capt-truong11

[capt-truong11]

always

[capt-truong11]

—Vladimir Nabokov, in a letter to his wife Véra (1924), Letters to Véra

[capt-truong11]

hello 2023, this year you don’t forget your worth.

2022, was one heck of a year. Break up, betrayal, lies, tears, heartbreak… and everything else that goes with that.

Don’t get me wrong, there were moments of happiness, genuine joy, smiles and laughter.

I’ve lost people last year. Even the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. But I learned who the real ones are. The ones that genuinely want what’s best for you.

Despite the pain, tears, heartache… I followed through and accomplished my goal of becoming a commercial multi engine pilot. Now…. ONWARDS AND UPWARDS YOU GO! No turning back.

Here’s to making the most out of 2023!

[capt-truong11]

PSA: “ADOPT DON’T SHOP”

Dogs are human’s best friend, but there’s a lot of different kinds of humans and similarly a lot of different dogs out there. While every dog is a good boy (10/10, five stars, would recommend) you have to find the right boy. So when you’re finally ready to commit to a puppy, this fun quiz will help you determinate what dog breed to adopt 

have fun!

[capt-truong11]

“here’s to our chests ripping at the seams, stretching in ways that often times hurt, pushing through the discomfort, the aches and pains.” - Fletcher

[capt-truong11]

time doesn’t stop for anyone,

people change, feelings fade.

It’s sad to say that I am slowly accepting that I did in fact bring this upon us. If I didn’t introduce us to jen…. Life would’ve been eventful for us. We would’ve gone places. We would’ve picked your lola back up in a heartbeat. We would’ve gone on lots of roadtrips and long weekend adventures together. But I was blinded by wanting more for my future. Our future. We saw the vision at first. But it went away, when we started putting family in the back burner. I am extremely sorry.

This is the reason why I blame myself. I had my chance with you. With our love story to be the best yet memorable one ever written. With lots of lessons, memories, laughs, cries, and everything else in between. I’m sorry I took my chance for granted. Even if you didn’t verbalize that I was lacking with time… I should’ve known better! I should’ve paid closer attention. I should’ve not put anything in between us. Even mentorship. I’m sorry I let it ruin us. I’m sorry I let it cause you to lose feelings for me. I should’ve known better.

It’s crazy how when we first got together reading back the messages and things you used to tell me like “i’ll never break up with you.” “We’re going to be together foreva evaa” “we’re going to have mini me’s” and all the things that i thought would keep us together forever. But as we all know. People change, feelings fade. You said so yourself you wish you didn’t change and your feelings too.

I wish that there was something I could do. I wonder if I gave you space now and back off… would you come looking for me or you already found someone else? Would you miss me and miss us? Would you think about me and think about us? I wonder do you ever look back at our old conversations, our old pictures, and maybe feel something even just a little bit of something for me? I wonder all these things. I just really wanted it to be you. I committed my whole heart to you. I was so sure about you. Until you weren’t sure about me anymore.

Will I ever have a place in your life? Is my place in your life to just be a friend? Or will it be someone you reconnect again with in the future and we both fall in love a second time around? Who knows. Only God knows. As for now, I pray for forgiveness. I’m sorry I let you miss out on your family. I pray that you do something about being able to bring lola back here. I pray that you find time to go home and give yourself a break. I pray that you never forget about all the good memories we shared. And I pray that you never forget about me.

Kathrin, I love you. With all my heart. Still hasn’t changed. I’m still here. I will let you heal. I will stop forcing myself into your life. Into your house. And just let you reach out when you feel like it. Please take care. If you end up with someone else, I wish you the best and happiness. Genuine love and happiness. Freedom that you never had with me.

[capt-truong11]

“Hey”

Got a text from you at 2AM, saw it around 6AM. At first, I wanted to not respond. But something inside me said, respond because I know if you don’t, you’ll regret it. I did. And I said “Hey. How are you? You okay?” No text back from you until past noon.

Got off work early and I trusted my gut to bring Poke for you and your parents because it’s Good Friday. I left it at the door, heard Brodie bark (i miss this boi’s bark) went back to my car and as I sat there writing my note to you, you came out and knocked at my window. Invited me in. And I didn’t hesitate because I freakin’ missed you. Hugged you. Missed your smell on me. Missed holding you tight.

Went inside your house, and I just sat on the sofa because I didn’t want to go into your room and maybe see something that I’m not ready to see. We talked. Asked each other how we were doing. You asked me first, and I just looked at you. I wish I could lie and say I was fine. You asked me if I’ve been moving on…. How do I even answer that? I guess I’m doing my best. Trying my best. To do what’s best for me. But my heart still wants you. I’m trying to focus on getting another certificate. Shifting my focus to that since you don’t like texting me or you stop yourself from checking up on me. Which I wish you didn’t.

I asked you how you were… you said you haven’t worked Monday-Wednesday. I texted you Monday because it was super windy so that was also the day you didn’t work because your allergies were so bad. What got me today is you telling me you are not feeling well health wise. I hope and pray that it’s nothing serious during your appointment on Wednesday, but I’m so glad you are finally getting your tummy checked. I’ve always asked you to schedule an appointment before but you just wouldn’t do it… I’m glad you’re doing it now.

I asked you if seeing me is hard. If I’m holding you back still. And you said yes. I don’t get it, why am I the one holding you back when you’re the one that called it off… you said you felt guilty. I get that. But please don’t make me the reason for holding back… you made that decision. You chose to leave me. And now, if you feel that way… maybe you shouldn’t have? But also. If you feel that way it’s probably because you’re trying to get to know someone but you still think of me, so you think I’m holding you back still.

Kathrin, if that’s the case, please. Please just do as you please. I know you always deny there’s someone else. But sheesh. I’m just expecting the worst from this. And if you’re ready to do just that. Please go for it. Don’t say that I’m holding you back, cos the way I see it, you’re holding yourself back…

I’m here doing what I think is best for me because in the end, I don’t want to regret not doing anything about how I feel about you and what I think would give my mind peace. You know how much you mean to me. Funny how you said “don’t miss me too much” I wish I could tell you the same thing but I know I miss you more than you probably even think about me. So… 🤷🏻 anyway. My heart still wants you. My heart still loves you. I love you. I know you feel it. ❤️‍🩹

Maybe I loved you too much. Maybe I asked you for too much… I just wish someone would love you the way you want to be loved and you would choose to stay with that person no matter if you lose feelings. You would choose to try and make it work by talking to the person. You would fight for the person. Someone you won’t walk out on. Someone you won’t give up on. No matter what. 🥀

[capt-truong11]

Parasailing 🪂

A core memory I will never forget.

I was the first person to take you parasailing.

We soared high, sat on our harnesses, watch the waves below us, saw a plane landing at the airport, all while the sun was about to set.

Seeing your genuine and gorgeous smile. Your beautiful brown eyes. And just cherishing every moment of that ride.

I wish I could go back in time. And start over and do better. But I can’t. All I can do is wish.

Today, I try to fight my thoughts and questions of you and about you. I don’t want to continue to hurt myself.

I miss you like crazy, Kathrin. I wish I could make you feel it. I wish I could show you. I wish I could still act on it. I love you. I always have. I always will… for now.

#parasailing #love #i love her #beachvibes #blue sky #sunset

[capt-truong11]

Summer of ‘19

It was an honor and privilege to be the person to take you on an adventure in the Philippines for the first time. Taking you to Boracay with us. One of the best memories I will never forget.

You never complained of the heat. From waiting in the lobby for our room to be ready. To taking naps together until the weather cools off a little bit. To walking miles to find the go-to shake shop! To running to the convenience store due to girly tingz emergency. To getting ice cream. Watching you play with sand and get creative making a mermaid fin on top of my feet. Seeing the sun reflect in your beautiful brown eyes. Hearing the waves crash as we talk about anything and everything under the sun while watching the sunset. Taking photos of you…i miss being able to do that.

Getting ready for dinner together while we take photos together. Steal kisses here and there and making out in the room. Steal glances and steamy looks when we’re out. Walking after dinner and hearing someone play Perfect by Ed Sheeran. You catching me glancing at you while he sings “Darling you look perfect, tonight.” Because man, if I could just go back. Back to this moment. I would in a heartbeat and make everything right. Do better. And make you feel the love you so deserve!

I still love you, Kathrin. I still do. I don’t think you’ll ever see this. But if you do, I wish you’d feel everything I feel while looking back at these memories. But right now, it seems like it’s really just me. Hopeful romantic.

I love you, ms.kathrin. Even though I know you don’t.

I miss you so much. Even though I know you don’t.

I want to text you again. I want to call you. I want to come see you. But see, that’s the problem. It’s only me who wants to do all those things. ❤️‍🩹

#i love her #beachvibes #summer 2019 #love #remeniscing

[capt-truong11]

03-28-2022 Rainy day in the desert.

Been a hot minute, Tumblr!

Broken hearted yet again. Would you look at that. Over a month ago, you would think everything was going fine. That’s why I personally think, communication, no matter how hard or scary the topic is, communication is key in a relationship. In any relationship.

I was told that she was trying to feel the love she once had for me. She was trying so hard. All the while, here I am thinking everything was okay between us.

I know I have my shortcomings.

• Taking her dream away. But I will make sure I do what I can to not let her give up on it.

• Taking her away from Josh, without knowing and realizing.

• Making her feel and think that the business was more important than her. But the way I saw it, nothing would ever be more important than HER!

Anyway, it’s rainy today and all I could think about is her being anxious and stressed to drive. I would usually offer to drive and even pick her up if she would let me, but I don’t have that privilege anymore. Who knows, maybe she even likes driving now! Or maybe someone else is driving for her. Who knows.

P.S. crazy how these were all taken within weeks of Kathrin breaking up with me.

That’s all I have to say for today.

- N D T.🫰🏼

#i love her #heart break #break up #Spotify

[capt-truong11]

DUMB.

Sucks to realize that: 

I fall for people who are still hung up on their past relationships.

I fall for people who just sees me as a good ol friend.

I’m just another person in their life who makes no difference at all.

I’m dumb. LMFAO.

I’m a hopeless romantic.

I get attached WAY to easily. 

Alright. I’m done ranting about my dumbness.

[capt-truong11]

NP: Falling In Love At a Coffee Shop

To whoever my "inspiration" may be, I hope I feel it. I hope I feel her. I want to say my family is my inspiration but at the same time I tell myself oh hey, wouldn't it be nice to have a special someone as your inspiration?

The past few months, I've been struggling. A lot has been going on. Loved ones passing. School getting more intense. Life just throwing shit at me. I mean, I am thankful for my life, I am. But I don't understand why I feel incomplete?

I've been thinking about moving out and just living on my own. I appreciate and shouldn't just throwaway the opportunity living in a household free of expenses and not make my parents pay more than what they should be paying. But that's how I've been feeling lately. Why? Idk. Maybe because I feel like I want to feel the full independent life. Living on my own. Becoming my own responsibility. Learning to be more disciplined. Do house chores. Bills. And just being an adult. Idk. Idk, why I'm in such a rush. Maybe because I'm getting tired too. Of the long drives. The gas. Idk. I love living with my relatives, no doubt. CRAP I REALLY DONT KNOW WHY I FEEL THIS WAY.

School. This school year is going to be one hell of a ride. Especially if I make it in the ROTC program. Hopefully I do. I'm not mentally/physically/emotionally ready for it. That's basically it. 😪

Work. I kinda want to quit work. I kinda don't. I'll probably just work less now... 😓

There you go. That's all I have to say for now. Toodles.

thoughts

[capt-truong11]

Self-reflection.

I came to realize that I’m the type of person who gets attached to someone/something so easily. Once I get attached, oh no. It’s going to be so hard on me once someone is gone and out of my life.

WARNING: I’m probably not going to make any sense at all while typing this out. But I just want to post it anyways, so I could re-evaluate myself in the future.

So, yeah. I’m a libra and most likely my horoscope is always true. I’m sensitive. I care A LOT for people I love. I watch over my friends and family. I’d put the happiness of others first before mine. I’m the type to go all out in a relationship. I tend to degrade myself often. And this is probably the most important thing, I like to put on a mask for the outside world to say my happy jolly side, but the real ones will always know when I have the mask on or not. If you get what I mean.

Most especially at work. If my personal life is a mess and just doesn’t make sense, when I come in to work. SNAP. Change mood. I have to be that happy jolly person you know.

In terms of getting attached so easily. I have this crush on one of my co-workers. We’ve been talking everyday for a couple months now. I’m trying to lessen it but... It’s just so hard. I’m trying to let her go but damn she’s beautiful inside and out. She may be a bitch sometimes but she’s worth it you know. I know that me and her will never be a thing but we hung out the other day and it was just full of happiness you know. Gahhhh. Anyways. Eventually I will learn to let go. But normally it takes me a while to do so.

That’s basically all I have to say for now. I need to go on a road trip. Need to clear my head. Need time alone. Need time for fun and enjoy life. 

#realization #life #growingup

[capt-truong11]

I gotta keep posting stuff on here for memories. 

[capt-truong11]

December 28, 2014

Finally got a day off today! Dayuuuuum. :) Anyways, it’s Winey’s last day here before she flies to the ph for her mini 2 week vacation with her dad. Sighhhhh. I have no one to be crazy with -_- Got my eyebrows done today….. So my kilay is on point! ARE ON POINT PALA =)) Both of them. ;D 

And…. What else? That’s about it. Helped Winey pack her stuff and went to bed for like 3 hrs and drove her to the airport.

I just wanna share this: Her boyfriend came with us to drop her off at the airport. Imagine seeing your boy cry infront of you while you walk to the airport security to get checked? I think that’s true love right there. She’s only going to be gone for 2 weeks. But….. He teared up man. It’s crazy true love.

I wish for them to stay together forever. I hope Wesley doesn’t hurt her or betray her or anything bad. Right? Because if he makes my cousin cry? Oh he’s going to see us Dizon cousin’s all team up. LOL if you know what I mean ;)

SO THAT’S ABOUT IT.

SHALL MAKE A VIDEO FOR THE 29TH :)

THANK YOU FOR READING MY BORING DAILY JOURNAL LOL.

[capt-truong11]

December 25 & 26.... and 27.

I'm so sorry I missed the video blogs for these days. -_- 

One of my weaknesses, I can be really forgetful. :( Anyway...

25th: Christmas day! I worked. I worked. I worked. That's all I did. After that I went to boatbill to finish packing the balikbayan boxes I'm about to send out to my mom and dad. That's pretty much it.

26th: Day after christmas.. Worked AGAIN. I'm afraid I'm becoming a workaholic. Lol. Well, what can I do? Working at one of my fave places on earth, right? :D NIKE ALL THE WAY. Hella long hours this holiday season. 

27th: Guess.... I WORKED AGAIN. LOL. I think my life right now is all about work. This whole Christmas break was basically me working almost every day. Oh it was my Kuya William's birthday today! :) I worked til closed today. It was crazy. I got home like at 11pm. LOL. So exhausted. Ate pizza for dinner and garlic bread bites. BOMB. 

...That's about it. See how boring and tiresome my life is? LOL.

[capt-truong11]

Day 61

This is my journal for...

11/18/14

I actually made a video but I don't know why tumblr keeps saying the file is too big when in fact it was only a 2 min video. -_-

Anyways, school day today. Tuesday. It's funny how at first your day kicks off perfectly and when you reach mid day it just falls out of place. =)) You know what I mean? Well during english class i was having an okay time and right after that I had a 2 hr break before my next class. And so, what I normally do is I would go to the library and do math hw. And that's what I did.. However, I randomly sent a message to my mom saying "I WANNA CRY" because I think I was feeling jealous about my aunt being able to go and visit them in the PH for christmas. So in short.... My break at the library was a very emotional one.. LOL.

After my library moment I had to attend my math class so I had to be okay again and that's what I did. So math class was interesting because the lessons we tackled were fun :D After math class I had to head straight to work because my shift starts at 1:30 and I made it to work at 1:20. Yep, I know.... I'm SUPERMAN :D hihihi.

So yeah, it was a long day at work.... And by long I mean slow. -_- I worked til' 5 and went to my Uncle's house to get his payment for his shoes, because he asked me to buy him a pair of Kobe 9's and they are BOMB. <3 hahahaha! So yeah, after that.... Went straight home! Had pancit canton (spicy one) so my mouth was burning. And.... Got ready for bed. I didn't do anything school related when I got home. So.... Yeah! That's about it! :D

PEACE OUT! :3