evaxoxoblog

[evaxoxoblog]

28/4/24

hey. i wrote a thing a few days ago but it was short and really fking depressing so I deleted it. not like anyone is reading this tho. anyway, life is good atm. boynextdoor album is out and it is so good!! i love earth, wind and fire and amnesia. i mean, I love them all, but those are rlly good. school is going well and I cant wait for the skz single w charlie puth :)

x eva

[evaxoxoblog]

9/4/24

sorry- havent written in a while. im on my easter break from school which is nice. I've been watching quite a lot of television, specifically 'end of the f***ing world', 'i am not okay with this', 'derry girls' (again) and 'rick and morty' (again). i think I've decided that I prefer 20 minute episodes compared to longer. i never really liked gilmore girls; too long.

anyway, i went to see family last week. 4 hour drive which was miserable but fine. i listened to a lot of music which was nice. i saw family too; my cousin has just had a baby and he is really sweet. it made me remember that I will only see him once a year and by the time he is my age, I will be 28. that feels so far away, but its going to happen. sorry if my tone is a bit boring; I'm tired and no is reading any of this so it doesn't really matter. My other cousin just broke up with her girlfriend. we are 4 years apart but we've always been close, and she was a bit drunk when we went to bed so we talked about deep stuff. we talked about love. i don't talk very much; I mostly listen, but she talks a lot, so it works nicely. she said that I've always hated romance, since I was little. it was a good reminder that people don't know your thoughts, because I forgot that I've changed so much. on the outside, I guess I've always acted like I hate love, but recently that's changed. i love the idea of love, of being close with someone. i would love it for myself. as long as I have someone that I love, I know I will be okay in life.

we drove back with my cousin. i get anxious about long car drives, and this was the first time I've done it with someone who isn't my parents (longer than 2 hours), since a year ago, so that made me nervous, but it turned out fine; I wasn't anxious the entire time, which is a nice change. i think I might really be getting better.

ive met up with my best friend a lot too. i love her so much. she makes me really happy. maybe she is my person that if I always have, I'll be okay. i wouldn't mind if she is, though I would ideally like someone who I could love romantically, not platonically. this isn't an invitation to all the tumblr creeps by the way. i went into town with my mum today, and I bought the new txt album with christmas money. it was fun opening it. i got the promise version. i am very happy with it, even if it doesn't seem like it. today has been good.

i am seeing my best friend tomorrow and we are going to walk around the golf course again. i am really looking foreword to it. i am also seeing family friends tomorrow, which will be nice. there is a younger child there too, who is 9 and she keeps asking if the photocards in my phone case are my boyfriend. its quite sweet to be honest.

i went climbing with my mum by the way. i got some harder climbs, and there was this guy my age watching me sometimes. he seemed nice. i was hoping he'd talk to me, but he didn't.

x eva

[evaxoxoblog]

21/3/24

happy late birthday hyunjin <3. i love him so much oh my god. not in that I'm in love with him; that's a very significant phrase that I don't think even I could throw around too easily, it's just that he is very important in my life in a way he could never know. he has taught me many things since I have known about skz, one being an appreciation for the things around us in this world. that's why I haven't written in a while; I've been appreciating the small things, and the big to be honest. just everything I love.

life feels perfect. i feel so content. school is going well; not perfect but not bad. i got my chem test back- grade 7. that's good. i moved up 4 grades since last year, so I'm headed for a high pass which I'm pleased about. 7 as my grade for art as well. that means a lot to me, though I'm not a big fan of my own art. at GCSE level I'm finding that what we are learning about is more to do with theory, so I am just copying other artists work at the moment, and studying shading and that stuff. i don't mind; it's important, but I want to figure out my own style too; I've never really had a distinct style. i want to make art when I am older; and my dream is for people to see it after I am gone and know that it is mine. i want to be known after I am dead; I don't even care if people know what I look like; that doesn't matter. i just want my name to be something.

my best friend is closer to me more than ever. i love her. if there is one person I truly love with my whole heart, it is her. she makes me smile so much, and we don't judge each other. i would do anything for her, I really would. anything to see her smile. i think she is my soulmate, not romantically obviously, but it is romantic in a way. we had a conversation about what would happen after we left the world, and she said that she didn't really think anything would change, if she passed. that made me really sad, and I told her that right away. i said, "I don't know what i'd do without you, really." I didn't go much more in depth because I don't know what else I could say to express how I love her so much. it is true. i don't know what I would do without her.

that was kind of sad, but happy in other ways. change of subject, I watched saltburn today. lmao. it was really fking weird. i loved the style; I could watch films like that for days, and the soundtrack was pretty good too. the plot was intense, actually I liked the plot, but I felt they could have moved it slower. they rushed to oliver being obsessed with felix too quickly; I think I would have liked to see it slower; that would have made it more believable. same with the ending, it wasn't believable. i liked the rest though (aside from the weird scenes obvs like wtf????).

anyway, like i said, life is good. i am reading the meiko kawakami book, about 1/4 through, and I capture the castle (I love this book sm) which I am close to finishing, which I don't like. i don't want it to end.

i have 30 minutes left of business proposal too. its alr. i think I prefer other stuff. i really want to watch the bear. I've probably said that already.

only 20 pages left of my journal...! i don't know whether I want to drag it out and take it with me on holiday in the easter holidays to visit my family, or start a new one before. we'll see.

x eva.

[evaxoxoblog]

8/3/24

ha its been quite a bit since I wrote last. i'll try to be more consistent, though today is a pretty perfect day to update. my friend who I was having issues with, after a few weeks of space, contacted me this morning before I left to school and said she was really sorry and really missed hanging out with me. i said that I felt the exact same, because I did, and now everything is back to normal. it feels like some sort of balance has returned to the universe; she is really so close to me. we have only been friends for about 3 years now, but in just a few months she felt like the other half of my soul; we talk about anything and everything and she is so special to me. we have also matured in this time, and I want to make sure we don't have any silly arguments again; obvs bickering is to be expected, but not like the ones we had last year. i can't express how relieved I am we are okay again. we will meet up tomorrow evening on the golf course near-ish her house to watch the sunset. wow, we really sound like a couple haha; she even said that too-- her message sounded like we'd broken up (and I am beyond happy we didn't). I'm glad we can joke about it. we followed each other on insta again, and that might seem silly from an outsider's view, but it was quite important, and everything feels special again. i am trying to hold off from rushing straight back into being super mega close, because I have another friend who has stood by me for over 10 years now, and we have just been getting close again, and I couldn't bare to see myself distant from her now. i will hold both bonds equally, I promise.

been watching more Business Proposal, on episode 5 I think. maybe in love with tae-moo a bitttttttt. if you watch it you'll see why. i also love sunghoon too thoughhhhhh xkjdfhgksdbkrygf. anyways. watching more funnextdoor as well. v v v v v v good haha. i made a march-april playlist and it slaps so harddddddd.

got a lot of revision to do in 4 days but ill manage. i only need to do chemistry for another year and a half I'LL BE FINEEEEE

x eva

#blog

[evaxoxoblog]

26/2/24

this weekend was good; i saw my friend on Saturday and we had a really nice time- i really love how close we are getting again, and I can't believe we have been friends for like 11 years now. on Sunday I saw another family friend who is very nice and funny, so that was lovely too.

today was good. i listened to drive (lino and chan) with my mum in the car haha, but she said she couldn't hear the lyrics so it was fine lmao. i had english, maths and science today which was good and I stay after school with my friend to work on our art coursework (uuuuuugh) but it was nice to chat, though we were mostly working. i walked home, and even though it was freezing and I was carrying my art folder it was nice. i listened to the boynextdoor album which I love sm. my walk home is slightly longer than that album to I let it keep playing at random and I got the best run of songs ever. oml. first plot twist (tws), then still monster (enha I love this song sosososoososos much), killin it (p1h) and finally not mine (day6). i have been watching more content of the people of day6 and I wish I had started stanning them earlier bc they are so funny. i have loved their music for what feels like forever, but I never got into them and they are so sweet and funny ugh. i love them sm. i checked out jae's old youtube channel (yellowpostitman) and I watched the second vid from the bottom. it was so sweet oml, and I actually enjoyed every moment; his voice was amazing (I don't normally watch covers). anyways, boynextdoor comeback in April apparently. so excited.

been reading I Capture the Castle (sort of again; I didn't finish it) and I am in love w it.

x eva

[evaxoxoblog]

23/2/24

Hi, it's been a bit longer than usual since my last post. The last week has been good, and I had a great time with my friends last week. I might be seeing them tomorrow but the weather looks awful so we'll see (we were planning on having a picnic).

Stuff has been a bit weird with my other friend. She says she wants space but her actions say otherwise. That's as far as I'm going to get into it, but I just know I shouldn't interact with her yet, for her sake as well as mine. All I've really thought I could do is pray that she is going to be okay soon. I'm not even religious, but if there is something that can bring her happiness across the universe or whatever, I might as well try it. I think I feel like this because, even though she has been a bit of a shit friend, I still love her so much, and I don't think I will ever stop loving her. That's just how it is.

On to a fun topic, my albums arrived today! i ordered Oddinary (skz), Easy (le sserafim) and Layover (v) two weeks ago and they got shipped on the 19th bc it was a preorder. I think I already said this.

for oddinary I got the random version and I got the red edition!!! i also pulled hyunjin (3rd time now my luck is so good wtf) and changbin, which I've been hoping for for SO long (and it's actually rlly funny bc I was talking to my friend about who I would like to pull and I said changbin- we were talking about this bc we were learning the verb conjugations for 'to pull' in french: "je voudrais tirer changbin"), and then Han's ID card (omgomgomgomgomgomgomg). I also got the Felix miniposter (aaaaaaaaa).

for easy I got the 3rd concept (the pink one, I forgot the name) which is probably my favourite :D and I pulled sakura which for some reason I knew I would get her (???)

and then for layover i pulled v (that's so crazy omg) and I got the 2nd version bc it is gorgeous and I adore it. if you are planning on getting it pls do because it is like 100000000000 x better in physical, you can just tell so much work has been put into all of it and its so lovely. there is a letter included too which is all in Korean so imma try to translate that soon (its going to take so long even with the google image translator omd) but it's such a sweet thing aaaaa.

anyway, me and my delulu ass friend have started sending each other snapchat pics "from" skz members which really really isn't helping our current condition (she's literally 'mrs bang' in my contacts) but I think chrizztopher would be proud sooo :)

x eva

#stray kids #blog

[evaxoxoblog]

16/2/24

Hello literally non existent people (i'm pretty sure no one is seeing these posts which is quite comforting tbh). I just had the weirdest experience with my bsf. We haven't spoken in a few months because she has been ill. she has also been a bit possessive over various kpop groups we both like (its dumb ik, but she was just constantly trying to one-up me in everything, whether it was pinterest boards, comments on insta posts, etc, (this didn't really bother me, but the next bit did) and recently she unfollowed me on literally every social media platform you could think of.) it was really fking weird. we met up today to talk about it and I kind of (?) have all my questions answered. i think we are on good terms and I think I handled it well. i won't go into the details because its personal, and I'm kind of scared she would see this even though she doesn't have tumblr lol, but I think I'm just gonna deal with it as it happens.

i'm meeting up with my other friends tomorrow and we are going to watch a horror film (that's what we always do together) and open the Christmas presents we got for each other, which we intended to give around xmas but we didn't make plans back then lmao. we also just gossip a lot bc we are all in different friendship groups so we can just dump everything to each other and it doesn't really matter. i love hanging out with them, though we only manage to meet up every two months haha.

another funny thing that happened was i got a voicemail notification from an unknown number. it was a recording of the felix 'wakey wakey' meme and I was actually terrified bc either my friend was pranking me or someone was stalking me haha. luckily it was the former option haha. she better prepare herself lol. i think I will send her a chan one bc he's her bias.

i have been listening to so much p1harmony recently, as well as skz. i love them both smmmmmm. i really want to get the Killin It album but I hate spending a lot of money at a time, so I'll wait a few months. currently watching the waterpark ep. of run bts rn which is banging as always. idk if I've already mentioned it but I really recommend guccitae.

back to school in three days, which I'm not mad about as I'm alright at school and I like seeing my friends. i started reading the book by Meiko Kawakami which is so good. I've almost finished my journal which feels weird too, but I'm excited. i got a new notebook for Christmas which will prob be my next one; exciting.

x eva

[evaxoxoblog]

12/2/24

it's the half-term holidays. everything feels perfect. I would go outside but it's still completely freezing, which part of me doesn't believe as the sunlight is currently warming my face through the glass of our window. No one else is here except me and my dog and cat, and my dog is sleeping on the couch opposite me.

I just found a USB stick from about two years ago, and it has a story I wrote in the form of letters when I was 12 or something. It's strange how I don't remember writing it. I added on a bit and saved it to the file. hopefully, I'll find the USB stick in a few years again.

I went into town yesterday too. I got two books, one from a second-hand book shop called Journey the the Center of the Earth which I am sure you have heard of. It is a cute old copy from 1956 with '35 cents' typed on the cover, making me feel reminiscent of memories I don't even possess; a time when books cost less than a pound. I got this one for £3, which seems like a bad deal compared to its original price haha. I also got a book by the author Mieko Kawakami. I have been wanting to read her 'Heaven' for a while now, but it wasn't in stock so I got her bestseller to see if I like her writing.

I also pre-ordered Stray Kids - Oddinary, Le Sserafim - Easy, V - Layover, online yesterday which I have been saving up to buy for a while. I am excited for that, and it will probably arrive at the start of March.

Anyway, I'll post my thoughts on The Secret History soon.

x eva

[evaxoxoblog]

8/2/24

happy birthday jeongin and jungwon <3 love them both. i finished TSH today. omfg. i think it was the best book I've ever read. donna tartt is out of this world. i wrote an a4 page about it as soon as i'd finished it to get my thoughts down, which i might post here. all i have to say for now is that if you are coming across this post and you haven't read it yet, please, please read it. it will change your life, likely for the better. similar to A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki (please read this too- so so underrated), it has changed my way of thinking and i feel like a more developed human being after experiencing these stories.

on another topic, i have started listening to p1h recently and their music is so good. i really like emergency, countdown to love and 2nite from their newest album. i have also been listening to ateez for a while, but haven't really involved myself w the members, but they are all actually so funny. i like san and wooyoung (we have a similar way of laughing which is funny to me) atm. i want to learn more about them all though too. I also can't believe it has been three weeks since TWS debuted. I've been a fan since the day they debuted which is cool, and I'm really glad I found them early on; they are all so sweet. i love the upbeat vibe to their music and it really fills me with so much joy-- and the reaction to their mv!!!! oml they are the cutest. i love them all but my favourites are dohoon and youngjae.

I've also been watching more of WHAT? DOOR! which slaps as always. oh! and the newest ep of skzcode came out today. that was so funny- though they didn't include half their strengths in the sheet!! i can think of so many other positive things that make them unique and incredible, but I understand why they are being modest.

this post has fr turned into a music fan page, but I do want to write about my life as well. I feel like I am a nice person in general; I am good at school, and since I have become more confident with myself (getting out of my shitty friend group a year ago rlly sped that up too), I have noticed more people start to talk to me, and I hope it is because they are positively drawn to me. I remember when I was getting out of an anxiety-ish slump sort of thing, this one girl i'd never spoken to before wished me a happy birthday, and since then we have talked a lot and I would consider her more than an acquaintance at this point.

I really do hope this reaches any people who are in a similar place to where I was this time last year because I promise it will get better. it will be hard, but every bit of effort you put in will come back to you in really positive ways. This time last year I couldn't go to half of my classes because of my anxiety, but through help from others, and mostly my own mindset, I believe I am happier than I have ever been in the past few years. I have met so many people who have impacted me greatly, and I really feel so much more confident in myself. (I want to thank skz partly for this. they saved me in the last few months fr)

wow, i've written a lot today.

x eva

[evaxoxoblog]

3/2/24

today i didn't do much. i read some entries of my old journal which was very interesting; so much has changed in just one year. i have been watching a lot of WHAT? DOOR! on the boynextdoor youtube channel. I don't think I mentioned this before, but I really like going on youtube. i feel like what youtubers you like is similar to your music taste; it's a mixture of your likes and reflects your personality. for me, I love deb smikle, the sturniolo triplets, big tugg, kurtis connor and sometimes benji krol lmao. not his old ones tho bahahaha. I love guccitae also; they are very funny, but they haven't posted in like 11 months or smth haha.

idrk why i am writing this, but its just what I'm thinking atm. i read about 30 pages more of The Secret History and it is so good. i am very excited to read the next book by donna tartt: the little friend. i remember seeing that book on my parents' shelf when I was younger (they have the edition with the doll on the cover) and being very intrigued. I also really want to actually finish I Capture the Castle and Nineteen Eighty Four, both of which I have gotten about halfway through, but i'd love to finish them.

other than that, not much has happened in the last day. i went on a walk near the coast which was nice and very relaxing; I am grateful to live near the sea. i am hoping to see my two oldest friends soon for a very late Christmas party. i actually got one of them snacks but I think they will go off soon so I might have to eat them and buy more for her ;)

Not much else to say.

x eva

[evaxoxoblog]

first post

hello, my name is eva. i have been wanting to start a blog for a while and the only one I could find that wasn't just for businesses was this one. obvs ik it has a reputation for other stuff but I'm just interested in writing about my life as it happens, and if others are interested, well, hello! i love kpop, but not in the weird way. my favourite group is skz but I also love bts, txt, enha, le sserafim (omggg their album is coming out this month) and boynextdoor.

i have some good friends and i am good at my studies which I am grateful for. i also love reading and drawing. I am currently reading The Secret History by Donna Tartt and also The Maze Runner for like the fifth time bc I love that series.

Anyway, yeah. that's my life. I hope this continues, but if it doesn't I wouldn't be surprised. i already have a journal and stuff, but I like the idea of posting things on the internet in real time. also ignore my username, it was the only free one relating to what I want my page to be about haha.

x eva

#blog