gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916

[gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916]

unstoppable force (feeling randomly irritable toward an unsuspecting person i deeply care about for literally no reason besides probably my ADHD) vs immovable object (having the awareness to recognize how awful it feels for someone to feel angry or irritable toward me because of my RSD and not wanting to subject another person to that)

#adhd #rsd #rejection sensitive dysphoria #unstoppable force vs immovable object #living with adhd #neurodivergent

[gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916]

i have such a toxic relationship with tumblr. i’ll ghost this app for months, just to come back to dump the wildest trauma or the most random information i’m hyperfixated on and then i’ll leave again

#sorry y’all

[gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916]

“There was a time when I would have done almost anything. I would have locked myself away to keep Rindy with me. What use am I to her, to us, if I'm living against my own grain?” - Carol

SOBBING

#Carol #carol film #cate blanchett #rooney mara #i just watched Carol last night and i am OBSESSED

[gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916]

when you get out of your flashbacks at 2a.m. and remember that you’re a sexy queen who God has big plans for

#almost forgot who i was there #almost forgot WHOSE i was there 👀 #but we good now #ptsd #flashbacks

[gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916]

hey fellow neurodivergent Christians! if you like stimming while you worship, I highly recommend the song Pilot Me by Josh Garrels!! it has wonderful vibes :)

#Josh Garrels #Pilot me #Neurodivergent Christians #Christian #Neurodivergent #stim

[gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916]

i swear y’all sometimes i be getting a little too comfortable with my talking to God cause i’ll read Revelation beginning to end for the first time and be like “ayo what was that??”

#the book of Revelation #y’all help #i’m so confused

[gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916]

my neurodivergent self losing my MIND when Brandi Carlile sings “we never lie and we don’t tell tales” for literally no reason

#hearts content #brandi carlile

[gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916]

do y’all have any song lyrics that get you emotional in a way that would not make ANY sense without a backstory to explain it??

for me it’s in “Can’t Hold Us” when he says “chasing dreams since I was fourteen” bc when I was fourteen I spoke up about the abuse I was enduring for the first time and then realized how much I wanted to go into social work

#it’s always mad embarrassing #but that section of the song gets me PUMPED

[gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916]

guess who’s officially 20 as of this past saturday!!

#I wanted to say something witty #but I couldn’t think of ANYTHING #but I’m 20!! #birthday

[gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916]

Olfactory memory is the wildest thing.

The other day I was just sitting and waiting for my class and I randomly started smelling something that would NOT stop putting the thought of Good Luck Charlie in my head and I had no idea why. I mean, I hadn’t even thought of Good Luck Charlie in such a long time, and now I had the theme song playing in my head. As I sat there, perplexed at how a smell could remind me of any TV show, let alone such a random one from my childhood, it suddenly hit me what the smell reminded me of. Those squishy cake toys.

I think it was May of 2017 when I had received one of these from a friend as a party favor from her 13th birthday party. I loved it. I mean, I was infatuated by it. It smelled (kind of?) like strawberries, and you could squish it every which way and it would slowly grow back to its normal size and shape. It really wasn’t all that exciting or remarkable, but I loved it. I would be holding it, squishing it, smelling it, all of the sensory aspects that I could possibly take in from that toy, all throughout the summer of 2017 (especially the early summer).

I didn’t watch Disney channel growing up (for what I used to think was because my parents didn’t want me to watch it, but it turns out we just didn’t have access to it for a while) and I wasn’t really allowed to watch YouTube on my own because of negative experiences my parents had had with my older sister, which had made them more stringent on rules. Of course I, being the big Rule-Breaker I was, would disregard (or rather find loopholes for) these rules, and use google docs (I think an “explore” section or something? I haven’t used google docs in years) to watch, prepare yourselves, Good Luck Charlie (as well as other Disney Channel shows and random Harry Potter behind the scenes videos). Literally any chance I could get, I would use my family’s ten year old mac and find my crusty headphones and hide away in my rooms so I could be such a rule breaker and watch Good Luck Charlie. And of course, the super blurry and grainy, filmed from another screen type of videos. I would pause the video every minute or so to make sure I didn’t hear any approaching footsteps, and if I did, I would quickly switch to a different google docs tab and show them how I was “working on writing stories”. As time went on, I would sneak onto pinterest so I could see screenshots of Tumblr posts because in my little middle school mind, anyone who posted funny things on Tumblr was a celebrity who deserved my utmost respect. If you posted on Tumblr in 2017 or earlier, just know that little me was your biggest fan. But before that, I was just a girl who secretly watched grainy videos of Good Luck Charlie while I played with my squishy cake toy and thought I was the biggest rule breaker in the world.

(I just thought I should share.)

#Olfactory memories #Good Luck Charlie #squishy cake toys #2017 #memories #I was also OBSESSED with Emma Watson #Which I feel is important to add/share #rule breaker

[gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916]

"Hallelujah, Salvation and Glory, Honor and Power to the Lord our God! For the Lord our God is Mighty; Yes the Lord our God is Omnipotent; The Lord our God, He is Wonderful!"

#Queer Christian #Meant to post this on Sunday #but oh well

[gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916]

me, a romantic, trying to professionally describe my past in a way that isn’t poetic and doesn’t use metaphors

#how do i say ‘i was his toy and his punching bag’ in APA style

[gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916]

My fellow prodigal children:

There is a big thing between conviction and shame. There is a big difference between conviction and shame. And the root of the difference between conviction and shame is where (or rather, who) it came from.

A big indicator of what it is and where it came from is where it pulls us to. Conviction and shame want to turn our attention somewhere and ultimately move us somewhere. They both come and hit us as the result of our sin and in the moment we think that our shame must be holy because we think that when it rebukes us, it rebukes our sin. However, this could not be further from the truth. Shame, in its very essence, comes from hell and it comes from the enemy, and we know this because of where it pulls and calls us to. It pulls our faces down, calls us to hide from God, to stop going to Him, to identify as someone who lost to our sin and worst of all, believe that we are a lost cause who God has given up on. Any voice that tells you that you are too broken to turn your eyes upon Jesus and run into His embrace is not from God. Any thoughts that tell you that you cannot pray or sit in the presence of God are NOT holy thoughts.

Conviction is not the same as shame. Conviction is the one that whispers "look up”, the one that tells you to open up your hands and give your burdens to your loving Father as a humble offering, the one whispering at you and pulling you to go home anyway, so you can see your Father running to you with open arms.

Conviction pulls your face upward and gives you hope. It reminds you that there is good news. And it tells you, over and over and over again, that the shame was wrong.

The shame was wrong.

The shame was wrong.

#shame versus conviction #Christian #queer Christian #I had this thought and wrote this down several months ago #but I thought I would share

[gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916]

the feminine urge to drop your ab*sers mugshot because you feel like the voices of all his victims have been hella silenced and not enough people know what a horrendous person he is

#y’all help #i want to so bad

[gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916]

what is the purpose of having an outlet there if not to sit on this comfy (albeit high) ledge and work on school work?

#college #so many questions

[gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916]

*My ADHD self sitting on my bed in my towel and staring off into nowhere instead of packing for college, or doing, you know, anything*:

I'm not entirely sure what self-care encompasses, but I'm pretty sure this isn't it

#adhd #executive dysfunction #college things #packing for college things #adhd college student #living with adhd

[gay-doodlebug-with-adhd916]

Queer Christians Unite!

If you're a queer Christian, would you mind interacting with this post in some way? I would love to get to know more queer Christians in all different walks of life, as at least in my personal life it can feel rather isolating.

If you're not a queer Christian and would like to interact with this post as well, please feel free! Just please be kind, and also recognize that this post is about uniting people in what feels like rather small pockets of society. And please no hate, I understand that different beliefs, opinions, and standpoints/life experiences exist, and the more difficult conversations about those kinds of things can totally happen. However, I also happen to get a lot of difficult comments and hateful sentiments from people irl, and I would like this post to be a safe place.

Thank you and I love you all!

<3 Doodlebug

#Queer Christian #Queer #Christian #Queer Christians interact! #Gay Christian #Trans Christian #Lesbian Christian #Bisexual Christian #LGBTQ+ Christian #no hate pls