The product of a billion years evolution. You think I’d act like it. TWCW 50 GW1 50 ✅ GW2 45
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I want to die. I don’t want to be alive anymore. I have absolutely no reason to live. No one cares about me and everyone hates me so I have no one and no reason to live anymore.
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I’m feeling extremely suicidal at the moment. Nothing in my life is going well at all and all I want to do is punish myself and ultimately end it all. It’s all I can think about. I especially can’t stop thinking about ending my almost two year self harm clean streak. I want to hurt like I’m hurting on the inside, I deserve it. I don’t deserve anything apart from pain.
I know people are going to try reach out to me after I post this, but I’m in no mood to talk to anyone, I’m sorry. I just want to be left alone in my own thoughts as much as I know it’s bad for me.
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Fuck this shit. I was pressured into ordering food. I ordered a safe food but once I start eating I seriously can’t stop. So I’m now ordering dessert to start off my binge/purge session I feel coming on. I just want to fucking die. I’m so fucking pathetic.
If I gain in the morning I’m fasting for four days again so I can atleast maintain ughhhhhh I was doing so well.
Seriously contemplating ordering food when I go out for drinks tonight with friends. I’ve already had 200 calories today, but I don’t want to look too suspicious when I’m with everyone. I’ve google the menu at the bar and I’m alright with having a boring salad or a few plain steamed mussels. My calories would be no more than 250 altogether if I did eat. Someone please tell me if I should?! Ughhhh
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Seriously contemplating ordering food when I go out for drinks tonight with friends. I’ve already had 200 calories today, but I don’t want to look too suspicious when I’m with everyone. I’ve google the menu at the bar and I’m alright with having a boring salad or a few plain steamed mussels. My calories would be no more than 250 altogether if I did eat. Someone please tell me if I should?! Ughhhh
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Why the fuck am I so bloated I say while drinking almost a litre of Diet Coke lmao
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Feeling like I had a binge day just because I went over my calorie limit of 200 by only 2 calories and especially because i had two meals instead of one ughhhhhh I feel so bloated and disgusting. Someone put me out of misery I’m sick of living like this.
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18/12/20
My mums been harder on me these past couple of days, so I’ve been eating more than one meal a day. One of my ana rules is no more than one meal before 5pm and I’ve been forced to break this rule a few times this week. Even if I’m under my calorie limit of 200 I still feel like complete shit. I feel as though I’m not going to lose or that I’m going to gain. I’ve been trying so hard this past week after my last binge purge session. After a week I’ve finally hit the same weight I was on before I binged, I would legit rather drop dead than lose all of that progress I’ve made this week. I guess we’ll see If it’s all paid off this week in the morning.
Total calories: 202
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I am literally diagnosed with anorexia but my mum still thinks It’s okay to go out and order take out for all of my family but never orders me food by default because she knows I won’t eat it. I want to rip my skin off right now while my whole family sits around me eating kfc while I starve.
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I’m seriously sick of being this way. I’m sick and tired of thoughts of food consuming me 24/7. Every day feels exactly the same and I’m mentally and physically tired of living. I can’t live this way anymore, but I can’t see myself getting any better, so what’s the point in living anymore? I can’t do this anymore.
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Currently just sitting here sniffing chocolate. That’s how fucked up my brain is lmao
The chocolate that’s in my kitchen is calling my name and I realllllyyyyy want to binge on sweets and bread ughhhhh kill me now
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The chocolate that’s in my kitchen is calling my name and I realllllyyyyy want to binge on sweets and bread ughhhhh kill me now
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Also, I’m back down to 50 kilos!!!! Those couple days of fasting really did make a difference. Hopefully I’ll be back at my lowest weight of 48 kilos by Christmas. Wish me luck I guess.
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Wish my hips weren’t so fucking wide. It makes me feel so huge and womanly I guess?? I want to feel dainty and girly
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I’ve just noticed I’ve gone from a c cup to an a cup bro wtf?! I asked for a flat stomach not a flat chest and ass
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Almost a 4 month difference wtf?! (I know the posture is different, but still???)
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