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glorestarz · 1 month

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enter— toxic (yandere?) surgeon alhaitham !!

status: unedited/not beta read

synopsis: you’re an annoying ass intern at alhaitham’s hospital and he basically hates you lol /hj

cw: degrading of your character, and unbalanced power dynamics

note: is this good? nah. but alhaitham has been rotting in my mind for like days, doesn't help that i main him either— but still. honestly, you could imagine this as vertias (HSR) as well because they are so-so similar imo but vertias is more of a bitch 😭

you were a discord in the esteemed surgeons' carefully choreographed day-to-day. a heterogenous little thing, opposed to him in temperament, in capacity, in propensities. a useless thing, or more accurately a useless intern—incapable of serving his interest or adding anything of worth to him other than a pretty face adoring his side. if that.

it was only a moderately pretty face, but loneliness and underfeeding had given it a wistful expression that had charm. unfortunately, it was not the sort of charm which made a great appeal to alhaitham. he values practicality. aesthetics aren't generally something he puts into consideration. which might as well explain his animosity of you.

there was a curious strain of weakness running crosswise through your makeup.

you weren’t adept with the scalpel, scholarly, or quick on your feet. you were nothing. you could do nothing for him. fetching him, at best, lukewarm coffee in the morning certainly wouldn't qualify you as useful. i mean— an ill-fated cancer ward patient writhing in the throes of death would certainly be more useful than you. at least it gave him something to do. providing a semblance of entertainment.

so his mind spun perpetually as to why were you there. to bother him? to toss a pebble square into his well-oiled machine? what mad impulse had seized you to think you could try your hand at surgery?

you knew you were a hindrance. you must have known. you have to know. alhaitham was not one to hide his disdain and icy glares. his voice, usually calm and measured, takes on a sharp edge with you, his utterances dripping with condescension, dissecting your tactless actions. and the blunt truth was that you possessed neither courage, self-perseverance, nor self-respect, so of course, you said nothing in rebuttal to the comments. he just couldn't help himself.

dipping your head to convey your utmost apologies when you slip up, avoiding his glances when asking a question. this was a teaching hospital so why can’t you just learn? he’s giving you all the materials and opportunities to learn. an ample amount even. if you won’t, leave him alone. go simmer in all your utter helpness elsewhere. he has no use for you.

he’d thought that would be enough to rid himself of you. wouldn’t it be great to live in a world without annoyances?

yet, despite, his biting words and audacious gazes, you stayed. there had been disappointments and humiliations, and although you hated to admit it even to yourself, you were in desperate straits, alhaitham’s words were inevitably eroding your sense of self, as small as it was. nevertheless, you were still fighting, trying to bob your head out of the water.

stupid. you were frustrating to no end. he thought it was mere childish affection that made you cling to him until it was too late did he clearly understand what you were to him. for by merely seeming fond of him, and showing in your weak, futile way that you “cared” for him—he’d never would have thought from the moment you stepped into his orbit, his focus would narrow, his attention, better used elsewhere, would fixate on you with an intensity that bordered on unbridled obsession.

odd.

you wanted to scrub in on another specialty? what are you talking about? are you stupid? interns are not just a mentee, but a possession to be owned and controlled. you were his despite his resentments.

interns were always referred to as puppies, it was a well-known fact among his colleagues; incredibly bright-eyed and eager, they’d follow their mentors closely, eager to soak up knowledge like sponges and as a resident you’d have to be careful to correct their wrongdoings without breaking their spirit.

he’d always thought the analogy was absurd.

but you were his puppy, incredibly loyal, and “forgiving” despite his harsh words, and just because you wanted to stray from his sight doesn't mean he’ll just— let you. puppies have leashes for a reason. no?

he ended that fictitious fantasy punctually, deflecting the other attending’s stabs of stealing you away for their own surgeries. if able, he’d like to avoid this scenario from coming into fruition. he’ll reject any ask you send his way, of course, the communication required to do so is a huge waste of his valuable time. time he’d rather not waste dwelling on you. but he does nonetheless. you should be grateful. you should be grateful he's doing at least this for you. listening to your burdensome requests, though your pleas might as well been ignored. he won’t be doing any of that, of course. laughable.

he trusts in his own judgment implicitly.

any glimmer of your independence was swiftly extinguished under the weight of his authority. unlike those with sly, silver tongues, allaitham’s approach is more clinical, that transcends mere ego stroking. he doesn't need to charm or flatter; he’s well aware of his strengths. so instead, he appeals to their intellect (if any), exploiting vulnerabilities within their surgical precision, employing subtle nuances and half-truths. besides, it was much easier this way. it's easy for people to succumb to the vicissitudes of life and find themselves being led astray, and some people just need a little push to be off on their way. insecurity is a weakness to be exploited, not a trait to be embraced.

once he diverts their attention and energy into other matters, they should leave you him alone rather quickly. great, that’s good. good for you. good for him. though, its effects are no less devastating for the hereafter.

and just like that, his problem is resolved, enabling him to rest easy again. manipulation is a tool; an art form, similar to the scalpel, one that he wields with chilling efficiency and little effort, a finesse that is as mesmerizing as it is terrifying.

it was inconvincible, but alas, over time he found a sort of convoluted satisfaction in orchestrating your actions and decisions to align with his desires, savoring the sense of dominance it carries. and his penchant for control permeates even the most remote of your interactions as they would now. this is by design.

why? hah. he couldn’t tell, but the thing interested him. his curiosity was at first entirely defeated upon the point; there was mystery about it. it seemed in itself so insignificant.

the thing puzzled him, and he was led to make a further remark, which puzzled him still more: as a surgeon, as a scientist, they were taught to learn from and rely on books, on definitions, but in life strict definitions rarely apply as they would now. plus, what good would it be to know? it is merely a passing interest, a fleeting distraction from the rigors of his daily routine.

but at the present, all he understood, or cared to understand was that his grip on your autonomy was somehow, something comfortable and natural. now he can go back to normal. good. the cogs are turning again. his conscience is clear.

just don't throw anymore extra trouble his way, and you’ll be fine. probably.

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