I was in therapy when I was 14, and my therapist told me how children who grow up in a family with an alcoholic/addict often take on “roles”, one being the person who always took care of everyone else and made sure their family was okay, often forgetting about themselves. She told me that as she learned more about me, she believed that was me.
As I’ve grown into a mother and a wife, I find that now more than ever I am constantly putting everyone else’s needs before my own, truly neglecting myself, to the point where I feel intense shame when I do anything for myself, even if it’s just enjoying some alone time.
Not only is it unhealthy, but it’s toxic. And I’ve only just really realized that as the years have gone by and my own family got larger, I slowly stopped taking the time to enjoy hobbies or alone time like I used to.
As a child of an alcoholic that also became an alcoholic myself, it’s interesting to see that being many years sober now, I still take that addictive personality of mine and channel it into other areas of my life. Be that for better or worse.
Reading this several times over really causes me to reflect on my own situation.