in full force.

#art

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I’ve been on a big “Bat Boy Baby” kick recently. So here is Uncle Az enjoying some time with his favorite bat baby nephew, Nyx!

P.S. this is the first time I’m sharing any of my artwork on the internet, normally it’s just for me but I couldn’t resist sharing this time.

#art

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Gwyn = future High Priestess?

This is an out-there theory, one that I’m only mildly attached to. But we’re going to wait a long time for the book, so why not indulge in wild speculation, haha. This was inspired by a headcanon I saw about Gwyn and Az being the reincarnation of High Priestess Oleanna (who dipped Gwydion into the Cauldron and gave it to Fionn to overthrow the Daglan) and Enalius (Illyrian warrior who possibly fought the Daglan at Ramiel; original wielder of TruthTeller). It’s a fun crack theory, but Oleanna got me thinking about High Priestesses. We learned a lot about them in ACOMAF due to Ianthe, but they’ve been a non-entity since ACOFAS.

Let’s review the facts. Spoilers for the entire series under the cut. It’s a long post, sorry!

There were 12 High Priestesses before Ianthe died. I don’t know how succession works or if that’s the maximum number possible. I’m inclined to think 12 total slots because it’s a nice round number. I doubt it’s tied to court lineage since they seem to operate independently (if occasionally collaborating with the High Lords). It’s unclear how they gain the position; we know that Ianthe (Tamlin’s childhood friend and a nobleman’s daughter) was the youngest High Priestess and lived in the Spring Court before Aramantha. She fled to Vallahan during the 50 years of tyranny.

Among the High Fae, the priestesses oversaw their ceremonies and rituals, recorded their histories and legends, and advised their lords and ladies in matters great and trivial… […] … Priestesses could marry, bear children, and dally as they would. It would dishonor the Cauldron’s gift of fertility to lock up their instincts, their inherent female magic in bearing life, Ianthe had once told me. So while the seven High Lords ruled Prythian from thrones, the twelve High Priestesses reigned from the altars, their children as powerful and respected as any lord’s offspring. — Feyre’s thoughts in ACOMAF

We later learn that Rhys dislikes Ianthe (for good reasons). But!! His dislike isn’t limited to her. He has an issue with all High Priestesses.

“I find the High Priestesses to be a perversion of what they once were—once promised to be. Ianthe among the worst of them.”

[…]

“The High Priestesses have burrowed into a few of the courts—Dawn, Day, and Winter, mostly. They’ve entrenched themselves so thoroughly that their spies are everywhere, their followers near-fanatic with devotion. And yet, during those fifty years, they escaped. They remained hidden. I would not be surprised if Ianthe sought to establish a foothold in the Spring Court.”

“You mean to tell me they’re all black-hearted villains?”

“No. Some, yes. Some are compassionate and selfless and wise. But there are some who are merely self-righteous … Though those are the ones that always seem the most dangerous to me.”— Feyre and Rhys in ACOMAF

Notice how Rhys talks about the High Priestesses. A perversion. They’re corrupt — he’s implying that they don’t serve the Mother’s will with good intentions.

The High Priestesses hid and escaped Aramantha’s wrath while the High Lords suffered. Like most organized religions, these High Priestesses seem power-hungry and selfish. It sounds like SJM was inspired by Dune’s Bene Gesserit. Their motivations have changed from the High Priestesses of Oleanna’s time. Rhys’s cynicism was warranted: we later learn that Ianthe was resentful of bowing down to the High Lords, allying herself with Hybern to gain influence.

But!!! Not all of them. Rhys himself says that some are compassionate. I wonder who he’s talking about?

“You speak rather informally of your high priestess.”

“Clotho does not enforce rank. She encourages us to use her name.” — Nesta and Gwyn in ACOSF

While we meet Clotho in ACOWAR, she is NOT referred to as a High Priestess. To be fair, Feyre is briefly introduced to her so she wouldn’t know unless someone said so. In Silver Flames, the High Priestess status is linked to Clotho’s name at least five times in the text. I presume that Clotho was a High Priestess before the attack that led her to live in the Library. The text implies that Clotho — along with Rhys and Mor — is the person who created the sanctuary.

Five days later, Cassian sat before the desk of the library’s high priestess and watched her enchanted pen move. He’d met Clotho a few times over the centuries—found she had a dry, wicked sense of humor and a soothing presence. He’d made a point not to stare at her hands, or at the face he’d only seen once, when Mor had brought her in so long ago. It had been so battered and bloody it hadn’t looked like a face at all. He had no idea how it had healed beneath the hood. If Madja had been able to save it in a way she hadn’t been able to save Clotho’s hands. He it didn’t matter what she looked like, not when she had accomplished and built so much with Rhys and Mor within this library. A sanctuary for females who’d endured such unspeakable horrors that he was always happy to carry out justice on their behalf. — Cassian in ACOSF

IMO, Clotho doesn’t have much communication or power over the High Priestesses or temple governance. They might know she lives in a Night Court Library with many vulnerable priestesses, but they likely don’t know the details or precise location (after all, the existence of Velaris was secret until recently). Clotho seems wholly focused on the Library and not the outside world.

Remember what Rhys said to Feyre?

“Some are compassionate and selfless and wise.”

Rhys is likely talking about Clotho, the anthesis of Ianthe’s character. He has to be. What other High Priestess is Rhys acquainted with where he can make that assessment? By his own account, they stick to Winter, Dawn, and Day. None of them were imprisoned Under the Mountain because they hid, so he wouldn’t have met them there.

Which brings me to this:

“At the Court of Nightmares. I allowed her to visit after she’d begged for years, insisting she wanted to build ties between the Night Court and the priestesses. I’d heard rumors about her nature, but she was young and untried, and I hoped that perhaps a new High Priestess might indeed be the change her order needed. It turned out that she was already well trained by some of her less-benevolent sisters.” — Rhys in ACOMAF

Before Aramantha, Rhys was interested in fostering a connection between the Night Court and the High Priestesses. He hoped that a brand-new High Priestess could change the organization. It didn’t go well. I’m not going to quote the entire passage (Chapter 21 in ACOMAF) because it’s a long flashback, but Ianthe shows up naked in Rhys’s bed, attempting to grab his genitalia without his consent. He doesn’t kill her because he doesn’t want to deal with the High Priestesses, but he uses his power to threaten her.

She’d hounded him relentlessly—stalked the other males, too. Azriel had left last night because of it.

[…]

Rhys leaned close to breathe into her ear, “Don’t ever touch me. Don’t ever touch another male in my court.” His power snapped bones and tendons, and she screamed again. “Your hand will heal,” he said, stepping back. “The next time you touch me or anyone in my lands, you will find that the rest of you will not fare so well.” — Rhys flashback in ACOMAF

We know that Ianthe is a grade-A bitch, for many other reasons I didn’t mention (poor Lucien). But you know what’s interesting about Ianthe now?

Ianthe is DEAD. Unless the High Priestesses appointed someone else to the twelfth position off-page, there are currently ELEVEN High Priestesses in Prythia. One spot is potentially open.

And… I wonder who can possibly take on that role? Someone pure of heart and devoted to the Mother. Someone who would mark a return to what High Priestesses OUGHT to be for the Fae. Someone who already has positive ties to the Night Court. Someone who would encourage Rhys to develop a relationship between the Night Court and the High Priestesses, something he wanted to do centuries ago. Maybe a certain teal-eyed Valkyrie priestess that we met in ACOSF.

Gwyneth Berdara

I know what you’re thinking: but Gwyn is already a Valkyrie and researcher at the Library?! She’s helping train the other priestesses! She might have relevancy in the Illyrian rebellion storyline with Emerie and Az! She doesn’t have the TIME to become a High Priestess!!

To which I say… excellent point, lol. It does seem like a lot of responsibility to shoulder. But I’m uncertain whether the High Priestess position needs to be a 24/7 gig. Clotho is at the Library and seemingly not that concerned with the outside world. To be honest, I’m unsure if the High Priestesses are even in frequent communication with each other post-Ianthe’s death. They might be scrambling with the High Lords back in power and unable to exploit the power vacuum anymore. Remember that Hybern attacked the temples and killed priestesses in order to steal the Cauldron parts; I imagine the High Priestesses are still grieving and recovering from that loss. They might be a perversion, but none outside Ianthe allied with Hybern. The High Priestesses aren’t a lost cause just yet. They simply might need someone (Gwyn) to set their priorities straight and refocus their goals in aiding Prythian and worshiping the Mother.

Clotho is compassionate and wise, but seems uninterested in untangling High Priestess politics. She can’t even control Merrill in her own library. I adore Clotho, but I don’t really see her confronting the other High Priestesses and enacting social reforms. Clotho will support Gwyn, but she won’t be the one to initiate change.

“Only Clotho can really make her fall in line, but Clotho lets her have her way, mostly because Merrill throws those windy tantrums that can send everyone’s manuscripts scattering.”— Gwyn in ACOSF

And honestly, maybe the High Priestess responsibilities are light for Gwyn. Maybe she just chills in the Night Court and oversees ceremonies/holidays for Rhys. That’s basically what Ianthe was doing for Tamlin’s Spring Court in ACOMAF/ACOWAR.

I also think it’s OK for the Valkyries to have other responsibilities. I see Nesta as a diplomat or emissary in other lands and courts. Emerie might take a central role back at home, training and helping Illyrian women. Just because they’re Valkyries first doesn’t erase their other identities.

Gwyn has been training as a priestess for her entire life. She’s experienced discrimination due to her nymph heritage, from Merrill and probably other priestesses in Sangravah. I believe Gwyn can enact real social change within the High Priestesses, advocating for species inclusivity and a return to their original duties (like in Oleanna’s time). No more power-hungry political schemes — the Mother and citizen wellbeing should be their #1 priority.

Aside from her personality, Gwyn is a good candidate for two reasons. First, Gwyn is foreshadowed to have strong magic (she glows while singing!). Gwyn’s voice inspires Nesta to have a vision of the Harp. Maybe Gwyn has fire magic from her Autumn grandfather. Maybe she has abilities from her nymph grandmother. Maybe she’s starborn. The possibilities are endless. The point is, Gwyn is magically powerful enough for the role of High Priestess.

Second, I suspect that she’s related to the Autumn Court and Eris. As a High Priestess, Gwyn would have the trust of two High Lords: Rhys and Eris (let’s assume Beron dies soon, lol). Per Rhys, the High Priestesses have mostly entrenched themselves in Winter, Day, and Dawn. That means Autumn (Eris) and Night (Rhys) currently have no connection to the High Priestesses. Gwyn would bridge that gap.

Assuming that Gwyn is Lucien’s grandniece or some other relation, Gwyn also has ties to the Day Court and Helion. I’m very sure that Gwyn and Helion will be fast friends over their love for pegasi. 😉 Having the ear of three High Lords would cement Gwyn’s status as a High Priestess.

***

Anyway… I wrote all this and now I’m not sure at all. 😅 What do you think about my theory? Too out there or a genuine possibility in the Gwynriel book?

#my acotar theories #gwynriel #pro gwyn #gwyn x azriel #gwyneth berdara #acotar #azriel #helion spell cleaver #rhysand #nesta archeron #emerie of illyria #emerie #feyre archeron #lucien vanserra #hofas spoilers

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ACOSF THEORY TIME :

Merrill is being possessed / manipulated by Koschei

( or is maybe in alliance with him )

In my reread, these two passages stood out so much :

In chapter seven, where Vassa is talking about how Koschei manipulated the queens into betraying and selling her to him. Through ‘whispers on the winds’ :

This is notable because in chapter twenty-nine, Merrill mentions that the ‘wind whispers’ to her, and that she knows exactly who Nesta is and what she has done :

We also learn that she is descended from Rabath, Lord of the Western Winds and also that she holds some magical sway over wind, interesting considering that this is the method which Koschei uses to manipulate the queens :

Some other interesting factors :

We can establish that Merrill will be of at least some importance in the next few books solely because of how much time sjm spends discussing her beauty. It’s a well established and well founded fan theory that whenever sjm describes a character as beautiful, they will be a significant - and Merrill’s beauty is said to rival even Mors !!!

^ When she confronts Nesta regarding the swap of books, she calls her ‘girl’. The only other character to call Nesta ‘girl’ is Amren - who is an ancient entity from a different world. Amren is estimated to be 15,000 years old. This similarity suggests to me that there is either more to Merrill than meets the eye, and that she is older than we are led to believe, or that it is Koschei talking through Merrill. As an ancient and powerful death god, this belittling attitude would be more believable coming from him, than coming from ( what we believe is ) a high fae.

^ When Merril catches Nestas eye in the evening service, they settle with ‘hatred’. This seems ridiculous and extremely petty for someone who replaced a book of yours and then set you down a peg when you confronted her about it... there’s definitely something else there.

If she is working in alliance with Koschei - or if perhaps he is possessing her - it would make sense that she is placed in the night court, where she can act as a spy and use the vast library for information. She works closely with Gwyn, who is Nestas close friend and undoubtedly gathers information about Nesta through her. And we know that Gwyn went to Merrill for information regarding the death trove...

I just know that there is more to Merrill than meets the eye, and I’m kind of hoping that she is just being manipulated by Koschei because I would so love for her to be the main scribe and historian for this new legion of Valkyrie warriors.

EDIT

just reread and as far as im concerned this is set in stone...

This is a passage in war and ruin where elain is discussing Koschei, and how he has ‘others’ whom he keeps at the lake whose feathers are ‘as white as snow’ !!!

Back to silver flames, where Merrills hair is described as... you guessed it... ‘white as fresh snow’ !!!!!

#acotar misc #the snow hair similarity is WILD #completely on board the theory that Merrill was a former prisoner and sent to Library to act as a spy #like I knew about the half-breed line and wing powers but wow

[glossamerfaerie]

I’m keeping expectations low: I don’t think we’re getting an ACOTAR6 announcement on Wednesday, May 1. Someone on Instagram pointed out that both CC2 and CC3 preorder links were on Amazon for a week before SJM officially announced the books. Which makes sense — Bloomsbury needs the preorder links to be live everywhere so SJM’s Instagram followers can one-click asap. Retailers are finicky and it can take time to get the link working for every store.

I’m praying the universe proves me wrong because I don’t know how much longer I can wait. 😵‍💫

#gwynriel #elucien #my acotar thoughts

[glossamerfaerie]

For Nesta Week day 7 @nestaarcheronweek

#art

[glossamerfaerie]

A/N: And I am back in my "Nessian with RED (TV) fic titles" agenda. They are just so RED coded and I had been dying to write something related to this album it is one of my fav albums of TS tbf.

This one shot is more Cassian centric, and it is also a type of fanfic I had been meaning to write for the longest times. I just feel like the fandom overall forgets that Cassian has a lot of trauma and insecurities, and I wish we saw more of that.

Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound

Nightmares were not unusual to Cassian. He had them for as long as he could remember.

He had them when he was a mere child living on the outskirts of Windhaven, blowing on his hands to try and keep himself warm.

Had them when he was a young warrior, taking part in the Blood Rite, fighting his way to find his brothers alive.

Had them when he took part in the First War and saw deaths far more gruesome than what he had experienced at the Blood Rite.

Had them pile up after each war, each battle he took part in. Dreamt about his soldiers dying, about having to give their families the news and be met with sadness, anger and resentment. That they were gone and would never return. That while they had died he, a mere bastard born nobody, an orphan, had not.

He grew used to nightmares. Usually he would wake up with silent tears and a sense of regret and failure over his heart, spending the rest of the night awake, going over reports. Those were the good nights.

And on those rare times when his mind was particularly evil and wanted to punish him deeply, on those nights he would wake up with his heart racing, the urge to throw up taking him out of his bed to leave him retching over the toilet, the need to scream at anyone and everyone consuming him. To scream in anger and despair. Those were the bad nights, the ones who made him go to the training ring and rip the punching bags, made him stay there until the sun was rising and he would pass out with tiredness, no dreams, good or bad appearing for him.

He was so used to his nightmares that he knew what to expect, knew how to recognise when it would be a bad or good night.

And then he met Nesta and his nightmares changed.

Now he dreamt of his failures with her. Not being able to stop her from being thrown into the Cauldron, not protecting her from Hybern during the War, not helping her heal sooner after the war, letting her be kidnapped again and thrown in the Blood Rite.

Nothing could have prepared him for those nightmares, nightmares that got worse after they finally got together.

Because finally being able to be with the love of his life, his Nesta, his wife and mate… that made him incredibly afraid. Afraid that the happiness he had never felt before would be stolen from him, leaving him empty, a sad and lonely youngling in the bitter snow all over again.

The first time Cassian had a nightmare after he and Nesta had wed, he had woken up in a cold sweat, heart beating so loudly on his ears that for a second he thought he was hearing the Illyrian war drums. He had dreamt of the night she had been Made, of dragging himself over the cold floor of Hybern’s throne room, the pain of his shredded and bloody wings almost non-existent at the face of Nesta’s despair. At her screams of rage as she was dragged under the cold dark waters of the Cauldron.

He had only calmed down when he realised Nesta was safely sleeping beside him, arms around him tightening and her sleepily mumbling at him.

“Where are you going?”

Cassian had considered untangling himself from his wife’s warm embrace and going over some leftover documents, silently keeping watch over her. But one look at her sleeping face had his resolve weakening.

“Nowhere, Nes” he had settled beside her, dropping a kiss on her forehead “Go back to sleep”

Whenever Cassian had a nightmare, he would try his best to not wake up Nesta. He did not want to bother her with his worries and fears. And somehow the Mother must have taken pity on him, because he was scarcely having any bad nights since they'd gotten married. Sure, he still had nightmares, but those made him want to rip his own heart out had stopped.

He took that as a small blessing. He would take the good nights over no dreams if that meant that the unbearable nightmares would be kept at bay.

However, Nesta was not oblivious that something preyed on her husband’s mind. She had noticed how worn out he was, how when he smiled at her and said nothing was wrong his smile did not reach his eyes.

But Nesta wanted Cassian himself to tell her what was happening. Wanted him to open his heart about what was making the circles beneath his eyes darker with each passing day without her having to dig it out of him. He had told her months ago during that hike at Illyria that she could be silent and he would be waiting for her to open up when she felt comfortable, as long as she did not shut him out. Now Nesta would do the same. She would wait beside him, offering her support however she could until he was ready to talk.

“You are unusually quiet today,” Nesta noted. They were resting on the sofa in front of the fireplace — Nesta reading a book and Cassian lying down, his head on her lap — having a quiet late evening after the training session with the Valkyries in the morning.

“Missing the sound of my lovely voice, Nes? Should I read out loud a paragraph from your book?” Cassian teased, opening an eye. He had slept poorly the night before, and the quiet sound of the embers crackling on the fireplace and his mate absentmindedly running her free hand through his hair had him battling sleep.

“No,” she closed her book, “it was merely an observation.”

Cassian closed his eyes again, smiling softly.

“Are you sure? I am certain the House would love to hear all about your newest smutty book”

The faelights flicked twice, as if agreeing with him.

“Oh hush now, you can read it after I am done with it. ” Nesta said, glaring at the ceiling “I never knew a sentient being more impatient”

Cassian laughed. At first he had been surprised when Nesta talked to the House, but he had grown used to it, even talking to It on more than one occasion.

“Do you want to move to our room?” Nesta asked, gently running her hands through his hair “it is more comfortable than the couch”

Cassian merely sighed “No, I am very comfortable like this” he turned on his side, arms circling her waist and wings dropping a little on the floor “I am afraid I will keep you hostage while I nap.”

Whatever Nesta meant to say was lost when she noticed how his breath had eased, her mate having already fallen asleep. And before she could even ask, the House flicked off the faelights, drawing shut the curtains of the room they had turned into their living room.

“Thank you,” Nesta found it quite endearing how the House had grown to care about Cassian as much as It cared about her. In the beginning, It liked to play pranks on him and even sided with Nesta whenever she and Cassian had an argument — once It locked Cassian outside and only let him in when he apologised. Over time, however, they had formed a rather close friendship.

Nesta opened her book again, turning on the small faelight that Azriel had gifted her on Solstice. She had just gotten to the juicy part and she knew that little light would not wake Cassian any time soon if the way he was softly breathing was any indication of how deeply he was sleeping.

She had read half of the book when she felt an uneasy feeling through the bond. She looked down at Cassian and saw his breathing getting uneven, his arms tightening around her waist.

“Cass?” Nesta whispered softly, setting her book aside. She could feel his fear and anguish through the bond, and it pained her that she could do nothing to ease his pain.

Cassian whimpered, and although Nesta knew better than to wake up someone having a nightmare, she could not stand to see him in such pain.

“Cassian, wake up, please” she tugged on her end of the bond, her hands cupping his face. He woke up gasping, hazel eyes huge and scared.

“A bucket,” he managed to say as he scrambled up, his breathing erratic “I need—”

No sooner had the House made a bucket appear than Cassian was on his knees, emptying his stomach. Nesta kneeled beside him, holding his hair back and rubbing his back.

“It is okay, everything is fine now” she said softly.

The House made a glass of water and a towel appear, Nesta thanking It quietly. Cassian had closed his eyes, breathing as if he had just learned how to.

“Hey,” she grabbed his face “open your eyes Cass.”

His hands came up, grabbing her wrists like he was wandering at the sea and she was his lifeline.

“That is it, just look at me” she said softly yet firmly, his scared hazel eyes meeting her blue-grey ones “Breath, Cassian.”

Nesta took a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds before letting it go slowly. Cassian copied her, and after a few minutes his breathing had become normal again, his racing heart also slowing down.

“I am sorry,” that was the first thing he said, voice hoarse “I did not want you to see me like this”

“Nonsense,” Nesta dismissed, giving him the glass of water and making him drink it “you have seen me in much worse conditions”

“Are you ready to tell me what is going on?” she asked.

Cassian nodded his head, biding his time by taking another sip of water and using the towel to clean his mouth.

“For as long as I could remember I’ve had nightmares,” he began “There are the good nightmares and bad nightmares. The good ones usually wake me and leave me with a feeling of failure.”

Nesta remembered the nights in which she would wake up to an empty bed, Cassian going over reports — she would sit on his lap and give remarks as he went over them —  or just standing on their balcony. On those nights she would go over to him and bring him back to bed.

“I am cold” she would say, and he would hug her tightly and Nesta would let him think that she did not notice how he needed the hug more than she did.

She could always feel his sadness through the bond, no matter how hard he tried to close his end of that golden thread that binds them together so intrinsically.

“And the bad ones?” Nesta quietly asked.

“The bad ones leave me like this,” he said with a self deprecating laugh “A complete and utter mess, barely functioning.”

“You have been sleeping poorly for a while now. Why didn’t you talk to me?” Cassian must have seen the hurt on her eyes, felt it through the bond, because he grabbed her hands, squeezing them.

“I am not good with words, I am sure you have noticed that,” he smiled weakly “I wish I was half as eloquent as you are.”

“You managed just fine in our wedding” she said with an arched eyebrow, and that got a real laugh out of him.

“I was inspired that day, I will admit.” he got serious again “But I think that maybe spending a lot of time being alone and angry did not help with my inability to find the right words to express what I am feeling. And to share my problems with others.”

Nesta had noticed this particular trait of Cassian, especially after she had stopped keeping him at arms lengths and had finally allowed herself to admit what she felt for him. He loved his family deeply, would put himself at risk for others in a heartbeat, would always have a happy face and joke to lighten the mood.

He cared for and about everyone, but what about him? Who did the same to him?

Nesta wanted to be the one with whom he could discard his happy mask and show a range of emotions.

“You can always talk to me Cassian,” she said “Anytime, no matter what.”

“I don't want to burden you. You already went through so much that to further worry you with something as silly as a nightmare—”

“I cannot believe you are saying this,” Nesta said, and Cassian could feel her anger and disappointment through the bond “You could never burden me and for you to even suggest otherwise—”

“I am your wife, Cassian. Your mate. If I don’t care and worry about you, who will?” she continued after taking a deep breath to calm herself “Besides, it is not a silly nightmare if it affected you this way”

Cassian stayed a few minutes quiet, mindlessly playing with her wedding band, brows furrowed in concentration.

“Another reason I was hesitant to talk to you about the nightmares is because— because now I have nightmares about you, Nes” he avoided her eyes while he talked, still focused on her hands “The good nightmares are the ones about my failures with you. Not stopping Hybern, not helping you sooner…”

Nesta’s heart almost broke when he said that. How could he think that about himself when he had been the one to tell her months ago when they visited the old shabby cottage she had lived with her family in poverty that there was nothing she could have done to stop Hybern and save her father?

“And the bad?” she asked, wishing he would look at her.

“The bad ones are about you dying in my arms. About you realising I am nothing more than a bastard born nobody, who is not deserving  of even the air you breathe and then leaving to go travel the world, to marry a king from the continent or from other fae lands.” his voice got quieter, almost a whisper, as if he was afraid of telling her what he saw on those nights “Of you simply leaving me and never looking back.”

“Tonight— tonight was a bad one,” he finally looked at her and his face was so utterly wrecked with pain and desperation that Nesta wanted to tell him that she would stop his nightmares, that she would bargain with the Mother and even that blasted Cauldron to leave him alone.

“I dreamt that when Briallyn ordered me to kill I could not turn the knife on myself. So I killed you. And she got the Mask and kept reviving you so I had to kill you over and over and over again” silent tears started running down his face and her heart truly shattered.

She hugged him tight, Cassian burying his head on her shoulder.

“Shh xe nhia, I am here,” Nesta knew a few words in Illyrian, and she hoped that the use of them, the familiarity that they brought, would help Cassian “I am not leaving you. Not now and not ever”

“However, if you keep trying to spoil my books I might become Ems’ newest house mate” she joked, making Cassian laugh.

“I would be completely lost without you Nes,” he said with a weak smile.

“I know,” she tenderly brushed his cheeks, drying his tears “Promise me something?”

“Anything you desire”

“Promise me you will wake me up when you have another nightmare, be it ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Promise me you will talk to me and let me be beside you when you are in need.” she pleaded.

“I promise” Cassian kissed her cheek, gathering her in his arms and walking towards their bedroom. Reluctantly setting her down, he went to their bathroom to freshen up while Nesta changed out of her dress.

Cassian walked back in to find her wearing one his favourite sweaters.

“I had been looking for that sweater”

“You were? Funny how it ended up in my drawer. Maybe the House put it there by mistake” Nesta shrugged, knowing very well that she had been the one to steal it. She was constantly stealing Cassian’s clothes.

“You do look better on it than me, so I think I can forgive that small mishap” he said, getting under the covers and hugging Nesta close.

“I love you, Nes” he whispered in her ear “And thank you”

“I love you too, Cass,” she replied, snuggling closer to him.

And that night, for the first time in a long while, Cassian had no nightmares.

•

tag list: @sayosdreams @perseusannabeth @arinbelle @letstakethedawn @katekatpattywack @nestaarcheron @imagine-me @sv0430 @starryblueskies7 @live-the-fangirl-life @valkyriewarriors @readskk @wannawriteyouabook @imwritingthesewords @rainbowcheetah512 @moodymelanist @castielspelvis

[Reblogs/likes/comments are always welcomed!!]

#acotar fanfiction i love

[glossamerfaerie]

I feel like a lot of people focus on Nesta’s reaction to Gwynriel’s relationship once they go public. Maybe Nesta threatens Az to keep her girl safe. Maybe she tears up with joy for her BFFs. Maybe she’s speechless because she didn’t see it coming. And so on. But no one ever talks about how Cassian will react other than the obligatory joy and merciless teasing. “Surely he’s going to take revenge for Az’s disruptive chaperoning!”

Except… I don’t think that’s quite right for Cassian. He’s watched his brother pine after their mutual friend for 500 years. He feels incredibly guilty for sleeping with Mor just because he was jealous of Az’s crush. He’s been acting as a buffer in a fucked up situation that only ended recently. He knows how desperately lonely Az is. How much Az wants to find love. How fragile Az’s heart is despite his broody spymaster exterior.

I like to imagine that Cassian finds Gwyn in the Library, asking for a private word. He’s happy for them, of course, but he asks Gwyn for a favor. Cassian explains that he will support whatever Gwyn wants in this relationship, whether it’s being with Az or breaking up if she’s unhappy. All he asks is that Gwyn be gentle with Az’s heart and devotion, especially when it comes to ending things. Just… be careful not to shatter his heart.

Everyone assumes that Az can withstand any pain or blow. But Cassian knows better. Everyone else is worried for Gwyn in this relationship, but only Cassian is worried for Azriel. 💔🥺

#gwynriel #gwyneth berdara #acotar #azriel #gwyn x azriel #nessian #nesta archeron #nesta x cassian #cassian #my acotar headcanons