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Crash

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Bûche de noël (yule log)

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I don’t know if I can contain my “The Muppet Christmas Carol has better costume design than most Oscar-nominated period dramas” rant until after Thanksgiving you guys, I have…so many Thoughts

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🎃🍁🍎✨Fall Baking!!✨🍎🍁🎃

(Recipes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

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I swear I thought I was kinda over this fandom, moved on to other shows and ships. But this chapter just hit me in the gut with all the feels. Reading this felt like watching the hand bandage scene for the first time. Breathless. Thank you @blessed-but-distressed for continuing this fic!

#FindEmmaSwanAFriend

Feeling left behind by her more successful, settled friends, Emma Swan moves to Scotland on a whim. Sure, she’s winning at Instagram, but something is still missing from her new life. Fortunately, her friends back home are on it. #FindEmmaSwanAFriend goes viral. Enter Killian Jones, reluctant columnist, who is on the hunt for his newest subject, and may just have found her. CS AU

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also on ff.net and ao3

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Tagging: @katie-dub , @wholockgal , @kat2609 , @whovianlunatic, @optomisticgirl, @ladyciaramiggles, @the-lady-of-misthaven, @emmaswanchoosesyou, @ilovemesomekillianjones, @biancaros3, @cigarettes-and-scotch-whisky, @ms-babs-gordon  @ab-normality, @andiirivera, @fangirl-till-it-hurts, @onceuponaprincessworld , @natascha-remi-ronin, @kiwistreetswan and whoever else asks me.

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A/N: Part 2 of 2. Surprise, bitch. Bet you thought you’d seen the last of me!

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Killian

How do you feel about improv? ES

Trepidatious. KJ

What if I told you some random just gave me last minute tickets to a Jane Austen inspired improv drag show, and I have a spare? ES

Curiosity alone compels me to say yes. Pleasance? KJ

George Square. ES

Thank fuck. I forgot my umbrella. KJ

If Killian had any sense, he’d approach the month of August the same way Robin did every year. Which mostly amounted to renting his house out to a troupe of Hungarian acrobats for extortionate sums of money and taking off for the south of France, thus avoiding the whole sorry spectacle.

A privilege reserved for those not living out of their older brother’s spare room. Nor stuck writing Fringe reviews for his ailing periodical.

He thought his latest was his best yet.

Do you value your time? Your money? Your life? Then walk, don’t run, as far from this act as you can. No one this incompetent should be wielding chainsaws, let alone juggling them. I may have been the only one-handed man at the preview, but with this shambolic spectacle set to run for the rest of the week, I expect I won’t be the last. 0 stars.

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Off the Deep End (1/?)

Emma Swan has had to fight for everything in her life. She’s had to fight to keep a roof over their heads, she’s had to fight to keep her marriage from crumbling–that was a fight doomed from the start–and to fight to make something of herself.

Then of course that rich snob on a boat cost her her job. He’s an absolute prick who has probably never fought for anything in his entitled life. So when an opportunity for a little revenge pops up, who was she to deny it?

Now she has to fight to keep from having actual feelings for the amnesiac who might just care about her and her kids.

CS Overboard AU

Ao3 FFN

AN: I always wanted to write this story since I saw the remake when it came out. Thank you @captainswanmoviemarathon​​ for giving me an excuse to write this fic. Thank you @searchingwardrobes​​ for her beta services! I really appreciate it and of course thank you @carpedzem​​ for her STUNNING art for this story!!! I absolutely love it!!! Please please check out her post. 

Chapter 1

It’s a bad idea. Absolutely terrible plan. She knows it the moment she sees him lying in that hospital bed with a large bandage on his temple and ocean blue eyes that are positively empty. The asshole has no idea who she is.

“Go hug your husband Emma!” Ruby encourages, pushing her forward. She absolutely doesn’t want to do this. But Emma doesn’t see another option. She puts on a smile.

“Honey!” She says as enthusiastically as she can. “I can’t believe you’re ok.” She reaches in for a hug and he is as still as a statue as she does so, obviously confused. “They told me you had amnesia, but I didn’t think…” She trails off. “Do you remember me?” 

He shakes his head, eyes narrowed on her face. She can see the strain in his eyes before he closes them in obvious discomfort. She winces at that. It looks like he has a pretty serious head injury. She raises her hand and touches the bandage gently. He flinches at that but doesn’t move. “Hey, it’s alright.” She tries to soothe. “We’ll figure this out ok?”

He nods. “And who are you?” He asks. He has no idea that they had been at each other’s throats only a few days ago. “Who am I?”

Emma smiles. “You’re Killian Swan. My husband.”

Except of course you’re not.

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I say, jolly good show, chaps. And did I panic? I think not.

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apparently almost no one’s seen the video it’s free real estate comes from so here it is

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Source 

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good things will happen 🧿

things that are meant to be will fall into place 🧿

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“You murdered my teacher! I will burn your palace to the ground!”

I’ve been re-reading the Immortals, and totally forgot that Daine gains the ability to control animal skeletons as well.

Bonus:

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I wish more Tamora Pierce would cross my dash more often

alanna: gary I have a big secret to tell you

gary, internally: oh good, he’s finally gonna come out to me! i’m glad he’s comfortable enough to tell me :) AND I can finally tease him about sleeping with the prince

alanna: gary i’m a girl

gary: you’re WHAT

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Let's talk about The Mummy (1999)

Someone was talking at me yesterday about this movie and I was getting riled so I decided to go full rant. Specifically in regards to the feminist podcast that slammed it.

I don't even remember which podcast it was, but I am still rankled and baffled that any "feminism in movies" podcast could jump to anything but "this movie is phenomenal."

First of all, even just discussing the overall quality: sure, it might not have been groundbreaking with its cgi or plot twists. But back in the 90s, that wasn't the standard of measure like it is now (and even now is a shitty standard that needs to die). This movie was light and funny and yet hit all the right beats to maintain the dire stakes needed to make it a compelling action flick.

Its characters are fully realized and entirely distinct from each other. Even those treated with a broader brush, such as the Americans, were charismatic enough that we were fully invested in their fate. The entire cast of characters were real people with real impact and real agency.

The script is quotable and fucking hilarious. There are gems from literally every single character. Rick and Evie have actual chemistry, aided by Rachel Weisz's natural magnetism and Brendan Frasier's career-long knack for acting utterly charmed with his female costars.

Actually, let's talk about Rick O'Connell for a second. This is peak 90s Brendan Frasier. He is absolutely GORGEOUS, suave, and cool, rugged and handsome. He is the epitome of the 1920s adventure hero. Dear god I want to kiss those casting directors. But for all his general peak masculinity? He's feminist as fuck. He is equally dumbstruck by Evie as she is by him, and it's wholly evident that it's more than a "oh no she's hot" thing.

How do we know?

He steals her some tools to dig with. This gift demonstrates that he a) has identified her passion for archaeology, b) has recognized her proficiency in the field, despite it not being explicitly stated on screen, and c) sees a chance to restore her full and active participation in the discovery of Hamunaptra.

There is never a moment where Rick assumes to be the leader of the expedition. He is the weapons expert, the muscle--and he knows it. Better than that, he's totally okay with it. He follows Evie's lead in all things.

Another favorite moment of mine is when they're facing off with the American team on Day 1, and Evie realizes there's a chamber underneath Anubis they could use to excavate the statue. She puts her hand on Rick's arm, looks him in the eye, and says very deliberately "there are other places to dig." And he yields, instantly.

By comparison, see the way the Americans treat their workers and guide.

Does he groan about his work being made exponentially harder as a result? Nope. And that's a recurring theme in his behavior the entire goddamn movie. The only time he is in charge is when a situation is in his wheelhouse-- namely, combat and rescue. And it deserves mentioning that the majority of the time that he's in charge, Evie is not present.

Meanwhile, Evie-- her adventurer's spirit chafing in an academia that dismisses her for her gender-- is an absolute marvel. She is visually coded as being very feminine (she's in dresses and long hair most of the film), but that fact in no way detracts from her competence and agency.

She is consistently protrayed as a fully capable expert in egyptology and there is never a single moment where she waffles on what to do. Even when she's the damsel in distress, she actively makes the choice to be so because she weighs the potential outcomes and decides doing so provides their best chance of success.

Evie is never the passive victim. She is constantly brash, constantly scheming, and saves the lives of her would-be rescuers mid-abduction. And when her brother (who is the failure of the family, against type) needs help with translation, she correctly translates for him while being throttled by a mummified priestess.

When I first saw this film, I was too young to realize how novel it was. Back then, all I knew was that it was just a good time. But now as an adult-- an adult acutely aware of the treatment female characters have gotten in the twenty years since-- I marvel at the respect with which the writers and directors treated Evie.

I marvel at how tender Rick was allowed to be, despite his rugged adventurer archetype.

The Mummy (1999) is peak storytelling. It doesn't try to outsmart the audience, but rather lays out a consistent, coherent narrative that gives the characters and viewers room to breathe. It invests the audience enough to care whether the characters succeed in their goals.

The Mummy (1999) does it right. It's the reason that any talk of the Tom Cruise version gets an immediate eyeroll from me, because whatever modern grimdark grit they shove into a story about a mummy cannot compare to the reliable and timeless entertainment of the 1999 adaptation.

All modern media should aspire to be the kind of film that The Mummy (1999) is.

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Robert Pattinson has a new profile out in gq. This is him making pasta... made me laugh so hard I started weeping.

"I literally did this yesterday. And now it's impossible." This is the most relatable sentence ever uttered by anyone.

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The Early Leaf’s a Flower: 6/11

In different realms, Emma and Killian still think of the other as they search for something to fill in the hole in their hearts.

Yes, Emma and Killian are still separated in this chapter. Before you yell at me, though, this chapter also shows how often they still think of one another. Bear with me, I swear, all of this will make sense later, and I promise a great (steamy) payoff ;)

This chapter also introduces more of our favorite Once characters both in Neverland and the Land Without Magic. Emma does end up in Storybrooke, but I will go ahead and make something abundantly clear: it is an ordinary (albeit quirky) small town in this story. Some of the scenes in the Neverland section may sound familiar to some of you. I have had head canons for ages about Killian’s backstory with the fairies and with Wendy which I explored previously in fics that I have since deleted. They have been resurrected here, which I love because they are now fully fleshed out and in my own au! Anyways, I hope you enjoy my au versions of these characters.

Once again, massive thanks to the mods in the @captainswanbigbang​ fo organizing the CSRT especially @optomisticgirl​ who helped me handle self-doubt and writer’s block. B also was invaluable as a beta and in Discord chats as I tried to figure out how magic would work in this au. My other beta, @shippingtheswann​ whipped this chapter into shape, pointing out sooo many plot holes. Girl, where would I be without you?

Summary: She saw eyes that were the blue of the forget me not peering at her through the cracked door of the wardrobe. He saw hair as gold as the buttercups. Why does the wardrobe keep bringing them back to one another, if fate keeps tearing them apart? Or maybe fate has her reasons …

Rating: M for eventual sexy times, violence, canonical character death, and attempted rape

Trigger warnings: vague references to child abuse (physical and sexual), violence, and positive Millian

Words: Almost 6k in this chapter

** Complete and updated every Monday** Also on Ao3

Emma: Age 19

The taxi drives off behind her, and Emma startles, grasping the straps of her meager duffel bag tighter as she looks up at the quaint inn before her. The small wooden sign out front swings in the breeze: Granny’s Inn. Behind it, facing the opposite street, is Granny’s diner. The two are attached by a stairwell. Convenient, since Emma will be working there.

She hoists her bag with a deep sigh as she walks up the stone steps leading to the inn. In her jacket pocket is the recommendation letter from her parole officer. She doesn’t think she’ll need it, but she has it at hand just in case.

A bell rings over the door when she enters, and an elderly woman with white hair and bifocals perched on her nose bustles out. With a pang, Emma thinks of Martha so long ago, though this woman has a stern look on her face, almost a scowl, that Martha never would have borne upon her countenance.

“Need a room?” the woman asks, all business.

“Um,” Emma hesitates, fishing the letter out of her pocket. It’s crumpled from the cab ride, and she feels a bit foolish as she holds it out like it’s proof or something. “I’m Emma Swan.”

“Oh!” the woman cries out, flinging both hands in the air as she bustles around the check-in desk. “My apologies. I was expecting you this evening.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think -”

“No trouble at all.” She glances at the paper in Emma’s hand. “I don’t need that, I’d know you from Marco’s description.”

The woman heads for the stairs, gesturing for Emma to follow. The inn is warm and homey, with vintage wallpaper and wall sconces illuminating the stairs. She follows the woman to the second floor and down the hall to room 210.

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#cs ff #csrt #captain swan rewrite a thon #cs neverland au #cs canon divergence #magic wardrobe #soul mates #childhood sweethearts #slow burn #angst

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Car sex just got a helluva lot easier.