you do not live in your desired reality and do not have any of your desires. feelings of pressure, fear and anxiety pester you. you are definitely not happy with your life. you know too well that it doesn't please you and are aware of things never working out in your favour, reminding you of how powerless you are. it's uncertain whether you will have a truly good and fulfilling day ever again. you are imprisoned, you are insecure. all in all, you are in agony because of the choice you made some time ago and live in desperation for a better, improved life.