dady-issues-ig

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A fallstreak hole is a large gap, usually circular or elliptical, that can appear in cirrocumulus or altocumulus clouds. The holes are caused by supercooled water in the clouds suddenly evaporating or freezing, and may be triggered by passing aircraft.

[dady-issues-ig]

#could this be less relatable please ?? #like #please #one day without the condition of the flesh and my internal monologue taking me down a massive series of pegs would be nice #also #I sometimes fear being a 26yo that people don't believe my age both behavioraly and physically is some sort of peter pan complex shit #but also i've never been a kid teen ya like auch diagnostic would insuate I crave to be. and I don't bc frankly I don't think I could be #like not doable #I'll dodge that so hard #it's a mess of wanting to express feminity (fearing change yes i admit) and constant fucking effort to undermine my own internal sensor #the concept of maturity as it's being sold to me revolts me #I gave into it and still do it's exhausting to negociate havimg a life with my own psyche that I don't need to wander if I adult well enough

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Blossom DHC

Bryce Canyon National Park, Utah

#oooh yeah sexy exposed karstic formations #geomorphology is eye candy #sedimentation and such kill me but ... add a bit of chemistry to that extensive fluid's mechanic and BOUM back to an interesting subject #i'm studying salt water intrusion in chalk layers and want to off myself over how easily it degrades itself and its bottom layer #making more fucking salts that seep in from the sea #and I'm supposed to find it with geophysics (survey electrical currents to assess resistivity of the stone and its contained water) #but can't differenciate Sodium Chloride from Calcium Chloride and manganese in terms of which source put the conductive salt in there #aaah sediments #my bane #can't they just carry water and degrade through breaks and rift like proper ignous rocks #fucking porosity and ballsacks

[dady-issues-ig]

On the idea of Theseus's Ship: in the end, it's still his, isn't it? It was known as Theseus's, and it will continue to be known as Theseus's.

Even after he has returned to the ground which grew the wood of the hammer used to nail the ship's frame, Even after generations of new wood have rotted and the sails are rags clinging to threads, Even after millennia,

it will still be Theseus's Ship.

Goodnight, Phosphophyllite.

[dady-issues-ig]

at times when hope is too big of a thing to have, curiosity (even clinical or small) is a very good placeholder

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And how are you ?

This is so nice

Love you too, so flipping much

not a dream

How is everyone today? Done anything fun? Up to anything good? Want to get something off your chest here? Btw. I love you

#grblrhdh #saw a podcast about the wrenching grief of growing out your friend circles or changing so much the relationships ain't the same #and how people accompany and support each other through this changes #and I #like #never did that #i've kept moving out and ghosting throughout my life #feeling it too painful to adress #and it just hit me #there is more to cowardice than weakness #i feel atrociously selfish ... #gotta work on that I guess #can't find the will to send a mail to apply to a first dnd game too #despite feeling in my bones my artistic and social sekves #*selves are desperate for it

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Fuckity Fuck Fuck

Lost my favorite bracelet

It's a dumb bent noodle of bronze but it means a lot to me

It never leaves me

Unless I feel clever and toe my hair with hair

Or need to write and it keeps banging on the table

Which leaves me with this : did I neglectfully drop it on the ground, did it fall from my hair as I forgot it existed, did it slide off my wrist cause not bent enough

Why do I feel like I could die from loosing that piece of memory if my object permanence is so low I couldn't properly care for it in the first place? Cause that's my physical reminder of 3 months of unbridled happiness and amazing relationships I couldn't maintain due to: guilt spiral/no fucking object permanence...

I'm so ... I'm gonna be ok, but if I'm ok with losing that, what do I really have that care about/can remember? Idk where this weird complex come from but I feel unmade for a piece of jewelry that's probably under some papers or Gone but still just ... A piece of copper ... I feel like dying over.

I kinda wanna give up in general... Again. And this time idk ... Family is no support, I'm getting so many reasons to resent my friends while every single instinct or reasoned impulses to love them is dampened by prolonged agony in loneliness and lack of both drive and destination.

I should see a therapist. All of it is there. But I keep hearing scenarios of being questioned for pursuing it... I have a future and self to build, a past to address and I am here, crumbling over a bracelet and the 7 friendships I bailed out of that were built when I got it.

[dady-issues-ig]

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reminder kraken dice released 95 exclusive dice sets before fufilling their first kickstarter and the owners of it are right wingers

since theyre trying again LMAO

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Pictures of Bob Ross with Akira Kurosawa movie quotes #1 - Ikiru

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source

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How did I reach my limit? I used to be so patient, family member would take weeks to get a genuine emotional response from me ...

Now? I feel like a single comment on my weight would throw me into a cosy rage ... I guess it's because I opened up? Told them about eating disorders and shit, came out too. I feel naked. BUT so much justified in reacting you know? I can tell them to fuck off, I can mock them back, insult them or their entitled mindset even. I can because gloves are off.

Thinking about it as "I gave them tools to harm me better" is true. But, I no longer have to not lay back when sitting on a wall, I can cross my legs, stand on one more than the other, shake my hips while dancing to music, I can smirk at a flirty waiter now ?! Like wow.. AND for all those years of watching every step I took, every sitting positions... I can expect gratitude. And I can lash out for getting disdain instead 🤭

#boup #corsica 2021-2022 #uncle's a biggot on the verge of bankruptcy with cardiac issues #grandad thinks I'm a stress relief manequin to insult #grandma is a whole ass snake who widowed herself #old auntie an obese hypocrite with unchecked victim syndrom who takes out her insecurities on us #dad's a grooming racist homophobic p*do who blames HIS grand dad for his 'values' #mom's just damaged and lost #which sucks cause neglect and shit but oh well #at least she only made light addons to the trauma pile #grand uncle is an exhibitionist voyeur #my one cool uncle thinks my new attitude to be rudeness #idk get lost along with the rest ig

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Christ this is so fucking cool

#to check out later #funky concept

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By the way, if your parents act like you're the divine punishment of their sins, you might as well be. Like yeah, God fucking sent you to mildly inconvenience them for being shitty people who whine about the fact that having children involves raising children.

Your parents are ashamed of you? Well, who fucking created you? That's their own hands working. They're the problem here. Your job on this planet is to find peace and be happy, not find their life satisfaction for them. Your existence embarrasses them? Well, that's somebody else's problem. This bitch posted cringe, and now they're mad like you made yourself happen on purpose.

You had no say on existing, and nobody can make you make up for it like it's your fault. Might as well be yourself on purpose.

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Draft 1: 2021 ~

Hello, sorry for the lack of comunication I have made into a personal brand at this point.

I had a fallout this year. I had been for 2 years before covid running on multiple sleep parlysis a night and frequent fasting periods. Not coming out of my house for weeks in the absence of school is a habit I had developped by guilt of underperforming during my PACES years and kept on throughout my time at ISNAB, the arrival of COVID didn’t better that for me. Truth be told being isolated for a month, twice has cimented in me the impression that each big move I make is followed by extended periods of isolation. And that no matter the progress I manage to get, it eventualy fails and I am propelled towards my previous mental state whomst somehow still gradually worsens. This year specifically rooted that belief in me. Adding to it a lifetime of abusive home situation blowing up over the summer I put a halt to all my projects. I then planned to request a leave of absence of my school wich, as shame, guilt, absent selfworth and again, family drama made me spirall in the similar way that lead me to postpone so much of my life changing prossesses before. 

+hollandais

I am now finaly getting a therapist’s help and though my condition has improved, I know HZ to not be a viable instalment for my current state. Between the like of willingness to acomodate to the very thing I sign on and for (having classes, lab included yes, in english from week 1; horrendous behavior by fellow classmate justified by “I have autism”) I am currently attempting to reorient myself towards geosciences. I am sorry I failed you in regards to bettering relationships between the schools or the likes but my personal circumstances have been too much for me to bear an agressiv scholar environment. Adding to that my attempts at reaching out for help in the past were too few and met with refusal I set myself for failure and apologize despite being thankful for your and my main teacher’s worry. 

I am at the moment looking for jobs on Toulon as my applications are processed and I attempt to pass driving test (which takes a remarkably longtime when your primary response to stress is complete inhibition of fear and overall information)

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early 2020

Me: Hi, I heard we have “life coaches” now, I know it’s not actual psycologist/therapist but I had terrible early experience with them and I’d like to schedjual an appointment?

Head Teacher: Oh nonono it’s meant for people with . I mean . You’re fine, some people have struggles and complications at home.

To me, coming out of a 2 year wide “1 hour out of the flat per week policy” crying myself to sleep every night; food poisoning myself any day I do not fast; NOT coming out of my room during 1 to 3 week breaks; late on all the shit I had to write for school as I believe I no longer am worth the effort; Sleep paralysis, may times, every night; recently robbed; saw his boiler explode; then the new one just fell shatering the whole bathroom to bits.

Me: Oh ok. Right I can always see my parents ahah

Them on the other side of the ocean, him barely calling to remind me I am *not* giving enough of myself, that he doesn’t believe he is my brother’s dad and grooming my cousin; her clueless(?) occasionaly dropping hints at how much I cost them.