cool-mate

[cool-mate]

#selfhelp

[cool-mate]

I have to work out how to think about things so everything isn't so disappointing in the end

[cool-mate]

“the hierarchy is: rich men poor men mothers beautiful women poor female and neo-female slut-scum Janey”

[cool-mate]

whoops

[cool-mate]

4 years later. Fuck you

[cool-mate]

[cool-mate]

when i cut my eye on a computer case

[cool-mate]

im almost 28

#me

[cool-mate]

i had the best sex of my life with a stranger i wanted to bash the shit out of on the street because i thought he was harassing my friends friend. i texted him tonight and he never replied.  not used to rejection

i never thought my emotions were this bad, that they would affect my life this badly

i am dead inside and the people around me are the only sign I'm alive

fuck man

#life

[cool-mate]

Sunrise

#life

[cool-mate]

Hattie leg

[cool-mate]

jimi hendrix  room

[cool-mate]

by : princess88alasse

[cool-mate]

I think if you fucked up too you can effect the other birds around you, and usually you’re in a fucked up flock anyway.  I want some strength and hope and not to be terrified of this fucked up crazy cool accident that is life

#text

[cool-mate]

* I am seeing the drug nurse on Monday at 10am *I’m scared of not doing something that I’ve done every day for the last 8 years of my life (my longest break 3 months, with maybe 5 week-long breaks).  * I’m scared of getting sick in the future.  * I don’t like not having control of my mind all the time.  i don’t have to be accountable or sit with my emotions, which is starting to get really fucking hollow again * I feel like i’m unable to connect with most people and that’s upsetting * My emotions are a product of substances, not food or activities or music or anything (barely) any more.  I think scientists have studied and named this the “chronic effect” ironically, it’s an ambivalence towards everything thats not smoking pot.  I’ve lost my train of thought. 

[cool-mate]

Max shaving his head going into another dimension

#life

[cool-mate]

I really hope the rehab place call me first thing this week so I can start detoxing soon. I took ketamine and smoked this weekend, got cancelled on by this guy I did major sexting with (in my book) and realised that I didn’t re enrol in school when I went into the university office, just changed my name only (thing that was preventing me from enrolling) I feel sad and sick But It’s not really the end of the world because I can probably use this time to get healthier and learn a new language Today I dug around in back garden and had breakfast with my dad. I bought some vegetables and made dinner. Basic small steps.

#life