diaryventblog-2500

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Happy international women's day to trans women and transfems!! I wanted to give y'all a special mention, with all the bullshit that's going on. A day without you is a day without sunshine. There's hundreds that already love you and thousands who will, so keep on being who you are. It's worth it. -💙

#international women's day #transunity

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Idk I guess I just wish this could be even more of a moment of unity for this community. I wish white trans folks can take a step back and say, yeah you're right. We haven't cared as much in the past about trans people of color, about black trans people.

I wish this moment could bring us together, as a united front, recognizing that like. Transmisogyny is linked to anti-blackness is linked to racism is linked to transmisogynoir is linked to etc etc etc.. And that combating these things helps all of us

I wish this could be a moment for white trans folks to notice their blind spots. To acknowledge their blind spots. To recognize their blind spots. To rectify them!

I wish we could form relationships based on solidarity. On communities joining together to fight for each other. And I wish white trans folks would realize that they're the reason that's not happening.

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every day i log onto tumblr and resist to urge to tear apart perisex queer ppl with my bare hands

#intersexism #transunity

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man. this whole thing pisses me off because like. even when people talk about staff having a history of hating trans women, that this isnt the first time, without fail black trans women are forgotten to be included again and again. im not surprised this caused such an uproar when the popular white woman gets deleted. nobody should be, its been that way like forever. some cunt in my inbox got annoyed i called rita a sex worker (lol? okay)

but i mentioned that in my post because so many black trans women have gotten removed from this site for their sex work alone, regardless of if it "broke community guidelines" or not, especially when tumblr live and the ads on this website are so fucking horny. idek what to say rn because like. this wont get as many notes as the posts talking about her will. the exploding car thing is gonna get more attention than the trans women on this site you dont actually care about listening to. ive been talking about how unfair it is to be a black tgirl on this site for years and nobody cares.

i love rita, we talked abit the other day and she's doing fine, dont get it twisted and think i hate her or some bs, she's a big fucking reason im not fucking homeless.

but part of why her deletion got to #1 trending on tumblr for multiple days in a row is that she's white

#yeah this is what i was tryin to say before #transmisogyny #racism #misogynoir #transmisogynoir #transunity

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obviously this was a mask-off moment re tumblr's rampant transphobia and it's awful and bullshit and makes me wanna scream. but i can't deny that the people saying this giant site-wide uproar over her deletion is only because she's white have a point. i don't know that that's the exact correlation- the site-wide uproar was because she's a very popular blogger in transfem circles. but she's popular because she's white. or because she's not nonwhite. like, i've seen dozens of posts today saying 'trans women are this site's backbone' 'trans women are behind every funny post on here' 'trans women are the only reason this site is still running' but how many of the popular transfem bloggers that come across your dash are Black. how many are SWANA. how many are indigenous. and if that doesn't make you pause for a moment and think about the racism on here, i can't fucking help you.

#racism #transmisogyny #transunity #<- honestly if transunity doesn't specifically include uplifting trans poc then we need to rethink the term.

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It’s actually so annoying how many lewd blogs post under the transfem tag, esp since many are tagged as other stuff like “gay male.” This would be okay if it was, like, a person’s identity, but I’ve noticed that a lot of them repost other people’s pics.

Can we please have one tag chasers don’t show up in? It’s so annoying.

#REAL it's so annoying #like actual girlbloggers on here are getting shadowbanned and community labelled and yet they don't touch any of the 8 billion bots #transunity

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Hey uhh Lyft what the fuck

#exorsexism

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i feel like i always talk about when i was 12 and wanted to kill myself but i can never talk about being 15 or 17 or 20 and wanting to kill myself. like i need it to be a thing that happened and not. idk. a perpetual state that just happened to START when i was 12.

#i would tw this but honestly this is my personal diary vent blog and it says that on the url. #totally get that i have followers who are just amab enby fans (i am also an amab enby fan) (comes w the territory) but this is. a vent blog #i just didn't want a post i knew might blow up on my main.

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how do i break the cycle

prepare yourself for the absolutely insufferable lack of satisfaction found in forgiveness

#yea...

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i think probably the worst part of being unbelievably clinically depressed is that you are still expected to be nice and polite and smiley and happy and never rude or snap at anyone or tired or distracted because if you are any of thise things it's actually your fault you're having a hard time and you can't blame anyone for not wanting to help.

it takes everything you have to keep yourself alive but if you can't find the extra energy to be nice, too? they'll leave you to die. they don't care about how you feel they only care about whether you are nice to talk to. it makes everything feel a thousand times smaller. a thousand times harder.

and sometimes you think you're doing everything right and you cracked the code and you *are* nice to be around this time. this time you did it. and then when it's over you get a phone call in the walmart and she tells you everything you did wrong again. that you always do wrong.

i'm so tired.

#personal #that is what this blog is for!

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I was talking to my sister (she's a trans woman) last night, and she mentioned something I hadn't really been able to articulate in my brain so far. I don't remember her exact words, but we were talking about the demonization of masculine features in queer communities and she posited that, while it was similarly transphobic and shitty to be ~afraid of~ or ~disgusted by~ masculine features (be it visible facial hair or deep voice or muscle bulk what have you) no matter who it was to, that it probably hit different for me than it did for her. because my sister's masculine features were already something she didn't like about herself and wanted to get rid of *anyway*, whereas for me, those same features were big important aspects of my transition that i like about myself and i had to try really hard to get. and yeah. it does hit different. it hits different. one of them is a "i wish you transitioned in middle school" she said, which can be met with a resounding "yeah, me too, buddy" and the other is: "i wish you never transitioned" and that's. it's different. and it's a fucked up thing to hear from people who are supposed to be your community

#that's a good point i hadn't rly considered that perspective

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Im partnering aro and somehow that's still not enough for them

I've had partners say, to my face, that being aro and dating was abusive because i didn't love them enough. Even though i was extremely open about being aro when they first asked me out.

It's always the exact same

Person asks me out on a date, i say im aro but i enjoy dating so as long as they're cool dating an aro im cool, they agree, and then sometime later get pissy about it

Idk if they thought i was joking about being aro. Or like they thought i would change when entering the relationship. Or what

But being called abusive for something i cannot control, and for something i told them about up front is so shitty

I feel like part of it is the idea that being aromantic is just code for "commitment issues" or "taking it slow." like when you say "I do not experience romantic attraction so please don't date me if you aren't okay with this" what you really mean is "I am going to fall in love with you eventually and this is a promise, you just need to wait it out/wear me down." Like its only worth it if you eventually reveal you were normal the whole time, and if you don't end up being secretly allo then its somehow your fault for breaking the fantasy they had in their head.

#...yeah #yeah #honestly getting so tired of dating people who say they're cool with me being aro and then getting upset when i'm not very. romantic.

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pro gatekeeping arguments usually hinge on this idea that completely non affiliated people are just begging to get in and ruin everything and the only thing stopping them from doing so is rigorous policing and non-stop aggression to the point it overshadows what you even claim to be about in the first place. when in reality almost all of the disagreement is between one group and people that are just slightly different, who are basically claimed to be a slippery slope to Everyone Else.

you are absolutely entitled to gatekeeping like, a private discord server- that’s your right! people might think you’re an asshole, but you can do it. you can’t really gatekeep things that don’t belong to you, though, like identities. you don’t own that. and i think theres probably more benefit to putting the positive progress you want to see into the world than making post after post about how the Really Real Fakers are whats wrong with the world and dividing the community and not your own divisive actions and behaviors.

#this is bc they Think We Are Lying. btw. #like they think bi lesbians are lying. about being lesbians. they think enbies are lying about their gender #either confused women or predatory men #and btw agab has nothing 2 do with that. it's just whichever box they think they have power over you in. #they think ace ppl are just celibate and lying. they think aro ppl are just predatory and lying. #like they know ppl can lie. they think we're lying. #to gain access to the queer community. #sorry lotta tags

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these tags are exactly what i meant and frankly better articulated. it's about living as a target or living in the closet, that's exactly right. the tightrope of androgyny.

i feel like any conversation about nonbinary people and privilege/oppression needs to start from the baseline that it is effectively impossible to consistently pass as nonbinary, even in social settings. like yeah nobody is passing at the doctor's office but it is functionally impossible to walk down the street as a nonbinary person and have a majority of people clock you as nonbinary. the best i can hope for is to be incorrectly assumed binary trans, or to confuse people. and i think and discussion of nonbinary 'privileges' needs to account for the fact that we are by necessity forced to come out CONSTANTLY just to make people *aware* of our identities. being closeted isn't a privilege, being misgendered isn't a privilege.

#transunity #nonbinary

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if you check the notes on this post, you'll see dozens of examples of nonbinary people saying this post is important to them because they have frequently encountered spaces that exclude amab nonbinary people under the guise of being for 'women and femmes' or 'women and nonbinary (but only nonbinary people we think are women, which means afab). this contributes to the pressure on trans women to look as feminine as possible in order to qualify as 'real' women, this contributes to the erasure of afab nonbinary identities as separate from womanhood and agab, and of course, this fucking COMPLETELY EXCLUDES AMAB ENBIES.

you aren't the only person to ask this. these notes are full of binary trans people and afab enbies going 'why even make this post lol ofc amab enbies are valid is this even an issue' and amab enbies going 'yeah it really sucks when i think a space is welcoming and i then get excluded based on agab, it happens so often i am wary of woman-oriented queer spaces.'

you're right, nonbinary is nonbinary. in a perfect world, there would be no difference between the way amab and afab enbies are treated. but we do not live in a perfect world. we live in a transphobic world, and a huge part of transphobia is the reduction of us to our agabs, often forcibly and against our will. it's important to discuss how that manifests in queer spaces.

REBLOG THIS POST IF YOU FEEL SAFER WHEN QUEER SPACES ARE OPENLY ACCEPTING OF AMAB NONBINARY PEOPLE

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I have haterish posts to make about things I’ve seen on lex…

#.yeah #i also think the assumptions about not wanting to transition medically are. interesting. #bc like. u can't tell the difference between pre-op and no-op without #like #asking these people. #like maybe they want a trans-friendly coffee shop so they can keep going after starting T #maybe they want a trans-friendly barber bc they're planning on exploring gender-affirming hairstyles #lotta assumptions here #does OP feel similarly about amab nonbinary people who are masc-presenting? closeted trans men/women? or just 'tme they/thems'? #idk food for thought #honestly they probably are as weird or weirder abt amab enbies #ppl who are weird about afab enbies are usually wird about any amab enby that isn't a specific sort of she/they #that they can pretend is a binary trans woman #might delete these tags later idk

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i feel like any conversation about nonbinary people and privilege/oppression needs to start from the baseline that it is effectively impossible to consistently pass as nonbinary, even in social settings. like yeah nobody is passing at the doctor's office but it is functionally impossible to walk down the street as a nonbinary person and have a majority of people clock you as nonbinary. the best i can hope for is to be incorrectly assumed binary trans, or to confuse people. and i think and discussion of nonbinary 'privileges' needs to account for the fact that we are by necessity forced to come out CONSTANTLY just to make people *aware* of our identities. being closeted isn't a privilege, being misgendered isn't a privilege.

#transunity #nonbinary #queer