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finally bought "the body keeps the score"!!

#did osdd #system posting #sysblr #the body keeps the score

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tw suicide

bpd culture is wanting to die to stop hurting but also because if I can't have a semblance of control over my own life then I sure as hell will have control in how I die

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sees art with thick smooth line art: ah yes i want my art to look like that

sees art with sketchy thin line art: ah yes i want my art to look like that

sees lineless art: ah yes i want my art to

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remember that you don’t owe anyone any information about your system, especially fake claimers.

i understand the desire to try and prove your “realness” to fake claimers by listing a, b and c about your system, but that’s incredibly dangerous. you’re not going to change their minds no matter what you say, and you’re only giving them more information about you that they can use maliciously.

stay safe, y’all <3

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i know theres this reputation for pwASPD to be 'edgelords' right? and i know that there is not an insignificant number of us who sorta delight in this image.

but i always think that at its core, ASPD stems from fear. not emotionlessness or sadism or whatever else.

when its developed in childhood its because of fear, right? if you have absent caregivers, for example, you fear the loss of resources you need. theres a fear of being unworthy of affection, a fear of being completely dismissed and left to fend for yourself.

and with only yourself to manage that fear and soothe yourself, you figure out how to survive should those things happen. you figure out how to get your own resources, how to manage with what you have. you discard the idea of affection and love. perhaps you even deem it worthless because that way you arent wanting something youll never have. in being scared, in being terrified, you are forced to become the only thing that can make you get rid of those fears

then, when youre out, the fears have changed. now vulnerability is terrifying, because being vulnerable hurt so much when you were smaller, now honesty is scary because you cant control how that narrative plays out.

most importantly, allowing yourself to need other people is the most horrific of all of them, because the last time you needed anyone you were left to fend for yourself.

idk i just think its interesting to think about.

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Plural culture is getting ridiculously relieved and excited seeing someone else mention that kind of "continuous memory mechanism" (we used to think it was just a weird perspective thing, now we think it's an alter nobody was able to see because they are that pov, and stuff it's weird) and feeling a lot more real. Also them having an "admin" too. So Anon if you see this: yes, same! we also have emotional amnesia but not to our knowledge any "real full" amnesia because theres someone just always watching and making sure we know what happened and nothing weird is noticeable. And we have doubted ourselves a lot because this of course means there will never be unexplained notes or people we dont know greeting us or any of these classic physical evidence because we are never unsupervised and uncontrolled. (i really hope we didnt send that ask because that would be embarrassing and disprove the "no amnesia" thing but i dont think so)

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I don’t have ASPD in the “crazy obsessive killer, looking to hurt everyone and anyone around him, abusive horrible person who should be in prison” way I actually have it in the “I will never been able to properly love anyone & it destroys me from the inside out, I am broken and undesirable, if anyone gets near me I’ll hurt them before they hurt me” way

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It quite literally , does NOT mattet " how bad your trauma sounds to external factors " like dude i do NOT care if ur trauma was " just " this or that . . . Trauma " severety " is deemed by YOUR perspective , not to mine , not to anyone , stranger or not . Don't let unwanted opinions invalidate your feelings , ok ? <3

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“If they miss you, they’ll call. If they want you, they’ll say it. If they care, they’ll show it. And if not, they aren’t worth your time.”

— Lessons Learned in Life

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bpd + autism culture is people never knowing just how bad your symptoms really are because you're extremely high masking/functioning and youre scared people will leave if you show your symptoms

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sorry if this is rude but do you have friends? or a safe person? i resonate with being schizoid except i sometimes do want to make friends so idk if that makes it valid

- I would go so far as to claim that the average schizoid is more likely to actually want friends, and the kind of schizoid who does not care at all about it are on the rarer side. It is just that, for the former kind:

The desire to have friends is not strong enough to act upon;

Friendship is only enjoyable in theory but not in practice [ common among schizoids with complex fantasy lives/reliance on internal objects ];

Other interests/hobbies are interesting enough to make the person “forget” they even care about friendship;

The cost of friendship [ the necessary effort it takes to maintain one, the feeling of intrusion, etc. ] far outweighs the benefits, so it is considered an investment with little return;

The type/intensity of friendship the schizoid wants is not the kind that is easy to establish in their circumstances;

The schizoid enjoys making friends but does not care enough to maintain them especially when circumstances shift to make it too inconvenient to do so;

Or combinations of the above.

Keep reading

#im really questioning if im not schizoid by now

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impulsivity in bpd can be cutting and dyeing your hair, but it’s also frying and destroying your hair to a point where it’s completely ruined and you’re self conscious of it everyday.

impulsivity in bpd can be having an attitude and saying some petty things to people, but it’s also ruining every good friendship and relationship you’ve ever had and you can’t stop yourself from sabotaging everything, so you end up alone in a deep pit.

impulsivity in bpd can be having some drinks, doing dr*gs, or having a lot of meaningless sex. but it’s also relying on drinking and dr*gs so much that you’re completely off your face all time and it ruins your image and every aspect of your life. and it’s also no one wanting a relationship with you because you “sleep around” or “probably have an std”.

impulsivity in bpd can be browsing an fps facebook. but it’s also stalking their every move online and their every step in the real world constantly because you need them so bad. you can’t live without knowing if they’re okay, knowing what they’re doing, knowing if they’re leaving you for someone else, etc.

the list goes on. us borderlines post a lot of shit about bpd, and in my personal case, laughing it off and sharing it to others makes me feel a bit better and i know that it makes others feel less alone knowing that other people are doing the same horrendous shit. but stop romanticising being obsessive, quirky, impulsive, and having an attitude. it’s fucking painful. the emotional aspect is PHYSICALLY painful. watching the world crumble around us because most of us can’t fucking stop ourselves is painful. the withdrawals from substances, s/h, etc because we are so prone to addiction is PAINFUL. i’m all for supporting our fellow borderlines and cluster b peoples, but STOP self diagnosing to be “trendy”. i’m not on about self diagnosing, etc if you’re certain and it means you’re getting the support that you absolutely need. everyone is deserving of help, whether healthcare wants to agree or not, EVERYONE deserves the help they need. but stop trying to make bpd sound fun. being euphoric is fun, the rest of it IS NOT. ITS FUCKING PAINFUL. thank u bye 💕

(ps. i hate making rant posts about this, but seeing people act like bpd is a “fun choice” in life pisses me the fuck off, every day is just pure fucking suffering. the people romanticising and hyping this shit up are the same people who will talk shit about any cluster b who is showing symptoms or having one hell of an episode. but this NEEDS to be out there x)

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I hate not being able to put labels onto my feelings.

I have no idea WHAT i'm fucking feeling. I want to smash someone's head into a wall, I want to scream. But i'm also tired, and I feel like all I can do is sleep.

Kms

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ANIMATED LINES | blend 02.

──────── ⵌ PINK BLUE ...

──────── ⵌ MORNING ...

──────── ⵌ NIGHT ...

──────── ⵌ NEO ...

me, an idiot, when I realize that I should have released the morning and night colourways along with the sunset and dawn set🧍‍♀️

again, it’s better to save these via desktop because they’re suuuuper smol and thin and really hard to save on mobile 🫠😫

blends : 001 / 002

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bone dividers + old one too !

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jelly star dividers

free to use! just reblog if using and credit where possible.

come to me if you want a specific color!!!

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