I must not explain the joke. Explaining the joke is the joke-killer. I will face my followers who did not get the joke. I will permit them to pass over me and through me
once in college my friend asked me to come along on a date she wasn’t comfortable with because she knew that I would step in and ruin the mood on purpose if she gave me the signal that she wanted out
I came along, it was awkward, she gave the signal, and I immediately dumped a glass of ice water over my head and said “oh no looks like you have to drive me home immediately to prevent hypothermia” but then she and her bad date thought this was so startling and funny that it broke the tension and got them talking. and then I had to sit around for the rest of their date dripping water and shivering because she decided she was enjoying herself.
one of my brother’s cousins is 17 and running this weed instagram where he invents weed slang that’s outlandish even by california standards and the house has slowly stopped speaking english as we imitate it
i step out onto stage clad in full corpse paint and death metal regalia and start playing the most middle-of-the-road soft rock you've heard since 1974
the thing they dont tell you about working with little kids is it wrecks your vocabulary. you hear a kid phrase something bizarrely in a way only a 5 year old can and now any time you lose shit youre like "it dissed appear"
As far as I'm concerned if someone doesn't tell me to my face I'm annoying I'm not annoying enough for them to really care. If you hate my guts either pretend you don't or prepare for battle
a bottom-tier autistic experience is being told throughout your entire childhood that you are just an overthinker when it comes to social situations and later finding out that your friends did, in fact, hate being around you and tried to communicate that through weird little hints
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